01/05/18 Why Staying Friends with Your Ex is SO Important
Let’s face it. Getting divorced is a bitch. Everybody’s angry, lawyers are fighting and ringing up charges to you and your spouse by the thousands. You walk away from it never wanting to see, hear or have anything to do with that person who you found so alluring at one point that you married them. And the truth of the matter is, if you have children together, you will most likely see that person for the rest of your life. But, you know what? It doesn’t have to be this way. A divorce can be mediated either just between the two of you and one lawyer used to fill out the paperwork or with a therapist or lawyer, who can help the two of you mediate how the divorce will unfold. I did this with my ex and we are good friends to this day. We have two sons together and we have always co-parented. He’s my emergency contact! I can’t imagine not being able to stay united for our kids sake’s. They needed that growing up. We didn’t allow them to play each of us off against the other. We did this through communication. I would hate to be on bad terms if our children are getting married, having kids, and making us grandparents. We will share these experiences the rest of our lives. After all, who knows our kids better than the two of us? He’s the same great person I married. Just not who I want to be married to. That doesn’t mean we have to hate each other just because our marriage was a sham. You can’t take away 15 years of history, much less 30.
01/07/18 Saying of the Week
It’s none of your business what other people think about you.
01/08/18 Marriage after 45?
I always have to stop and wonder why did those two get married? They are both 55, not going to have kids, both secure in their jobs/finances, so why did they feel the necessity to get married at this age? This is just an example, but I hear of older people (over 45 for simplicity sakes) getting married and I just shake my head. I blame most of this on women. I just think that women take more gruff for “shacking up” and want the security of being married. But I have news for them. There is NO security in being married. The way I see it, and I could be out on a limb here, the only reason to get married is if you plan to have kids together. More 2nd and 3rd marriages fall apart because they try to blend two families.
01/10/18 Getting Back Together
This blog might not apply to many of my clients or blog readers, but I think it’s a valid topic so I’m going to write about it. Simply put, how do you get back together with your spouse when you’ve separated or even divorced? We know this happens all the time, but how does it happen and what roadblocks must the couple traverse to get back to a better, stable place as spouses? I guess my first observation is that they start to “date” again. It’s important to have a lot of quality time together to form that bond that you once had. A lot of divorces occur because people just simply get involved (maybe overly involved) in their own lives and neglect their loved ones. I know of a number of men who complained that they were working so hard to provide for their family, yet they forgot that what their family/spouse needed most was them. It’s a difficult tightrope to walk. I often thought, as a therapist, that this was more of an excuse to get out of the house than it was to provide. And the effect it had was the opposite of what the man thought it would have. And that was that there was a lot of animosity because he wasn’t there to share in the home/family, not the gratitude he was expecting because he was providing so well. So, back to my initial discourse. One thing that is going to have to change for them to reunite is that they have to put in the time it takes to have a good relationship. I know it’s difficult at times to be together as much as you need to, especially if you have small children. Heck, even older kids need a lot of running here and there for sports/activities. But, I cannot express enough how important it is to set aside time each day or even every other day to take stock, plan for the future, and simply be with each other. You married each other based on many reasons that probably have not changed. I do say in another blog that the things that attract us in the first place often become hot issues later on down the road. These need to be dealt with. This is where a good therapist can be very handy. Navigating the landscape of marriage and family life is hard enough on our own, it’s always nice to have an objective 3rd party help. As for sex, I hate to say this once again, but she holds the cards. You can’t force this subject, it has got to come from her. If that was a big issue in the marriage, it’s going to have to be talked about. Whether you do this as a couple or with the help of a pastor/therapist, it needs to be addressed. But ultimately, if you are going to get back together, sex needs to be a factor and it needs to at least start from her. If things don’t pan out and you decide to part ways or stay parted, at least you ended on a better note than when you were angry as hell at each other. There’s obviously something there or you wouldn’t have started dating again. In my experience, people who get married again, usually end up divorcing again anyway. Not always, but there are statistics to back me up. The most important people in a family are the children and if you can stay friendly/cordial, they will fare much better from your break-up.
01/11/18 People Don’t Really Change
I truly believe that people don’t change. Oh, they may change their weight (for a while) or their hair color, but our fundamental personality? I’m not buying it. I’m not saying you can’t change things about yourself, but the quintessential YOU that has been around since about 13 is still the same you today. Which brings me to another topic/blog that I will do tomorrow entitled “You Married Her/Him”. More on that tomorrow (don’t want to spoil the surprise). I even believe that we all have every age that we have lived still inside us. I know, for myself, that there are times I feel and act 10 years old. Am I proud of this? Well it depends what the situation is. If it’s going on a roller coaster with my son, then yes, 10 is a great age to be at. If it’s dealing with people at work, not such a good idea. Our memories, our histories, our families and yes, I am sure we are born with certain inherent characteristics that are just waiting to come out and be our personalities. All of these things make up who we are. I remember asking in Social Work school, what Neurotic/Neuroses was and a fellow student jokingly (and not so jokingly) said it was what made us human! Think about it, we are all a bit neurotic about some things. Sometimes we call it OCD or anal or maybe anxiety, but in the final analysis, it’s all about neuroses. Back to the subject. So what does it mean that people don’t change? Well, let’s remember that whoever we’re around is who they are based on many things that have NOTHING to do with us. And that is not to say that you don’t affect them, because we all affect each other that we are in close contact with, but just know that most of what you are reacting to is something you can’t change and neither can the other person. It also means that who you marry is who you marry. If you didn’t know that person really well when you got married, you do yourself a disservice which gets me back to tomorrow’s blog! So many guys I see say “she changed”, but in truth, she did not. The two of you changed how you relate to each other. But she’s still who you married and you are still whom she married.
01/13/18 You Married Her…
I hear a lot of complaining about one’s spouse, but I always have a little voice in the back of my brain saying “You married her!”. I always find it so interesting how some marriages that took place shortly after meeting (less than 6 months) last forever. Because, in my mind, it takes time, a lot of it, to know a person. And I think it’s smart how some religions kinda require you to take a family education class or have therapy sessions with the pastor.
A little bit about me. I knew my first husband since 2nd grade Sunday School, we were best partying buddies in high school, he always had a crush on me, and I never gave him the time of day until I did. I later learned that the reason I gave him a chance was so that I would not be alone after college. I think a lot of people marry so they won’t be alone. Both women and men. I divorced my first husband after a year and half of marriage when I realized he was an active, functioning alcoholic. I think I drove him to it, but I really did not want to be married to an alcoholic. He’s on his 3rd wife and I do believe 3’s a charm!
If you find yourself doubting your marriage, ask yourself “Did I know this about her when I married her?” or him. If the answer is yes, then the problem is not with her. After all, she’s always been this way. If the answer is no, then why is that? Did you just not know enough about her? Has she changed, as in the case of my alcoholic husband? Have you changed, become less tolerable?
In the final analysis, only you can decide if you can tolerate your spouse, your marriage, and your role in it. Remember how I said that people don’t change? Well, can you tolerate your spouse if you know she will never change? I hate to sound like a broken record, but I have to once again suggest a therapist if you are thinking of leaving.
01/14/18 When Is It Time To Divorce?
A client recently asked me this question and, to say the least, it was a humdinger. And one which I have dealt with dozens of times in my therapy office. I think the first thing I look at is do you have kids together? I ask this question because if you don’t, that makes all the difference in the world. I believe that we need to be just as care-full of our children as we do ourselves. That is not to say you shouldn’t get divorced if you have kids, but it raises the stakes to a much higher level. When I decided to divorce my first husband, we had no kids so, for me, it was a no-brainer. Even my therapist at the time agreed with me.
The next question I ask is “Have the two of you been to at least 6 months of therapy, once a week?”. If this has NOT occurred, I think you are doing yourself an injustice. If for no other reason, you should go to understand your part in your marriage and possible divorce. And if you think you have no part in it, you are sorely mistaken and REALLY need the therapy.Questions to ask yourself are: Do you still love her/him? Do you still have satisfying sex (if you ever did)? Do you still enjoy being together and doing things together? Is she/he your best friend? Are you committed to making the marriage work? This last question is really crucial because I found, as a therapist, that the couples who shared a committment usually worked through their issues.I can’t stress the following enough. IF YOU ARE COMING TO BLOWS OR IF YOU OR YOUR SPOUSE IS BEING ABUSED, IT’S TIME TO GET SEPARATED. You can still work with a therapist, but it is important, for everyone’s safety, that you be apart for now. Abuse is a very good reason for divorce, even and especially when children are involved. They do NOT need to see this, much less be abused themselves.Divorce should not be looked at lightly. You need to figure out who will be involved, how they will deal with it (including yourself) and whether it’s worth it or not. I need not remind you that Providers are somewhat of a marriage saving instrument that you can use. Heck, with this provider, I can even help you figure things out!
Just to set the record straight, I was a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the state of Missouri, had a private practice in St. Louis for 10 years and enjoyed this line of work very much. So if I do a little prying into your life it’s only that I’m so used to doing it. If you’d rather me not do this, all you have to say is “It’s a personal matter” and I’ll shut up!
01/16/18 Admiration From Afar
I received the most lovely email today and I want to share it here. All identifying information has been deleted or changed.
Dear Older Professional,
I’m not sure where to start.I began looking for a Provider on the net but didn’t really know that I was looking for a Provider.I know that sounds confusing.Let me give you a little background.I am 49 and have been married for 25 years, have X kids and my wife is going through menopause.Her libido went from sexually active to not interested in sex.On top of that, my homemaker wife is looking at our soon to be flying from the coop children and realizes that we have grown apart as we have been running our kids around in life for the past 20 years.We are currently in counseling (for that last year or so) and trying to make our marriage work.We love each other but we are also dealing with relationship issues (feels like we’ve grown apart) that makes our sex-life difficult for her emotionally, and add to that, due to her loss of libido along with her bad back, she’s really not interested in sex.I like to cuddle but I of course like to let my hands wander over her body and love to feel her ample portions, and at some point, hoping that it might lead to something but she is just not interested in the sexual portion of cuddling anymore, or sex for that matter.
So I found myself looking for some kind of release, which, I know, that you know, exactly what I mean.I have been faithful to my wife and don’t want to have an affair.I began looking on the net for something but I didn’t know what.I was searching in my area but just didn’t find anyone that enticed me.They were either too young or just scary.So I broadened my search to areas where business has taken me in the last few years and KC was one.And then Bam!!!, I saw your profile on a site and you intrigued me.You are pretty, older, mature and voluptuous…don’t get me wrong beautiful young bodies are nice to look at but I could tell you have character in more ways than I can describe.I then went to your website and oh my goodness!Once I started reading your blog I couldn’t stop.I found myself totally engrossed as you described exactly where I am in life and it brought tears to my eyes.You were the first person that I felt knew what I was going through.I wish I lived near KC as I undoubtedly would visit you if just to enjoy your afterglow.
You are very special…very unique!!!Your background is just amazing and you are clearly a highly skilled therapist on numerous levels.Thank you for your website…thank you! I believe I went through and read every page I could.I am not sure I would be able to find anyone around my area who is as unique, and skilled, and professional, as you are.I am sure I will not pull the trigger on using a Provider unless I were able to find someone like you – and I am quite sure that is nearly impossible.For now, I will continue to take care of things myself (in the hopes that my wife’s libido will return) and I am especially thankful for your pictures (especially the one where you are wearing a green/teal g-string…you have a beautifully ample rump and the closeup of your hand is amazing!! – You have beautiful hands that I don’t doubt they deliver amazing pleasure with your caresses).I could go on even more about you, your website, your insights…you truly blew me away and opened my eyes to things I am going through right now, it helped me in more ways than you can imagine…to that I say…THANK YOU!And that ALL CAPS THANK YOU does not portray my deepest and truest gratitude…you are awesome!
My job might bring me to KC again this year, and if at all possible I will try and make an appointment.But if not, THANK YOU!
Frustrated yet grateful husband
01/17/18 And Then I Got This
Someone left this in my comments section:
“You are so full of shit (yourself). You aren’t anything really that you claim to be here, with your kids or your family. Just an old,saggy,fat money-hungry Jewish pigslut who lies every time her snout opens…, there is not enough Holy water or soap to wash you clean”I have no idea who left this for me, but the hatred displayed is scary. Naturally, I would say he needs help. Really. Can you say “Anti-semitic”?
01/20/18 Why Do You Stay Together?
I‘ve often asked this question when my clients and I are getting to know one another. It helps me understand where my client is coming from and what types of issues he’s dealing with. I get a variety of responses:
Because it’s too expensive to get divorced. This is probably the biggest reason, especially for retirees.
Because I love her and it’s not worth giving that up. Touche! Let us remember that sex really plays a small part in our marriages. I’m not saying it’s not a vital part of any healthy relationship, but when push comes to shove (and you already know the sex thing is up to her), is it really worth leaving?
Because we have kids together and it would devastate them. Good reason, very good reason. And so true.
Because I don’t want to be alone.
Because she couldn’t get along without my help.
Because she’s my best friend.
All very good reasons. I have talked in the past about when it’s time to leave, but I think before you make that decision, you need to think about what this blog is saying.
01/21/18 Is it or Is it Not Vanilla?
A client in his 30s comes in and states he has a wife and 3 fairly young children (7-11). His wife and he try to keep some semblance of a sex life going, if only once a week or every other week. But what perked up my ears was when he told me that she knows what does it for him and he knows what does it for her and they pretty much always go for that because they know it will get the job done with a minimum of time wasted. Typically, she is exhausted when he wants to have sex and he wants it way more than he’s getting. But, hey, at least he’s getting. And he could see that he did have it much better than most guys with 3 kids under 12. Yet, I asked the question that I had to ask. Was it Vanilla? His answer was “Yes and No”. Yes in what I just described as going for what will get them off the quickest, but also at times being creative and trying new things. When time permits. It sounded like a perfectly normal marriage with three sex-killing kids (so what’s new?) and two demanding jobs. Needless to say, this client basically has a provider in every port.
I made a joke the other day that my 96-bottle collection of nail polishes was a fetish, but upon closer inspection, I had to change the wording from fetish to hobby. A true fetish is something out of the ordinary that gets you off. Nail polish does not get me off, but I sure do like them. The man who wanted me to write this blog has a foot fetish. This type of fetish seems to be the most popular. I’m not going to write that I am the knowledge base of fetishes, but I have encountered a few along the way. Feet, leather, women’s clothing/lingerie, cuckolding, to name a few. Maybe it’s that I am just so open-minded that none of these things surprise or disgust me. To me, they just are. Kind of like how I like using my vibrator to get off. It just is and I don’t feel the need to judge myself or anyone else in this fashion. We all have our idiosyncrasies, it’s what makes us unique. And as far as where they come from, well we still don’t really understand sexual preference, but we do know that these preferences are set by age 5. I imagine that fetishes are set in us at an early age also and we either give into them (come out of the closet at least with ourselves) or we don’t until a later date. Fetishes are strong, they will rear their “ugly” head from time to time and it’s difficult to say no. The best way to have a fetish is to accept it, work with it, have fun with it, find someone very accepting and go with it!
I’ve been meaning to write about gays and lesbians for some time. My sister is a lesbian and has been married for 23 years to the same woman. Laurie didn’t come out until she was 29 years old. We always knew she was a little different, but we never suspected this. I played a significant part in her understanding her orientation because I turned her on to these self-awareness seminars called Insight. This was back in 1988. I have since come to realize that gays and lesbians do NOT have a choice about being gay. I mean, come on, think about it. If they had a choice, why would anyone choose to be gay? Yes, it’s becoming more accepted, but you still can’t hold hands in public, much less kiss. This is something that most researchers believe is formed by the age of 5. This obviously does not account for the many women who do chose to be with women because they have been abused by men in their past. This is a choice, but for women, it’s more about lifestyle than it is about sex. Thought for the day? “Live and let live”.
03/13/18 Long-term Companionship vs. 15 Minutes of Sex
I ask about and often hear a lot about how a man’s wife doesn’t want sex anymore. Her libido is gone. This can happen at any time. Especially after a hysterectomy/menopause. What happens after a hysterectomy is that the woman goes through menopause in about a two-week time period. After a woman goes through menopause, many find that their libido is not at all what it used to be. This is whether they are 30 or 55, menopause has some pretty major side effects, the important one here being that she just does not want to have sex. So what are you to do? Well, as a Provider I would say find a regular, good provider to take care of your needs. Let’s talk about those needs. Before menopause/end of sex, you maybe had sex once a week or every other week if you were lucky. And that probably last 15 to 30 minutes. But what you married this woman for and what you hopefully still have is companionship. And I truly believe this companionship is more important than sex. Especially sex with someone who really doesn’t want to have sex. If you don’t have companionship and you don’t have sex, then all you really have are finances or kids/grandkids together. I would say if you don’t have companionship, something is very wrong and needs to be addressed. Unfortunately, the lack of sex is probably not going to change.
03/31/18 What it takes to be a good Provider
For some reason, this topic just popped in my mind and I thought I’d share my views on it with you.
They should be cheerful and welcoming when they meet you at the door.
They should be clean and fresh smelling, but not use any perfume.
It would be nice if they were pleasant to be around.
Their place of business should be clean and uncluttered. There should be no food or food wrappers laying around.
They must be accommodating, within reason and being respectful of their rules.
A good provider will be cautious in who she sees and will either verify him beforehand or have him disrobe in another room.
She should never ask you to do anything for her.
She must never contact you unless you contact her first.
She should let you be the one to get up to leave first unless she is booked back to back.
They should make sure you are comfortable and offer you a beverage0
4/07/18 Saying of the Week…
“Too old to be young and to young to be old”.
04/13/18 Happy Friday the 13th!
I just want to say that I believe I have said to each and everyone of my clients that I will NEVER call you, text you, or contact you in any manner until you ask me to by contacting me first. If I did not say this to you, my apologies. I’ve heard of many escorts calling old clients (even ones they haven’t seen in years) to drum up business. All I need for business is this website, my stellar skills and that “oh so pretty” face of mine. And the 44Ds don’t hurt either.
Update 4/13/18: I had 3 callers that day. I’ve been averaging 3-4. I’m very appreciative of everyone who has spent time with me!
04/15/18 My First Week without Backpage
I am happy to say that both regulars and newbies came through to see me succeed in my first week without Backpage. I feel like I’m waiting and I have no control over advertising myself, but it hasn’t really seemed to matter. I’m talking with a few other escorts who do not have websites and I think they wish they did. I believe that this site has been a great advertising mechanism for me. I’ve offered my services for creating websites, but I think the fact that mine has been up since 9/2016 makes a big difference. In fact, I’ll bet there are still guys in Topeka that look at it. Once again, if you see any one site coming to the fore as far as advertising is concerned, please let me know. Escort Babylon and Erotic Monkey are not it, sorry to say. You know, for once, I feel kinda bad for all those 20-somethings that have no regulars because they are so rude! I know we all make our own bed and I”m sure there are 20-something gals who had a clue, but you also have to think that those girls don’t really know what they are doing…And can I say, once again, it is never appropriate for an escort/provider call or text you. That should be discouraged.
04/16/18 Just a little Affection goes a long way
I‘ve come to realize that most of my clients want my attention and affection because they are getting none at home. Okay, there may be a FEW who could give a shit, but I know the older they get, the more this is important to them. Touch, pure simple touch and holding. The problem is, when they try to perform this with their wife, she shies away because she thinks you are trying to lead to sex (which you might be). You need to make her believe that what you want is simple affection and that it DOES NOT need to lead to sex. Start by holding hands, move to putting your arm around her. You know, like when you were first affectionate. Since sex is clearly out of the picture, at least you two can have affection. You have me for the other needs.
I keep saying that this is a crazy business and with our advertising mechanisms seized by the government, this business is even crazier. But that doesn’t stop me from having a really good day even if it was preceded by a really shitty one.
If you are a provider sitting around doing nothing on a Tuesday afternoon and you have even OFFERED REDUCED RATES, something is wrong and I think the something wrong is Backpage being gone. I’ve got a new client coming up from Springfield, MO because he knows I’m going to leave this profession and he wants to meet once to see who writes these blogs! Hey, it was good while it lasted! And I’ll be here still until 6/15/18 at least.
04/20/18 First Time Jitters
I want to say that at least 80% of the guys that come to spend time with me for the first time are NERVOUS (yes capitalized!). I always offer these guys a return visit (where I know they won’t be near as nervous). But I also think there are some exercises that you could do to prepare yourself, especially if this is your all-time first visit to a provider. I think you should try to visualize how you want things to go, how you’ll feel, what you want from me. This will not only get you in the mood, but you can share this fantasy with me. Secondly, if you know that you already have issues with ED, please take that little blue pill. I’m not embarrassed by this but most older guys are. So either take the necessary measures to make sure you will be pleased with our session or accept that what will come will come, or not. If you know that you are quick on the draw, especially the first time, let me know that so we can enjoy ourselves in other ways also.
04/21/18 You Keep This Up and I’m Not Going Anywhere!
Backpage? Who needs it! I seem to be doing just fine without it. Oh sure, I have a rotten day here and there, but I always seem to spring back the next day. I thank my lucky stars and my hard work that this website has done so well for me. Even now, I’m getting new clients who had saved my website! Thank you, Kansas City, for supporting me and keep up the good work! I know I will be!
04/22/18 My 2nd Week post Backpage!
Well, it’s been 2 weeks and it still feels strange to have no advertising avenue, but then I think it’s kinda nice not paying $100 each week to post on BP. And then I look at the fact that Backpage leaving has not affected my bottom line whatsoever! Do I have my website to thank for that? YOU BET! In part, at least. I’m getting myself on so many sites, I can’ t keep up! But whatever I’m doing, one thing is for sure, I’m just as successful as I ever was! If you haven’t found out why yet, come on over to my place!
04/23/18 This needs to be said…
I just want to say that I really do love what I do. I choose what I do. And nearly half the men I meet just astound me with what they’ve made of themselves and their lives. I feel blessed to know some of the men I meet. Not all, mind you, but many of you just make my day! If any Law Enforcement are reading my blogs, know this: I choose to be an independent provider who abhors human trafficking, but loves what she does. I feel it is a shame that you feel you need to sting providers who are not being forced or coerced to do what they do. You need to go after the pimps and traffickers. For they are the true villains.
04/24/18 Riddle of the Week
What happens once in a minute, twice in a moment but never in a thousand years?
04/29/18 Give and Give and Give…
It seems like all I do is give and give and give. And I’m not talking about work. But you would think that I would have thousands socked away and I don’t. Because I give it all away. And, I have to be fair, I like nice things and nice food and the comforts of life. I’m not one to go without, but it’s giving to myself. So at least I do that. But if you knew how much money I give away to people, it would simply amaze you. If things with work continue to go the way they seem to be going, I’m going to, at the very least, be scrounging. I’m really in a quandary. I need to save money to move onto something else, but I can’t save money when I’m not making enough to save any. Something’s gotta give. I’m sorry to be such a Negative Nancy. It’s really hard not to be.
05/07/18 Is it Possible to Miss Topeka?
I lived in Topeka for 26 years and know that most of it is a sespool, but I can’t help but miss it for these reasons:
My kids live there.
You can get anywhere driving in 15 minutes or less.
They have all the retail chains in a town where everything is 15 min or less away.
Unlike Raytown, they actually have handfuls of restaurants, not 3.
It was my home for 26 years.
05/09/18 Yiddish word of the week
Chutzpah is this week’s Yiddish word. The CH is more like a K. It basically refers to someone who has balls! Taken from the dictionary:chutz·pah
informal. shameless audacity; impudence.
05/09/18 Another new page on my Website!
Yep, I finally published the book “Notes” I wrote when I was crazy horny. The words just flew out of my mind and onto a computer. I don’t know if guys will like it because it’s done from a teenage girl’s perspective and it’s a romantic/sexual story of coming of age.
05/11/18 Good Advice
How can I tell if a client is an undercover cop?
There is a very easy way. Cops are instructed not to touch. So you simply pull out an off-limits body part and see how they react. If they won’t touch, show them the door. And no female cop would show anything so that verifies me while I’m verifying you!
06/29/18 This One’s NOT About Me
I’ve talked in the past about how gays/lesbians don’t have a choice about their sexual proclivity. Well, I’m here to say that the same can be said about men who like to dress in women’s clothes or women who want to be seen as men. All these fetishes are not really fetishes, they are a way of life, just like being gay/lesbian. Sexual orientation is formed by 5 and, even if that person doesn’t realize his or her sexuality at this young age, the stage is set for when they do finally realize it. When I wrote this blog before, I got a very heartfelt review from a man who has wanted to dress in girls clothes since about the age of 6. My own sister didn’t figure out her sexual preferences until she was 29. Some guys are 50. No telling. But I hope you take from this blog that just because someone is different from you sexually, does not make it wrong. As they taught us on the first day of Social Work school “Different is not Deficient”.
I recently had a client who responded to every one of my questions “That’s a private matter”. And I mean every one of my questions and those of you who know me, know I ask a lot of questions. So after the 6th question, I got the idea “Hmmm, he doesn’t want to talk” and I shut up. If you don’t want me to talk during our sessions, just say so. You won’t hurt my feelings. It’s second nature as a Social Worker to ask questions and delve into people’s lives. Besides, I want to get to know you and for you to know me. I want you to be a regular of mine and I feel if we know about each other, we’ll feel comfortable with each other.I’ve said this before in one form or another. What most people, working 9-5 jobs have a great deal of is consistency in their life. They know what their paycheck will be, what they can plan for and they probably do a little bit of saving. My occupation has no consistency whatsoever. I never know when a guy will call/text wanting to see me. And it may be 1 guy in a day or 5! Thanks for Obamacare or I’d have no insurance. I’m glad the republicans have not figured out how to replace it yet. Part of this blog should be the fact that I give my older son $1800 every month. That’s a whole nother blog!
9/29/18 Stood up by a 58-year-old
It’s bad enough when a 28-year-old stands you up. You can expect the 20 somethings to not show which is why I don’t make appointments with 20 somethings. But for a 58-year-old man to tell you that he’s on the way twice and then not show up is inexcusable. I always wonder what goes through these guys minds when they don’t show. Did they get afraid that I might be a cop, did they decide it wasn’t worth the money or are they just nervous as hell because they’ve never done this before. Whatever the reason, it’s never a good thing to do wrong by somebody else who’s only trying to do right by you. I have a saying and it goes something like this “what goes around comes around”. I truly believe in karma.
10/13/18 My Son is a Hoot! Story #1
He calls me up one night in March and asks me how much ($$$) would it be worth to me if he got his drivers license. And since his birthday was last September, I was wondering (and anticipating) when he would finally get over his anxiety and take the plunge! I think so many 17-year-olds are putting it off because they have camaradarie online, whereas when I was his age, we all had to drive to see each other. There was no online. Internet was a good 8-9 years off. So I asked him what he thought was fair knowing the angst he had over this. He said $100, I concurred. And then, this little shit proceeded to tell me he just got his driver’s license! Did he play me or what? More to come…
10/13/18 Is There Really One Person Who’s The Best?
Sure, I advertise I’m the best and I have a handful of reviews that attest to this, but really how do I know I’m the best? I hear it from my customers but they may just be saying that to appease me. I do know this. I’m good. Very good. And I’ve spent the last 3 years getting good. No, I didn’t watch porn. I didn’t practice on a dildo. What I did was practice on you! Any woman can tell when she is having the desired effect. I built on this and kept a memory log of what worked and what didn’t. And then I had an old boyfriend be my guinea pig, so to speak, and he honestly told me I was 10 times better than 6 months ago. Once I put my mind to it, it was pretty easy to figure out what sent a man to heaven and I just kept doing more of that and expanding on it. Now if I could only deepthroat!
10/13/18 Position of the Decade: Doggie Style
I swear I have never known a man who didn’t come from this position. No matter what we have done up until then, turn me over and spread my legs! Works every time. But the poor woman who is up against an 8+” dick. Guys won’t get this, but if he goes deep enough (and he will), it feels like a pap smear. Not a good feeling.
10/13/18 What I’ve Learned About This Business
This is, for the most part, a really shady business.
If you find an escort who is honest and on the up and up, stick with her (especially if she’s good at what she does!)
Use ECCIE.net and P411 to verify the escort before you see her.
Do yourself a favor and stay as far away from the 20-somethings. They are only trouble. See my earlier blog about them if you want to know what kind of trouble.
It’s very likely that an escort will have a wonderful day only to be followed by a horrible day. You hope it all evens out.
It’s much safer doing this from a house than anywhere else. Trust me, I’ve done hotels, duplexes, and apartments and my quaint little house is 10 times safer. Especially if you get to know your neighbors and you are a good neighbor in return.
Some escorts are better than others, but none of them are worth $500 per hour. If you go see one of thee gorgeous high-dollar escorts, make sure it’s on your bucket list. Why else would you shell out 5 bills.
If you like working 3-5 hours a day, this is the job for you! I’m sure some escorts work more, some less, but it’s definitely not 9-5.
You might get smitten with your provider or the other way around, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to get involved. This is an unpredictable occupation and jealousy can be a real thing.
10/13/18 Factoid of the Week
20% of men do not orgasm from a blow job.
25% of women have orgasms vaginally. The other 75% cum clitorally.
Well the first guy I got was unemployed at the time he moved in. He must have given me his last $480 (yes, rent is $500). I, being the MSW, could not throw him out until I got so sick of him, I COULD throw him out. Last I heard, he was sleeping in his truck and had just gotten a job that we’re all hoping he keeps.My 2nd roommate got to be friends with my first roommate, who never paid me a dime after the $480. But there was a major flaw to this man’s character. And he was the NICEST guy you’d ever want to meet. But he was MANIC. And I do mean MANIC. He’d never stop talking and he’d move from one subject to another saying that they had to do with each other. He was bat shit crazy and, even though I liked him, I couldn’t STAND him. The first guy was more companionship than this guy who you couldn’t possibly keep up with. And he told me, and I’m not sure I believe this, NO ONE had ever told him he was manic. He wasn’t manic/depressive. Never got depressed that I could see. Just one of the most manic people I’ve ever met. And we’re talking 10 years as a therapist!My 3rd roommate, who was supposedly a friend of mine, bailed on me ONE DAY before he was supposed to move in. I had asked him to pay me a couple days early to clear my bank and he basically forgot. He used the excuse that a friend had committed suicide the day before. Ok, I get it. He’s grieving. Does that mean you forget everything? I even reminded him. I think that’s why he bailed. But this is the same guy who let an alcoholic sleep over at my house when I was in St. Louis and she drank 2 bottles of my wine and threw up all over my bathroom. Why was I going to have him as a roommate you ask? GOOD QUESTION!So here I am again, by myself, looking for a roommate to help with expenses and companionship. I need to make sure they have employment, aren’t manic, willing to take out the trash and doesn’t bring alcoholics into the house to drink up all my wine and barf in my bathroom!It really is difficult to find someone you get along with, who doesn’t drive you crazy and pays on time.
I’ve had this one client since I was in Topeka and he was Silver’s client also. So he is going to take me to where she used to live to give me a better idea of her since we never met but talked on the phone quite often. She was my mentor, if you will. She was 68 when she passed away from Leukemia. She died less than 2 weeks after being diagnosed. I think she knew she was ill and didn’t want to do anything about it, but my mother told me there have been other cases of people with Leukemia who died very quickly also. From what I knew of her and what I’ve been told, she was a spunky woman who would do just about anything. The funniest story a friend of hers told me was that she had a client who wanted to be humiliated so she tied his hands behind his back, face down, and then went out to her living room to have a cigarette! She would make you sit and talk to her and I think most of her clients enjoyed this. I wish I had had more time and in-person time to spend with her. She sounds sage, fun, and very smart.
The definition of a Hoax is to trick into believing or accepting as genuine something false and often preposterous. This has happened to me on more than one occasion. Twice, I’ve been called by “Officers” saying they would protect me if I gave them free favors on a weekly basis. I’m happy to say I did not fall for these. My last hoax was from a guy who, I am pretty sure, has called me on more than one occasion. He has a younger wife with huge boobs (KK) and he wants to see her get fucked, this time by several black guys. His pitfall is he would not send me a picture of his wife. Another guy, maybe the same one but I don’t think so, told me he wanted me to help his little cousin lose her virginity. He called me several times until I put him in my phone book as “Guy with Greek Wife”. Guys who just call to chat are essentially hoaxes. They act like they’re going to make an appointment but they don’t. At so many of my outcalls, they would have drugs but no money. A big reason I stopped doing those. On two occasions in Topeka, 20-something guys did not give me the donation up front and then told me their wallets were in their car and they’d be right back. Yeah, right. They sped off never to be seen again. They’re the reason I make sure I get a donation up front. Especially from new guys.
11/7/18 Poor Me
Dan, Roommate #3 that bailed a day before moving in, would say that I was saying “Poor Me” in this blog. But I’m here to say that not everything about being a provider is hunky dory. The reason this website is so prolific is because I have so much time on my hands. I ask myself, why am I not being called? And then the phone starts to ring in the afternoon and didn’t stop until 12. How crazy is that? I ask myself, on a daily basis, should I even be in this business. I really thought that being a CAT adjuster was a good idea, didn’t think about the fact that I had no experience in anything related to it. I just don’t know what I would do if it wasn’t this. And it’s not that I do all that bad, it’s just so inconsistent. And that gets to me. So maybe I am saying Poor Me, once in a while isn’t too bad.
11/13/18 Well My Gifted Son Picked a School Story #3
My son, who I say is a hoot, is going to be a Shocker! Wichita State here we come. I think the smaller school appealed to him because he does suffer from anxiety. He went to K-State and hated it. It was too big, too much walking and he hated the dorms. My son is very levelheaded, so I know that he has thought this through and come up with the best choice for him. Besides, when he’s a CPA, it’s not going to matter so much where he went to school. Unless he wants to be on the East Coast which he doesn’t. At least they do have a good basketball team! Update: Turns out that Wichita State does not offer the 3 credit hours for having taken the Accounting test. My son is pissed, but still going to Wichita State.
11/13/18 My Older Son and Cars
My 20-year-old son has a way with vehicles. I think he has owned 8 since he was 17. The vehicles all look great and we end up putting a lot of money to fix them. So the latest shenanigans that he got himself into is a humdinger! He went to Nebraska to trade in his Hummer3 and a very cool Dodge Challenger for a Jeep Grand Cherokee. Well this kid LOVES to go off-roading and he found himself between a tree and a big mud puddle. Knowing he would hit the tree if he chose that route, he went through the mud. The mud was 4 feet deep. He was completely immobilized and had no cellular service. Thank God he had 911 in this Jeep or I’m not sure what would have happened. He was very far into the forest. So he called 911 and they sent a Park Ranger out to get help for him. A tow truck didn’t have enough weight/torque to get him out so they brought out a Bobcat and winched him out with that. He took it to the Jeep dealership and found out there were $7000 in necessary repairs!! And not all because of the mud, although that didn’t help matters. The service guy at the dealership is willing to say that the faulty transmission was caused by the “accident” along with most of the other stuff that was wrong. He has a 30 day warranty from where he bought it but that’s Nebraska and the car won’t run! And it wasn’t a Jeep dealership so we can’t really ask Jeep Corporation to help out. And if that weren’t crazy enough, it should still be under warranty because it’s a 2014 with a 5 year/100K warranty. But the warranty won’t cover everything that the mud did and insurance will. Especially if a mechanic says the mud caused the damages and items needing repaired. The only thing that the dealership is not willing to fib on is the brakes which cost $450. So I told my son, find something that doesn’t need to be fixed this instant and use the money for the brakes. He didn’t get it. I’m not sure how he’s going to come up with the $1000 deductible. But I know one thing for sure, I’m not giving him that money. I ask myself, why didn’t he just back up and find another way? But then my first car was a bright orange Jeep Renegade and I got stuck so many times, it was the joke of my group of friends, who always got me out of my jams. Thankfully, it was never in 4 feet of mud!Update: My son and ex drove to Portland, made it ok and the next morning the car would not come out of Park. They had it towed to the Jeep dealership in Portland and they are saying it needs a new Transmission. There was still mud on the one it has now. Update: I finally got smart and called my Credit Card company to do a chargeback on Briggs Dealership who did not fix the car. All we need is a 3rd party to say that the vehicle was not repaired correctly, which it wasn’t. My son went to the Portland Jeep dealership and they are unwilling to write that letter. So on Monday I am going to have a little chat with the lady who said this and possibly her supervisor! I, my ex and son all put the charges on our credit cards, so smart! My next phone call will be to the Dealership in Nebraska to see why they are not covering the repairs since they were under their 30-day warranty. The BBB complaint has fallen on deaf ears. I very well may threaten a lawsuit. Finally, Jeep is coming out to see if the damages (transmission) should be covered under their warranty. A lady at Jeep tried to tell my son that the warranty starts when it rolls off the assembly line! So if it sits on a lot for 6 months, you get 6 months less warranty? Yeh, I don’t think so. Everybody has to cover their ass. Except for the very helpful man at Mastercard who was more than willing to go after Briggs. Both my son and ex are doing chargebacks as well.So much of this could have been averted by good decision making. One, never buy a car you can’t return easily. Two, have it checked out before you buy it. Three, do not go through mud in it that you don’t know how deep it is. And 4, make sure it’s fixed before you drive to Portland in it!The eight cars my son has owned in 3 years: Dodge Ram, Nissan 300z (which he flipped), a Cadillac CTS (his ex-girlfriends favorite car), 2 Hummer 3s, a Dodge Challenger, a Chrysler Sebring and now a Jeep Grand Cherokee. I had nothing to with any of them. My ex and son bought them and repaired them. I think my ex has gone through his entire 401(K). Had it been up to me, he would have gotten a beater and said “drive this or walk”.
11/15/18 A Dog? Really?
A guy I had seen one time calls last night to make an appointment. And wants to bring his dog with him. At first, I was like “sure bring fido with you” and then it dawned on me what he really had in mind. And he confirmed my suspicions. He wanted me to have sex with his dog! To say the least, I was outraged. If I wasn’t in the occupation I’m in, I would have called the police on him. What a sick man to not only put his dog through that, but me as well. I can’t even think about it without feeling sick. What makes a person think such a thing is appropriate or even feasible? And what was he going to get out of it? What a sick fuck! I’m sorry, but that’s just not right no matter how you look at it.
11/19/18 This is What Happens When a 26-year-old Becomes an Escort
A client of mine shared with me that his girlfriend had recently become an escort. He wanted me to help her out and be a mentor to her. She and I texted for sometime and it became very apparent that she was doing several things wrong. Of course, being 26, she was not willing to listen to my suggestions but that didn’t stop me from giving them to her. First off, she is seeing 10 to 15 clients a day. If she has any neighbors, they are going to notice all the cars coming and going. All it takes is one complaint to the police for them to sting her. Not to mention the fact that she is going to get a reputation as being a high-volume escort. Secondly, she is upselling bareback sex. I have no doubt that she will get an STD and pass it on to one or more clients. If that were to happen, all she needs is one review stating that they got an STD from her and her days as an escort are over. Not to mention that getting an STD is no fun. I also don’t believe in upselling because it puts the clients in a bad position. He may feel like he needs to accept her upsell but not have enough cash. All in all, I find it to be very underhanded. She does the same thing with anal. The better way to handle this is to say in her ad that she offers these things for an extra charge. That way, men know upfront how much money to bring. And once it gets out that she performs bareback sex on many clients, she will lose clients due to the danger of having unprotected sex. The next mistake she made was to let someone videotape her. They put it on porn hub and blackmailed her into having sex with four men to get the video back. She ended up being raped and beaten. And she did not get the video back and my guess is he probably has several copies. Furthermore, she has decided to work with two pimps. This is probably her biggest mistake because they will get her on drugs and take most of the money. Why she felt she needed a pimp when she was doing very well on her own is beyond me. All she sees right now is dollar signs but if she isn’t careful, she’ll be seeing herself in handcuffs or with an STD. She’s the new kid on the block and doing very well but this will not last because someone else will come along and take her place. The problem with young escorts is that they don’t think of the consequences for their safety. I can’t imagine seeing that many men in one day let alone every day. Every time a man walks into your house you are at risk of being hurt, raped, possibly robbed and otherwise taken advantage of. This is why we take the time to verify the men we see. When you see 10 to 15 clients a day, you don’t have the time to verify them so you take your chances. As an aftermath, her boyfriend is leaving her because of the volume she is seeing. Being one of the oldest escorts out there, I thought I could help her. But I don’t think she wants my help and she won’t get it unless she finds some humility. It took me a long time to figure out how to be safe in a dangerous occupation. I hope she figures it out soon.
11/23/18 This is Kinda Weird
When I first started doing this, I would bruise like there was no tomorrow! I knew, if a guy squeezed me, I would have a bruise the next day. I realized a day or so ago that I no longer bruise! I couldn’t begin to explain this, but maybe I have more muscle which doesn’t bruise as easily. I’m certainly not complaining!
11/28/18 Very Interesting Haircut
I was getting my haircut the other day by a black woman who was quite skilled in her profession. I asked her how she liked Raytown and this was her reply. “I like it for the most part but sometimes it’s a little dark”. I nearly fell off my chair, I couldn’t believe that she would admit that Raytown is definitely dark. Here was this woman of color telling me that Raytown is not always the greatest place to live. For myself, I live in a wonderful house on an all-white street and as long as I don’t venture too far away from home, I feel safe. I had never heard of black woman or man refer to their race as dark. And I certainly have never heard them disdain anyone of their race. But she was being honest. Raytown is about 70% black and there’s a lot of violence and crime and for budgetary reasons the police force is much smaller than it was. The police here have bigger fish to fry than an escort that keeps to herself.
12/5/18 Men Who Have Great Sex at Home Yet See an Escort“
I have never understood this. A man comes to see me and one of the first few questions I have are “Are you married?”, “Do you still have sex?”, and when the 1 out of 100 says they have great sex at home, I usually ask “Why are you here?” in the nicest way possible. The answer I get? “Variety is the Spice of Life”. Okay, I can accept that, but I just have a hard time wrapping my brain around this need for variety. It makes me feel that men are not meant to be monogamous. Or maybe it’s just some men. I have to believe there are plenty of men out there that never see an escort or have an affair. My ex was one of those men. He used porn. Do you think this is the accepted mode for finding variety?
12/8/18 Thought for the week
If you have 7 appointments but only 3 show up, is that a good day? I think I was busier MAKING the appointments than conducting them! LOL
12/9/18 Saying of the day
See if you know what this means…
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Girl Friend Experience
1. Shows up and acts like she wants to be there.
2. Deep french kisses.
3. Blow Job.
4. Stays and provides service for the full hour.
If all four criteria are met the provider is known as a GFE.
12/12/18 $700 an Hour? Really?
There is a provider in KC, Hotwife Taylor, that charges $700/hour. Now I ask you, would you pay that much to see a 45-year-old escort for an hour? The only men I can think of who might are those that have nothing better to do with their money! And how many regulars would she have? I can’t imagine very many. Is anyone in KC worth $700/hr? The only ones who make that and more are the Playboy bunnies and the Pornstars. And that makes sense to me because they are celebrities. And they are mainly on the East and West coasts. If you look at the average donations in KC, they are typically 150 for a half hour and 250 for an hour. Take a look at ADULT LOOK and you will see what I’m talking about. And you will also see that my rates are some of the lowest! And then there’s JennaJean Taylor who believes she’s worth $2500 an hour! I have to believe that she’s just plain nuts. If she is really worth that, then she should be on the East Coast. Sure, she has a great body, never shows her face and somehow feels entitled. Besides her body, I can’t find anything special about her. I’m sure every escort has something about them that sets them apart. For me, it’s my lip service. I’ve come to realize that I am the best in Kansas City. But that’s my claim to fame. It certainly isn’t my body unless you like a small BBW. I’m pretty enough but I’m no knockout. But spread your legs and you won’t believe what I can do. Is it worth $700? Not even close but it does keep the men coming back and to me that’s all that matters.Update: I just looked for hot wife Taylor and she is on none of the popular sites. I imagine she’s traveling because at $700 an hour there are only so many men willing to pay that so you have to move on to the next city and so forth and so forth.Update 2/19: Hotwife Taylor is now Pornstar Hotwife Taylor, and get this. She is now charging $500 instead of $800! And she is now showing her face!
12/13/18 My Reviews
A while back it was brought to my attention by an ECCIE moderator that the men on ECCIE-Kansas City were comparing notes about me. He said they were “branding” me. I was confused as to what he meant by “branding” so he explained. They were saying I was the best Lip Service in KC. That was 9 months ago. If you think I haven’t gotten better in 9 months, you’d be sorely mistaken. Men who have never cum from a blow job are cumming for the first time by a mouth (and tongue). Couples are calling me wanting me to teach the wife my technique. I may not be a young hottie, but I sure do know what I’m doing! Now that is not all to seeing me, but it doesn’t hurt to be the best at something so darn pleasurable!
12/25/18 The Four (or so) Things I do not do and Why
Anal: I feel like this is obvious but I really should explain. I had my gallbladder out and ever since then, I don’t have great control over my bowels. Anyone who has had their gallbladder out knows what I’m talking about. So not knowing exactly when I’m going to need to go puts a bit of a damper on anal. Plus, I can’t find anything about Anal that attracts me. I’ve tried it and it just was not for me. Please note, this has NEVER gotten in the way of sex or anything else. BDSM: Bondage/Domination Sado-Masochism Quite simply, I do not like pain or acting. Face-Fucking: This is where a man takes the woman’s head and hold it while he fucks her mouth and usually makes her deep throat and gag. Need I say more? Role-Playing: Mostly I’m asked to play “Mom” or “Teacher” by guys in their 20s. I think this is one of the strangest fetishes I’ve come across and I am just NOT an actress. Not only do I not want to play your Mom, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want to be your Mom! I tell the story of trying to do phone sex and lasted 3 minutes! At least you know I’m not acting with you because I can’t!Other No-Nos: These are things I’m not really into but will do on occasion.
69s ( I can’t concentrate on what you are doing and what I’m doing at the same time!)
Hand Jobs (another blog all by itself!)
Depositing cum into my mouth instead of letting me swallow. I NEVER spit!
Doggie style if bigger than 8 inches.
12/28/18 Why I Don’t do Handjobs
You’ve been doing them since you were 10, give or take a few months.
Why should I do something that you’ve perfected over years.
You know just how to do it.
You know how fast to do it.
You know exactly where to stroke it. And most of all,
You have the upper arm strength to accomplish such a fury of a feat!