Pain is my friend. Pain tells me that I need to slow down and take better care not to get “over hurt” by her. Pain lets me know that healing is taking place. Pain demands respect. It will kick you upside the head if it feels you are trying to ignore her. She will get the better of you if you don’t heed her warnings. Pain tells you when to STOP what you’re doing or how you’re doing it. Pain is my friend and my enemy. I would be up and walking if it weren’t for the pain. But then I would hurt myself without even knowing it! Thank the heavens for PAIN!
9/14/23 Came through with flying colors
All my worries were for not. I flew through the surgery and got right up to go to the bathroom once I woke up. I was worried that I wouldn’t wake up but when I woke up, I breathe a sigh of relief and settle prayer. it’s been three days since my surgery and I’m doing very well. The pain is controlled and I’m doing my exercises like I should. I still could use people to take me to PT.
9/8/23 Please Don’t Forget Me
I have to say, I’m really worried that all of my clients will find other providers while I am under the weather and recuperating from my knee surgery. I could just see going back to work and not having any regulars anymore. I’d like to think that my better clients would wait for three weeks but I don’t know. I hope to be back on my feet in three weeks, but I don’t know right now all I know is that I am about to undergo the most radical thing I’ve done to my body. Even losing 95 pounds doesn’t end didn’t require the patience, courage and stamina I’m going to need to rehabilitate this right knee. Not to mention determination. All I can tell you is I have never embarked on a journey, so audacious and scary. I have been basically lazy most of my life and now I’m going to have to not be lazy for my knees sake. I’m going to have to get up and walk and use my pedal pusher that I already don’t like. I’m gonna have to go to PT three times a week for six weeks at least. I’m probably going to have to get a pool membership or at the very least, a membership to planet fitness right around the corner from me. Or maybe I’m just gonna walk out my front door and keep walking, a little bit more each day.
8/9/23 Ah, St. Louis.
Good old St. Lou. Or The Lou as they call it now. Either way, I never know what to expect. This time around I had five no-shows that I surely thought would show. It wasn’t the greatest trip I’ve ever had but I saw some old friends and that was nice. And I think I made some new friends. I keep hoping for that stellar weekend where everybody shows up, but I know it’s never gonna happen. At least I got to see my mother. And with her being 92, I know I don’t have that much longer with her.
9/8/23 Upcoming knee surgery
If anyone can help me get to PT, starting 18 September, I’ll be going twice a week to three times a week and I could really use some help getting there and back. Or even one way would help.
9/3/23 No New Blogs
Sorry to my avid readers but I haven’t felt much like blogging lately. I don’t know if it has to do with my upcoming surgery and anxiety over what and how my life will change. You see, I’ve never really been into exercise. But I’m at a plateau weight-wise and I was told that I need to start moving. And now my knee. So, I guess I’m going to start moving a heck of a lot more than I have been VERY SOON! If that doesn’t have me worried, I don’t know what would!
But here’s the kicker, many times I have said how much I love water. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? And NKCH has a pool that you can pay a very reasonable amount each month to join. North Kansas City Hospital is like 5 minutes from me. And, I would have to walk all the way to the pool and back to the garage!
See, it isn’t that I don’t know what I need, it’s getting my no-longer-fat-ass over there!
8/23/23 Male Escort Service now available
I have a good client/friend who is wanting to see if there are any men who are as bi-curious as he is. Now seeking bottoms/tops for fun with a 3-some or all by yourselves in a safe/neutral environment.
8/23/23 Gastric Bypass – Year in Review
I have lost 95 lbs. alt0gether this first year. I am hoping to get and stay around 130-140. It’s been a wild roller coaster that I would do all over again. I’m very happy with my year at this and I think the future looks good….
8/15/23 What I Really will need with my Knee Surgery
Ok. My sister is coming the 12-14th of September and will stay longer (not much) if I need her to. Then I will still need people to come in and see me, make sure I don’t need something. Make sure I haven’t fallen and can’t get up! If you are someone I’ve seen more than a couple times, let me know if you can help with this. I promise not to ask for too much! And free sessions will be coming. Can’t promise when….
8/15/23 Gastric Bypass – 1 Year Later
I have lost 95 lbs and I’m sure I’ll go lower. I have much more confidence in my looks and my ability to maneuver (I do a lot of that). I feel proud that I have done this in one year! An d all the kudos I”ve gotten on the way has been astounding. Some of you have even become friends with me (not the married guys mind you) and I can see that I appeal to a broader range of guys too. I’d still love to get a tummy tuck but I’ll let somebody else pay for it! Thank you all again for rooting me on. It’s meant a lot and still does…
8/7/23 Needing Help after Knee Surgery on 9/11!
I think I’ve said on here that I’m getting my knee replaced. Well, I thought I might be able to go to a Skilled Nursing Facility for 2 weeks after my overnight hospital stay, but that was nixed at a class for getting a Total Knee Replacement. The lady told me that insurance doesn’t cover this because they see it as an outpatient surgery. Even if you do stay overnight in the hospital! So I asked my son to come down on the 12th to pick me up and I think he will do this, but I’m going to need someone to come in a couple times a day to check up on me for a week or so. If you know of someone who would like to be paid for caring for me, please let me know.
I don’t know about you, but I have been ghosted so many times that I’ve come to believe it is what it is. There’s nothing I can do about it so I better just get over it. I had a really good client who was a weekly regular and all of a sudden a year ago or maybe two, he didn’t ever call me again. Until today. And now I have to decide do I let bygones be bygones or do I hold this against him? I’m not sure I want to do either of those. I thought he was dead. Because there was no way that I could see him not wanting to see me. We saw each other for four years almost every week, and then he just disappeared. Anyone who knows me knows that I do not contact clients, so I figured he either died or he found someone else. It turns out that his health was not good, and he was short on money. Why he couldn’t just tell me that, I don’t have any clue. I still say that ghosting someone is rude and socially unacceptable.
I went to St. Louis, the 21st through the 24th and did very well, plus I got to see my 92-year-old mother and older sisters. Then, I saw more men in 2 days than I see in a week here! Makes ya wonder why I don’t move home. For two or three very good reasons! For one, it costs a lot more to live there than where I’m at. Secondly, my family kind of drives me crazy. That whole thing can be found in other blogs of mine. And thirdly, I would miss my guys in KC. Don’t get me wrong, for the most part, KC sustains me very well. St. Lou doesn’t get to see me often so they take advantage of my time there. I’m definitely low volume here and high volume there. Hey, it works and if something works, you don’t fuck with it, you know?
7/26/23 In the Hospital for 48 hours
If anyone knows how to get a bed in a hospital (if you can call the mattress that was simply a covered board a “bed”), it would be me. I’m not going to talk about why I wanted to go in, but I KNEW I needed to change a medication and this is the fastest way to do it if you don’t have a PCP or Psych doctor. So, even though the bed was a board and the food made me lose weight, I got to see a very bright doctor who got that I needed a change. We made the change and I was discharged. I’m doing fairly well on the new med, having some typical side effects, but feeling better. If you wondered where I was this last Thursday through Saturday, all 6 that called, I was in the hospital.
7/18/23 A New Knee
As of 9/11/23, I will have a new right knee. I will be coming home to convalesce, and my sister will be there for a few days. You are I am looking so forward to this operation even though I know it’s going to take a good 6 months of PT and I HAVE TO do what they tell me to do! I haven’t been good at keeping up to their standards but I know, with this surgery, that I have to do what they tell me to do even if I don’t feel like it! I will have a friend staying at my house but she is not (!) in this biz.
7/9/23 Gastric Bypass #10
I have lost 91 pounds and I only have 9 pounds to go to my initial goal. Nothing fits (clothing-wise) and I still don’t have much appetite. I think it’s caused by the medicine they put me on after I came off of Lithium. It’s called Abilify and, at first, I wanted to eat everything in the house! Now I’m going through the opposite effect. I don’t want to eat. I’m getting enough calories and my mood is stable now. I guess you could say I’ve become a better person (and certainly more balanced).
6/26/23 I GOT PUNCHED BY A NURSE!!!
The first night I was at St.Lukes North hospital. I was talking with a few nurses and I think somebody was doing vitals on me. I wasn’t very aware of what was going on but I still had my wits about me, if you will. I told this one nurse that I’d be going home tomorrow. She said no you won’t and I said oh yes I will . The next thing I know she’s punching me across my jaw really hard and I think I got a shot in but memory is blurry. My favorite nurse at St. Luke’s was named Erica and she was a beautiful blonde woman who just took to me. She said you won’t ever see that nurse again, implying that she would be fired over this. I tell you there were a few times at that hospital that I wanted to call my lawyer.Some of the things that went on there were weird.They had a basement that was, I think, their party room. I’m pretty sure they had escorts down there also. One night, I tried to abscond from the hospital, and of course they walked me back to my room and from then on anytime I stood up on the floor a big loud beeping started so I had to call my nurse every time I had to go to the bathroom so that beeping would stop. That and watching pawn stars was about all I did, while they were getting me off lithium and taking care of a very bad UTI that would not go away. In fact, I think they were more worried about the UTI, turning into sepsis than they were the lithium. All in all I would certainly recommend St.Lukes. I liked the providers, I agreed with the psychiatrist and the doctor for that floor let me come home pretty early because I was doing so well. You probably didn’t know this, but spelling the word WORLD backwards took me four days to conquer. That’s how out of it I was. I see a new primary care on Tuesday the 20th today.I just hope he has a lot of time set aside because there’s a lot to talk about. The first one will be getting a new psychiatrist and hopefully a therapist. And really most importantly getting me scheduled for x-rays and an MRI on my knee so that they can replace it. I want to replace it in August, because that will give me six months of recuperation and PT before I go to Las Vegas with the guy I met In Hawaii!! I figure that it will take six months to heal, but I will work and work and work at this PT because I don’t ever want to feel this kind of pain again. So, as usual, I have wandered off of the initial reason I wrote this blog and maybe that’s just fine. Maybe I needed to talk about that stuff more than a nurse punching me in the face. Up until that time in 56 years I have never been punched. I was like in complete shock. And of course I didn’t leave the next day but I knew what was going down in that basement and I could get them a lot of trouble over it. So if you’re from St.Lukes and you’re reading my blog, I would like you to keep that confidential. So anyway I told Erica I said yeah I’m leaving tomorrow. I don’t care what I have to do but I’m leaving. And all day long she was like, so when are you leaving and I had forgotten that I had even said that. I kind of get now why people hate hospitals. Me, I’ve got to say I kind of enjoy it. My meals are made for me, I can watch all the TV I want, someone somewhere is making me better and I thank God that we have hospitals like we do. I think I’m gonna go to sleep now. It’s 11 o’clock at night and I’m never up this late. I’m starting to think it has something to do with the four hour energy shot I took. Hmmm. But sometimes I’m just like that. Usually I’m sleepy at 8:30. And I certainly don’t wanna see anybody. Well, good night and good day to some of my followers.
6/15/23 A Letter To My Younger Son
I’m sorry that you have to call me a whore. And I’m sorry that I lied to you for so long, but I did not do it maliciously. I lied because I didn’t want you to know and suffer from that knowledge that your mother is a prostitute. We don’t usually use that word. We use escort instead but it’s all the same thing. When I was a social worker I made $36,000 a year. 14,000 less than you’re making . I went from that to $100,000 job. I don’t like that it’s illegal but the reward is worth the risk. I do what I do for the money and it supports me and it has supported you. And that’s all I really have to say. If you call me a whore again, I probably will block you. I have to have distance from people who disdain me. I’m sorry that you found out the way you found out but it’s better now that it’s out in the open. I love you Josh. I always have and I always will.
6/14/23 Best Traveling Trip Ever!
I went to St. Louis this past weekend and had very few No Shows, lots of nice generous men, and a great time sitting out by the pool with my sisters. Got my Imo’s fix and I’m happy to be home. $2000 in 2 full days. Not too shabby. I’m seriously thinking of going once a month!
6/14/23 Gastric Bypass #9
I am now down to 156. None of my clothes fit, so I’m just going to look like I’m wearing a tent or maybe nothing at all! 16 more pounds to go.
6/14/23 Website Back Online
I took down my website because my 25-year-old son blackmailed me and said he would tell my original family about me. So I did the prudent thing and got rid of evidence. Then he told me he was not going to do it, so here I am and I got it back up but I think I’m missing some blogs here. If anyone has a post from me after 6/3/23, I would appreciate you sending that post to me.
6/7/23 The Whole Story
So, here is the whole story about my gastric bypass that led to my lithium toxicity that could have led to my death. I’m not being facetious, but I don’t think I was in that big of harms way. The first hospital I went to simply got me off the lithium that I took for bipolar 2 disease and recommended Vraylar which is a medicine for bipolar two and one and it cost $1500 a month that my insurance will not cover. The doctor didn’t take the time to look into this to figure out that there’s no way I can take this medicine before he wrote his prescription, and because I went to a hospitalist hospital, I could not talk to him afterwards. He gave me his phone number, but he wouldn’t answer it.
From about early September, I had a psychiatrist who wanted to keep me on the lithium so we started up very gradually, but eventually it was too much I could not metabolize it. And so my brain was going to lithium toxicity again. Now I have not researched lithium toxicity, but I’m sure it’s not a pretty thing , I could not spell the word “world” backwards and it took me about four days to be able to do it. My cognition was fried and my coordination is still not very good, but, and this is a biggie, my memory is getting better now that I’m off my medication of lithium. I can tell when I’m talking to people I don’t forget what I’m talking about. That was probably the worst part of memory loss. I still am going to have the early onset dementia test done just for the heck of it and to tell my kids to fuck off. Well I might not tell them to fuck off but you know. Lithium is the gold standard for bipolar and I was on it for 16 years without a problem and then I get a gastric bypass. Now the doctor, the surgeon, who was doing my gastric bypass was telling me which of my medications I needed to go off, but he never said anything about my lithium. And I plan to go in there and discuss this with him because this could’ve killed me and he should’ve known it. Lord knows I couldn’t be on a blood thinner but I could be on something that could put me into a coma. Oh great. So the last part of this is that I started getting lithium toxicity again And my functioning went way down. I was not eating. I was not drinking. I was not cognitively aware. I think there were times that I was in a coma actually. My son did a wellness check, and the police came out. My ex and my son said to me“you’re going to the hospital and there’s no two ways about it”. So I did. I went in the ambulance and I went to St.Lukes North and let me tell you that was amazing. Well actually, it was kind of a zoo to tell you the truth, but the doctors were good and I liked the psychiatrist and what he had to say and they put me on a medication that I know very much about and the only problem is that it makes me want to eat everything in the house. So will power come on out. I feel good these days. Sometimes I get a little manic and I want to spend money and I have to remind myself not to. The eating is difficult but I’m staying at 81 pounds down and I’m OK with that. My mother thought I would be down 100 pounds by now and I told her it just doesn’t work that way.
I have had several people tell me to see a lawyer or two to talk about this case with the surgeon who is managing my meds but not all of them. The problem I see is that I’m not sure there’s any long-term injury. I think you have to have a long-term injury to file an injury claim. Don’t quote me on that. Now , I have a Neurologist who is going to do my early-onset Dementia tests and might testify for me, but the whole thing seems like a big hassle. It’s not that I won’t talk to a lawyer it’s more that I know what they’re gonna say. With Social Security disability, if you cut off an arm, you get it the next day. With Social Security disability, if you have a mental disorder, like bipolar, you can get covered but it takes about two years and the only good news about that is that they have to pay you from the moment you file your claim. So if it takes you two years to get your money you may have $30,000 waiting for you. I’ve seen it happen over and over again because, at one time in my life, I was a Social Security representative Contractor and this isn’t really about Social Security anyway. This is about suing a Doctor who did not do his due diligence. Do you know that after the anesthesia wore off, It was 24 hours later? Usually they are pushing on your shoulder to wake up. “Wake up Patty wake up it’s time to get up. Wake up Patty“ and I heard nothing of that. When I woke up the next day, my sister was there and she wasn’t supposed to be there till the next day. The surgeon dismissed it. Was I in a coma or was I just sedated too much? At any rate, I would not suggest this establishment to do your gastric bypass. The operation was fine. He did a fine job, but there was no pre-care or aftercare whatsoever. No one ever called me to set up an appointment to come back in or to go to a group or anything. They were there to operate on me and operate on me only. And as long as I wasn’t bat shit crazy, they were going to do it. For $16,000. When I think about the whole thing it’s kind of interesting. I’m just really glad that the gastric bypass took. I really had no complications besides nausea 24 hours a day. So I will update you after I see an attorney or two.
I have to tell you that 81 pounds that I carried around for 32 years was the size of a fourth grader or maybe a fifth grader! I don’t see how one does it. The other thing I don’t see is how thin I’ve gotten. I’m sure it’s going to take some time to get used to my new body and in the meantime I’m going to lose more weight. Not a lot. Anyone want to pay for a Tummy tuck?
6/3/23 Lots of new quick Trades
I’m putting out a whole bunch of small-ish projects around my house and thought some of you would like to help and get helped! Go to my Trades page…
6/3/23 Now that Marijuana is legal…
I need a new dealer. And sorry AAs, but not you. Soooo many black guys have ripped me off. I want a nice chill guy who is also a businessman. I would meet you or you could come over to my house. I do know how much I should be paying for it and the dispensaries are f***ing ridiculous! Please help me out as a new customer of yours or point me in the right direction! Please and Thank You!
6/1/23 Why do I even care anymore?
In the past year, I thought about this a lot. And the fact of the matter, is that I’m not getting younger I’m only getting older. And I think, as you get older men find you less intriguing and more for a roommate. I definitely don’t need a roommate , and I haven’t found all that many men who want to date me that find me intriguing. Now granted, I’m a companion, and we are devoted to our clients. But that’s not to say that I couldn’t be devoted to somebody else in the same way and probably even more so. But, am I willing to give up my independence? Am I willing to make a whole bunch of compromises? Am I willing to have sex when I don’t want to? Will I have to put up with snide remarks and mean comments? Do you get where I’m going with this? Again, I’m 56 not 42 and we all know that after the age of 60 the percentage of men who are still alive and kicking falls greatly. I’m going to end this blog with a belief of mine. As if I don’t tell you my beliefs all the time. I believe that as women age they find that they need men less. Especially in an age where women have money and can buy a man to do the hard work at home. Now, am I saying that that’s all man is good for? Not in the least. But I think the cons start to outweigh the pros after about the age of 65. This is not scientific. I have not done the research except for my own empirical research. Men definitely have their places in women’s lives, but they take on such a smaller meaning and amount of time that sometimes it just isn’t worth it. And even if a woman does have a libido past the age of 60 there’s always a good vibrator waiting for her to be bought.
6/2/23 I want a man…
I want a man simply to hold me and not let me go when I start to pull away.
I want a man who is a silly as I am, but levelheaded all the same.
I want a man who physically makes a change in my body when I see him, and when I touch him.
I want a man who is adventuresome as I can be, and want to be especially when I retire. I do not want a man to necessarily share my bed unless it’s a king. I don’t need a man to really take care of me or maybe I do. I just want a man who is my partner in life and in crime, knows how to have a good time, he is not an addict, loves the Chiefs and wants to find love in a loving woman.
6/1/23 Bad People
I really do believe that bad people attract bad people and I think that we can all look at our past and present and say yes, we know a bad person who have attracted bad people. But having been a masters of social work and a therapist for 10 years I know bad people and I know good people . And I am here to say that this occupation I am in, is full of bad people. Now that may only be 10% of the people out there but when you consider that accountants probably only know one percent bad people 10% is a lot. And it’s funny, I just realized the other day that I didn’t start being burglarized and robbed until I moved to this house up north. I never had a problem in my Raytown house except for my male roommate stealing 70 pieces of lingerie. Go figure. That was actually my first foray into being robbed and it felt horrible. And it still feels horrible. And all I want to do is just cry my eyes out and I realize that that’s not going to change anything. So then I get to work. I have to get a new drivers license probably a new birth certificate, a new debit card, some money to put in the bank and hopefully over time, I will replace the items that have been stolen. But I’ll tell you this again and again. It’s black guys doing this. And it’s probably only 1% of black guys doing this which is a shame for all the other nice black guys who get the blame.But for the life of me, I have never had an Indian, a Mexican, a white man, an Asian or a native American do this to me. The only one person who was not black, was a meth head that I was trying to help as a social worker. I hope to God I’ve learned my lesson by now. And that goes for everything. Ha ha!
5/31/23 Exactly What I have had Stolen from me in the past 7 years
If I had known how much of my belongings would be stolen, burglarized, taken directly from me, and otherwise absconded from me, I might have thought twice about being a Compa.nion! Ok, maybe not, but here’s a list for you to either shake your head along with me or laugh (but please, keep that to yourself).
At least $3000
My wallet twice
My bluetooth speakers (2)
All of my paraphernalia
Oodles of marijuana
Everything tkat was taken out of my car that could be including my spare.
All of my precious rings that were easily worth $10,000. (I think my ex roommate did this).
70 Lingerie outfits (taken by a man no less).
My pride, my self-esteem, feeling stupid, and learning a heck of a lot about who to let into your house and not ever leaving them alone.
5/29/23 Escorts thought
And let me just say this about escorts if I haven’t said it before. The better you know an escort, the better you feel being with her and the more she can do for you that you need done for yourself and not by yourself.
5/28/23 New Pictures
Phew! I finally am starting to feel like I have some modicum of control over my life. I have taken 200 pictures and put probably about 100 up on the site and take a look at my smile and my face because I don’t think I’ve ever been prettier. And that’s funny because just a week ago I was saying that I was uglier. I’m not uglier and those pictures came out really well. Tell me about your wife because I know you need to. And thank you for your support. Now I will say the guy that came forward and really helped me gave me $250 it was for a session but it was a lot of money and I was able to buy a phone and have $150 in the bank . It felt better than being broke.
5/19/23 Birthday (God not again)
My dear sister is looking into me being traveling bookkeeping! What a hoot! If my business would start to pick up, we wouldn’t have such talk. Imagine me traveling as a Bookkeeper! And even though I have a very loving and giving mother, I can’t keep on doing what I do. I can’t keep taking and taking.
I’ve taken enough.
2/3/23 Gastric Bypass #8
1/25/23 Chapter 2, Paragraph 1
Now I have nothing against women who are escorts but there is shame involved. When you are raised in a wealthy family and you go to the best schools, graduate with a masters in social work, you never really think you’ll ever become an escort. Oh sure, I knew about Xavier Hollander but knowing her name and that she was the Happy Hooker was about all I knew. I think if my original family found out, they would disown me. I know that any family member will try to get me to stop. And it’s not like I wouldn’t like to stop but how can you start making over $100,000 a year? Especially when all the money from your family dried up and you are pretty much left on your own. All you would have to do is Google my phone number but obviously nobody has or if they have, they haven’t told me.
1/16/23 Alone Again Naturally
I, in recent weeks, have come to realize that I will probably be alone for the rest of my life. I think there are several reasons for this and the biggest reason is me. I don’t think I really want to be with someone full-time. I would be great for like a truck driver. If I thought truck drivers were any good at all , unfortunately I’ve had a few run-ins. I also think that I really enjoy my own company, way more so than most other people. I’m so set in my own ways that I don’t think I could give up how I do things. I’ve started seeing somebody but I can tell you 10 cons and may be 4 pros for this guy. Why do I continue to see him? I suppose because I get bored and lonely. But when I’m done with him, I want him gone.
1/14/23 My Mother Updated
I have told you about my mother in posts along the way, but the news I have is not good. She has an aortic anyerism that has not burst, but is on its way to and she can have an operation but at 92, she’s thinking that this is a sure way out , a quick way out and on her own terms. I don’t feel ready to have her gone, but I will never feel ready to have her gone. That being said, my sisters didn’t even bother to tell me she was in the hospital.
Update: my mother is back at home and doing very well but she is still on oxygen and it will take her time to gain her strength back. I’m going to see her for her birthday in mid February and I told her she’d have to stay alive until then. I was going to go in to see her on the weekends, but she doesn’t want me to.
1/3/23 Should I Be Concerned or Flattered?
Someone in St. Louis is using my pictures on a list crawler ad and they put like cute little sayings with them. Of course it’s a different phone number but I certainly don’t want anyone in St. Louis thinking this is me. I’ll be doing new pictures this week.
12/31/22 New Years Resolutions
To continue losing weight and get down to 100 pounds off.
To continue making new friends.
To hopefully meet someone to be in a relationship with.
To work on getting another job so that I don’t have to rely on escorting as much.
To start an exercise program.
12/19/22 I am thankful for…
I am thankful for all the men who have ever shown up for their appointment with me. I am thankful to Tony, who always seems to show me he cares even if coming here is too difficult. I am thankful for Travis, who gave me a whole black leaf garbage bags, full of toilet paper at the beginning of the pandemic. I am thankful for John who can have any woman he wants and chooses to have me. I’m thankful to Jim who taught me football and continues to be my football mentor. I am thankful for Jim Z who really is my mentor and still talks to me even though I told him that he never shut up, I’m thankful for all the men who see me on a regular basis. You are not ever far from my mind. I’m thankful for all the friends I’ve made through what I do. I’m thankful to have been helpful to many people this past year and the years before. If I ever felt that I was doing anything to hurt someone, I would not do it. Unless maybe they really deserved it. But even then I don’t have it in me. I’m thankful for the house I live in and the kitten that I’ve adopted. I’m thankful for having my 92 year old mother, who is still as sharp as a tack. I’m thankful to be alive and I am uber thankful to be an American.
12/19/22 Gastric Bypass #7
I have now lost 47 pounds and I have been working my upper arms and my thighs pretty much from the get-go. I noticed that I’m stronger in both my arms and my legs. I’m not doing anything for my abdomen as that will get a tummy tuck. I have a C-section tummy, which means that you really can’t tone it up. I’m finally used to what I can eat and to tell you the truth I could eat better or more keto.But, I figure if I’m eating 600 cal a day I’m going to lose weight, doesn’t matter really what I eat. I’ve been off sugar since before. I had the operation and that’s going well. I should be walking, but in this weather, there ain’t no way! I’m happy with my body and I’m used to how I have to eat and what I can and can’t eat. Would I do it again? Definitely not with the company I did it with.They never followed up with me after the surgery whatsoever. They did a good operation and that’s that. Most of my education has come from trial and error.And you really should come and see the new me!
12/19/22 Here’s To ThoseGuys
Here’s to those guys that think they can make an appointment for a half hour out and show up an hour and a half out. Here’s to those guys that make an appointment, say really nice things about you, and then never show up. Here’s to my son who’s almost 25 and doesn’t have a job and doesn’t care to get a job but just wants to sponge off me . Here’s to the 20-somethings that never show up and here’s to all the men who have ever sold snake oil in one form or another. It seems to me that since Man became civilized, he figured out how to scam another man and quite frankly, I’m sick of it, I’m sick of all the scams, shams and bullshit that goes on. I want to go back to the 1950s before any of this kind of bullshit was thought of. But then I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing which, on many occasions, I think is not a bad thing.Can you tell I’m pissed? This is the perfect time to smoke a bowl! And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, all the better. A friend just reminded me of this song by Twisted Sister called “we’re not gonna take it anymore”. Listen to it because it’s exactly how I feel.
Update: I realize that the blog I just wrote was very angry. Sometimes I feel very irate and at the same time, I am grateful for what I have, and the friends that I have and my family. I’m not always this angry, but I wrote this blog on a day when I was and I’m not going to take it away, just because it’s an angry blog. I hope you realize that I don’t always write angry blogs, but at times there are reasons to let you know how I feel. I try to be as transparent for you as I can. And at times, I will delete a post that I put out, because I no longer agreed with it. I appreciate my readership.
12/9/22 Chapter 1, Paragraph 3
I fairly quickly found my routine of waking up early so that I could get ready for the day. When I first started out I would make appointments in the future but I quickly learned that that was not such a good idea because people just didn’t show up. That has to be the worst part of being an escort.Guys just don’t necessarily feel the need to let you know that they’re not going to be there. I find it very rude and anybody who doesn’t show up gets banned for life! At my prices of 60/100 I was busy to say the least.Absolutely no one ever said to me maybe you should increase your rates. I think Topeka was just so happy to have an escort and they didn’t want to ruin a good thing. I was naïve enough to not know that my rates were so low. So I was busy most of the day and this pleased me because as a social worker I was surrounded by people and interacting with clients and cohorts. So I was used to having company. I made the decision very early on that I was going to tell no one about what I do.The family that I came from would never understand and the family that I made I didn’t want them to know what their mother was doing. So yes there was shame involved.
12/1/22 On Having A New Kitten
OMG! If she’s not racing around the house and playing with her balls that have a little jingles in them, she’s fast asleep by my side. I’m trying to get her to sleep with me at night, but that isn’t working so far. After all she is a nocturnal animal , and she displays this at every turn. She’s absolutely adorable.And, being an orange cat, she is somewhat different because most orange cats are male! But make no doubt, she is my new companion and I’m very glad to have her.
12/1/22 Chapter 1, Paragraph 2
I dried my eyes and I went back in the room and I told my client to turn over on his stomach and I gave him what would become known as my “afterglow”. It was basically a wonderful back tickle. I had been doing these since I was five years old.Being very much the giver as opposed to a taker, I was well-suited for my new occupation. I relished giving pleasure. But what made me so successful had a lot to do with my social work skills. I can talk to anyone, I can pull out information from a person and use that to help them. Now granted, well over half of the clients I had could care less about what I had to say. But there was another half that often asked me for advice and here’s where my therapy skills were helpful. Once I started tickling my clients back I calmed down.It may not even have been the first time that I cried my eyes out but it certainly would not be the last time. Being an escort introduces you to a world of scams, getting ripped off, rude clientele, getting stiffed, and pretty much any negative thing you can think of. But that’s the bad side. The good side is that you make money like you never have. You meet people that are interesting and fun and like-minded. You get to go to places that you wouldn’t have gone to.There’s a whole world out there that’s ripe for the picking if you can just keep yourself out of trouble. Trouble? Cops are superb when it comes to busting escorts. You would think with it just being a misdemeanor that they would have more pressing things to do but I think it’s inevitable that if you’re an escort, you’re going to be busted at least once. I’ve seen a lot of women come and go and I always wondered if they left because they had been busted. I’ve learned so many things along the way to keep myself safe but every time I talk to a potential client I have to be cognizant that he could be a cop. I think the biggest misnomer about cops is that they have to tell you that they’re a cop if you ask them. This couldn’t be further from the truth. They don’t have to tell you anything and especially if they’re in pursuit of a crime they don’t have to tell you they’re a cop and they won’t. So you have to assume that every man you talk to is a cop. When I first started out, I met with a man who would go by the term “hobbyist”. This is someone who sees a lot of escorts and will pay high dollars for them. He told me that money went with looks.So I started my donations at 60 for a half hour and 100 for an hour. This was also in Topeka Kansas which is very blue-collar and the guys there weren’t going to pay very much. Even at these rates I doubled my social work income that first year.The second year I increased my donations to 75/125 and Topeka basically ghosted me. So I started looking into moving to Kansas City and I found that I could raise my rates substantially and still do very well. I am now at 100 for a half hour and 180 for an hour. Basically double what I started out. My rates are not based on looks. They are based on my personality, the experience I give you when you come see me, and also advice given to me from other hobbyist. To an extent, that first hobbyist that told me that money goes with looks was not completely incorrect. But I offer an experience that very few others offer or even care. A lot of what I do is customer service. A lot of what I did as a social worker was customer service. Go figure. If you take care of someone above and beyond what others are doing you’re going to get repeat customers and that’s what I have. I now make over $100,000 a year And I work for it
11/29/22 Chapter 1, Paragraph 1
I left the room we were in and went to my bathroom so I could cry my eyes out. What had I gotten myself into? This was my first foray into escorting and I was completely overwhelmed. This was not my element, this was not me but when you don’t have a job and your prospects are little to none you do what you have to do. And I had decided I was going to be an escort. I was 54 years old, had worked as a social worker most of my life and other than this, I had no game. I had nowhere to turn unless I wanted a $24,000 job. The last social work job I had had paid $36,000 and that was considered a lot. But every month at the end of the month I had to get a payday loan just to get me over the hump of being paid on the first. It was a miserable life. The work was horrible stressful, the pay was not enough and nobody really cared how well you did your job.
Now usually if I’m talking about a stepmother it’s because some 24-year-old has asked me to roleplay her. But in this case I got a call from a stepmother wanting a service provided for her 19-year-old stepson. At first I denied her just based on his age, but then I thought about it and I thought that everybody has a price so I raised my price substantially and she agreed. She said to me that he knows what he’s doing and I asked how she knew that. Yeah, then I found out that she was on vacation with him.. And she has been with him in the biblical sense. I don’t know if this is a scam or a hoax but if he shows up I’ll take care of him. You know, I try not to judge people being that I’m a social worker. I learned in social work school that different doesn’t mean deficient. This is definitely one of those times that things are definitely different.
Update: She nor he never called back again. It was probably all a hoax.
11/16/22 Business Sucks!
Maybe the reason I have not blogged in 2 weeks is because I have nothing good to say and I hate to sound like a broken record. I don’t think it’s because I raised my rates for newbies. Maybe it’s the recession that we’re not really in. Maybe the cold weather. But for whatever reason, things have been really slow. Of course, I really can’t complain because even in my slowest week this year, I still made more than most any ordinary job I could qualify for! One good thing? I no longer cry over spilled milk or people not calling. It is what it is…
Well, I made the leap and got a new kitten who is not really a kitten but six months old and she and I are bonding very well together. Please note that this does not take away from my grief over Jackie and in fact, at times I feel more grief because I’ve chosen someone new. Catie is simply adorable! And very chill. She didn’t cry at all when I took her home in the cat carrier and Jackie would’ve had a fit. I will not make the same mistake twice. This cat will be an indoor cat only and, when I leave town, I will have someone staying with her. I have come to accept the thought that Jackie got into something outside that made her sick. Maybe it was a mouse who had poison in it. I will never know, but I know now what I did wrong. I don’t blame myself because it was ignorance on my part. I think I thought she would live until 19, but I guess that was just not in the cards. If Catie is half the cat the Jackie was, I’ll be very happy. She really is a breath of fresh air.
11/1/22 My Rates Revisited
I think I’m the cheapest escort in Kansas City and I think what bothers me the most is to think that people come to see me because of it. My last client balked at having to use a condom and yet let me know that he had used one with his last escort who was a $500 46-year-old ex porn star. To say the least I was pissed. So much so that I showed him the door. And then I decided that I’m raising my rates. Granted I don’t have the balls to raise them too much as I have kept them low so I could see more people. But if guys are coming to me because I’m so low then I don’t wanna be known as an escort who is cheap.
I will tell you this, with the state of affairs as they are in this country, it wouldn’t surprise me if I stopped telling people that I was Jewish. I mean, you never know who you’re with, what they believe or what they’re carrying. Now really, do you think I really believe this? Do you really think I think I’m gonna be hurt because I’m Jewish? No I don’t and maybe I am looking through rose-colored glasses but this is not 1939. it seems to me that nowadays, any minority group is fodder for radical right wing terrorists. Skinheads and neo-Nazis have been around for a long time. They’re jus showing themselves more now that it is OK to do so. Jews have been persecuted since the beginning of time. There’s nothing new going on that hasn’t been done many many times before and yet we still thrive as a community and culture. I may be secular but I’m still a Jew and if I think that your knowing that I’m Jewish will help a situation or a story I will tell you. Otherwise, there’s really no reason to.
10/25/22 My paid vacation
When a 72-year-old man asked me to go in his luxury fifth wheel to Bull Shoals lake/White River, I jumped at the opportunity. Anybody who knows me, knows I have a love of RVs and I hope to own a Model C one day. I had never been in a camper before. Plus I would be remunerated nicely. But what I didn’t realize was that he was half deaf and half the time he would hear me and still say “what?”. It was a bad habit of his that drove me crazy. Very nice man, not the brightest I’ve ever met, but very successful at what he’s done and in better shape at 72 then I am at 55 (when will I stop lying about my age?). The Forest River Riverstone Legacy was a beautiful and luxurious 42 foot fifth wheel and I was very happy that he invited me to go with him. I think the next time I do this I’ll get to know the person a little bit better though.
10/20/22 My Jackie’s Gone
I had to put Jackie, my beloved cat, down at 9:30 am this morning. She had liver failure that could not have been helped and she was no longer drinking, eating or grooming herself. I believe in Karma and I can see that it was her time to go. Doesn’t make it any easier to say goodbye, but at least she’s not in pain.
I’ve lost 30 pounds in the first 2 months. And best of all, have not thrown up in a week! I also have figured out that sausage and I do not like each other!
10/13/22 Gastric Bypass #6: The good the bad and the ugly of gastric bypass
Of course, the best part of gastric bypass is losing weight. This is also the main reason for having a gastric bypass along with diminishing problems with comorbidity issues such as diabetes and high blood pressure. The fact that the weight loss is fairly quick also makes a gastric bypass look pretty good.
But, people don’t talk about the downside of having gastric bypass. Probably most bothersome is the fact that you will never eat more than four or five bites of food at any one sitting. Also is the fact that you can’t drink water 30 minutes before and 30 minutes after a meal including the meal. This makes it near impossible to get 64 ounces of water in each day. And then you put on top of that the fact that you can only sip the water, you cannot drink it normally makes it even more difficult. I’ll be honest. Besides my coffee in the morning I may get 16 to 32 ounces of water in me a day yet I do not feel dehydrated in the least.Did I mention the fact that you can only eat 4 to 5 bites at a time? And you should chew your food 30 times before swallowing? Well what I didn’t mention is that if you eat one more bite then you should, you will be nauseated and you may very well throw up. Interestingly enough when you do throw up, nothing much comes up except a lot of gastric juices. Speaking of gastric juices, I no longer have reflux and I no longer take my Prilosec. Along with that medication I’m hoping to get rid of my high blood pressure medication, my NSAID for my knees and knee pain in and of itself. One of two things will happen to my knees once I lose all the weight I can. Either the weight loss will take so much pressure off of them that they won’t hurt anymore or I’ll be able to have a knee replacement because I’m at a weight where they will perform the surgery.
I had my gastric bypass done at KC bariatrics and I would not recommend them to anybody. They are a facility that does more of these procedures than any other facility in the United States and it feels like an assembly line. I got very little support either before or after the surgery and had to look for my own dietitian because theirs was inept to say the least. On top of that, I could not get physical therapy through them because I was a self-pay and not a pay through insurance. People with insurance can get physical therapy but if you pay $16,000 you can’t get physical therapy. This is all about money because physical therapy will be covered by insurance so they don’t have to pay for it. I think just the fact that I shelled out $16,000 to have this done should qualify me for getting physical therapy. This is another service that I will be getting a referral for. KC bariatrics told me very little about how my life would change. About the things that I would have to do to lose weight and maintain the weight loss. They really dropped the ball though after the surgery. They knew all the medication I was on and yet never talked to me about my lithium which I almost died from because the level was four times higher than I needed and I went into toxemia. There are plenty of places to get a gastric bypass and I would not suggest KC bariatrics.
It hasn’t even been two months and I know that I’m bitching about what I’m going through but I wish that I had read more about the changes and complications that GB can cause. Ask me in two months if I’m happy that I have this. I don’t think my attitude will change much but maybe I’ll be a little bit more grateful and appreciative of the weight I’ve lost. In two more months you’ll really be able to see the new me and it will help a lot to hear from others how good I look. I’m not usually a very vain person but when you spend $16,000 to lose weight it helps to have people notice.
10/10/22 Gastric bypass #5
Well I’m down 25 with 75 to go and just as I start to feel like I’m getting the hang of this I have Red Lobster to celebrate a good week at work. To say that I was dismayed would be an understatement. Seafood is definitely not going to be on my list of easy-to-eat foods! It’s hard to chew into small tiny parts which is basically what I have to do. So as the seafood is slithering down my throat guess what’s coming back up? Yes you guessed it. I have come to realize that vomiting is not as bad as everybody thinks it is. Or maybe it is and I just don’t have a bad experience with that reflex. I think had I eaten breaded seafood it might’ve been a better experience but I was pretty upset. I did make a pasta-less lasagna this week that came out really good and was all proteins so that’s good. I’m not even at two months and I’m hearing from other people that they’re still sore. The only time I’m sore is when I eat. i’m hoping to get a referral to a dietitian and a physical therapist through my new PCP that I see this week. I’m doing some exercises at home and I’m doing some walking. I’ve made it to the end of the block and I’m very proud of myself for this. Stay tuned.
10/6/22 Jena and Nia
I got a card in the mail today and it was probably the nicest card/thought that I received from anyone while going through the trials and tribulations I’ve been going through. They even included a $20 bill to help me in any way that I felt I needed it. The card read “Patty, sorry to hear that you are going through some rough times. Hope life blesses you with an abundant supply of good karma. Take care, Jena and Nia.“ Well I’m happy to say to Jena and Nia and everyone else out there that I think I’m getting my mojo back. I still haven’t lost the weight I want to lose even for this week but I know that I’m doing the things I need to do and I’m gonna be getting help with the eating part. I don’t know Nia very well but I’ve known Jena since 2017 when I first got a hold of a mutual associate named silver. I’m sure many of you remember silver and her antics and her wonderful personality. If it hadn’t been for silver I never would’ve met Jena. Jena and I had to part ways because of our political views which even writing this sounds ridiculous but at the time it didn’t feel that way. I’ve heard a lot of people tell me that they’ve lost friends because of the political atmosphere in this country. I still to this day, feel bad and many times lonely for Jena‘s friendship but it’s been so long that you don’t really know where to begin again or even if you should. Jena and Nia thank you. You brightened my day, you added to my party coffers and I will think of you for days to come if not months and years. Oh, and I’m not sorry if this was too syrupy for the guys. “FUCKERS”!!
One thing that I’ve always found to be so weird and circumspect and funny all at the same time is the fact that the people I usually judge the harshest to begin with are those people that I usually end up liking the most. I don’t usually get along famously with someone upon just meeting them and if I do it usually turns out badly. I need to take heed of what I’m telling you and what advice I’m giving you. We all judge. It’s just a part of our natures. We may be people that judge favorably, unfavorably or life just passes us by. But we do judge and what I’m saying is keep your brain open when you hear it say “I don’t think I like this person“ or “he’s kind of one bubble off“. Some of those guys and girls that I thought were one bubble off we’re actually one bubble on and even if they came across as a little strange to begin with, I almost always ended up liking them and respecting them and laughing that they are one bubble off! After all, aren’t we all just one bubble off? If you don’t know what I mean by this get out your level put it level and noticed that there’s a bubble in the middle. If your level is one bubble off it’s not quite straight.
10/3/22 Thinking about taking a real job
I’ve been thinking about becoming an insurance adjuster and have actually applied several places. I haven’t heard from anybody but nowadays that’s to be expected. I’ve looked into this before and the pay is pretty good, I think I could live on it and I think I might like the work. Now the big question is, do I give up this business? I will say this about that. I will probably stop advertising. I’m not even sure right now how much advertising does for me. With sales down and frustration up I’m researching and thinking. Now if I could just get somebody to call me back.
10/3/22 Jackie Sue
When I was in the hospital Jackie my cat kind of had a cat attack and I think went through a lot of stress, possibly got into some poison and was not herself at all for three weeks. I never saw her eat Or drink and we couldn’t figure out how she was still alive. $600 later at the vets house we think she had some sort of infection. She’s back to eating and duh rinking but not very much. She’s lost about half her weight And it’s pretty lethargic most of the time but then when is a cat not lethargic? I’ve been letting her outside to get some fresh air and that seems to be helping. I just wanted to give an update because she is such a part of my life, she’s part of my family and just about everyone who comes in here sees her.
Mania, in its truest form, is a condition whereby your emotional state of being goes too high and too fast and you’re hanging on for dear life. Your thoughts race, you sing the same song over and over and over, and over again. And you’re not really interested in doing any one thing At any one time.. Since I suffer from both mania and depression with the mania side being very slight but still there. Well I think it’s fair To say that depression far far outweighs the emotional gravity of the two but then I have truly only been hyper manic meaning I was so high I wasn’t sleeping for days, I’ve only been that way for one time and it was pretty fucking bad. I’m not saying that you should choose mania over depression and really you don’t have a choice anyway. Your body your mind your chemistry chooses for you. It’s my thought that there are a lot more bipolar people out there than we know about because they keep it to themselves.
I don’t get it because I was a therapist for so long and now I hear the people don’t want to air their dirty laundry! it’s 2022! It’s not 1982! I really see this as an excuse to not have to deal with it. When I ask people so did you go to therapy with your wife over this and they tell me that she didn’t want to air her dirty laundry, I always think no, she did not want to deal with it. And in my mind that’s even worse.. So the next time you find yourself saying or hearing said I don’t air my dirty laundry just think about what I’ve said that that’s not really what it’s about. It’s about not wanting to go there, it’s about shame over past things that you either couldn’t or could control, and shame about present things that you either cannot or will not deal with. It’s an excuse that’s all it is. I’m not saying that therapy is right for everybody but I seriously think about half the people I see could benefit from it. It’s hard to talk about emotional things without the mediator of a therapist in the room. Someone helping you decipher how you feel and what you’re thinking and doesn’t make sense and do I need to change does she need to change, Do we both need to change? I guarantee you this though. If you make a change, she will make a change. That’s just how it works. I have an example. I have a friend whose wife nitpick him to death every night. Finally he stopped responding. finally, he stopped giving in. Did things get better instantaneously? No they never do but she stopped nitpicking in large part and I think they coexist much more happily. I’ve decided that marriage is all about coexisting. And to end this blog I will say that I’m not sure I will ever experience that again. 22 down 78 to go.
9/26/22 Thank you Dave!
Now you just have to let me know your age so I can reserve you the hour session that you so kindly gave me.
A devoted client who reads all of my blogs told me that lately my blogs have been negative. I realize this and sometimes life throws you a curve ball and other times you get a windfall. Right now, things seem pretty bleak. I spent 8 days in the hospital and 22 out of the last 30 days in bed. Or with my sisters. So I have not been working like usual. I’m also off my psych meds and that impacts how I feel tremendously. You know me, the cat that lands on her feet every time and I will again!
I’m pretty sure that my cat is dying. I took her to an emergency vet who wanted $1000 to diagnose her. I let her do a UTI and treat her for this but I can tell that her kidneys are shutting down. If nothing else you smell an ammonia scent from her mouth. She’s not in pain and if she is I will euthanize her but this has been one of the most difficult weeks that I’ve had in a long time. I hate to be negative and I know that most of my followers probably don’t want me to be negative but sometimes it just can’t be helped. On top of all this, I’ve decided not to go to St. Louis at the end of this month. I’ve barely gotten any response and I’m not going to spend money on gas and hotels just to sit around. I don’t know if it’s a recession or people just don’t like me but I am starting to think that my traveling days are over. And quite honestly, I don’t really have a problem with that. Oh sure I get guys who asked me when I’m coming back but it’s usually just one or two people. Not worth my trouble and money. I will say one nice thing that is happening this week and said I’m getting a new refrigerator. The old one has maggots and doesn’t cool off at all. It smells to high heaven so I’ll be very happy to have a new refrigerator. Maybe my slumlord isn’t such a slumlord! Lol
9/19/22 23 Pounds
23 pounds down in one month and I only threw up once today! The thing is you have to remember to not drink water in big gulps, to take tiny bites, to chew your food 28 times. And not drink water a half hour before you eat and a half hour after you eat. This is not as easy as you might think!
9/15/22 Gastric Bypass #4
It’s only been 3 weeks and I’m still nauseated most of the time. I’ve lost 13 pounds and I think I look worse. Maybe I’ll feel better in 4 months! I’m back to working and doing well with that. If I had known a bunch of different information, would I still have done this? Too late for regrets!
9/8/22 Gastric Bypass #3
I don’t know quite how to say this but I think a lot of you know that I am bipolar and what happened was that I kind of went into a Lithium Toxicity which landed me in the hospital. KC Bariatrics should have prepared me for this. Sometime I’ll delineate why you should not go to KC Bariatrics or NKCH.
7 days later, the Hospitalist prescribes me a new medication that just happens to cost $1500 per month. Not only did he not get pre-authorization through my insurance, but he did no research about the cost of this med. And then, because he works for the Hospital, once you are discharged, he can no longer talk to you. So here, I am. No meds besides the ones I had and no provider. Un-fucking believable.
8/31/22 Gastric Bypass #2
Sometimes I think if I could take this all back I would. But I know that’s not an option and I know that this too shall pass. I think the worst of it is nausea and having so many so few choices but I’m only in week two. I think that if I get through week eight I’ll have a lot more choices and I’ll start to feeling better. But don’t let me fool you into thinking this is easy. I had major surgery and it’s very difficult and I dare say I am a bitch. Probably good thing that you aren’t seeing me right now. I don’t think I would be much company. OK now the stats. I started at 240 and I’m at 223.5. if I didn’t have that to go on I’d be pretty pissed by now. I’m looking at coming back to work in one week if my stomach is up for it.
8/25/22 Gastric Bypass #1
I survived and that’s pretty much all I can say. In the first place I slept two days after surgery. Just say the very least that has never happened to me. Makes me think that the anesthesiologist did not know what he was doing. Then they wouldn’t give me the pain medication I have asked for because the anesthesia went so bad. I’m not sure I’ve experienced this level of pain and nausea ever. OK maybe when I had kids but certainly not since then. And of course I couldn’t take the pain medication because it made me sick. Today is day three and I’m feeling better. I actually get to start eating very light things. And can I just say that you will never take a sip of anything because if you don’t take a sip you are sick to your stomach. The good part is that I can have almost anything just very small portions. And did I mention that I started at 240 and today I was 228?
8/10/22 No Blogs
I know you might think that I must be depressed because I’m not writing as much, but the real truth is that I just haven’t had anything to say. And I’m not going to make things up just to have something to blog! Now for my 1st really good blog in some time.
8/10/22 Getting My Haircut!
OMG! I went to Great Clips to get my hair cut and everything is going well. Until….the store manager starts to lay in about Trump and conspiracy theories and Hunter Biden…You get my drift? Twenty minutes of non-stop Trumpster. She had no idea who she was talking to. And I’m not going to go more into what she said because I know I have diehard Republicans and diehard Democrats who read my blogs. WHICH IS EXACTLY MY POINT! If you don’t know who you’re talking to, don’t talk about politics or religion.
As soon as I got home, I called Great Clips National and they said they would have the owner of the store call me. Well the general manager (I’m thinking of many stores) got back with me and apologized up and down the block. She would be talking with this “manager” to make sure she knows that this behavior is not acceptable. I’m sitting there listening to this lady spew and all I can think is OMG!
8/10/22 St. Louis
I went to St. Louis on the premise that I would be doing a bookkeeping audit on Sunday through Tuesday. That way I would be able to see my Mom and sisters. I met a guy who wanted to take me out, so we went to a Mexican restaurant and it became apparent that really what he wanted was a free session. My Sunday was good, Monday even better and Tuesday eh. I plan to go there every other month.
8/10/22 NEW POLICY
I am no longer doing anything full service without protection. Better to be safe than sorry!
7/23/22 The Future of My VIP page
I have decided to stop putting my VIP content on my website because it’s all on my OnlyFans site. All you have to do is tell me the password and I’ll get you a link to a free 12-month subscription. You will have to be an OnlyFans member.
7/22/22 What I Used to Look Like
150 lbs – 48 years old
7/16/22 Omaha Day 1
All I can say is how rude. I had six appointments set and four no showed and two canceled. I always say what goes around comes around but I’m starting to wonder because lately what’s coming around me is pretty shitty. And I’m getting tired of it. If tomorrow is not a really great day here, I’m probably not gonna come back.. Some of them I’m pretty sure made the appointment with me and no showed on purpose. One guy told me that I had canceled on him a time before because my son had been in an accident. And up until he did not show up we were talking the whole time. So he did this on purpose. I don’t need to drive 2 1/2 hours spend $250 on a hotel and God knows how much on gas only to see two people in one day half hour appointments. Does anybody see a pattern here?
7/16/22 Omaha 2nd day
Pretty much the same as the first day. I experienced something for about the first time. I asked a man to wear a condom and he didn’t. I think back to the encounter and I should have done more. He had just had sex a week before with an escort and that’s the last thing I want to hear. He was an older gentleman but I could tell that he frequented escorts a lot. I’m going to see my doctor on Thursday of this week and have a complete panel done to make sure I’m clean. Other than that, it’s been the same old same old. People don’t show up, People cancel at the last minute and are basically rude. But then I think, they don’t even know me and I don’t know them and that’s probably why traveling doesn’t work for me. It feels rushed, as you all know I like to get to know people and I’m not able to do that here. Not only am I not coming back to Omaha but I am seriously considering not traveling whatsoever. At this time it’s not worth the gas, it’s not worth the hotel room and the meals. And most of all the frustration.
7/8/22 More on my Gastric Bypass
I’m having it done on August 22, so don’t expect to see me until middle of September. I’m nervous and excited, which, to me, makes sense. I want to lose 100 pounds and I think I can accomplish this. But I also worry that I won’t be able to do it. That I’ll want to cheat. And then, my therapist reminds me that I’m not going to want to eat, that I’m not going to be hungry. And having done Keto twice, I know how food becomes more about sustenance and less about cravings. And I plan to start working out and that will help with staying on track.
6/27/22 Business and Gas Pumps
I was wondering the other day why my business was so slow lately and then I realized oh yeah we’re in a recession. Just look at the gas pumps. The interesting thing though is that liquor sales usually go up in times of trouble but I guess seeing a provider does not qualify. Well I’m not taking my prices down just yet. Just think about not having anything to do at work and just sitting there wondering what you should do. Now you know how my daily routine goes.
6/21/22 The decision to get a gastric bypass
At one time in my life until I was 30, I weighed 120 pounds, was a size 6 and enjoyed good fitness by mostly playing outside. When I turned 30 I was put on 200 mg of Zoloft which if you know anything about Zoloft you know that it makes you gain weight. It also helps a lot if you’re a depressive like I was. When they put me on this much Zoloft I ballooned 60 pounds in a matter of months. I couldn’t get enough sweet stuff and I never had to diet so I didn’t and now you get to see the results. And of course I’ve gained more weight over the years. That’s kind of typical. But I want to be thin again. I don’t expect to be 120 pounds but it would be nice to lose 100 pounds and be in my 130s.The doctor says I’ll lose 80 to 90 pounds which I would be happy with but I’m gonna try for 100. I already have ideas of what I’m gonna eat when I’m able to eat. I’m also trying out protein shakes so if you know of a good one let me know. I’m so looking forward to losing weight, getting healthy And an eventual tummy tuck!
6/21/22 1st Visit with my Surgeon
It couldn’t have gone better. They did an EEG which was fine and I asked the surgeon 20 questions and got excellent answers. The next step is meeting with the psychologist and dietician. I will most likely have this done in mid August and be off work for 2 weeks.
6/8/22 Escorts and Mental Illness
I don’t know what it is that attracts guys with mental illness to Providers but it happens all the time. I actually met two today. The first one didn’t say he was mentally ill but he had all the hallmarks of mental illness. The second one was equally mentally ill but living in his SUV with his dog. He wanted me to go out to see his dog and I refused because I thought he would shove me into the car and kidnap me. I used intimidation to get him out of my house. He was here for an hour and left me $38. Sometime I’ll write about how I know that someone is mentally ill.
6/7/22 My Monday in Wichita
My Monday in Wichita looked really good. I had nine appointments set up. The first one got me up early it was an 830 appointment and lo and behold I forgot to ask for a donation and I didn’t get one. Now that should take me back six years to when I was stupid and forgot to ask for donations upfront but I really thought I had learned my lesson. Sometimes I guess we have to learn it a few times.
The second guy was a regular and I knew he would show up but he was supposed to come on Tuesday not Monday which kind of discombobulated me.. He said he was going to come on Tuesday also but then he canceled. Add to that two cancellations and two no-shows and I’m pretty much livid. The final appointment was supposed to be a three hour appointment. He took me to dinner which was just OK and then when we got back to my hotel he hands me $100 bill and says I had a nice time. If I had been thinking, I would have said to him you booked me for three hours and you owe me for three hours. And I would not have gotten out of his car until he gave me The amount he owed me. Such bad behavior. And this is the guy who had a gastric bypass, lost 140 pounds and says he gained back 70 although I think he’s gained back more. And you know how he gained all that weight back? He drinks a pint of vodka and two beers every single night. I told him he was a functional alcoholic and he did not disagree. I tell you I meet the most interesting people wherever I go.. Secretly, I was glad to not have to be intimate with this person. That’s how much he turned me off. I really really do not like alcoholics. So there you have it. Or a trip gone bad, not the first as I’m sure you know if you’ve read my blogs. But I’m not giving up! Not yet at least! I’m going to Omaha July 10 through the 12th. I put out an ad today by mistake and I started getting phone calls. I really hope Omaha works out.
5/21/22 My Mom Said Yes
I had a long talk with my mother yesterday and she was completely on board with me having a gastric bypass and just told me when to give me the money. Yay!
5/18/22 My Birthday and St. Louis
Well it’s that time again. Time to celebrate having lived through another year, especially with the year we’ve had! My Birthday is tomorrow so I guess now I’ll be 55! I’m going to St. Louis on Friday and I’m working there the 22nd through the 24th.
5/13/22 On Being an Escort
I’ll tell you one really good thing about being an escort is the number of compliments I get on a daily basis. It’s amazing how sweet and kind and expletive men can be when they want something. And that something happens to be me. I look at myself in the mirror naked and I think what do they see but then I see through the eyes of the man looking at me naked and I see the lust and I see the desire and the “I wanna fuck you” look! So am I so sexy because it makes their dicks tingle when they look at me or am I just so sexy and I just don’t get it?
5/13/22 Gastric Bypass
I have decided that I will undergo that gastric bypass if my mother will pay for it. I think I’ve said on here that her dying wish is for me to be thin and she will get it if she pays for my surgery. I’ve done a lot of research and I pretty much know where I wanna go. This is for all those that love the fact that I’m overweight. I don’t love the fact that I’m overweight. I don’t expect to be 120 pounds like I used to be but it sure would be nice to be in the 150s or 160s! Do I think my mom will pay for it? Well I will put it to you this way. Every time I go to visit her she tells me how much money she has and that she doesn’t know what to do with it. I tell her to invest it, she says yeah maybe I will. I think she will gladly pay for the surgery if she thinks that the benefits are worth the compromises I will have to make. I can give up liquor but cheese popcorn? OK I suppose I can give a popcorn too. Seriously, I’ve been struggling with my weight for 30 years and I’m tired of struggling. I want some help and that help is in the form of surgery. I’m dooming myself to 4 ounces four times a day. With pretty strict limitations on what I can eat. I’ve eaten a lot in my years And I’m ready to be thin or at least thinner. I’m betting that my mother wants me to be thinner also/
5/13/22 Married At First Sight
Married at first sight is one of the most interesting shows I’ve ever watched on TV. It’s basically a social sciences experiment to see how two people who have never met each other can get married and stay married. Now it doesn’t always happen that they stay married but they have married several couples who now have children! I just find it so fascinating. Maybe that’s because I find the social sciences fascinating. Either way, it’s good entertainment and you never know what’s around the bend.
Married at first sight is a show about two strangers getting married who have never met each other and they show you the first eight weeks of their lives together. Sometimes the couples are put together like on their honeymoon they go to the same place. Then after the honeymoon they come back and live with each other. By this time at least one of the couples has divorced because they were so mismatched. But for the most part, the three psychologists that do the show, really get the right people together. It’s kind of uncanny.. At the end of eight weeks, they have to decide if they want to stay together stay married or if they want to get a divorce.
5/7/22 Wish Me Luck
Every time I see my mother, she tells me how much money she has sitting around. Well, now I have something she can do with it. Since my losing weight is so all important to her, I’m going to ask her to pay for it! $15000 for a gastric bypass. And that’s all inclusive. I’ll keep you up to date on this. I’m going to see her on the 20th and will ask her then.
5/6/22 I’m Too Old!
A guy from St. Louis told me I am too old to be an escort. He’s right in the fact that I need a knee replacement, my eyes no longer work right, I’m probably 100 pounds overweight, and my memory sucks! But what he did not know is that I made more than most of my clients did last year. So I told him he was wrong.
4/22/22 Menopause Revisited
I saw a man whose wife had a hysterectomy at the age of 35 and continued to have sex until the age of 40. Now that might not make you think anything is out of the ordinary but for a woman who has been through a hysterectomy, to have sex she better be on estrogen, the female hormone, or medication that helps get her wet or testosterone cream on her clit. Even so she had to be uncomfortable. I find that a lot too of men don’t understand that when women go through menopause, which happens in two weeks after you have a hysterectomy, they lose all libido. Now not all women lose complete libido. I think about 10% of us keep it. But women can’t help the fact that the idea of having sex makes them sick and that actually having sex hurts tremendously. I bet if you knew that you wouldn’t be as gung ho to have sex with your wife. If she has sex with you once a month you can pretty much bake on it being duty sex. She’s doing her duty. Is that what you want? For your wife to have sex with you because she feels it’s her duty? OK you know where I’m going with this so I’m just gonna go there. Get an escort, get a regular so you don’t have to worry about being busted. Find somebody that you click with and stay there. I’m not saying to get emotionally involved, I would never tell you that. In fact keep it as businesslike as you can. Your wife has her reasons, you have your reasons and the escort has her reasons. And if all three reasons come together it can be a good life. The most important part of this blog is this right here. Keep it safe.
4/21/22 Interesting Conversation
Can’t say which is better, young 18+ hard body’s or mature milf with curves and experience.. mmm that also rims and pegs, and panty teases..
The thing about the 18-year-old hard body is that that’s all you’re going to get. No kissing no touching, no going down on her and you better like condoms because she uses them for blowjobs and once she’s gotten you to come you’re out of there. Doesn’t matter that you paid for an hour and got 10 minutes. Tough decision there!
Oh and did I mention the meth pipe that she’ll be hiding waiting to get back to you after you leave? Or the boyfriend/pimp in the closet who robs you?
4/20/22 Very Special Day
And that’s all I’m gonna say about that!
4/12/22 What’s Up?
A man texted me “What’s Up?”. Totally innocuous, right?
I texted him back “The sky, gas prices and inflation!” . He got a kick out of it!
4/9/22 Needing Video Partners
There’s no pay, just a chance to be with me for 15 minutes! Must be 40 or younger and be HWP.
I saw a man whose wife had a hysterectomy at the age of 35 and continued to have sex until the age of 40. Now that might not make you think anything is out of the ordinary but for a woman who has been through a hysterectomy, to have sex she better be on estrogen, the female hormone, or medication that helps get her wet or testosterone cream on her clit. Even so she had to be uncomfortable. I find that a lot of men don’t understand that when women go through menopause, which happens in two weeks after you have a hysterectomy, they lose all libido. Now not all women lose complete libido. I think about 10% of us keep it. But women can’t help the fact that the idea of having sex makes them sick and that actually having sex hurts tremendously. I bet if you knew that you wouldn’t be as gung ho to have sex with your wife. If she has sex with you once a month you can pretty much bank on it being duty sex. She’s doing her duty. Is that what you want? For your wife to have sex with you because she feels it’s her duty? OK you know where I’m going with this so I’m just gonna go there. Get an escort, get a regular so you don’t have to worry about being busted. Find somebody that you click with and stay there. I’m not saying to get emotionally involved, I would never tell you that. In fact keep it as businesslike as you can. Your wife has her reasons, you have your reasons and the escort has her reasons. And if all three reasons come together it can be a good life. The most important part of this blog is this right here. Keep it safe.
4/7/22 No More Venmo
I saw a young man the other day who paid with Venmo. Ten minutes after he left he told Venmo he never made the charge. Venmo never asked me about it and simply gave him his money back and froze my account until I paid the money back. Thankfully, I deposited the funds into my acc0unt immediately and they can’t take them out of my account. To say the least, I am not going to be using Venmo anymore.
If you think I never get kinky then you should’ve been at one of my sessions last week where I was in the bathtub being peed upon by my client and then I can barely get out of the tub. He also likes to spit in my mouth and pull my hair and call me his little whore which I definitely am. One of the reasons that were in the shower is to make sure he’s clean down there because I’m going to rim him. If you’ve never experienced this please don’t ask me to do it but it is wonderful.
Volodymir Zelenskyy will be the man of the year on Time magazine. I have no doubt in my mind that he deserves it and that he will achieve it. Who else is there? Certainly not Will Smith! When the war first started I would cry every day because I thought that Zelenskyy would be killed. I no longer think that. I also believe that Ukraine will win this war. The Russians are showing what happens when you don’t tell your troops what they’re doing. The Russians are showing that they are not the greatest military in the world. I wish the European Union would come to the aid of Ukraine and decimate Russia. Putin needs to be assassinated that’s all there is to it. He’s a Hitler, Stalin and a really evil person all the way around. How he thought he could take 150,000 troops into a country of 44 million people and beat a country with people who are sturdy and unrelenting. Not only that but they are proving themselves to be militarily superior. ￼This war is all about one person and that person needs to be taken out. Every time Zelenskyy talks I’m simply amazed at his bravery, military skill, and the fact that he will not leave the country even if he is killed there. Russia has no defense for what they’re doing. And I think the world needs to take heed. I don’t want to go to war with Russia because they are going to shoot off nuclear missiles, but we have plenty of them too. I think if NATO went against Russia, the Kremlin would be decimated in weeks. I ask myself how did I get so lucky to be born in the United States. I think about what my neighborhood would look like if this were Ukraine. I didn’t used to believe this but there are evil people in this world and Putin is on the top of the list. Zelenskyy is Man of the Year. And if you wonder why I put 2 y’s at the end of his name, google him.
3/9/22 I miss what you miss
Even though I’m surrounded by “intimacy”, I still miss being touched, being held, and getting fireworks from that certain someone. And I realize that I am not anyone’s special one but just a kind substitute for the real thing. Maybe not too bad of a substitute! I miss that person that will agree with me about the state of the world. Will go out in the morning and get me an Egg sandwich. Heck, I miss someone just being in my house with me. I’m not that picky (which is part of my problem). I will occasionally ask a client what they miss and they tend to look at me as if I’m crazy, but when I explain myself further, they get it.
3/3/22 T I A
I think I had a TIA last night. It stands for Transient Ischemic Attack and it’s kind of like a light stroke. I could not talk coherently at all for about 30 minutes. I could put words together but they meant nothing! I called 911 even though I could not really talk. I did get my address out and that’s when I realized that I was slowly getting better. By the time that the firemen got there (before the EMTs), I was getting more coherent by the minute. The EMTs told me I did not have a stroke but I might want to call my doctor. I called mu mom and she thought they might want to do a Cat scan or put me on a blood thinner. I have never experienced anything like this and I hope it’s not a precursor to a stroke!
3/9/22 Update: I saw my doctor today and she is going to get a CAT Scan approved.
4/1/22 Update: My insurance company denied my ability to get a CAT scan.￼
2/28/22 I’m Feeling Much Better Thank You!
I’m feeling much better from, what I am calling, my Funky February. I say this because I was in a funk for most of February. And looking at the rest of the world, most have also been in a funk. The only very good thing I can say is that Covid-19 decided to back off enough not to have to wear masks! Very good thing indeed! I feel for Ukraine and volunteer the Proud Boys and other militias to go there and fight! What a leader they have! and Jewish to boot!
If you’ve never heard of this medical condition, you’re not alone! But when I came down with it, I sure started Googling. Turns out that your brain controls your eyelids and this condition makes your eyes blink and twitch…uncontrollably! I couldn’t drive and I would blink while talking to others. The cure? BOTOX! Seems that Botulism freezes the muscles so 4 shots and wait 2 weeks for the full effect. After 5 days I drove 30 minutes with barely a blink! So now I get shots every 3-6 months. Oh joy!
2/8/22 Blogs On Hold
I’m not depressed, just not coming up with new blogs! I’ll be back!
1/25/22 VIP is Back Up!
I’m missing some vids (and I’ll find them), but other than that, the VIP page is good to go!
1/23/22 Feeling Much Better, Thank you!
I am happy to say that I’m out of my depression. I think part of why that is, is because I found out that my “good friend” did not die, he just simply ghosted me. I’m simply amazed that someone I’ve known for over 2 years would do this, but given my experiences with men in KC, I really should not be shocked. After all, I’ve been ghosted by 3-4 other guys. My experience being in KC has not been all that great besides good business. But I do want to so thank all the people who contacted me to see if I was ok. Some of this depression was obviously grief for someone who did not die. With that grief gone, anger and shock replaced it. But at least, it’s not depression. I think I’m going to get a counselor. I think that would be a really good idea for me.
I was burglarized in 2019 by a methhead that I tried to help in a Social Work way. I thought I had learned my lesson and changed things around. I know exactly who did it. He came over a lot and knew a lot. Thankfully the night before I had taken most of my cash to my Ex the night before. From now on, if you can pay me with Cash App, Venmo or Paypal, that would be preferable. I think a lot of providers are getting burglarized because more and more are asking for the same thing. I will still accept cash and it will go into a safety deposit box daily. I’m also going to put video cameras in my house. And yes, I did call the police, told him what I do (which he did not judge!) and he said he would investigate the perpetrator.
1/7/22 Res0lutions for the new year
As if I’ll keep them
Lose Weight and keep it off.
Make more friends.
Have a good year Financially.
Take a Vacation