Dear Mom, You’ve been gone almost four months and I don’t feel like I’m any better off than I was at two months. But I suppose if I look back on it, I can tell that I’m crying less. The days between actively grieving are getting longer. I still have not reached acceptance. I’m still bargaining. I’m still angry and I’m definitely still depressed. So many things have happened that I couldn’t talk to you …
MUA stands for manipulation under anesthesia. Many of you know that I had my knee replaced on 9/11/23. Well, things have not gone that well. I still have a lot of tightness, I still have pain and I think I have a large amount of scar tissue. What they do with an MUA is bend your knee while they have you under anesthesia so they can break up that scar tissue and any adhesions, whatever …
I just looked back at my recent blogs and realized that I’m painting a pretty depressed picture and although I am grieving, I’m really not depressed per se. Sometimes grieving feels like depression, but it’s not depression because it comes and goes in waves. At least for me, my depression usually sticks around for a couple days and then goes. With grief it sticks around for a few hours, not days. So here’s some uplifting …
I have to say that I tried cuddling someone that I met through ComfortCuddle.com and I wasn’t much impressed. Now, maybe I picked the wrong person because he turned out to be a workaholic. And I think that I realized that if I cuddle with someone and I really like them, it’s going to be hard to keep it platonic. And that’s what this website advertises. Platonic cuddling with no strings attached. I’m sure this …
I have decided that there is nothing good about grief. I had two good days this week and I feel lucky about that. Grief is as bad as any depression I’ve ever had. But the thing about it is that grief goes away whereas depression doesn’t. At least not for me. When I said that grief comes in waves, those waves can be very big or just a ripple. I know I shouldn’t, but I …
I recently ran across a website called cuddlecomfort.com What this website is all about is hooking up people together to cuddle. Simply platonic. No sex intended or even allowed. It’s like any other dating app, but just for people who want to get together and cuddle with each other On the face of it, it looks like a wonderful idea. Imagine, having intimacy without having the pressure of having to have sex. Who doesn’t like …
I’m not sure exactly where that saying came from but I’m starting to understand it all too well. You see I met somebody on Match and no one on Match knows what I do, obviously. And now I feel like all of my choices are coming up to rear they’re ugly little heads. I know I have to tell this man what I do for a living but everything in my body says no don’t …
I know I haven’t written in a while and I really wanted to write something that was upbeat and positive. So along those lines I’m doing very well. I love my new car. I love my new kitten. Business is good. And my life is humming along. Enter Mike, software salesman who recently moved to Kansas City and lives in $1 million house. Boy he really had me going. But thankfully, it was only 24 …
I absolutely love my 2021 Mustang Mach E with the premium package, all wheel drive and extended battery. Kind of. I love everything about it, except for the fact that I had to charge it four times during my trip to and from St. Louis. The charges took anywhere from 15 minutes to 45 minutes. And I spent around $60 all told. Which is less than I used to spend on gas. And the thing …
6/18/24 Therapy So I got a therapist and I was really impressed by the fact that she was a clinical social worker and older than me. I gave her a list of things I wanted to talk about in therapy and after two sessions, she decides that all of my problems are because I’m an escort. And most of the things I wanted to talk about had nothing to do with the fact that I’m …
Well, you may have noticed that my website was down for a couple days. I hated to have to do it, but I had no choice. Suffice to say that I can’t really talk about it in my blogs which is a first. I really don’t have a whole lot that I want to talk about right now in a blog so I thought I would just update everybody on what’s going on with me. …
I often write about what I’m grateful for and I keep it in my phone so that I can refer back to it when I need to see it. As I turn another year older today, I am very cognizant of my gratitude for having lived another year. Life is so precarious and unpredictable. My mother is 93 this year so I figure I will at least live till 90. But then I see and …
5/4/24 Many Vids I am in the process of uploading all of my videos and pictures to Many Vids. I should have it complete this week! Many Vids has the same type of subscription service as Only Fans, but you can also buy videos from my store or inquire about a custom video. I’m starting to get a lot of inquiries about this. My ID on Many Vids is @olderprofessional. And here is a link: …
I pinched a nerve in my neck. My pain is shooting down my arm and causing pain. I would rate it an eight or nine on the scale. I went to see a doctor on Monday and she refused to give me any kind of pain medication. And then I saw my PCP yesterday who also refused to give me any pain medicine. At this point, after talking to several other people about this, I’m …
3/17/24 Love Thoughts I often think about what this world is all about. I’ve heard it said many times that the point to life is love. Being loved and giving love. This is why I talk about love so much in my blogs. It’s important to me. And if sometimes I sound a little desperate, it’s because sometimes I feel a little desperate. But then I get over myself and realize that even a life …
I am so sad to have to write that I have lost my favorite client, and a very good friend of mine. He has not died, but simply has decided to go back with his ex-wife. Which, in this case, might be a fate worse than death! We had a really special relationship in that he was my “favorite” client (and yes, I do have favorites), and we dated. Maybe not in the traditional sense …
A friend remarked to me the other day that I have a very good head on my shoulders. And I couldn’t agree more. I do have a good head for most things. But, boy oh boy, when it comes to love, I obviously do not. I mean how, after all, could I have been so snookered by a fucking alcoholic, who sold me a bill of goods and had me drinking from the trough? I …
Alex did one very important thing for me. He showed me that not only do I want more than what I have now, but that I deserve more than what I have now, in terms of a relationship. Now granted it did not work out, but here was this guy who I got along with, had amazing chemistry with and he accepted what I did. I want that again and I deserve that. I’ve lost …
2/12/24 Needing Some Help I just got a new bedframe that I need to put together and I can’t do it by myself. I’m offering an hour long session for helping me with my bedframe. I’d like to get this done soon so please contact me if you’re interested. 2/12/24 What are some psychology facts about love? If you’re close to anyone, when you read their texts, you can hear their voice in your head. …
Bad teeth, no smile Grossly overweight Downright ugly Young kids that they have halftime Too many animals Alcoholic/workaholic Stupid or no education Overly silly Low paying job/bankruptcy Moving too slow or too fast Lives too far away Doesn’t have the same interests as me Ultra conservative Too short or too tall Is not tolerant of my job Allergic to cats No sense of humor
2/8/24 Alex Well, you might have noticed if you read my blogs regularly that I took all the blogs down about Alex. I did this because I didn’t want to put out that energy to the universe and I felt that they were depressing blogs that I didn’t really want anybody else reading. I have since found out that he does not want a relationship or a friendship with me. He has shown me this …
1/13/24 Saying of the week You cannot be good at anything in life, unless you enjoy doing it! So when I am asked if I enjoy what I do, I simply reply “am I good at it?”. And, of course, the resounding answer is yes. And so is my answer also! 1/13/24 New Years Resolutions I did pretty well on my New Year’s resolutions from 2023 so here they are for 2024. Maintain my weight …
12/10/23 3 months after my total knee replacement Well, it’s been three months since I had my total knee replacement and this is where I’m at today. I can bend it 115% and functional is considered 120% but I want to be able to bend it 140%. I gained some strength and some range of motion during PT, but to tell the truth, I don’t feel I made that much progress. I do notice, and …
I may be one of the laziest people I know, but I joined Planet Fitness right after my last PT session. I’m going three times a week, and so far I love it. We’ll see how long this lasts, but given the fact that Planet Fitness is two minutes away from me, and never very crowded, I think I will maintain. I’m working on increasing my strength because at times I feel very weak. And …
If you go to a website and you start reading the contents, and your blood pressure goes up, your heart starts to race, and you can literally feel anxiety creeping over you, this is when you need to close that website. No website, no social media, no news program is worth feeling anxious over. Now maybe you don’t suffer from anxiety or maybe these venues don’t trigger that for you. But X definitely does this …
9/17/23 Pain Pain is my friend. Pain tells me that I need to slow down and take better care not to get “over hurt” by her. Pain lets me know that healing is taking place. Pain demands respect. It will kick you upside the head if it feels you are trying to ignore her. She will get the better of you if you don’t heed her warnings. Pain tells you when to STOP what you’re …
You have had quite an interesting year, but it’s seems as though everything is looking up!! Wow 90lbs. That is amazing!! I am tremendously happy for you. I bet you feel so much better. I hesitated to email back so quickly because I can’t imagine how many emails you get on a regular basis from your admiring fans. But what’s the hell, I decided to anyway…I enjoy exchanging messages with you :). You can at …
The first night I was at St.Lukes North hospital. I was talking with a few nurses and I think somebody was doing vitals on me. I wasn’t very aware of what was going on but I still had my wits about me, if you will. I told this one nurse that I’d be going home tomorrow. She said no you won’t and I said oh yes I will . The next thing I know she’s …
Phew! I finally am starting to feel like I have some modicum of control over my life. I have taken 200 pictures and put probably about 100 up on the site and take a look at my smile and my face because I don’t think I’ve ever been prettier. And that’s funny because just a week ago I was saying that I was uglier. I’m not uglier and those pictures came out really well. …
Maybe the reason I have not blogged in 2 weeks is because I have nothing good to say and I hate to sound like a broken record. I don’t think it’s because I raised my rates for newbies. Maybe it’s the recession that we’re not really in. Maybe the cold weather. But for whatever reason, things have been really slow. Of course, I really can’t complain because even in my slowest week this year, I …
OMG! If she’s not racing around the house and playing with her balls that have a little jingles in them, she’s fast asleep by my side. I’m trying to get her to sleep with me at night, but that isn’t working so far. After all she is a nocturnal animal , and she displays this at every turn. She’s absolutely adorable. And, being an orange cat, she is somewhat different because most orange cats are …
I think I’m the cheapest escort in Kansas City and I think what bothers me the most is to think that people come to see me because of it. My last client balked at having to use a condom and yet let me know that he had used one with his last escort who was a $500 46-year-old ex porn star. To say the least I was pissed. So much so that I showed him …
Will you please stop calling me baby, sweetums, honey, hun (spelled wrong), babe, sweetie, etc ad nauseum! Really now, I have to tell you (and the Universe) that I absolutely abhor pet names by people I don’t even know. I only like it from the person that I’m dating and then it’s one word “Babe”. I don’t even understand why guys think I want to be called “Baby”. I think it’s a way to kind …
1/16/23 Alone Again Naturally I, in recent weeks, have come to realize that I will probably be alone for the rest of my life. I think there are several reasons for this and the biggest reason is me. I don’t think I really want to be with someone full-time. I would be great for like a truck driver. If I thought truck drivers were any good at all , unfortunately I’ve had a few run-ins. …
To continue losing weight and get down to 100 pounds off. To continue making new friends. To hopefully meet someone to be in a relationship with. To work on getting another job so that I don’t have to rely on escorting as much. To start an exercise program.
When a 72-year-old man asked me to go in his luxury fifth wheel to bull shoals lake/White River I jumped at the opportunity. Anybody who knows me knows I have a love of RVs and I hope to own a model C one day. I had never been in a camper before. Plus I would be remunerated nicely. But what I didn’t realize was that he was half deaf and half the time he would …
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