New Blogs 9/17/23

9/17/23 Pain

Pain is my friend.  Pain tells me that I need to slow down and take better care not to get “over hurt” by her.  Pain lets me know that healing is taking place.  Pain demands respect.  It will kick you upside the head if it feels you are trying to ignore her.  She will get the better of you if you don’t heed her warnings.  Pain tells you when to STOP what you’re doing or how you’re doing it.  Pain is my friend and my enemy.  I would be up and walking if it weren’t for the pain.  But then I would hurt myself without even knowing it!  Thank the heavens for PAIN!

9/14/23 Came through with flying colors

All my worries were for not. I flew through the surgery and got right up to go to the bathroom once I woke up. I was worried that I wouldn’t wake up but when I woke up, I breathe a sigh of relief and settle prayer. it’s been three days since my surgery and I’m doing very well. The pain is controlled and I’m doing my exercises like I should. I still could use people to take me to PT.

9/8/23 Please Don’t Forget Me

I have to say, I’m really worried that all of my clients will find other providers while I am under the weather and recuperating from my knee surgery. I could just see going back to work and not having any regulars anymore. I’d like to think that my better clients would wait for three weeks but I don’t know. I hope to be back on my feet in three weeks, but I don’t know right now all I know is that I am about to undergo the most radical thing I’ve done to my body. Even losing 95 pounds doesn’t end didn’t require the patience, courage and stamina I’m going to need to rehabilitate this right knee.  Not to mention determination. All I can tell you is I have never embarked on a journey, so audacious and scary. I have been basically lazy most of my life and now I’m going to have to not be lazy for my knees sake. I’m going to have to get up and walk and use my pedal pusher that I already don’t like. I’m gonna have to go to PT three times a week for six weeks at least. I’m probably going to have to get a pool membership or at the very least, a membership to planet fitness right around the corner from me. Or maybe I’m just gonna walk out my front door and keep walking, a little bit more each day.

8/9/23 Ah, St. Louis.

Good old St. Lou. Or The Lou as they call it now. Either way, I never know what to expect. This time around I had five no-shows that I surely thought would show. It wasn’t the greatest trip I’ve ever had but I saw some old friends and that was nice. And I think I made some new friends. I keep hoping for that stellar weekend where everybody shows up, but I know it’s never gonna happen.  At least I got to see my mother. And with her being 92, I know I don’t have that much longer with her.

9/8/23 Upcoming knee surgery

9/3/23 No New Blogs

Sorry to my avid readers but I haven’t felt much like blogging lately.  I don’t know if it has to do with my upcoming surgery and anxiety over what and how my life will change.  You see, I’ve never really been into exercise.  But I’m at a plateau weight-wise and I was told that I need to start moving.  And now my knee.  So, I guess I’m going to start moving a heck of a lot more than I have been VERY SOON!  If that doesn’t have me worried, I don’t know what would!  

But here’s the kicker, many times I have said how much I love water.  Are you thinking what I’m thinking?  And NKCH has a pool that you can pay a very reasonable amount each month to join.  North Kansas City Hospital is like 5 minutes from me.  And, I would have to walk all the way to the pool and back to the garage!

See, it isn’t that I don’t know what I need, it’s getting my no-longer-fat-ass over there!

8/23/23 Male Escort Service now available

I have a good client/friend who is wanting to see if there are any men who are as bi-curious as he is.  Now seeking bottoms/tops for fun with a 3-some or all by yourselves in a safe/neutral environment.

8/23/23 Gastric Bypass – Year in Review

I have lost 95 lbs. alt0gether this first year.  I am hoping to get and stay around 130-140.  It’s been a wild roller coaster that I would do all over again.  I’m very happy with my year at this and I think the future looks good….

8/15/23 What I Really will need with my Knee Surgery

Ok. My sister is coming the 12-14th of September and will stay longer (not much) if I need her to.  Then I will still need people to come in and see me, make sure I don’t need something.  Make sure I haven’t fallen and can’t get up! If you are someone I’ve seen more than a couple times, let me know if you can help with this.  I promise not to ask for too much! And free sessions will be coming.  Can’t promise when….

8/15/23 Gastric Bypass – 1 Year Later

I have lost 95 lbs and I’m sure I’ll go lower.  I have much more confidence in my looks and my ability to maneuver (I do a lot of that).  I feel proud that I have done this in one year!  An d all the kudos I”ve gotten on the way has been astounding.  Some of you have even become friends with me (not the married guys mind you) and I can see that I appeal to a broader range of guys too.  I’d still love to get a tummy tuck but I’ll let somebody else pay for it!  Thank you all again for rooting me on.  It’s meant a lot and still does…

8/7/23 Needing Help after Knee Surgery on 9/11!

I think I’ve said on here that I’m getting my knee replaced.  Well, I thought I might be able to go to a Skilled Nursing Facility for 2 weeks after my overnight hospital stay, but that was nixed at a class for getting a Total Knee Replacement.  The lady told me that insurance doesn’t cover this because they see it as an outpatient surgery.  Even if you do stay overnight in the hospital!  So I asked my son to come down on the 12th to pick me up and I think he will do this, but I’m going to need someone to come in a couple times a day to check up on me for a week or so.  If you know of someone who would like to be paid for caring for me, please let me know.

8/6/23 Ghosting

I don’t know about you, but I have been ghosted so many times that I’ve come to believe it is what it is. There’s nothing I can do about it so I better just get over it. I had a really good client who was a weekly regular and all of a sudden a year ago or maybe two, he didn’t ever call me again. Until today. And now I have to decide do I let bygones be bygones or do I hold this against him? I’m not sure I want to do either of those. I thought he was dead. Because there was no way that I could see him not wanting to see me. We saw each other for four years almost every week, and then he just disappeared. Anyone who knows me knows that I do not contact clients, so I figured he either died or he found someone else. It turns out that his health was not good, and he was short on money. Why he couldn’t just tell me that, I don’t have any clue. I still say that ghosting someone is rude and socially unacceptable.

7/26/23 In the Hospital for 48 hours

If anyone knows how to get a bed in a hospital (if you can call the mattress that was simply a covered board a “bed”), it would be me.  I’m not going to talk about why I wanted to go in, but I KNEW I needed to change a medication and this is the fastest way to do it if you don’t have a PCP or Psych doctor.  So, even though the bed was a board and the food made me lose weight, I got to see a very bright doctor who got that I needed a change.  We made the change and I was discharged.  I’m doing fairly well on the new med, having some typical side effects, but feeling better.  If you wondered where I was this last Thursday through Saturday, all 6 that called, I was in the hospital.

7/18/23 A New Knee

As of 9/11/23, I will have a new right knee.  I will be coming home to convalesce, and my sister will be there for a few days. You are I am looking so forward to this operation even though I know it’s going to take a good 6 months of PT and I HAVE TO do what they tell me to do!  I haven’t been good at keeping up to their standards but I know, with this surgery, that I have to do what they tell me to do even if I don’t feel like it!  I will have a friend staying at my house but she is not (!) in this biz.

7/9/23 Gastric Bypass #10

I have lost 91 pounds and I only have 9 pounds to go to my initial goal.  Nothing fits (clothing-wise) and I still don’t have much appetite.  I think it’s caused by the medicine they put me on after I came off of Lithium.  It’s called Abilify and, at first, I wanted to eat everything in the house!  Now I’m going through the opposite effect.  I don’t want to eat.  I’m getting enough calories and my mood is stable now.  I guess you could say I’ve become a better person (and certainly more balanced).

6/26/23 I GOT PUNCHED BY A NURSE!!!

The first night I was at St.Lukes North hospital. I was talking with a few nurses and I think somebody was doing vitals on me. I wasn’t very aware of what was going on but I still had my wits about me, if you will. I told this one nurse that I’d be going home tomorrow. She said no you won’t and I said oh yes I will . The next thing I know she’s punching me across my jaw really hard and I think I got a shot in but memory is blurry. My favorite nurse at St. Luke’s was named Erica and she was a beautiful blonde woman who just took to me. She said you won’t ever see that nurse again, implying that she would be fired over this. I tell you there were a few times at that hospital that I wanted to call my lawyer.Some of the things that went on there were weird.They had a basement that was, I think, their party room. I’m pretty sure they had escorts down there also. One night, I tried to abscond from the hospital, and of course they walked me back to my room and from then on anytime I stood up on the floor a big loud beeping started so I had to call my nurse every time I had to go to the bathroom so that beeping would stop. That and watching pawn stars was about all I did, while they were getting me off lithium and taking care of a very bad UTI that would not go away. In fact, I think they were more worried about the UTI, turning into sepsis than they were the lithium. All in all I would certainly recommend St.Lukes. I liked the providers, I agreed with the psychiatrist and the doctor for that floor let me come home pretty early because I was doing so well. You probably didn’t know this, but spelling the word WORLD backwards took me four days to conquer. That’s how out of it I was. I see a new primary care on Tuesday the 20th today.I just hope he has a lot of time set aside because there’s a lot to talk about. The first one will be getting a new psychiatrist and hopefully a therapist. And really most importantly getting me scheduled for x-rays and an MRI on my knee so that they can replace it. I want to replace it in August, because that will give me six months of recuperation and PT before I go to Las Vegas with the guy I met In Hawaii!! I figure that it will take six months to heal, but I will work and work and work at this PT because I don’t ever want to feel this kind of pain again. So, as usual, I have wandered off of the initial reason I wrote this blog and maybe that’s just fine. Maybe I needed to talk about that stuff more than a nurse punching me in the face. Up until that time in 56 years I have never been punched. I was like in complete shock. And of course I didn’t leave the next day but I knew what was going down in that basement and I could get them a lot of trouble over it. So if you’re from St.Lukes and you’re reading my blog, I would like you to keep that confidential. So anyway I told Erica I said yeah I’m leaving tomorrow. I don’t care what I have to do but I’m leaving. And all day long she was like, so when are you leaving and I had forgotten that I had even said that. I kind of get now why people hate hospitals. Me, I’ve got to say I kind of enjoy it. My meals are made for me, I can watch all the TV I want, someone somewhere is making me better and I thank God that we have hospitals like we do. I think I’m gonna go to sleep now. It’s 11 o’clock at night and I’m never up this late. I’m starting to think it has something to do with the four hour energy shot I took. Hmmm. But sometimes I’m just like that. Usually I’m sleepy at 8:30. And I certainly don’t wanna see anybody. Well, good night and good day to some of my followers.

6/15/23 A Letter To My Younger Son

Dear Josh,

I’m sorry that you have to call me a whore. And I’m sorry that I lied to you for so long, but I did not do it maliciously. I lied because I didn’t want you to know and suffer from that knowledge that your mother is a prostitute. We don’t usually use that word. We use escort instead but it’s all the same thing. When I was a social worker I made $36,000 a year. 14,000 less than you’re making . I went from that to $100,000 job. I don’t like that it’s illegal but the reward is worth the risk. I do what I do for the money and it supports me and it has supported you. And that’s all I really have to say. If you call me a whore again, I probably will block you. I have to have distance from people who disdain me. I’m sorry that you found out the way you found out but it’s better now that it’s out in the open. I love you Josh. I always have and I always will.

6/14/23 Best Traveling Trip Ever!

I went to St. Louis this past weekend and had very few No Shows, lots of nice generous men, and a great time sitting out by the pool with my sisters.  Got my Imo’s fix and I’m happy to be home. $2000 in 2 full days.  Not too shabby.  I’m seriously thinking of going once a month!

6/14/23 Gastric Bypass #9

I am now down to 156.  None of my clothes fit, so I’m just going to look like I’m wearing a tent or maybe nothing at all! 16 more pounds to go.

6/14/23 Website Back Online

I took down my website because my 25-year-old son blackmailed me and said he would tell my original family about me.  So I did the prudent thing and got rid of evidence.  Then he told me he was not going to do it, so here I am and I got it back up but I think I’m missing some blogs here.  If anyone has a post from me after 6/3/23, I would appreciate you sending that post to me.

6/7/23 The Whole Story

So, here is the whole story about my gastric bypass that led to my lithium toxicity that could have led to my death. I’m not being facetious, but I don’t think I was in that big of harms way. The first hospital I went to simply got me off the lithium that I took for bipolar 2 disease and recommended Vraylar which is a medicine for bipolar two and one and it cost $1500 a month that my insurance will not cover. The doctor didn’t take the time to look into this to figure out that there’s no way I can take this medicine before he wrote his prescription, and because I went to a hospitalist hospital, I could not talk to him afterwards. He gave me his phone number, but he wouldn’t answer it.

From about early September, I had a psychiatrist who wanted to keep me on the lithium so we started up very gradually, but eventually it was too much I could not metabolize it. And so my brain was going to lithium toxicity again.  Now I have not researched lithium toxicity, but I’m sure it’s not a pretty thing , I could not spell the word “world” backwards and it took me about four days to be able to do it. My cognition was fried and my coordination is still not very good, but, and this is a biggie, my memory is getting better now that I’m off my medication of lithium. I can tell when I’m talking to people I don’t forget what I’m talking about. That was probably the worst part of memory loss. I still am going to have the early onset dementia test done just for the heck of it and to tell my kids to fuck off. Well I might not tell them to fuck off but you know. Lithium is the gold standard for bipolar and I was on it for 16 years without a problem and then I get a gastric bypass. Now the doctor, the surgeon, who was doing my gastric bypass was telling me which of my medications I needed to go off, but he never said anything about my lithium. And I plan to go in there and discuss this with him because this could’ve killed me and he should’ve known it. Lord knows I couldn’t be on a blood thinner but I could be on something that could put me into a coma. Oh great. So the last part of this is that I started getting lithium toxicity again And my functioning went way down. I was not eating. I was not drinking. I was not cognitively aware. I think there were times that I was in a coma actually. My son did a wellness check, and the police came out.  My ex and my son said to me“you’re going to the hospital and there’s no two ways about it”. So I did. I went in the ambulance and I went to St.Lukes North and let me tell you that was amazing. Well actually, it was kind of a zoo to tell you the truth, but the doctors were good and I liked the psychiatrist and what he had to say and they put me on a medication that I know very much about and the only problem is that it makes me want to eat everything in the house. So will power come on out. I feel good these days. Sometimes I get a little manic and I want to spend money and I have to remind myself not to. The eating is difficult but I’m staying at 81 pounds down and I’m OK with that. My mother thought I would be down 100 pounds by now and I told her it just doesn’t work that way.

I have had several people tell me to see a lawyer or two to talk about this case with the surgeon who is managing my meds but not all of them. The problem I see is that I’m not sure there’s any long-term injury. I think you have to have a long-term injury to file an injury claim. Don’t quote me on that. Now , I have a Neurologist who is going to do my early-onset Dementia tests and might testify for me, but the whole thing seems like a big hassle. It’s not that I won’t talk to a lawyer it’s more that I know what they’re gonna say. With Social Security disability, if you cut off an arm, you get it the next day. With Social Security disability, if you have a mental disorder, like bipolar, you can get covered but it takes about two years and the only good news about that is that they have to pay you from the moment you file your claim. So if it takes you two years to get your money you may have $30,000 waiting for you. I’ve seen it happen over and over again because, at one time in my life, I was a Social Security representative Contractor and this isn’t really about Social Security anyway. This is about suing a Doctor who did not do his due diligence. Do you know that after the anesthesia wore off, It was 24 hours later? Usually they are pushing on your shoulder to wake up. “Wake up Patty wake up it’s time to get up. Wake up Patty“ and I heard nothing of that. When I woke up the next day, my sister was there and she wasn’t supposed to be there till the next day. The surgeon dismissed it. Was I in a coma or was I just sedated too much? At any rate, I would not suggest this establishment to do your gastric bypass. The operation was fine. He did a fine job, but there was no pre-care or aftercare whatsoever. No one ever called me to set up an appointment to come back in or to go to a group or anything. They were there to operate on me and operate on me only. And as long as I wasn’t bat shit crazy, they were going to do it. For $16,000. When I think about the whole thing it’s kind of interesting. I’m just really glad that the gastric bypass took. I really had no complications besides nausea 24 hours a day. So I will update you after I see an attorney or two.

I have to tell you that 81 pounds that I carried around for 32 years was the size of a fourth grader or maybe a fifth grader! I don’t see how one does it. The other thing I don’t see is how thin I’ve gotten. I’m sure it’s going to take some time to get used to my new body and in the meantime I’m going to lose more weight. Not a lot.  Anyone want to pay for a Tummy tuck?

6/3/23 Lots of new quick Trades

I’m putting out a whole bunch of small-ish projects around my house and thought some of you would like to help and get helped!  Go to my Trades page…

6/3/23 Now that Marijuana is legal…

I need a new dealer.  And sorry AAs, but not you.  Soooo many black guys have ripped me off.  I want a nice chill guy who is also a businessman.  I would meet you or you could come over to my house.  I do know how much I should be paying for it and the dispensaries are f***ing ridiculous!  Please help me out as a new customer of yours or point me in the right direction!  Please and Thank You!

6/1/23 Why do I even care anymore?

In the past year, I thought about this a lot. And the fact of the matter, is that I’m not getting younger I’m only getting older. And I think, as you get older men find you less intriguing and more for a roommate. I definitely don’t need a roommate , and I haven’t found all that many men who want to date me that find me intriguing. Now granted, I’m a companion, and we are devoted to our clients. But that’s not to say that I couldn’t be devoted to somebody else in the same way and probably even more so. But, am I willing to give up my independence? Am I willing to make a whole bunch of compromises? Am I willing to have sex when I don’t want to? Will I have to put up with snide remarks and mean comments? Do you get where I’m going with this? Again, I’m 56 not 42 and we all know that after the age of 60 the percentage of men who are still alive and kicking falls greatly. I’m going to end this blog with a belief of mine. As if I don’t tell you my beliefs all the time. I believe that as women age they find that they need men less. Especially in an age where women have money and can buy a man to do the hard work at home. Now, am I saying that that’s all man is good for? Not in the least. But I think the cons start to outweigh the pros after about the age of 65. This is not scientific. I have not done the research except for my own empirical research. Men definitely have their places in women’s lives, but they take on such a smaller meaning and amount of time that sometimes it just isn’t worth it. And even if a woman does have a libido past the age of 60 there’s always a good vibrator waiting for her to be bought.

6/2/23 I want a man…

I want a man simply to hold me and not let me go when I start to pull away.

I want a man who is a silly as I am, but levelheaded all the same.

I want a man who physically makes a change in my body when I see him, and when I touch him.

I want a man who is adventuresome as I can be, and want to be especially when I retire. I do not want a man to necessarily share my bed unless it’s a king. I don’t need a man to really take care of me or maybe I do. I just want a man who is my partner in life and in crime, knows how to have a good time, he is not an addict, loves the Chiefs and wants to find love in a loving woman.

6/1/23 Bad People

I really do believe that bad people attract bad people and I think that we can all look at our past and present and say yes, we know a bad person who have attracted bad people. But having been a masters of social work and a therapist for 10 years I know bad people and I know good people . And I am here to say that this occupation I am in, is full of bad people. Now that may only be 10% of the people out there but when you consider that accountants probably only know one percent bad people 10% is a lot. And it’s funny, I just realized the other day that I didn’t start being burglarized and robbed until I moved to this house up north. I never had a problem in my Raytown house except for my male roommate stealing 70 pieces of lingerie. Go figure. That was actually my first foray into being robbed and it felt horrible. And it still feels horrible. And all I want to do is just cry my eyes out and I realize that that’s not going to change anything. So then I get to work. I have to get a new drivers license probably a new birth certificate, a new debit card, some money to put in the bank and hopefully over time, I will replace the items that have been stolen. But I’ll tell you this again and again. It’s black guys doing this. And it’s probably only 1% of black guys doing this which is a shame for all the other nice black guys who get the blame.But for the life of me, I have never had an Indian, a Mexican, a white man, an Asian or a native American do this to me. The only one person who was not black, was a meth head that I was trying to help as a social worker. I hope to God I’ve learned my lesson by now. And that goes for everything. Ha ha!

5/31/23 Exactly What I have had Stolen from me in the past 7 years

If I had known how much of my belongings would be stolen, burglarized, taken directly from me, and otherwise absconded from me, I might have thought twice about being a Compa.nion!  Ok, maybe not, but here’s a list for you to either shake your head along with me or laugh (but please, keep that to yourself).

1. Laptop

2. Iphone 11

3. Scale

4. At least $3000

5. My wallet twice

6. My bluetooth speakers (2)

7. All of my paraphernalia

8. Oodles of marijuana

9. Bic Lighters

10. Everything tkat was taken out of my car that could be including my spare.

11. All of my precious rings that were easily worth $10,000.  (I think my ex roommate did this).

12. 70 Lingerie outfits (taken by a man no less).

13. My pride, my self-esteem, feeling stupid, and learning a heck of a lot about who to let into your house and not ever leaving them alone.

5/29/23 Escorts thought

And let me just say this about escorts if I haven’t said it before. The better you know an escort, the better you feel being with her and the more she can do for you that you need done for yourself and not by yourself.

5/28/23 New Pictures

Phew!  I finally am starting to feel like I have some modicum of control over my life. I have taken 200 pictures and put probably about 100 up on the site and take a look at my smile and my face because I don’t think I’ve ever been prettier. And that’s funny because just a week ago I was saying that I was uglier. I’m not uglier and those pictures came out really well. Tell me about your wife because I know you need to. And thank you for your support. Now I will say the guy that came forward and really helped me gave me $250 it was for a session but it was a lot of money and I was able to buy a phone and have $150 in the bank . It felt better than being broke. 

5/19/23 Birthday (God not again)

My dear sister is looking into me being traveling bookkeeping!  What a hoot!  If my business would start to pick up, we wouldn’t have such talk.  Imagine me traveling as a Bookkeeper! And even though I have a very loving and giving mother, I can’t keep on doing what I do.  I can’t keep taking and taking.

I’ve taken enough.

1/25/23 Chapter 2, Paragraph 1

Now I have nothing against women who are escorts but there is shame involved. When you are raised in a wealthy family and you go to the best schools, graduate with a masters in social work, you never really think you’ll ever become an escort. Oh sure, I knew about Xavier Hollander but knowing her name and that she was the Happy Hooker was about all I knew. I think if my original family found out, they would disown me. I know that any family member will try to get me to stop.  And it’s not like I wouldn’t like to stop but how can you start making over $100,000 a year? Especially when all the money from your family dried up and you are pretty much left on your own. All you would have to do is Google my phone number but obviously nobody has or if they have, they haven’t told me.

1/16/23 Alone Again Naturally

I, in recent weeks, have come to realize that I will probably be alone for the rest of my life. I think there are several reasons for this and the biggest reason is me. I don’t think I really want to be with someone full-time. I would be great for like a truck driver. If I thought truck drivers were any good at all , unfortunately I’ve had a few run-ins. I also think that I really enjoy my own company, way more so than most other people. I’m so set in my own ways that I don’t think I could give up how I do things. I’ve started seeing somebody but I can tell you 10 cons and may be 4 pros for this guy. Why do I continue to see him? I suppose because I get bored and lonely. But when I’m done with him, I want him gone.

1/14/23 My Mother Updated

I have told you about my mother in posts along the way, but the news I have is not good. She has an aortic anyerism that has not burst, but is on its way to and she can have an operation but at 92, she’s thinking that this is a sure way out , a quick way out and on her own terms. I don’t feel ready to have her gone, but I will never feel ready to have her gone. That being said, my sisters didn’t even bother to tell me she was in the hospital.

Update: my mother is back at home and doing very well but she is still on oxygen and it will take her time to gain her strength back. I’m going to see her for her birthday in mid February and I told her she’d have to stay alive until then. I was going to go in to see her on the weekends, but she doesn’t want me to.

1/3/23 Should I Be Concerned or Flattered?

Someone in St. Louis is using my pictures on a list crawler ad and they put like cute little sayings with them. Of course it’s a different phone number but I certainly don’t want anyone in St. Louis thinking this is me. I’ll be doing new pictures this week.

12/31/22 New Years Resolutions

1. To continue losing weight and get down to 100 pounds off.

2. To continue making new friends.

3. To hopefully meet someone to be in a relationship with.

4. To work on getting another job so that I don’t have to rely on escorting as much.

5. To start an exercise program.

12/19/22 I am thankful for…

I am thankful for all the men who have ever shown up for their appointment with me. I am thankful to Tony, who always seems to show me he cares even if coming here is too difficult. I am thankful for Travis, who gave me a whole black leaf garbage bags, full of toilet paper at the beginning of the pandemic. I am thankful for John who can have any woman he wants and chooses to have me. I’m thankful to Jim who taught me football and continues to be my football mentor. I am thankful for Jim Z who really is my mentor and still talks to me even though I told him that he never shut up, I’m thankful for all the men who see me on a regular basis. You are not ever far from my mind. I’m thankful for all the friends I’ve made through what I do. I’m thankful to have been helpful to many people this past year and the years before.  If I ever felt that I was doing anything to hurt someone, I would not do it. Unless maybe they really deserved it. But even then I don’t have it in me. I’m thankful for the house I live in and the kitten that I’ve adopted.  I’m thankful for having my 92 year old mother, who is still as sharp as a tack. I’m thankful to be alive and I am uber thankful to be an American.

12/19/22 Gastric Bypass #7

I have now lost 47 pounds and I have been working my upper arms and my thighs pretty much from the get-go. I noticed that I’m stronger in both my arms and my legs. I’m not doing anything for my abdomen as that will get a tummy tuck. I have a C-section tummy, which means that you really can’t tone it up. I’m finally used to what I can eat and to tell you the truth I could eat better or more keto.But, I figure if I’m eating 600 cal a day I’m going to lose weight, doesn’t matter really what I eat. I’ve been off sugar since before. I had the operation and that’s going well. I should be walking, but in this weather, there ain’t no way! I’m happy with my body and I’m used to how I have to eat and what I can and can’t eat. Would I do it again? Definitely not with the company I did it with.They never followed up with me after the surgery whatsoever. They did a good operation and that’s that. Most of my education has come from trial and error.And you really should come and see the new me!

12/19/22 Here’s To ThoseGuys

Here’s to those guys that think they can make an appointment for a half hour out and show up an hour and a half out. Here’s to those guys that make an appointment, say really nice things about you, and then never show up. Here’s to my son who’s almost 25 and doesn’t have a job and doesn’t care to get a job but just wants to sponge off me . Here’s to the 20-somethings that never show up and here’s to all the men who have ever sold snake oil in one form or another. It seems to me that since Man became civilized, he figured out how to scam another man and quite frankly, I’m sick of it, I’m sick of all the scams, shams and bullshit that goes on. I want to go back to the 1950s before any of this kind of bullshit was thought of. But then I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing which, on many occasions, I think is not a bad thing.Can you tell I’m pissed? This is the perfect time to smoke a bowl! And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, all the better. A friend just reminded me of this song by Twisted Sister called “we’re not gonna take it anymore”. Listen to it because it’s exactly how I feel.

Update: I realize that the blog I just wrote was very angry. Sometimes I feel very irate and at the same time, I am grateful for what I have, and the friends that I have and my family. I’m not always this angry, but I wrote this blog on a day when I was and I’m not going to take it away, just because it’s an angry blog. I hope you realize that I don’t always write angry blogs, but at times there are reasons to let you know how I feel. I try to be as transparent for you as I can. And at times, I will delete a post that I put out, because I no longer agreed with it. I appreciate my readership.

12/9/22 Chapter 1, Paragraph 3

I fairly quickly found my routine of waking up early so that I could get ready for the day. When I first started out I would make appointments in the future but I quickly learned that that was not such a good idea because people just didn’t show up. That has to be the worst part of being an escort.Guys just don’t necessarily feel the need to let you know that they’re not going to be there. I find it very rude and anybody who doesn’t show up gets banned for life! At my prices of 60/100 I was busy to say the least.Absolutely no one ever said to me maybe you should increase your rates. I think Topeka was just so happy to have an escort and they didn’t want to ruin a good thing. I was naïve enough to not know that my rates were so low. So I was busy most of the day and this pleased me because as a social worker I was surrounded by people and interacting with clients and cohorts. So I was used to having company. I made the decision very early on that I was going to tell no one about what I do.The family that I came from would never understand and the family that I made I didn’t want them to know what their mother was doing. So yes there was shame involved.

12/1/22 On Having A New Kitten

OMG! If she’s not racing around the house and playing with her balls that have a little jingles in them, she’s fast asleep by my side. I’m trying to get her to sleep with me at night, but that isn’t working so far. After all she is a nocturnal animal , and she displays this at every turn. She’s absolutely adorable.And, being an orange cat, she is somewhat different because most orange cats are male! But make no doubt, she is my new companion and I’m very glad to have her.

12/1/22 Chapter 1, Paragraph 2

I dried my eyes and I went back in the room and I told my client to turn over on his stomach and I gave him what would become known as my “afterglow”. It was basically a wonderful back tickle. I had been doing these since I was five years old.Being very much the giver as opposed to a taker, I was well-suited for my new occupation. I relished giving pleasure. But what made me so successful had a lot to do with my social work skills. I can talk to anyone, I can pull out information from a person and use that to help them. Now granted, well over half of the clients I had could care less about what I had to say. But there was another half that often asked me for advice and here’s where my therapy skills were helpful. Once I started tickling my clients back I calmed down.It may not even have been the first time that I cried my eyes out but it certainly would not be the last time. Being an escort introduces you to a world of scams, getting ripped off, rude clientele, getting stiffed, and pretty much any negative thing you can think of. But that’s the bad side. The good side is that you make money like you never have. You meet people that are interesting and fun and like-minded. You get to go to places that you wouldn’t have gone to.There’s a whole world out there that’s ripe for the picking if you can just keep yourself out of trouble. Trouble? Cops are superb when it comes to busting escorts. You would think with it just being a misdemeanor that they would have more pressing things to do but I think it’s inevitable that if you’re an escort, you’re going to be busted at least once. I’ve seen a lot of women come and go and I always wondered if they left because they had been busted. I’ve learned so many things along the way to keep myself safe but every time I talk to a potential client I have to be cognizant that he could be a cop. I think the biggest misnomer about cops is that they have to tell you that they’re a cop if you ask them. This couldn’t be further from the truth. They don’t have to tell you anything and especially if they’re in pursuit of a crime they don’t have to tell you they’re a cop and they won’t. So you have to assume that every man you talk to is a cop. When I first started out, I met with a man who would go by the term “hobbyist”. This is someone who sees a lot of escorts and will pay high dollars for them. He told me that money went with looks.So I started my donations at 60 for a half hour and 100 for an hour. This was also in Topeka Kansas which is very blue-collar and the guys there weren’t going to pay very much. Even at these rates I doubled my social work income that first year.The second year I increased my donations to 75/125 and Topeka basically ghosted me. So I started looking into moving to Kansas City and I found that I could raise my rates substantially and still do very well. I am now at 100 for a half hour and 180 for an hour. Basically double what I started out. My rates are not based on looks. They are based on my personality, the experience I give you when you come see me, and also advice given to me from other hobbyist. To an extent, that first hobbyist that told me that money goes with looks was not completely incorrect. But I offer an experience that very few others offer or even care. A lot of what I do is customer service. A lot of what I did as a social worker was customer service. Go figure. If you take care of someone above and beyond what others are doing you’re going to get repeat customers and that’s what I have. I now make over $100,000 a year And I work for it

11/29/22 Chapter 1, Paragraph 1

11/25/22 Stepmother

Now usually if I’m talking about a stepmother it’s because some 24-year-old has asked me to roleplay her. But in this case I got a call from a stepmother wanting a service provided for her 19-year-old stepson. At first I denied her just based on his age, but then I thought about it and I thought that everybody has a price so I raised my price substantially and she agreed. She said to me that he knows what he’s doing and I asked how she knew that. Yeah, then I found out that she was on vacation with him.. And she has been with him in the biblical sense. I don’t know if this is a scam or a hoax but if he shows up I’ll take care of him.  You know, I try not to judge people being that I’m a social worker. I learned in social work school that different doesn’t mean deficient. This is definitely one of those times that things are definitely different.

Update: She nor he never called back again. It was probably all a hoax.

11/16/22 Business Sucks!

Maybe the reason I have not blogged in 2 weeks is because I have nothing good to say and I hate to sound like a broken record.  I don’t think it’s because I raised my rates for newbies.  Maybe it’s the recession that we’re not really in.  Maybe the cold weather.  But for whatever reason, things have been really slow.  Of course, I really can’t complain because even in my slowest week this year, I still made more than most any ordinary job I could qualify for!  One good thing?  I no longer cry over spilled milk or people not calling.  It is what it is…

11/16/22 Catie

Well, I made the leap and got a new kitten who is not really a kitten but six months old and she and I are bonding very well together. Please note that this does not take away from my grief over Jackie and in fact, at times I feel more grief because I’ve chosen someone new. Catie is simply adorable!  And very chill. She didn’t cry at all when I took her home in the cat carrier and Jackie would’ve had a fit. I will not make the same mistake twice. This cat will be an indoor cat only and, when I leave town, I will have someone staying with her. I have come to accept the thought that Jackie got into something outside that made her sick. Maybe it was a mouse who had poison in it. I will never know, but I know now what I did wrong. I don’t blame myself because it was ignorance on my part. I think I thought she would live until 19, but I guess that was just not in the cards. If Catie is half the cat the Jackie was, I’ll be very happy. She really is a breath of fresh air.

11/1/22 My Rates Revisited

I think I’m the cheapest escort in Kansas City and I think what bothers me the most is to think that people come to see me because of it. My last client balked at having to use a condom and yet let me know that he had used one with his last escort who was a $500 46-year-old ex porn star.  To say the least I was pissed. So much so that I showed him the door. And then I decided that I’m raising my rates. Granted I don’t have the balls to raise them too much as I have kept them low so I could see more people. But if guys are coming to me because I’m so low then I don’t wanna be known as an escort who is cheap.

10/25/22 Antisemitism

I will tell you this, with the state of affairs as they are in this country, it wouldn’t surprise me if I stopped telling people that I was Jewish. I mean, you never know who you’re with, what they believe or what they’re carrying. Now really, do you think I really believe this?  Do you really think I think I’m gonna be hurt because I’m Jewish? No I don’t and maybe I am looking through rose-colored glasses but this is not 1939. it seems to me that nowadays, any minority group is fodder for radical right wing terrorists. Skinheads and neo-Nazis have been around for a long time. They’re jus showing themselves more now that it is OK to do so.  Jews have been persecuted since the beginning of time. There’s nothing new going on that hasn’t been done many many times before and yet we still thrive as a community and culture. I may be secular but I’m still a Jew and if I think that your knowing that I’m Jewish will help a situation or a story I will tell you. Otherwise, there’s really no reason to.

10/25/22 My paid vacation

When a 72-year-old man asked me to go in his luxury fifth wheel to Bull Shoals lake/White River, I jumped at the opportunity. Anybody who knows me, knows I have a love of RVs and I hope to own a Model C one day. I had never been in a camper before. Plus I would be remunerated nicely. But what I didn’t realize was that he was half deaf and half the time he would hear me and still say “what?”. It was a bad habit of his that drove me crazy. Very nice man, not the brightest I’ve ever met, but very successful at what he’s done and in better shape at 72 then I am at 55 (when will I stop lying about my age?).  The Forest River Riverstone Legacy was a beautiful and luxurious 42 foot fifth wheel and I was very happy that he invited me to go with him. I think the next time I do this I’ll get to know the person a little bit better though.

10/20/22 My Jackie’s Gone

I had to put Jackie, my beloved cat, down at 9:30 am this morning.  She had liver failure that could not have been helped and she was no longer drinking, eating or grooming herself.  I believe in Karma and I can see that it was her time to go.  Doesn’t make it any easier to say goodbye, but at least she’s not in pain.  

10/20/22 Poundage

I’ve lost 30 pounds in the first 2 months.  And best of all, have not thrown up in a week!  I also have figured out that sausage and I do not like each other!

10/13/22  Gastric Bypass #6: The good the bad and the ugly of gastric bypass

Of course, the best part of gastric bypass is losing weight. This is also the main reason for having a gastric bypass along with diminishing problems with comorbidity issues such as diabetes and high blood pressure.  The fact that the weight loss is fairly quick also makes a gastric bypass look pretty good.

But, people don’t talk about the downside of having gastric bypass. Probably most bothersome is the fact that you will never eat more than four or five bites of food at any one sitting. Also is the fact that you can’t drink water 30 minutes before and 30 minutes after a meal including the meal.  This makes it near impossible to get 64 ounces of water in each day. And then you put on top of that the fact that you can only sip the water, you cannot drink it normally makes it even more difficult. I’ll be honest. Besides my coffee in the morning I may get 16 to 32 ounces of water in me a day yet I do not feel dehydrated in the least.Did I mention the fact that you can only eat 4 to 5 bites at a time? And you should chew your food 30 times before swallowing? Well what I didn’t mention is that if you eat one more bite then you should, you will be nauseated and you may very well throw up. Interestingly enough when you do throw up, nothing much comes up except a lot of gastric juices. Speaking of gastric juices, I no longer have reflux and I no longer take my Prilosec. Along with that medication I’m hoping to get rid of my high blood pressure medication, my NSAID for my knees and knee pain in and of itself. One of two things will happen to my knees once I lose all the weight I can.  Either the weight loss will take so much pressure off of them that they won’t hurt anymore or I’ll be able to have a knee replacement because I’m at a weight where they will perform the surgery.

I had my gastric bypass done at KC bariatrics and I would not recommend them to anybody. They are a facility that does more of these procedures than any other facility in the United States and it feels like an assembly line. I got very little support either before or after the surgery and had to look for my own dietitian because theirs was inept to say the least.  On top of that, I could not get physical therapy through them because I was a self-pay and not a pay through insurance. People with insurance can get physical therapy but if you pay $16,000 you can’t get physical therapy. This is all about money because physical therapy will be covered by insurance so they don’t have to pay for it. I think just the fact that I shelled out $16,000 to have this done should qualify me for getting physical therapy. This is another service that I will be getting a referral for. KC bariatrics told me very little about how my life would change. About the things that I would have to do to lose weight and maintain the weight loss. They really dropped the ball though after the surgery. They knew all the medication I was on and yet never talked to me about my lithium which I almost died from because the level was four times higher than I needed and I went into toxemia. There are plenty of places to get a gastric bypass and I would not suggest KC bariatrics.

It hasn’t even been two months and I know that I’m bitching about what I’m going through but I wish that I had read more about the changes and complications that GB can cause. Ask me in two months if I’m happy that I have this. I don’t think my attitude will change much but maybe I’ll be a little bit more grateful and appreciative of the weight I’ve lost. In two more months you’ll really be able to see the new me and it will help a lot to hear from others how good I look. I’m not usually a very vain person but when you spend $16,000 to lose weight it helps to have people notice.

10/10/22 Gastric bypass #5

Well I’m down 25 with 75 to go and just as I start to feel like I’m getting the hang of this I have Red Lobster to celebrate a good week at work. To say that I was dismayed would be an understatement. Seafood is definitely not going to be on my list of easy-to-eat foods! It’s hard to chew into small tiny parts which is basically what I have to do. So as the seafood is slithering down my throat guess what’s coming back up? Yes you guessed it. I have come to realize that vomiting is not as bad as everybody thinks it is. Or maybe it is and I just don’t have a bad experience with that reflex. I think had I eaten breaded seafood it might’ve been a better experience but I was pretty upset. I did make a pasta-less lasagna this week that came out really good and was all proteins so that’s good. I’m not even at two months and I’m hearing from other people that they’re still sore. The only time I’m sore is when I eat. i’m hoping to get a referral to a dietitian and a physical therapist through my new PCP that I see this week. I’m doing some exercises at home and I’m doing some walking. I’ve made it to the end of the block and I’m very proud of myself for this.  Stay tuned.

10/6/22 Jena and Nia

I got a card in the mail today and it was probably the nicest card/thought that I received from anyone while going through the trials and tribulations I’ve been going through. They even included a $20 bill to help me in any way that I felt I needed it. The card read “Patty, sorry to hear that you are going through some rough times. Hope life blesses you with an abundant supply of good karma. Take care, Jena and Nia.“ Well I’m happy to say to Jena and Nia and everyone else out there that I think I’m getting my mojo back. I still haven’t lost the weight I want to lose even for this week but I know that I’m doing the things I need to do and I’m gonna be getting help with the eating part.  I don’t know Nia very well but I’ve known Jena since 2017 when I first got a hold of a mutual associate named silver. I’m sure many of you remember silver and her antics and her wonderful personality. If it hadn’t been for silver I never would’ve met Jena. Jena and I had to part ways because of our political views which even writing this sounds ridiculous but at the time it didn’t feel that way. I’ve heard a lot of people tell me that they’ve lost friends because of the political atmosphere in this country. I still to this day, feel bad and many times lonely for Jena‘s friendship but it’s been so long that you don’t really know where to begin again or even if you should. Jena and Nia thank you. You brightened my day, you added to my party coffers and I will think of you for days to come if not months and years.  Oh, and I’m not sorry if this was too syrupy for the guys. “FUCKERS”!!

10/3/22 Judgments

One thing that I’ve always found to be so weird and circumspect and funny all at the same time is the fact that the people I usually judge the harshest to begin with are those people that I usually end up liking the most. I don’t usually get along famously with someone upon just meeting them and if I do it usually turns out badly.  I need to take heed of what I’m telling you and what advice I’m giving you. We all judge. It’s just a part of our natures. We may be people that judge favorably, unfavorably or life just passes us by. But we do judge and what I’m saying is keep your brain open when you hear it say “I don’t think I like this person“ or “he’s kind of one bubble off“. Some of those guys and girls that I thought were one bubble off we’re actually one bubble on and even if they came across as a little strange to begin with, I almost always ended up liking them and respecting them and laughing that they are one bubble off!  After all, aren’t we all just one bubble off? If you don’t know what I mean by this get out your level put it level and noticed that there’s a bubble in the middle. If your level is one bubble off it’s not quite straight.

10/3/22 Thinking about taking a real job

I’ve been thinking about becoming an insurance adjuster and have actually applied several places. I haven’t heard from anybody but nowadays that’s to be expected. I’ve looked into this before and the pay is pretty good, I think I could live on it and I think I might like the work. Now the big question is, do I give up this business? I will say this about that. I will probably stop advertising. I’m not even sure right now how much advertising does for me. With sales down and frustration up I’m researching and thinking.  Now if I could just get somebody to call me back.

10/3/22 Jackie Sue

When I was in the hospital Jackie my cat kind of had a cat attack and I think went through a lot of stress, possibly got into some poison and was not herself at all for three weeks. I never saw her eat Or drink and we couldn’t figure out how she was still alive. $600 later at the vets house we think she had some sort of infection. She’s back to eating and duh rinking but not very much. She’s lost about half her weight And it’s pretty lethargic most of the time but then when is a cat not lethargic? I’ve been letting her outside to get some fresh air and that seems to be helping. I just wanted to give an update because she is such a part of my life, she’s part of my family and just about everyone who comes in here sees her.

10/3/22 Mania

Mania, in its truest form, is a condition whereby your emotional state of being goes too high and too fast and you’re hanging on for dear life. Your thoughts race, you sing the same song over and over and over, and over again. And you’re not really interested in doing any one thing At any one time.. Since I suffer from both mania and depression with the mania side being very slight but still there. Well I think it’s fair To say that depression far far outweighs the emotional gravity of the two but then I have truly only been hyper manic meaning I was so high I wasn’t sleeping for days, I’ve only been that way for one time and it was pretty fucking bad. I’m not saying that you should choose mania over depression and really you don’t have a choice anyway. Your body your mind your chemistry chooses for you.  It’s my thought that there are a lot more bipolar people out there than we know about because they keep it to themselves.

10/3/22 Therapy

I don’t get it because I was a therapist for so long and now I hear the people don’t want to air their dirty laundry! it’s 2022! It’s not 1982!  I really see this as an excuse to not have to deal with it. When I ask people so did you go to therapy with your wife over this and they tell me that she didn’t want to air her dirty laundry, I always think no, she did not want to deal with it. And in my mind that’s even worse.. So the next time you find yourself saying or hearing said I don’t air my dirty laundry just think about what I’ve said that that’s not really what it’s about. It’s about not wanting to go there, it’s about shame over past things that you either couldn’t or could control, and shame about present things that you either cannot or will not deal with. It’s an excuse that’s all it is. I’m not saying that therapy is right for everybody but I seriously think about half the people I see could benefit from it. It’s hard to talk about emotional things without the mediator of a therapist in the room. Someone helping you decipher how you feel and what you’re thinking and doesn’t make sense and do I need to change does she need to change, Do we both need to change? I guarantee you this though. If you make a change, she will make a change. That’s just how it works. I have an example. I have a friend whose wife nitpick him to death every night. Finally he stopped responding. finally, he stopped giving in. Did things get better instantaneously? No they never do but she stopped nitpicking in large part and I think they coexist much more happily. I’ve decided that marriage is all about coexisting. And to end this blog I will say that I’m not sure I will ever experience that again. 22 down 78 to go.

9/26/22 Thank you Dave!

Now you just have to let me know your age so I can reserve you the hour session that you so kindly gave me.  

9/25/22 Negativity

A devoted client who reads all of my blogs told me that lately my blogs have been negative.  I realize this and sometimes life throws you a curve ball and other times you get a windfall.  Right now, things seem pretty bleak.  I spent 8 days in the hospital and 22 out of the last 30 days in bed.  Or with my sisters.  So I have not been working like usual.  I’m also off my psych meds and that impacts how I feel tremendously.  You know me, the cat that lands on her feet every time and I will again!

9/19/22 Jackie

I’m pretty sure that my cat is dying.  I took her to an emergency vet who wanted $1000 to diagnose her. I let her do a UTI and treat her for this but I can tell that her kidneys are shutting down. If nothing else you smell an ammonia scent from her mouth. She’s not in pain and if she is I will euthanize her but this has been one of the most difficult weeks that I’ve had in a long time. I hate to be negative and I know that most of my followers probably don’t want me to be negative but sometimes it just can’t be helped. On top of all this, I’ve decided not to go to St. Louis at the end of this month. I’ve barely gotten any response and I’m not going to spend money on gas and hotels just to sit around. I don’t know if it’s a recession or people just don’t like me but I am starting to think that my traveling days are over. And quite honestly, I don’t really have a problem with that. Oh sure I get guys who asked me when I’m coming back but it’s usually just one or two people. Not worth my trouble and money.  I will say one nice thing that is happening this week and said I’m getting a new refrigerator. The old one has maggots and doesn’t cool off at all. It smells to high heaven so I’ll be very happy to have a new refrigerator. Maybe my slumlord isn’t such a slumlord! Lol

9/19/22 23 Pounds

23 pounds down in one month and I only threw up once today! The thing is you have to remember to not  drink water in big gulps, to take tiny bites, to chew your food 28 times.  And not drink water a half hour before you eat and a half hour after you eat.  This is not as easy as you might think!

9/15/22 Gastric Bypass #4

It’s only been 3 weeks and I’m still nauseated most of the time.  I’ve lost 13 pounds and I think I look worse.  Maybe I’ll feel better in 4 months!  I’m back to working and doing well with that.  If I had known a bunch of different information, would I still have done this?  Too late for regrets!

9/8/22 Gastric Bypass #3

I don’t know quite how to say this but I think a lot of you know that I am bipolar and what happened was that I kind of went into a Lithium Toxicity which landed me in the hospital.  KC Bariatrics should have prepared me for this.   Sometime I’ll delineate why you should not go to KC Bariatrics or NKCH.

7 days later, the Hospitalist prescribes me a new medication that just happens to cost $1500 per month.  Not only did he not get pre-authorization through my insurance, but he did no research about the cost of this med.  And then, because he works for the Hospital, once you are discharged, he can no longer talk to you.  So here, I am.  No meds besides the ones I had and no provider. Un-fucking believable.