Blogs 16/17

9/12/16 The Start of my Blog!

I have created this listing of all of my blogs for you, hopefully my newest friend!  I hope you find them entertaining, interesting, and a learning experience.  If you have a question or would like to see the creator of theses blogs, I can be reached at or through my contact page!

9/12/16  Can a 38-year-old offer anything to a 51-year-old?

One of my customers today was very nice looking and very articulate (which is always a good way to know how smart someone is, IMO).  And 38.  You would think we would have nothing in common yet, for 2 hours (save 5 minutes), all we did was converse.  And I realized that I do have the gift of gab.  I can keep up with the best of them and the rest of them!  Just because we are 13 years apart does not mean we don’t have things in common.  No, he probably did not watch Gilligan’s Island, but really, who cares?  Call me a cougar…

9/14/16  Toothless Joe (names have been changed to protect the innocent)

I have a funny story about an overnight. The man was very sweet, very stupid and very redneck.  How do I know this? He had 6 teeth!  For someone who believes that dental hygiene is very important, this was quite a shock. When I asked him how he lost his teeth, he simply replied that they fell out. When it came time to get more intimate, I just couldn’t. His breath was so bad, I had to be at least 2 feet away. From now on, you’ll have to give me a picture smiling to book an overnight! When you spend that much time with a stranger, you want to be as assured as you can that you will both get along. So a phone call and pictures can help with this process immensely.  That poor guy!  Please note: this story was meant to be funny and did not break confidentiality. I would never break confidentiality because I hold this to be very important.

9/20/16  The Waiting Game

No one realizes just how much waiting a provider does each day.  I know some of you guys are thinking “Oh I got you beat!”, but I’d say I do about 6-7 hours a day of just waiting.  Now here lately I’ve gotten smart.  I can do laundry, read a book, watch my fav TV or work on my website.  So I’m not complaining too much, considering that this is really just a part of this profession.

9/26/16 Twenty Somethings (make me glad I’m 51)

I have finally figured out my No-Show problem.  He’s Mr. 20 through 29-year-old!  And quite honestly, I’m thinking of banning all 20-somethings all together.  But if you will call me to assure me you will not stand me up, I will probably honor the appointment.  But the big question is still, “Will You?”.

Update 5/24:  It only took me 6 years, but I finally figured out to ask for a $25 deposit for anyone under 35!  My no-shows have gone from 15 per month to 5!

10/1/16  There’s no going home…..

I spent the weekend in St. Louis with my family, which basically means I spent the entire weekend lying about what I do.   I also took the weekend off to see if I missed being a provider.  Interestingly enough, I did miss it and the rapport I so easily acquire with each new appointment.  I am still very conflicted over this profession, I think in part because my family doesn’t even talk about the sorts of things that I do.  Intimacy to them is a kiss goodnight.  Even newlyweds don’t touch in public.  “The Birds and the Bees” talk was a joke in my family.  I had heard it all from my sisters by the time my Mother had this “talk”.  So the wild side of me wants to come out and play, while my upbringing tells me it’s all wrong.  Thus, the conflict.

10/2/16  Marrieds:  Sex vs. Passion

When I was a therapist, I dealt with a lot of couples.  This was one of my specialties.  I was thinking this past weekend about why people cheat on their spouses.  I think the percentage is around 50% with women gaining in numbers all the time.  It’s easy to understand why men cheat.  They want more sex and they want variety!  Their libidos are probably 2-3 times that of a woman’s.  But why do women cheat?  I mean, if they don’t want to have sex with their spouse, why do they want to with someone else?  The answer can be summed up in one word:  Passion. 

Women’s libidos are ruled by passion.  And I think, to some extent, men crave this too, but they understand that passion does subside with time.  But, by and large, for women, once the passion is gone, so is the sex.  So the big question for men and women is “How do you keep the passion alive and is it possible?”.  There is no doubt in our society that men are expected to and love the thrill of the chase.  They buy her flowers, take her out to eat, go on weekend getaways and basically pour on the romance and the passion.  But, once the chase is over and he’s got her (usually in the form of marriage, but not always), that drive to “win” her over is gone.  We live in a patriarchal society which basically means that men pursue and women are pursued.  I wonder what married life would be like if it was the woman wooing, chasing, and romancing.  So what is the message of this blog?  Men who have great sex in their marriage take the time to add passion to their marriage.  They still buy her flowers and little presents “just because”.  They give her a foot massage at night, they make sure she is satisfied before they are, and they play together with teasing and little kisses, spanks, and whatnot.  Remember, you pursued her, not the other way around (unless of course it was and that’s a whole ‘nother blog!).  There is still that expectation that you will pursue her for sex.  And I’m not talking about “Hey I want to have sex tonight”.   If you read this blog and are still baffled., come see me.  Even just to talk.  And if you’ve come to the realization that you don’t want to even try to bring passion back, there’s always my profession to help you out!

Update:  I just want to add that I think most women (but certainly not all) find passion outside the bedroom, while men find it inside the bedroom.  When marriage gets boring and ho-hum, men look for excitement in a provider.  Women don’t have that opportunity, nor do I think they would take it.  It’s not about sex, it’s about passion and this is usually found in an affair.

10/5/16 Gave up my License

You’ll never take away my Masters, but I let my license expire.  They wanted $500 and proof of 40 CEUs, which I did not have.  And let’s call a spade a spade.  I’m never going back to the helping professions except for the one I am in.  How can I accept a paltry salary and the most stress I’ve ever felt in my life?  My sister said something this last weekend that rang true to me.  She said I was like a cat, that I always land on my feet.  She’s right, I do.

10/7/16 Nipples

I have always been a little self-conscious of my nipples.  They are not perfectly round and, in my younger years, this really bothered me.  I went so far as to see a plastic surgeon when I was 22.  He assured me he could make them round and perfect, move them further up my breast and then I asked the show-stopper question, “Will I lose sensitivity?” His answer?  I would lose ALL sensitivity.  I said thank you for your consultation and left, never to return.  I’ll give up a lot, but not my sensitive nipples.  I recently participated in a threesome with a woman who had beautiful, perfect breasts.  She revealed to me that she had absolutely no feeling in her nipples whatsoever.  I have never been happier to have my “weird” looking sensitive nipples.  This is one of my main erogenous zones.  I knew it at 22 and I know it at 51.

10/8/16  The biggest joke regarding the sexes (aka Why Providers are Needed)

Okay, we’re just speaking sexually, cause otherwise this blog would be a book.  Women have miles over men when it comes to orgasms.  We have multiple orgasms on a regular basis (that is, if we are orgasmic, and that IS a whole ‘nother blog).  Men have 1, maybe 2 if they are lucky.  And I’m not talking 15 minutes apart.  I’m talking at one time, one session.  Men, on the other hand, hold onto their libidos way longer than most women.  Women tend to lose interest after Menopause, around the age of 50.  Men can go and will go until they just cannot anymore and I am guessing that that is probably in their early 80s.   So, as you can see, men want to have sex in varying degrees for 30 years longer than women.  Of course, this is a generalization and all generalizations are bullshit including this one.  But if you ever wondered why there is a booming business for providers, think on this.  “It hurts her to have sex”, “She just isn’t interested anymore”, “She cut me off with no explanation”, etc.  This may be bunk, but in these cases, I feel like not only am I doing a service for my clients, but also their wives too.  He gets his needs met by a sexy, mature woman and she gets pressure taken off of her to perform.  He’s happy cause he never had it so good with his wife (or maybe he did, which makes things all the more depressing when it’s over) and she’s happy cause he’s happier and not chasing her skirts.  Now, of course, not all men are in this boat.  Many enjoy a good sex life and just like variety, some don’t have access to women or are too busy to take the time, some are so shy that they need an older, experienced woman to show them the ropes and bring up their confidence level.  Whatever the reason, providers are definitely here to stay.  It’s no wonder they call it the oldest profession.

Update:  I just wanted to add that when a woman has a hysterectomy, she is by and large through Menopause in 2 weeks.  And Menopause normally spells the end of sex in a relationship.

10/18/16 How to Get Your Wife to Want Sex Again (aka “Sex Therapy 101”)

I’m usually on this subject with my clients as they are headed towards the door.  Probably because they just got done seeing a Provider and now that Provider is trying to talk herself out of a job!  But seriously, guys, there are things that can be done and there are valid reasons for the fact that wife doesn’t want to have sex.  Remember that this is advice from a provider only and not meant to be professional licensed therapy.  With that said, I have been through sex therapy a couple of times in my life and I have conducted such therapy in my former occupation.  If the couple were young, I would look to see if she is on any medications that would dampen her libido such as an anti-depressant.  And, if she’s on that anti-depressant, there’s a reason.  She’s depressed and depressed people don’t usually want to even think about sex much less have it.  Again, not true for everyone, but probably 90% of depressed people.  So, obviously those things that are making her depressed need to be addressed and if she’s going to need to be on meds the rest of her life because she is biochemically depressed, this also needs to be addressed.  There are anti-depressants that purportedly do not take your libido away.  In fact, I just saw a commercial about a new med that doesn’t deprive you of your sex drive and doesn’t make you fat, like so many SSRI Anti-depressants do.

Now, if we’re talking about an older woman, then it gets a bit more tricky.  Is she overweight, on high blood pressure meds, diabetic meds, anti-depressants?  Just to name a few.  I don’t purport to know how every medication works, but I do know that there are many that dampen or delete a woman’s libido.  Men on these meds suffer the same ways women do.  So what can be done with a woman who goes through Menopause and loses her desire and lubrication?  Ever heard of Testosterone?  Well they make this little tube of Testosterone cream that she puts you-know-where and Voila! she suddenly (or maybe not so suddenly) wants to have intercourse again.  This is the best course of action I know of and my blog below about passion vs. sex should be followed also.  Sometimes a woman needs to talk to her OB/GYN or Primary Care doc to know if she is going through a normal transition in Menopause or does she need some Hormone Replacement Therapy.  And by the way, guys, google anything in this blog you don’t understand.  Sometimes a person needs to be on an anti-depressant because their depression is worse for them than the side effects of the medication!

But Provider, you say, you’ve got it all wrong.  She’s not on any meds, she just decided one day she wasn’t going to have sex any more.  Time for therapy.  Chances are, the two of you needed this a long time ago and now that the kids are gone and you two are stuck with each other, things are gonna change.  But they don’t have to.  This could be a great time of life for the two of you.  But, if the solution is not a pharmaceutical one, then maybe therapy is the way to go.  Sometimes I say it the other way.  You can have a lot of therapy but until you find the correct medication, you might not find any peace.  Either way, you and your wife need to be open to these therapies.  I believe the same to be true, if not more true, for a young couple.  If you aren’t having sex regularly, something’s amiss and should be looked into.  If you have small kids and aren’t finding the time, don’t sweat it, everyone goes through this stage.  If your kids are 12 or older, then that excuse kinda goes out the window unless you have a special needs child.  This is especially the age where my blog about passion vs. sex comes in handy.

 10/21/16 How did 40 minutes go by like it was 4?

First off, in this blog, I want to assure everyone reading my blogs that I take the utmost discretion and confidentiality in writing what I do.  And I won’t discuss most of my other clients with you because, quite honestly, it’s none of your business.  But when I have an outstanding “date”, I’m going to write.  In this case, it was with a man identical in age, temperament, and sense of humor.  We had each other cracking up!  40 minutes flew by like it was 4.  Thankfully, I had no one after him so we could laugh all we wanted to and take our dear sweet time.  I like to spread my appointments apart so that we can take our time and not feel rushed (gosh, that sounded sexual all by itself).   This man told me something about myself that I haven’t heard since high school.  A 16-year-old boy told me my laugh was infectious and now a 55-year-old man said the same thing.  He told me many other things that I really needed to hear as I was having a bad, down day.  So, the moral of the story, if you can get your significant other laughing in bed, sex will be a truly happy ending.  I’ve always said that if anger is the destroyer of sexual bliss, then laughter must surely be the elixir.  I know that many of you have “angry” sex, but I don’t get it.  I NEVER felt like having sex when I was angry.  I had to have some loving energy on both of our parts for me to get in the mood.  I’m ending with a joke he told me (great joke for a Jewish broad).  “What happens when a Jewish man walks into a wall with a hard on?  He hits his nose!”.  Okay, so maybe you had to be there, but I guffawed.  Here’s another good one that I tell: “What do Jewish women make for dinner?  Reservations!”.  Do you have to be Jewish to get these jokes as I myself find them very funny?  Of course, I’m Jewish.  Kinda like if you are black you can tell black jokes but nobody else better!

10/24/16 How to Make sure she cums and you do too!

I have made a study of orgasms and I have found, by and large, the best way to an orgasm is through intense, controlled, usually fast but not always, simply repetitive movement that the other person enjoys.  Whether it’s oral, vaginal, penile, or whatever, I find most people get off with repetition.  That isn’t to say that “mixing it up” is a bad thing, but you better not do that when I’m about to cum!  And don’t you dare stop until I tell you to!  There is nothing worse than being on the very precipice of euphoria and finding your partner has given up.  I know I know. Women can take a long time.  But when you’re going for 15 orgasms in one sitting, isn’t it worth it?  More on tongue exercises next…

10/27/16 Saying Of The Week

White men are growers, Black men are showers.  VERY TRUE!

Update:  A lot of people ask me, are black men really as big as everyone says?  Well yes and no.  First off, let me say that the largest men I’ve ever been with were white.  The last fellow was 9″ around and 11″ long!  And white as can be.  There are far more “average” black men (about 50%) than you would think, but yes, as a race they are much longer than white men.  But white guys have more girth usually than black men.  I won’t do doggy with a black guy cause it’s like a pap smear!

11/1/16  The 78-year-old who could!

I don’t talk much about my clients but with Jerry’s permission (names have been changed), I am writing to you today about a client that I just think is amazing.  He’s 78, fit as a fiddle, not on ANY medications, the epitome of what we should all strive to be.  Hah!  On absolutely no Viagra or anything to help him, he was hard by the time I got onto the bed.  And you know how older men don’t ejaculate very much, well not this youngster!  He left me wondering what I’m going to look/feel like when I’m 78.  My parents are 85 and 88 and still kickin it! 

12/8/16 Update!  I had my 2nd visit with Mr. 78. It was great and, not only did he perform again but, told me that his 78 year old wife is just as horny!  I want to know what fountain of youth they found!

11/3/16 Thought for the week…

The more sex a woman has, the more she wants it.  The less she has it, the less she wants it.  The more a man has sex, the less he thinks about it.  Of course, he always wants it, that’s a given.  Do you agree?

11/5/16  It really does make a difference how you come across

So this gentleman comes into my nice home and the red flags start flying.  Do you know, every single time a man walks through my door, I am at somewhat of a risk to my well-being?  Well, this guy’s hair was a complete mess, looked like he hadn’t showered in weeks.   His beard was also very unkempt.  His t-shirt had holes in it.  He smelled.  HE LOOKED HOMELESS.  And I told him, I was NOT comfortable with the way he looked.  He assured me he was indeed not homeless and, imagine this, took offense to my not being impressed that he had a donation.  I don’t care who you are. If you look homeless, I’m probably not gonna want to see you.  Same goes for hygiene.  If I and everyone else can smell you a mile away, be prepared to be shown where the shower is, if not the front door!  You are coming to a nice woman’s house and I feel you should respect that.

11/28/16  Tis the Season

This is a hard time of year, both because Christmas just isn’t what it used to be and partly because there are a lot of people laid off.  Of course, some of my clients who get laid off are happy to be laid off!  Either way, this can be a very lonely, family-crazy time of year.  If you need to talk or want a wonderful Swedish Massage to relieve your stress, you know who to call.  A client said the other day after I got done admonishing him, that I was in counselor mode.  I get that way.  Can’t help myself.  If it bothers you, tell me so.  It’s ok to tell me to shut up!  Nicely…

11/30/16 It IS a Small World!

I just can’t help myself.  I have to tell this story.  Too funny, too bizarre not to share!  I’m having a nice kinky session with my favorite kinky customer when he asks if the can watch me with me and my next customer.  So I text my next customer, knowing he would at least have a sense of humor about it, and he says “sure”.  So my 2nd customer gets to my house and I’ll be damned if they didn’t know each other!  Talk about a small world!  Not only do they know each other, but they hang out together now and then.  Too funny!  They both got a hoot out of it and now each one knows a little secret involving me and the other…

12/3/16 This IS the craziest profession

I’d love to tell you how many clients I had last week and when I had them, but most people with any sense would frown on this.  Suffice to say that I had ONE day that was crazy good and the rest were very slow.   I knew this time of year would be slow, and so far I’m ok, but this is ridiculous!  Even when it isn’t the holidays, you never know how busy you will be each day.  There are other reasons I say this is a crazy profession:

  • Except for my wonderful regulars, I never know who’s going to show up at my  door.

  • I can’t do outcalls except for regulars because I can’t trust that person not to hurt me.

  • I can’t piss anyone off for fear that they will retaliate.

12/9/16 New Years Resolutions!

I know we’re not to New Years yet but I’ve been thinking a lot about this and thought I would blog on what my resolutions are for next year.

*Lose weight and get in shape.

*Increase number of regulars.

*Stay working as a Provider.

*Make new friends so I’m not as lonely.

12/11/16 Givers and Takers

The fact that I have worked in a helping profession on several occasions got me to thinking about how I am such a giver.  It’s almost difficult for me to take.  In every relationship, there is a giver and a taker.  It might not be readily apparent who is which, but if you look closely you will see that one of the couple takes a little bit more than the other.  Then there are those relationships that are just outright blatant as to who is the taker as the other person usually cow-tows to the one “in charge”.  Some of you may be saying that sometimes she’s a taker and sometimes it’s me.  But I’ll bet if you look at the long run, there is usually someone who gives more of the time.  What does this all mean?  Well givers should not be with givers and takers should not be with takers.  I’m one of those people who when I’m with a taker, I tend to give more and when I’m with a giver, I tend to take more.  What are you?

12/15/16 Date Night with Me!

Wouldn’t it be fun to take me on a date and then come to my house afterwards? Another great thing is that my time during the date is paid for by the date.  The only thing on you is our time at my house and dinner/drinks.  I’m told I’m a lot of fun to be with both during dinner and after!   Get in touch with me at if you are interested.

12/19/16 Attraction

Attraction is a funny, precarious thing.  You can be instantly attracted to someone yet think they are the ugliest person alive after you’ve known them a while.  And too, you might never give a person a chance because you are not initially attracted.  Now, there is that first 15 seconds where you instantly know if you like their looks or not.  But if you base your feelings on those 15 seconds, you may be short-changing yourself.  Attraction, real attraction, builds with time.  It’s the funny things they do, how they treat you, how you feel in bed with them.  If you really get along, even though they might not be your prince or princess, you need to give them a chance.  Toads often do turn into more attractive animals upon closer inspection.  People (generalization) who are physically attractive by society’s standards, are often highly entitled people also.  Being of the more voluptuous type, I am often shot down before they ever see my beautiful green eye sparkle or hear my outrageous laugh or be the repository of my famous smile.  Even then, weight matters to most men. 

I grew up in a family that worshiped thin.  I grew up until 30 weighing 120 (was I ever hot with a C cup and no tummy!).  Even to this day, my mother would pay money to see me lose weight.  It wasn’t until I put a racy BBW ad on Craigslist that I found out I had been lied to all this time.  I found out that many men love BBWs and could care less for skinny.  What an eye opener!  I got over 100 responses in 2 days!  That was the beginning of the end of my marriage and being teased for my weight.  So just as Meghan Trainor says “It’s all about the Base.  Those men who like skinny bitches can just move along”.  So true.  If I want a man to look past my flaws, I better be willing to look past his.

Update 5/24: After having lost 110 pounds from a gastric bypass that my mother paid for 6 years after I wrote this, I completely understand where some men really like BBWs, but most still want to date/be with someone who is HWP (height/weight proportionate).

12/27/16 Thank You for December

I remember talking with a provider who told me she had to stay in a tent over the holidays because she had so little business.  But when I think back to her, she also seemed very much like a meth addict.  Unfortunately, drug abuse runs rampant in this occupation.  I have to say, I WAS really worried about how December would go and all I can say is Santa was nice to me this year.  Thank you to EVERYONE who visited me, who remembered that I love Bath and Body and Cheese Popcorn and made my month a very good one!  When a provider can honestly say that she enjoys each and every one of her clients, that’s pretty amazing.  Trust me (this will NEVER happen), if you put all my regulars in a room together, they’d get along famously!  Something about being attracted to **an older, sexy, BBW with a pretty smile and big tits!

12/27/16  Lesson Learned

I have committed two acts of total fiscal stupidity in the last 3 years.  And I am here to tell you two things.  Never ever ever CO-SIGN ON A LOAN unless it’s for your kid (even that is questionable) and God Forbid you should ever loan a large chunk of money to a complete stranger or even a friend, seriously have your head examined.  I think had I asked myself the question “Is this person more important than me?”, I would have chosen different paths.  My mother used to say you can’t be everyone’s Social Worker and now I get it.  Only took 40 years, what the heck!

12/27/16  Saying of the Week!

The longer it takes, the better it is!

1/6/17 A Few Stats to Ponder

You do not have to be hard to have an orgasm.

You do not have to ejaculate to have an orgasm.  Your prostrate starts to produce less seminal fluid around the age of 60-65.

75% of the men that come to see me are over 50.

75% of women do not come vaginally (no matter what you’ve been told).

25% of men do not come from Oral.

90% of straight men do not like anal play.

50% of men that come to see me, come back.

75% of men who see me are married.


1/7/17  Saying of the Week

Why do men fuck and run?  Because when they are completely satiated, it is STIMULUS OVERLOAD!!  Same thing for why they fall asleep right after sex!

1/7/17  Does Time Make a Difference

Let’s talk about what happens in my appointments, given a certain time frame:

QUICK VISITS: In/Out Bada bing bada bing!

HALF HOUR SERVICE:  Most likely we will get to know each other at the door and then I will lay down the ground rules, show you where to get more comfortable and then wait for you to come to my chambers with your donation.  From there, we will get to know each other in more depth while I lightly caress you.  We will discuss why you chose me, what you are wanting to get out of this session and what requests you have.  I always like to end the session with a light back rub/tickle and a hug and kiss goodbye.  I find that younger guys prefer half hours.

HOUR SERVICE:  All of the above, but we start with a half hour of Swedish Massage with some Deep Tissue work.  The extra time also gives us more time to get to know each other, explore each other and possibly have 2 services if you are young enough!  I find that older guys like hour visits because these visits are more personable.

OVERNIGHTS:  Overnights are a special breed unto themselves.  We usually start with dinner, either at a restaurant or a home-cooked meal.  From there we might decide to head for my chambers or watch a movie on TV.  I like to drink wine or smoke a little weed to get us in the mood.  Most of my overnights go very well and we are able to enjoy each other 2-3 times during the overnight.  Of course, this depends on age, medications and other factors.  My overnights last 10 to 12 hours and I have heard that my bed is very comfortable and I have a sound machine to cover up any snoring!  At $400, this is a steal, considering that you save on a Hotel room also.  I insist on at least exchanging photos and I prefer to meet you before we have an overnight to make sure we are compatible.

Please note:  That was then.  Things have changed.  I have updated this blog since then. Keep reading!


1/8/17 Customer Service (aka Spoil You Rotten!)

This profession is all about Customer Service.  When you come to my house, be expected to be pampered and spoiled.  I mean, isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?  I think of these youngsters out there who rush you in, rush you out, and think giving you something you can easily give yourself is service.  It’s no wonder my customers keep coming back to me and tell me horror stories of the girls who are in their twenties.  Just like I have to be careful of who I let into my home, you too should be careful of who you are seeing.  I test myself every other month and have always been clean.  Are you sure these girls are doing the same thing?  Do you want to continue a Meth Addict’s habit?  Do you know that a pimp is not in the closet/bathroom waiting to rob you?  I’m not purposely trying to scare you, just make you aware of what you might be walking into.  Something I pride myself in is my level of safety.  Since I am 51, have my Masters degree and am not a junkie, you pretty much know what you are getting.  No pimps, no drug habits,  no flakes,  Just a nice pleasurable experience.

1/15/17 Saying of the Week

All generalizations are bullshit including this one.

1/17/17  My First Year!

Well it’s actually 3 months past my 1 year Anniversary, but it took me that long to process all I’ve been through.  I am happy to report that I doubled my previous salary and will be staying a provider for the foreseeable future.  I met a lot of great guys this past year and some neat women in this profession.  I experienced Threesomes for the first time and found out that I like my style and most of my patrons do too.  I’m soft and soothing, but playful and passionate.  I learned the art of saving (big lesson) and making myself #1 priority.  I gave up my Professional license and have never regretted it.  I moved to my current location in June and have loved this house from Day 1.  I learned who to trust and who not to.  I tried things I thought I’d never try (and liked some!).  But most of all, I found a profession that I actually enjoy.  One in which I am self-employed, call my own shots and make a lot of money.  And meet you wonderful blokes!

1/18/17  Motivations

I understand the motivation of a man to see a Provider when his wife won’t or can’t have relations with him.  I understand men who are not married and don’t want the hassle or have trouble finding women to be with.  What I don’t get are the men who are married or otherwise attached, have a GREAT sex life at home and still go to Providers.  If you have a great sex life at home, why would you need to see a Provider?  I hear “Variety is the spice of life” a lot!  But, to me, it’s not worth the chance of your wife finding out.  Now, an open marriage is something else altogether.  And I truly will never know these clients motivation.  I’m happy to meet with just about anyone, but I would really love for someone to fill me in on a man’s psyche.

1/19/17  The Five Love Languages

Dr. Gary Chapman came out with a book that I think everyone should read.  It talks about The Five Love Languages (also the title) and how these affect our relationships.  And it’s not about just your significant other, it is very helpful with children as well.  The 5 Love Languages are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.  Each of us prefers one or two of these demonstrations of Love.  You can figure out what yours are by going to and taking a short quiz.  Then, have your significant other do it too.  This is a very powerful tool because it shows you how your significant other and y0u want different things (or, by pure luck, the same things) that show that they are loved.  For example, if my Love Language is receiving gifts and yours is physical touch, I might think you don’t love me because I’m not getting what I need to know I’m loved.  And you may think I don’t love you because I’m not giving you enough (or any) physical touch.  Mine are Quality Time and Receiving Gifts.  What are yours?  If you do one thing for your relationship, read this book together.  It’s very short, very informational and could just save your marriage.

I mention that this is a great book for children as well.  Dr. Chapman wrote a book specifically to address Children’s Love Languages and what great information it is to know what those Love Languages are.  Knowing others’ Love Languages can enhance your relationships with all your Significant Others, whether they be your lover, wife, or child.

1/22/17  Feedback

I have added this Feedback into my Blogs section and I think you’ll see why after you read it.

“Good Morning Darling. So last Wednesday I tried to get an appointment with you and we discussed the BS of Back Page taking down the site pretty much for professionals like you. I was hoping you found a way to keep it all real and going and it looks like you did still with BP and under Women>for men. Ah you are a sly one for sure and I knew they could not keep a good gal down. I hope that way keeps working out for you because there s guys out there (like me) that are looking for that special distraction from there life and every day routine. I was kind of bummed that I could not come over to Topeka and see you because you see I am getting my other hip replaced January 20th this Friday and I was hoping to be able to unwind and get some of my animosity for this major surgery out of my system. My wife,. bless her heart, has tried in so many ways but I have just not been able to submit to letting her do just that and take my mind off of things and on top of that she is a sex machine just like you and is so desperately needing a good hard romp from me..or whoever she can get one from. If you recall I was one of your first clients back when you first got into the business for yourself and I have faithfully followed your progress and you probably didn’t even know it. I have perved your site many times and I feel like I have know you for a long time kinda like an old HS friendship relationship but yet that can’t be true because I have only been inside your house after the last time I booked you for 2 hours but I was a dumb fucking late person and didn’t truly know the quickest way to get around Topeka to arrive at your place on time so that was (my bad)…! So hear I am again the week o surgery looking at your website ( I remembered it this and thinking damn this lady is so Fucking Cool to read about and I have read all the blogs that I can see with an average Joe with no subscription. You are thinking well Xxxxxxx why don’t you subscribe as a VIP member and I truly can’t answer that question Xxxxx and I suppose I will in time. I do believe that you are kind of like an Special Angel that is in the business to make lonely soul’s be either men or women feel good about themselves or life with the kind of services you provide. Myself nor my wife think that your kind of business adventures is wrong, like most of the hedge-hogs in the Phelps clan or the different types of Church people who would shy away from people like you because you make your living in their eyes a Sinful way. Wife and I find this kind of business an adventure a kinky erotic and fun-filled adventure in life and only a small handful such as yourself is brave enough to actually go out and do it. Seems like from your Blogs you are having fun and also meeting real and interesting people in this area. I also found it after walking out your door each time that I just sat through a very GOOD sex therapy session..WINK!!!!. So I have probably bored the hell out of you by now and that was not the intention what I was actually seeking was to see what openings do you have. If you don’t have time or don’t want to see me I totally understand and will continue to support your site the best I can. Sincerely Xxxxxx”

1/27/17 Confidentiality

One of the first things they taught us in Graduate School was all about Confidentiality and I take this to heart every time I see someone.  I might talk about another patron, but I will never divulge his name or any identifying characteristics.  I do have a scheduler but I only put in first names there.  Heck, I don’t think I even know your last names!  Nor do I need to.  Nor will I give out my last name.  I fully appreciate that this is a very private, discreet business and I just want you to know that I understand this and that you have nothing to worry about with me.  I will never call, text or email you without you contacting me first.

1/30/17 Saying of the Month

“From your lips, to God’s ears”. 

Old saying that basically says May God hear your prayers.  I heard my father say this a lot as I grew up.

1/30/17 Flavor of the Month

Sometimes I feel like I’m your Flavor of the Month, when what I really want to be is your Go To Girl.  Just seems to me that seeing a Provider should be a treat and one in which you want to be pampered and excited.  Who better to do that than me?  I may be in my fifties and not have that “hot” bod, but I’m hot in my own ways.  And the thing is, I get better with time spent with me.  As I get to know you, I get to know just how to please you.

1/31/17 Best.Overnight.Ever

I think we both knew with the first phone call that there was chemistry between us.  When he arrived, we were both pleasantly surprised.  Had a great dinner, came back to lounge in my hot tub and stayed up til 11:00 playing.  At one point, he asked me to get into one of my outfits and when I came out to the living room, boy did I get the surprise of my life!  He was in lingerie too!  Now, this was not the first time I have been with a cross-dresser and if you didn’t know this, they are mostly heterosexual.  He sure was!  We had a blast comparing lingerie.  And yes, he was a bit of a kink, but we had a great time with each other in every way.  This is the only overnight I’ve had that went this well.

2/1/17 Crushes

I admit it.  I know I shouldn’t but I just have to tell you.  I have crushes.  Not that I would ever tell the crushee, but it’s hard not to see someone as often as I do and not find yourself thinking about that person when not with them.  I feel lucky to have some wonderful regulars and I’m sure my crushes are just school-girlish, but it’s still kinda fun to look forward to seeing them and knowing they have no idea of my crush.  On the same sort of subject, I realized that I probably will not have a boyfriend while participating in this occupation.  And quite honestly, I’m okay with that.  As long as I have company and I’m not too lonely.  I mean, after all, I have all the intimacy that I could ever want, enough money to take care of myself, a great house, a fat cat, and I’m happy.  Yes, it would be nice to be told that I’m loved, but is that worth all the aggravation a relationship can bring with it?

2/3/17 Saying of the Week

The longer you go without having sex, the more difficult it is to get back into the habit of having sex.   Same goes for exercising! 

2/21/17  You Can’t Judge a Book by it’s Cover (Or Maybe You Can!)

I booked an appointment with a Black man today.  He sounded older so I didn’t worry.  When he showed up, he was 28, clearly outside the bounds of my no AAs under 40 rule.  But the most interesting thing happened.  He was polite, respectful, sweet, cute (oh so cute) and a gentleman in most every way.  It made me realize that one bad apple should not spoil the bunch.  I also realized again that I AM in charge in my home.  I tend to be submissive in the bedroom, but I don’t think anyone would ever accuse me of being submissive in my own home.  I’ve decided to take off my ban of AAs, but I do plan to screen better.  Which brings me to what happened today.  I took an appointment from a 34 year old AA.  When I met him at my door, he walked right in like it was his house.  Then he balks at having to undress in my spare room and finally, he decides HE’S IN CHARGE BECAUSE HE PAID FOR MY TIME.  I promptly refunded his money and made it very clear that I AM IN CHARGE IN MY HOME.  This is not to say that we can’t agree on what takes place, but to just FACE F*** me when I made it very clear that I don’t do this, is just downright rude.  Ahhh, so my struggle with Blacks continues.  If you are unsure of what I will not do, just ask.

2/24/17 Word of the Week

Mensch –  A Yiddish word meaning someone of great integrity and an all-around great person. In the Jewish culture,  this word is not used lightly. Think of the best person you know in terms of giving of themselves, being a teacher of sorts and always thinking of others before themselves.

2/25/17 Confidence

I  recently met a man who had not had sex in five years and had maybe had sex 5 times in his 39 years of life . He was not unattractive,  in fact he’s one of the most attractive men I have had the pleasure of working with. I realized fairly quickly that this man needed a social worker as much as a provider.   What he suffers from, and I think a lot of men also suffer from, is the lack of confidence. When a man tries to have sex for the first time and cannot get it up, he wonders if something’s wrong with him. This carries over to the next sexual opportunity   And if it happens again, his lack of confidence escalates. Pretty soon he decides he can’t do it and gives up.  So you might be wondering how I’m working with him and I think it’s rather ingenious. We started by talking and understanding and my making him feel comfortable with me. I knew he liked porn so the next time I saw him I put on my porn and gave him some lip service. He was very successful and I think this helped him with his confidence. The next session I won’t use the porn. You have to take baby steps to get that confidence back up.   But I feel certain that I will be successful with him and it gives me a chance to actually help someone and not just make them feel good.

Update 3/2/17:  This gorgeous, insecure man had great sex with you-know-who!  I have him working on Affirmations to combat all the negative thinking he does.  We also talked about where dating has come in 20 years!  The change in him in just 3 weeks is amazing.  Next Week:  Lots of positions!

3/1/17 When Your Parent Fails

I can remember thinking that I was not ready to have my mother die and I had a hard time even thinking of it.  I was 10.  Now I’m 51 and my mother goes into the hospital because she is shooting blood clots all through her left leg.  I should be ready, right?  She is the same age when her mother died and I’m the same age she was when her mother died.  And yet I’m not ready.  I haven’t seen her suffer.  Not only that, but she did come through two operations with flying colors!  The Vascular Surgeon said that her veins looked years younger.  The thing I know about my mom is that she is a trooper.  And has a great sense of humor.  The hospital staff kept coming in and asking her name so often that she finally said “Mary Jones”.  The nurse was like “what?”!  I’m going to St. Louis to take care of her.  I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, but I’ll be blogging….I also want to appeal to you to come see me in the next week to help me pay for the time I’m gone.  

Update:  Mom is now in  A rehabilitative nursing home where she can recuperate. It could be six more weeks before she needs me to come help her. I want to thank everyone for their well wishes   And concerns. She’s going to be just fine. 

Update:  Mom is doing well at the nursing home and should go home in 3-4 weeks.  I’ll be leaving for a week to take care of her.

Update:  Went to take care of Mom who got out of the nursing home on 5/21.  By 5/29/17, I could take no more and she was ready to be on her own.  

Update 5/17/17:   I swear my mother is 86 going on 76. She’s doing all the exercises that the PT is telling her to do and she’s getting stronger by the day. She is very close to being   Able to drive and get around with a cane instead of a walker. She refused to go anywhere with the Walker. But she is feisty and now you know where I get it from. She was going to have her left hip replaced but at this point, I don’t think any surgeon would open her up, especially her left leg which was the one affected. It turns out she had to have two bypasses one at her knee and one in her groin. I had never heard of such a thing, but I guess it’s done all the time. I want to thank all  my clients who gave me well wishes for my mother and myself.  I hope I never have to go take care of her for nine days again, but I would do it in a heartbeat.

Update 5/19/17:  Mom is progressing steadily and hopes to be on a cane instead of a walker very soon.  She has to have a Nerve test to see if nerves in her leg were permanent or temporarily numb.  But she’s a trooper and will probably make a 90% recovery.  Thanks to all my clients who ask about her.

Update 7/14/17:  My mother is walking on her own for the most part and is going to look into getting her hip replaced, which she had scheduled before this mess happened.  She is just as spunky as ever.

3/2/17 Sexual Surrogate/ Sexual Teacher

I am officially offering up my services as a Sexual Surrogate/Teacher.  In this capacity, I can work with women, men, and couples.  A Sexual Surrogate works with individuals and couples to enhance their sexual experience.  I work with technique, distorted thinking, achieving orgasm and couples sexual relationship.  I work within a framework of a loving, sexual experience that is playful.  Having been a therapist for 8 years and a Provider for over a year, I feel I have a lot to offer.  Want more info?  Just ask!

3/8/17 Example of a Mensch

I met a man today who personified the word “Mensch” and since I had introduced the word a little while back, I thought it would be good to give you an example.  A man is married to a woman for 36 years, the last 16 are very distant.  They’ve been planning their divorce for some time.  It was mutual.  Then she comes up with Kidney Disease and instead of divorcing her, he sticks with her through her ordeal.  That is, my dears, a Mensch.  Even though he knows he doesn’t want to be with her, their history dictates that the only right thing to do would be to stay with her that much longer.  As a therapist, I met a lot of ill women whose husband had split because they couldn’t take losing her.  Really, such a shame.

3/10/17 Saying of the Week

Do not discount yourself or everyone else will also!

3/10/17 How Much Would You Pay?

My first client said to me that money goes with looks.  So I’m not ugly but I’m certainly no model who charges $500/hr.  I know a lot of the girls ( and I mean girls: 20 to 25) will negotiate with you (probably because they know their rates are too high).  I won’t do that but my donations are so low I don’t need to.  I have to tell you I’m starting to second guess my decision to  lower my rates.  As  I think because I am 51, I have discounted myself, but you know what?  I’m way too good at what I do to discount myself.  As of right now, my rates are on my donations page.

And while we’re on the subject, is any woman worth $500 an hour? She may be an ex-model, ex-porn star or just drop dead gorgeous, but she still just a woman spending time with you for one hour.  I know that men are very visual, but I just can’t wrap my brain around $500 per hour or more for that matter. I wonder how many clients these women see. I wonder the type of man that goes to see these exclusive providers. All I can imagine is men who have nothing better to do with their money and $500 for an hour is a drop in the bucket for them. I try to be realistic in pricing my time.  I also priced my time so that I can see 3 to 4 man a day. Now I can understand if providing is something you do as a moonlighting profession. But for me, it’s my life and I would hate to wait and wait and wait for that call to come in. I wouldn’t say I’m high volume, but I’m sure I’m higher volume than a provider he charges $500 an hour.  I would love to hear your response to this blog. I want to know what men think about this.

3/14/17 Squirting and other things that were never heard of in the 1980s

I don’t know about you, but when I was actively dating in the 80s, we NEVER talked about Squirting!  Nor did we shave or trim down there.  I shaved it all off one time and felt like a 10-year-old when all was said and done.  Never again.  So what is this squirting and why are men so enamored with it?  Imagine when you came, you shot across the room.  Actually I take that back, you guys would probably love that.  Me, I’m just not into excess liquids on my comforter!  I wonder if the squirting enhances their orgasms?  I can’t wait to see my first squirter!  I’m laying out towels!

3/18/17 Thought of the week

It doesn’t matter what you do sexually, as long as no one is hurt.

3/21/17 I’ve been Punked

 Yesterday, around 5:00pm, I started to get a boatload of calls and texts from men in Bend, Oregon.  It seems that someone copied my Backpage ad and posted it there.  I got so many inquiries that I’m starting to think Bend, Oregon doesn’t sound half bad!  The day before, a massage therapist in Topeka gave me a bunch of shit for wording my title too much like hers.  All you need to do is look at our ads and you can tell who it is.  When someone is this spiteful, I stay away.  I’m hoping you will too.

3/22/17 Feedback of the Day

I got one of the nicest compliments today from a “Hobbyist”.  He told me that he had been seeing Providers for many years and no one compared to me.  He said that he thought it was because I treat people the way I want to be treated.  He also said that I was one of the sweetest Providers he had ever met.  I know these things but it’s so nice to hear it from a client!

3/24/17  You’ve Tried 21, Now Try 51

I am worlds apart from my counterparts that are 30 years younger. You may be asking how? Well let me tell you. I will never rush you.  Never rush you in or out.  I’m patient.  I’m worldly.  I have my Masters degree so we can actually have a conversation. I love what I do. It’s not just about the money for me, it’s about connections and mutual pleasure.  Those 21-year-olds who are doing this just to make money could take a few lessons from me. I promise you, after you come see me, you’ll never want to go see a 21-year-old again.  If skinny is your thing then I’m not. I may not have the hot body of a 21-year-old but what I do have is a pretty face, great smile, gorgeous eyes, a curvy body, and a huge desire to make you happy.

3/30/17  “51 Is Too Old”

 You might think 51 is too old to be a provider, but the number of regular clients that I have would suggest otherwise.  If you were like me, I questioned how I could do so well in a profession dominated by 20s and 30s.  The answer is interesting.  Let’s think about it.  The men over 40 don’t want to have anything to do with young girls that simply rush you in, take your money, and rush you out.  They need a woman who is patient, slow, and can have a conversation with them.  The guys in their 20s and 30s want the experience of an older woman.  They can get their age bracket, usually without a donation.  What they can’t get is me.  A woman old enough to be their mother.  It’s not about my body, although I get a lot of compliments.  It’s about maturity.  It’s all about my personality, my smile and my strong desire to see you happy.

4/2/17 Saying of the Week

“It is what it is”

4/7/17 Lover

A client of mine told me the following: “The reason you have so many regulars is that you don’t treat them like a client, but rather as your lover.”  He couldn’t have been more true.  When you spend time with me, I try to get to know who you are, I take my time to make sure you are happy and I end with my version of “Afterglow”.  I love to kiss, stroke and caress your body, things a lover would do.  I realize that not all of my guys want this and I accommodate, but for my “lovers”, I know just what they like!

4/14/17 Thought for the week

Have you ever seen an obese 80-year-old?

4/22/17  Thoughts about Airports

I don’t care what large city a provider travels to, she should ALWAYS stay near the airport.  After all, EVERYONE knows where the airport is.  And there are always stray men with layovers.

4/22/17  Longest Visit since 1990

I’ve only been in St. Louis a day and already I’m missing my cat, my clients, and my home.  It’s a good thing I was in a helping profession because my Mom sure does need help.  To the tune of every 10-15 minutes.  And if the blood clots weren’t enough to set her back, she got 100 degrees temp tonight and is known for pneumonia.  Oh yeah, did I mention that she has her thermostat set at 75 HEAT on a 70 degree day?  Love my mom, but she is a lot to contend with.  On a different note, I haven’t seen this many visitors and views of my website since last September when I started it.  I’m taking appointments all tomorrow for the week, a move I’m not sure was wise.  With so many phone calls and texts over the past 3 days, I have a feeling I’m going to be inundated.  Thankfully or not so thankfully, my Mom is deaf without her hearing aids and she hates to wear them.  I should be able to take phone calls without her even knowing it.

4/24/17 Trying to be a Provider in St. Louis is like starting this business all over again!

For getting over 100 responses and doubling my website viewer-ship, you’d think I’d have gobs of guys in St. Louis wanting to spend time with me.  I got one legitimate call and had to talk to him for 45 minutes about myself in detail.  Then it turns out that my mother gets 100.1 fever, often gets pneumonia and has to go to the ER.  When you say?  Right when I’m supposed to be checking into the airport hotel and having my one and only session!  That was that.  I cancelled the hotel, cancelled the appointment and made the decision that my mother’s health is too precarious to be trying to provide in St. Louis.  It would have been nice to be a sensation here, but alas, it’s not to be.  I got a lot of calls wanting out-calls, which I don’t do.   I am hardly ever asked about that in Topeka. Trust me, being a companion and a Daughter are both way too challenging to do both!  And I miss my cat.

4/29/17 Home Dear Sweet Home

I decided to come home a day early.  I couldn’t sleep there and my mom really didn’t need me anymore. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy to be somewhere, but when I got home tonight, that’s all I could think.  I plan to take it easy tomorrow and then go at it full force this week (hear that guys?).  I’m going to wear a different outfit for each client!  I think the best part of coming home was getting my cat.  She was none too happy in the car ride home, but we’ve settled into master/feline lovie-ness.

5/3/17 Saying of the Week

The best way to gain inches on your penis is to lose weight!

5/3/17 Empty Nests

 I deal with a lot of empty-nesters and I have to say that this can be a time of life when you and your wife  find each other again or you can look at each other and say to yourselves “who is this person”? I think the latter happens more often than not. Think about it . You have been with this person raising children, putting them through college, starting being grandparents and you really didn’t have to deal with each other. Guess what?  Now you do, because it’s just the two of you. I can see one of two things happening. You part ways and get divorced, Mostly because you never really got along but you stayed together  for the kids.   Or you re-find yourselves. It’s a new relationship, not one based on what you do for a living or where your kids need to be taken to.  It’s simply about the two of you and can you create a new relationship based on growing old together or can you not see each other in your lives. I know that at this age, sex is an issue usually. This is to be expected and you deal with it the best that you can.  I suppose that’s where I come in. Remember, there is a lot more to living and relationships than sex. I’m not saying it’s not important , But once a month is probably all you really need. It’s so important, before you make any decisions, that you really think about growing old alone. My hope  is that you’ll find that relationship that brought you together or a new relationship based on being grandparents, doing things together that you didn’t have time for.  Having a friendship that is your best friendship.  I got divorced at 48 and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss having a family. Now would I have stayed If I had known how I would feel? I guess that’s the question I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life…

5/7/17  I’m Not Sure How to Entitle This Blog!

This blog is meant for the men who read my website.  I want to try to explain why their women eventually turn off to sex with you.  It’s not completely about you.  It’s more about the habits we fall into and our inability to change.  I’m going to explain what I believe the typical woman to be like, think like, and her sexual proclivities.  You must remember also, that many women were molested/raped as children.  This can make her hyper-sexual or very self-conscious and sexually averse.  The woman of the 60s, 70s, 80s was not usually given any education as to how to have an orgasm or how to make a man have an orgasm.  It was all about how not to get pregnant.  Which is important, but the other is JUST as important.  So, here she is, probably a virgin or very inexperienced and she has no idea what will be expected of her.  Therein lies the issue.  Sex becomes an expectation and not the treat that it should be.  Now, this is a generalization and all generalizations are bs.  Women 40+ see sex as a duty.  This is where you come in.  Don’t let her make it a duty.  You need to make it fun, make it about her, lube your finger before you put it on her clit, get her a vibrator if she doesn’t have one and use it with her.  I think for most women, they cum by clitoral stimulation, not vaginally.  Make sure she cums first, so she is nice and lubricated for you.  So, when you are having intercourse, she’s probably counting til you cum.  And it doesn’t help that you roll over and go to sleep or take a shower without her.  After intercourse is jusr as important as before sex! This is the most intimate time, it should be savored.  Hold her, stroke her, tickle her back like I do.  If you do the same thing each time, it will become rote after awhile.  Best to mix things up.  I just realized how to title this blog entry.  “Advice to Newlywed Guys”  because by the time you are in your 40s, sex is what it is.

5/8/17 Portrait of the Provider as a Middle Aged Woman in Topeka

I get up late because I know I can.  I get ready for the day pretty much the same way every day.  And then I wait.  I don’t usually book clients ahead of the same day due to no-shows and cancellations.  Sometimes I am very busy and then sometimes I feel I have nothing to do all day.   When I’m busy, I’m very happy.  When I’m not busy I’m working on some bookkeeping, but it doesn’t keep my attention.  I watch some TV and feel guilty that I’m not working.   Once again, it’s a crazy business.  Having spent my savings on going to see my mother, I’m back kinda scraping to get by.  Not a good feeling at all.  Another provider told me that with Mother’s Day coming up, things get slow.  When I do meet a client, I am well aware of my age and my size. I know that men are visual and sometimes I don’t feel like I measure up.  I know that my skills are superior and I’m proud of that, but that’s not all there is to being a provider.  Sometimes I feel like I’m competing with 20-something little girls and other times I find my intellect and know that they are not my competition.  After all, the men that frequent these girls, I would not want to see and vice versa.  But I must say that when I made the decision to do this work, I knew I was going to need a skill that would set me apart and be my specialty.  Trust me when I say that I found my calling and have perfected it.  When I put my first ad on Backpage, I had no idea the assortment of men who wanted to see a 50 year old woman.  Of course, I appeal to the older men who want nothing to do with the young hotties that are so unpredictable.  And the younger guys liked that I was older.  Young guys can always get young, hot girls without paying, but they can’t spend time with an older woman without some form of payment.  So, from the get go, I was pretty popular.  And here I was worried that no one would come see 

5/12/17 Why Every Woman Should Own a Vibrator

I’ve said in the past that the more a woman has sex, the more she wants it.  This blog is not about women who never want sex.  It’s more for the ones who still have a libido and like to act on it.  Vibrators are a lovely little piece of sexual bliss.   They make it so easy to orgasm.  And just like you like to masturbate, she should too.  So if she doesn’t have one, you should buy her one.  I suggest the rechargeable ones since are the strongest I’ve tried.  But if she cums more vaginally, go for the vibrating dildos that are gel filled.  Then use it with her too.  Let her show you how she likes it and you might even take the vibrator from her to use it without her control.  See if you can make her cum with it.  And, of course, when she is languid in sexual bliss, give it to her but good!  I have absolutely nothing bad to say about vibrators.

5/15/17 I Will Never Let This Happen Again

A thug just came to visit me and I’ll be damned if he didn’t leave without making a donation.  This is the second guy to do this to me and it makes me so mad I just want to scream.  I don’t know why I trust that every guy is on the up and up.  99% are!!  But I cannot tolerate this kind of rude behavior so I’m implementing the policy that EVERYONE I DON’T KNOW WILL DONATE UP FRONT!  I cannot afford to let this happen again.

5/17/17  Thought/Question For The Week

 If a man comes quickly, does that mean he’ll always come quickly or does that mean that he has control and that’s what he chooses?  Then I think about how long it takes me and I’m just a tad bit jealous at how quickly they can have an orgasm.

5/29/17  Many Women Use Sex

This blog is bound to raise the ire of many women, but I think it’s important to talk about it and validate it.  I feel it’s something that takes place all the time, by most women and what I’m talking about is how women use sex to get a guy.  And once married, backs off.  I know this because I dealt a lot with this when I was a therapist and also in my own life.  All I can say to the husbands of women like this is you should get help for both of you.  Does she know that she is doing this?  Not always and probably not unless she is very self-aware.  Again, not all women do this and I don’t believe that those that use sexual power to get what they want always know they are doing it.

6/1/17 Website Stats

I just find it amazing that when I go to Kansas City, the volume on my website just goes through the roof.  In Topeka, I get about 500 hits and 80-100 visitors each day.  In Kansas City, the hits go up to over 1000 and the visitors is well over 200.  And the kicker is, I only advertise on Backpage!  Now when you think of how much bigger KC is than T-Town, you would think the numbers would be even higher, but you have to remember that I’ve been doing this for 18 months in Topeka and I’ve only been to KC a handful of days.  I just loved that comment on how a cop would never have a website like this (or even at all)!

Update:  After Backpage went down, so did my website stats.  Now I get around 600 hits and 130 visitors each day.

6/1/17 Good Point

A client of mine today told me this when I asked him why he picked me. He said that no cop would take the time to create a website such as I have done. Point well taken. I have spent hours on this website and I’m very proud of it. No way would a cop do this. 

6/4/17 Change in Policy

From now on, I will not be booking an overnight with anyone I have not met previously. That way, I know that we will get along (or not) and I’ll feel a lot better about spending 12 hours with someone. When you don’t know the person before hand, you don’t know that you’re going to get along or if he irritates you to no end. This also keeps people from making an overnight appointment who live three hours away. I also will not be discounting my donation.  I’m tired of making overnight appointments with people I don’t even know who may or may not get along with me and vice versa. I realize that this can be a great way to get to know somebody but I would rather at least know them for an hour before beng with them that long.

6/5/17  Kansas City’s Backpage/ How I Compare

If you look at Kansas City’s Backpage Dating Women for Men, you will find 75 women under the age of 40 and 2 above 50.  Yes, TWO!  Now I’m sure many of the gals that say they are 35 to 39 are actually above 40, but you can only go by what they put as their age.  I guess where I’m going with this is that if you want to see someone in their 20s or 30s, how do you pick from so many?  Kinda makes me sad for all those 20-somethings that are competing against each other.  I’m sure some of them are just great, but how do you know which ones?  Now, when you make a date with me, a sophisticated, experienced lady in her 50s, and you’ve hopefully seen my website with my professional pictures and interesting blogs, you will see that seeing an older woman over those 20-year-olds is a wiser choice.  What you can expect from me, that you will most likely not find with a 20-something, are the following:

  1.  I will never rush you.  In fact, if I don’t have an appointment after you, there’s no reason to leave right at the hour.

  2.  I take pride in cleaning you up after we are done.  I use a warm washcloth to gently wipe you down.  I’ve never heard of another provider doing this.

  3.  I make sure I’m always clean, smelling fresh and dressed in a sexy little number!  I never use perfume.

  4.  After the main event is over, I turn you over to give you a back tickle like you’ve never had.  You may like this more than the main event.  I call it my afterglow!

  5.  I know what I’m doing and I don’t find any need to rush to completion.  Slower really is better. 

  6.  I have safe in-calls in Kansas City.

  7.  I bring everything needed.  All you need is yourself and my donation.

  8.  Those 20 and 30-year-olds rely on their bodies.  I rely on my skills.  And, 42DDs don’t hurt.

  9.  A lot of those young girls are Meth addicts with Pimps (which is why they don’t see AAs, because Pimps won’t let them).  Just imagine being with someone with terrible teeth, constantly talking and moving.  The reason they rush you is so they can smoke some more meth. The other thing you need to be aware of is that there isn’t someone in the closet ready to rob you.  I am 100% Independent and the most I’ve ever done is smoke some weed and drink white wine!

  10.  The thing that makes me most unique is my background.  I have a Business Degree from KU and a Masters in Social Work from Washington University.  Time with me is not just about the main event, unless you want that.  I like to get to know my customers because I want to be more than just your companion.

  11.  I give you dozens of pics to look at and they give you 3 or 4.  They say their pics are 100% recent but when you get there you cannot tell if it’s the same person or not.  Probably not!  I tell you when mine were taken.

6/7/17 The Story of My Parents

This is somewhat of a long story, so feel free to pass this one up if you aren’t for reading about love stories.  Because this is the ultimate love story.   

My parents met at Washington University in St. Louis, where my mother was in the Jewish Sorority (Seldom Dated Twice – Sigma Delta Tau) and my Father was in the Jewish Fraternity (ZBT).  They dated for a while and were the toast of the town, my mother being beautiful, my father being wealthy.  Finally, my mother gave him the ULTIMATUM!  He had 6 weeks to decide if he wanted to marry her or she was going to look around further.  My father left for 6 weeks, came back and proposed.  My mother, who came from a poorer family, borrowed her rich cousin’s wedding dress and looked radiant on her wedding day.

Four children and 23 years later, they divorce.  My father was going through a mid-life crisis and needed out.  Six months later, my mother met Arthur, my soon-to-be stepfather.  Arthur was brilliant (3 PhDs), a professor and world traveler.    If you ever see a Maker’s Mark bottle, he designed that.  He was a marketing whiz.  To say that my mother has lived a charmed life is putting it lightly.  She got Arthur into a program through the University of Maryland that sent professors to Air Force bases all over the world to teach our military.  They stayed in Ramstein, Germany for 2 years, then went to Brindisi, Italy and finally to Jakarta, Indonesia.  I can’t think of a place they did not go to.

While my mother was happy in love with Arthur, my father remarried a witch.  I can’t say one good thing about Marilyn.  She was only in it for the money, that is for sure.  When they got divorced, she definitely got the better lawyer.  They got a separation agreement that paid her $5000 per month and then did nothing about the divorce!  My father could not and did not want to pay this exorbitant amount of money, so he skipped town.  Remember, this was 1992.  He went to Utah, why I can’t surmise.  Then Las Vegas, but didn’t like either of these spots.  At the time, my mother and Arthur had moved to a high-rise right on the ocean on Hutchinson Island, Florida.  My dad moved to Tampa and met his girlfriend, Charlotte.  Now to say that Charlotte was worse than Marilyn is the understatement of the year.  My sisters referred to her as Lizard Legs.  She forbade my father from talking to my mother.

I must digress here to tell you that 6 months after my father left, my mother and father stayed friends, got together every Wednesday night for happy hour with Arthur.  And my father and Arthur were friends also.  It was a happy little 3-some except for Charlotte.  She was so jealous and nasty, I hated being around her.  At one point, my father broke up with Charlotte and went to live 4 floors above my mother and Arthur!  Well eventually he and Charlotte made up and she moved to where he was.  And still forbade him to have anything to do with my mother.

Flash forward to 2007.  Arthur had been in declining health for several years and eventually died of prostate cancer and kidney failure.  He was 82.

My mother moves back to St. Louis where 3 of her children live.  She has maintained a condo in a nice complex.

2009, thankfully Lizard Legs dies back in Tampa where she is from.  My father doesn’t attend the funeral.  He moves to an apartment in the same complex as my mother’s condo!

My mother and father had been talking the whole time he was with Marilyn and Charlotte.  They found ways. Now that everyone was out of the picture, you guessed it.  They got back together at the ripe old ages of 77 and 80!  Now when I say they got back together, I do not include intimacy past a good night kiss.  They talk 5 times a day or more, go out to eat 3 times a week and have a “date” every Saturday where my father pays the whole tab.  He even took her out on Valentine’s Day!  Us kids were, to say the least, shocked.  The best word I could conjure up was Bizarro!  But when we thought about it, it made sense.  They had 4 kids together, 23 years of marriage, and had stayed friends for the most part.  At this point, I know my father needs my mother way more than she needs him.  She has a vibrant social life and he just plays Bridge 3 times a week with 90+ year-olds.  I think 4 of them have died so far.  Heck, I hope I’m playing Bridge at 90.  It’s not an easy game to play!  My mother is 86, father is 89.  Their bodies are going, but their minds are sharp.  The women on my mother’s side live to 100, not sure about my father’s side as that side is a bit murky.  We children hope that my Dad passes first, because he would be a mess without my mom.  The saddest part of this story is my parents telling me that all their best friends have died.  This is what happens when you outlive your friends.

What a story, huh?

6/13/17 Pet Names

I want to write a blog about name-calling. I’m not talking about asshole or bitch or anything mean. I’m talking about how men call women and women call men cutesy names likes sweetie and baby and babe and dumpling. Now don’t get me wrong, in a relationship these are all great names to call each other if that’s your sort of thing. But when you don’t even know the person I really don’t think you should be calling them sweetie or honey or baby. I know that men think they’re being sweet but in truth it’s really annoying. I wonder how many other women feel this way or is it just me? Maybe I’m just a bitch, maybe I should just get over myself and accept being called names that really don’t pertain to me. I had to write this blog because it’s been on my mind for years. Probably since the first time someone called me baby. I haven’t used that term since my kids were three and under. It’s kind of pedantic and childish or maybe it’s just sweet and I’m missing the boat. Neither would surprise me. Please don’t take offense by this blog and if you love calling women sweetie or honey or baby, then just do it. I’ll get over myself or just ignore you. I think the thing that drives me the craziest is when it’s used over and over and over. If you’re going to call me anything, call me babe because I like that word, I like that name. When I’m in a relationship, I use that word a lot and it feels right. But then I’m in a relationship. I know the person very well. It’s when I don’t know a person that I take offense. You’re probably thinking it’s no big deal. And you would be right.

6/13/17 Why Do Women Shy Away From Penises?

Have you ever noticed that most women, but not all, don’t really want to touch, much less put their mouth on a penis?  It’s almost like it’s considered dirty. Distasteful at the very least.  Maybe the younger generations don’t have this problem, but being the age I am, I am very aware that most women my age do not want to perform fellatio and giving a hand job is somewhat of a duty to be performed.  I find the male appendage beautiful and every single one is different.  Now I’m not saying that I wouldn’t rather look at a beautiful naked woman, because I would.  And I’m one of the straightest people I know! But to just say that part of a man is ugly or dirty is just not fair and it really is not accurate.  I think if more women took the time to really explore their man’s penis, they would find that it’s not dirty or scary and that semen can easily be washed off. True, we women don’t have any thing on our bodies like it, but that doesn’t mean it has to be seen as deficient just because it’s different.  This is a man’s main erogenous zone and, as such, it should not be ignored.  I hear stories about how women are more than happy to receive but when it comes to giving, they just can’t make themselves do it.  Or if they do, the effort given is minimal and my guess is that she just wants out of the situation.  How frustrating for both the man and the woman!  Here is where I believe a sexual surrogate would be of the most help. She could show the woman how to please her man and explore the penis as a whole. We were never taught as young women about penises so for many of us they remained a mystery.  I remember being 16 and giving a guy a hand job and him coming all over my hand. To say the least, I was appalled and just a bit disgusted. I had never come into contact with cum and being that he was 17, there was quite a lot of it. But I took the time to clean myself up and then to explore this new world opening up to me. If you think about it, sex really can’t be enjoyable if the woman does not like her mate’s penis. The most frustration I’ve had in my life came from a 3 inch hard penis. Had I known then what I know now, I think things would’ve been a lot better. The only position we ever did was doggy style because that’s all he could do. There are plenty of positions that we could’ve done even with his size, but we didn’t know. He was a virgin when I met him and I had had many one night stands and a few relationships but I was still so naïve about sex. It wasn’t until I got away from him and experienced a man who taught me everything, that I realized what I had been missing.  Let me just end this blog by saying that I think before you get married, you should explore each other, explore different positions and be open and honest about what you like, what you don’t like, and why you don’t like it. Every couple needs to have a weekend completely full of sex to make sure that they are compatible.  Trust me when I say that sex before marriage is the best it will ever be.  So, if it’s not good now, it isn’t probably going to get better unless you get help.  You really need to consider this before getting married.  If you think that it’s no big deal, “we’ll deal with it after were married”, think again. Sex is important to a marriage. It doesn’t make a marriage but it is a barometer for that marriage. The happiest marriages that I’ve encountered have happy sex lives. End of story.

6/15/17 Juliette

There is a provider coming to Topeka tomorrow who is 45, built like a brick house, hottest 45-year-old body I’ve ever seen.  Her face is not as pretty as her body, but I can see why she is considered upscale.  She charges $375 per hour, $525 for 1.5 hours, and $675 for 2 hours.  Her overnights are $1200.  Is there any guy in Topeka willing to pay these rates?  I charge a third of what she charges and times are slow in Topeka for me.  Now granted, I don’t really consider myself upscale because I don’t have a hot body and I’m 51.   But I would NEVER charge almost $400 for an hour of my time.  I don’t care who you are.  That’s what a lawyer or doctor makes, not a Provider.  The guys who pay those donations think nothing of it.  It’s a drop in the bucket.  Now, how many guys do you think there are in Topeka that visit Providers who would pay that amount?

Update:   Well I guess Juliette decided that Topeka wasn’t good enough, because now she’s in Kansas City. I just find it so funny when high dollar providers come to Topeka. I’m not saying there isn’t anybody who would pay such outrageous prices, but I think they’re few and far between.

6/25/17 Thought of the week

You spend your first 20 years worrying what people think about you. You spend your next 20 years swearing that you don’t care what people think about you. You spend the next 20 years realizing that they aren’t thinking about you. A liberation!

**This was taken from Quora Digest.  If you haven’t looked into this, you should.  Very interesting and entertaining!

6/24/17  To Be or Not To Be

A very good client/friend of mine said to me the other day that I should take down my blog about 7 No-Shows in one day.  He said that all of my blogs should be positive.  I was really angry and disappointed that day and so I blogged about it.  I can make all of my blogs positive, but that feels fake and pollyanna-ish.  I write these blogs so you can get to know me and my opinions.  I also try to give out information that will help you in your day-to-day life and your sex life.  If you want to just hear the positive side of me, then I will never complain.  But if you want to know ALL of me, you are going to hear about my disappointments.  Let me know what you think….

6/16/17 Sayings of the Week

If it seems too good to be true, it is.

If a man offers you more money than you quote him, there’s something wrong and he probably is just playing you.

If you get a gut feeling that something is wrong with a potential client/provider, do not see them!

If she says she’s 18 or 19, she could be 15.  Stay far away.  18 is the age of majority.

6/29/17 End on a Happy Note!

I realized that my last couple blogs were very depressing so I wanted to let you know of some wonderful things that happened to me today.  I met a true Italian who brought me some wine to calm my nerves and spoke Italian to me as I showed him some of my delights.  Then I met a super cool 60-year-old who was simply amazing in all he had done and seen.  Plus he got me high which helped my frazzled nerves even more.  I saw 4 wonderful clients.  I could have seen more had I not been traveling to East Kansas City…

6/30/17 Letter to Mom...

Dear Mom,

I am writing you this letter today to help explain how I see things. I know you don’t think I’m a very good mother and, all in all, I’m not. What can be said of a mother who moves out of the home when your kids are 9 and 12?  I never was the benevolent dictator that you stated you were. And trust me I agree, you were. I think I take after Dad a little bit more because my theory is let them find out on their own. Especially when you have two of the most stubborn children that you’ve ever met. Yes I am paying for flight lessons for Jake. I happen to think that having your pilot’s license at such a young age will only be a boon for him. That credential, as long as he renews it every year, will last him for a lifetime. I love you mom, you did very well by me, but I’m not you. I don’t see this as spoiling Jake as much as I do helping him move on. I don’t know if you know this, but it was June 30, 2016 when he had his accident. His memory before the accident has all but been wiped out. He doesn’t hardly remember any of his childhood. I am so sad for him and, at the same time, I am so glad he is still with us. He is still looking for a job part-time to help pay for school and he is actually pretty responsible when it comes to money. Whether I’m paying for his lessons because I believe in him or because I’m feeling guilty, I don’t know. But I do know this, I think it’s a really good move on his part. Especially if he can get through it. If he doesn’t get through it, I may break his neck.

Update:  Jacob is now a Private Pilot and going to school in Portland, OR to become a Commercial Pilot.  He got a job at Billiard airport in Topeka, but quit after about 6 months.  He has come a long way! 6/24 Update:  Jake got his Commercial License and eventually his Instrument Rating and has been applying at jobs, with no luck.  He is still optimistic.  This has been a long haul…

6/30/17 Now I Know…

Why providers don’t see Black men.  I did an outcall tonight to an AA at a casino and he stiffed me half of my donation.  He was aggressive, smelled horribly and I drove 22 miles to see him.  This is why I don’t usually do outcalls.  And if you aren’t already a regular of mine, I won’t be seeing you if you are under 40 and African American.  I kept wondering why so many providers will say “No AA” in their ads.  Now I know.

6/24 Update: I don’t know if I have blogged about this, but I was to find out that there are MANY reasons that providers shy away from black men, especially those under 40.  They tend to be much more aggressive.  I’ve been stiffed, robbed, and I’ve had my nipple chomped on by black men.  They also tend to smell like BO in their privates, probably from bad hygiene.  But no other race has this problem.  They also, in general, tend to be more demanding.  Black guys over 50 are not like this at all, but because 50% of black guys have penises that are too long for me, I have to ask about this every time I go to book with an AA guy.

7/1/17 Word of the Week

This word was given to me by a 52-year-old African-American that I had the delight of meeting today in my new apartment!  The word is “THUNDERCATS”  and it refers to these young (under 40) African-American men who are thugs, disrespectful to women, selfish and self-centered, aggressive, and are total players.  You know, the ones that most providers don’t want to see and will say so in their ads.  I changed my ad after meeting this man because I realized I was throwing the baby out with the bath water, so to speak.  Now my ads will read “No AA under 40”!

7/3/17 Saying of the Week

“She made me a millionaire!

 Of  course, I was a multi-millionaire before I met her.”

7/5/17 And We’re Off and Running In Kansas City!

Is there any wonder that I left Topeka 3 days a week?  I’m getting little to no love in Topeka and KC thinks I’m the best thing since sliced bread!   Hell, I’d move here permanently if it weren’t for my kids and my friends in Topeka.  Oh, I’ll still be there Sunday through Monday and you will continue to ignore the best provider you’ve ever had.  And, as for Law Enforcement, nothing still has happened in 19 months.  That’s because I don’t let down my guard.  Haven’t for 19 months.  C’mon Topeka, make me wanna stay!   And to Kansas City, all I have to say is a big fat Thank You!  You inspire me to be my best and make me want to come back every week.  No, not all experiences here have been wonderful, but I’m not complaining too loud!

Update:  As I prepare for moving to Kansas City, I look back at this Blog and laugh.  My son will come here to visit me, I’m getting a large apartment and couldn’t be happier.

7/8/17 Thought for the Week

The choices that you make, make you.

7/8/17 I Know Where I Belong

After 4 days of being in my new apartment in Kansas City, it is very apparent that this is where I need to be.   In 4 days in KC, I produced more than I did in 3 weeks in Topeka, which has all but forgotten me.  I keep asking myself why this is the case, but what I really should be asking is how can I get to KC more often!  There are major differences between Topeka and Kansas City.  For one, and this is big, Kansas City is, by and large, white class and affluent.  Topeka, on the other hand, is not.  It’s primarily blue collar except for the traveling men that come through Topeka for business.  But they are not my bread and butter.  You can tell that Topeka is not supporting providers because there are only 3 or 4 providers left on Backpage.  The rest have moved on.  Now maybe my old clients are really, super busy in the summer and I’ll see them come fall, but I kinda doubt it.  I just felt so appreciated and wanted in KC.  I hope this continues…

7/11/17 Decades (or Why Your 30s are Your Best Years)

I’ve been lecturing my 30-something customers for over a year about this Blog, so I decided it was time everyone saw my opinion on decades.

Your teens are great years, but you have no real identity or clue as to what life is all about.  You are completely into yourself and your friends, that’s about it.  Near the end of your teens, you start to get a clue.  You gain your identity in one of two ways:  either through something that will get you a scholarship for college or through your friends.

Your twenties are a really difficult decade.  You’re not a kid anymore, but you kind of still are.  You certainly are not treated like an adult yet.  You are just starting out so, most likely, you are not making that much money.  There are exceptions to this, but it isn’t the norm.  You are, however, at the peak of your physical capacity (even if you might be starting to lose hair on your head).  This is really the decade where you go from being a kid to being an adult.  This is the decade where you finally forgive your parents for being human.

Ahhhh, your thirties!  You are finally treated and thought of as an adult.  You are starting to make bank at work, even if you have had to move around to get those pay increases.  You still have your eyesight (far-sightedness has not settled in yet) and your body is still in relatively good shape.  This is the decade where your marriage is probably at its’ best.  You’re having kids and they are at their cutest.  Life goes by and you probably don’t even realize these are your best years.  But I want you to take a moment to ponder and appreciate what I am saying.  Revel in yourself and your life.  It may not get better.

Your forties are a close second.  But there is a wide variation between how people experience their forties.  I got my reader glasses on my 40th Birthday, I promise!  You will get readers in this decade or, if you are near-sighted and lucky, instead of becoming far-sighted, your nearsightedness will actually improve.  But, most likely, you will be looking at buying Bifocals or readers this decade.  On the positive side, you very well will make the most money of your life during this and the next decade.  During this decade your kids are either leaving the home or are getting to high school.  If you haven’t started saving for retirement, you might want to think about doing this sooner than later!

Your fifties are a lot like your forties except that your parents and your health start waning.  You may find yourself starting to take care of them instead of them taking care of you. This is a stressful decade because, in part, you cannot rely on your parents anymore and your kids are most likely in college or starting families of their own. The upside is that you may begin to be a grandparent, which is one of the best parts of life. But your body will surely start to decline. If you have arthritis, you may be looking at joint replacements. This is also a good decade to get cancer, not that any decade is a good decade to get cancer.  This is also the decade that you see the most diabetes begin. I believe there is a statistic that if you make it through your 50s, you will probably see 70. You are also starting to plan for retirement which you will undoubtedly take in the next decade.  All in all, your 50s are a mixed bag. You might be in great shape with no health problems and no financial worries. Or your health may be declining, you’re earning potential may be declining, and the loss of your parents, whether alive or not, can take a very heavy toll.

I call the 60s the young part of being old.  You are not truly old yet, but you are certainly not young either. This is the decade that you will most likely retire, But that doesn’t mean you won’t be busy. For one thing, you’ll most likely have grandchildren that you will see on a regular basis and they truly will be the joy of your life. Mostly because when you’re done playing with them and spoiling them, you will simply give them back to their parents who have to then de-brat-ize them.  Hopefully if you have saved enough for retirement, in this decade you may travel and see some of the world.  This is also a decade in which you will most likely start having health issues if you haven’t already.  Again statistically speaking, if you make it through your 60s, there’s a good chance you will make it to 80.

I think the change from 70 to 80 is one of the biggest changes of your life. Things just start to go, such as your hearing, your eyesight, your ability to sleep at night which is probably sleep apnea and just a general host of maladies. This is probably the most cancerous decade and because friends are dying, you start to really think about your life and what you’ve accomplished and what you haven’t. Cognitively speaking, you’re still bright if you were ever bright.  Even if your body is going, your mind is alert, which makes your ailments all the more difficult.  This is also the time when children and parents change places.  Children become parents to their parents.  This is especially painful for both parties.

If you are lucky/unlucky enough to live into your 80s, this is the decade that will see the most physical decline after the 70s.  Many of you will be in assisted living or having someone come in to care for you.  If you are doubly lucky enough to still have your health, you are going to see most of your friends die. My 86 and 89 year old Mother and Father told me, not too long ago, that all their best friends had died.  My Dad has basically no friends left besides my Mother and his 90-something Bridge playing pals.  One will die and they replace him with another 90-something.  My Mother still has a wide variety of friends.  My Father would be lost without her, but she would be ok without him.  This is a hard decade to live through, even for the most healthy.

30% of men will reach 90 and 42% of women will reach this age.  The chances of an 90 year old man reaching the age of 100 is 1.4%, for women it is 3.7%. I don’t think I want to get this old!   If you haven’t already gotten dementia in your 80s or even 70s, you will certainly see a decline in cognitive functioning. The person afflicted with this doesn’t really know that they have an affliction, but everyone around them knows it all too well. In some ways, I hope that I get  dementia because I think it’s an easier way to go. Speaking of ways to go, I’d like to die in my sleep. And I have great fear that I will be alone when I die. 

7/12/17  Saying of the Week

Youth is wasted on the young.

7/14/17  I Feel Soooo Appreciated

I just want to say how appreciated I feel in Kansas City.  It’s like a breath of fresh air!  Almost everyone I’ve met have been gentlemen, fun to be with and very generous.  I’m told I’m beautiful 10 times a day and the men here seem to love my personality and my skills.  I’m so glad I decided to move here part-time.  Any financial worries I had in the past are just that, in the past.  When you provide in Topeka, it is very hit or miss and a lot of my customers were just traveling through Topeka.  I am really hoping to cultivate a group of men to be my regulars in KC.  By the positive responses I’ve gotten, that may not be that difficult to do.  I think the guys here really do appreciate that I’m not your typical provider.  And they like the fact that I’m intelligent and educated because they are too.  I feel like I have finally made a really good move.

7/14/17 Clean

I just want to put this out there because I talk about this in every appointment I have.  I test myself for Gonorrhea and Chlamydia every month.  I also have blood-work every 3 months and they test for everything.  I was and have been clean as a whistle the entire time I’ve been a Provider!

7/18/17 Saying of the Week 

I’m not fat. I’m just short for my weight!

7/25/17  The Question I Didn’t Dare Answer

I received a text the other day from a massage therapist that had texted me sometime since I came to KC.  He asked me “Are you as slow as everybody else?”.  I could not answer because if I said “Yes” to appease him, I would be lying.  If I said “No”, that might hurt his feelings and ego.  He had not seen a single customer in 11 days.  I, on the other hand, am seeing several customers a day!  To say that Kansas City likes me would be an understatement.  But when you think about it, it makes sense.  I’m in a city full of white collar men who are educated and affluent.  They appreciate that I am educated, sexy, and pretty and not in my twenties.  There are 3 other women on Backpage who are over 50 and they all look like biker chicks! There’s easily 80/90 ads by twenty-somethings! Even though I miss my kids and my cat, I love how busy I am.  Topeka was once like that, but it has completely dried up.

7/25/17 New Policy Regarding Appointments over 1 Hour

Due to an overwhelming number of No-Shows when NEW men book 2 hours or more, I am now requiring a deposit before I will book the time.  The deposit shall be 1/4 of the total donation and can be made with a credit card or Cash App on my website.

8/7/17 Abundance versus Need

Do you come from a place of abundance or need?  If you come from a place of abundance, you truly believe that you will always have enough and that your life will be rich and fruitful.  On the other hand, if you come from a place of need, you believe that you will never have enough and life will always be a struggle both financially and emotionally.  You will more than likely have a negative view of your life in general.  I’m in the former category.  This may be from the fact that I grew up with abundance, but I have always landed on my feet and found a way to make ends meet.  The other part of my abundance might sound strange, but I seem to find myself getting money that I never expected to get.  For example, when I left my last job, 3 months later I received a nice sized check in the mail from a profit sharing that I didn’t even know about!  Windfalls like this happen a lot to me.  You know these people.  They always seem to be happy with what they have.  And isn’t that the truest meaning of happiness?  Being happy with what you have?…

8/7/17 Kansas City’s 20-somethings

In Topeka, when you make an appointment with someone in their 20s, the chances of them showing up are about one in four.  Add to that the guys who make off without giving you a donation or get off on face fucking you and you got one heck of a policy of not seeing twenty-somethings!  But I found something in Kansas City that just shocks and delights me all in the same breath.  I have not had one no-show from a 20 something. They are respectful, they don’t do things I don’t want them to, and they donate upfront. I can’t figure out the difference between the young guys in Topeka and the ones in Kansas City.  But I’m taking my policy down regarding the need for half the donation upfront. If it’s a fluke with the guys I’ve seen here, then I’ll reevaluate it at a later date. These young guys are probably not reading my blogs, but I just want to say thank you for showing up and being respectful and not leaving without making your donation.

11/7/19 Update:  You might notice that I have since decided to ban 20-somethings from seeing me because of all the no-show/no-calls I have gotten.  I see why many upscale providers won’t see guys under 35 and no AAs whatsoever.  The millenials are the same whether it’s Topeka or KC.  They are just too young and entitled to take anything seriously.  Now, there are exceptions but they aren’t worth taking the chance that they won’t show.

8/18 /17 Attitude

I have an attitude tonight!  I’m sick of guys cancelling on me at the last minute, treating me like I’m an object that doesn’t really matter if they keep an appointment with me or not.  For God’s sake, I have a Masters degree.  That alone should warrant a little respect!  I wonder if  this is coming from appointments that are done strictly over text,  I see a lot of providers saying no texts and now I know why.  I may put  a policy in place where you must call to make an appointment.

8/22/17  Back to my Policy on 20-Somethings!

It never fails.  I start to see 20-somethings, have a few good experiences and start to think they are not all bad.  And, truly they are not all bad, but when you have two of them take their donation and run out the door, it starts to make you think.  Are the good ones worth putting up with the bad apples?  I suppose if I were bored all day, I would see them and just immediately put the donation away.   But, thank the stars, I am not bored and I don’t need the headaches.  From now on, they can pay me through PayPal or just not see me.  In Topeka, they just didn’t show.  In Kansas City, they like to get away with something.

8/23/17 Time Wasters

I finally figured out today what these guys are that we providers call Time Wasters.  All they want to do is talk, usually in a sexual way or undertone, and basically take up your time.  They are probably lonely, often times masturbating while they talk or text with you.  And they have no intention of making an appointment.  So, I’m instituting a new policy that if they do not ask for an appointment or respond positively when I ask if they would like to see me, I will let them know that I am not here to talk/text and to get back with me when they are ready to meet.  These guys are really easy to spot.  They are overly sexual with you and want to see pictures.  They want to know all of what you will do and what you will wear.  They might even make an appointment, but they invariably cancel within an hour.  It really helps to profile them so that you don’t get suckered into talking for a long time.

8/24/17 Sexless Marriages under 50

 I’ve been thinking a lot lately about sexless marriages when the couple is in their 40s or younger.  I’ve written before about sexless marriages but I always had older couples in mind.  After all, it’s easy to understand how a woman can lose her libido after Menopause, but these younger couples don’t have that excuse.  And I’m also not talking about couples with babies or young kids as we all know how tiring and frustrating they can be.  All you want to do is sleep once you hit the sheets!  No, these are couples that most likely had a good sex life to begin with (and not just before marriage), but somehow lost it along the way. Why is it that they’ve lost their desire for one another?  Is it anger?  Depression?  Is it that they’ve been married too long?  I don’t have the answer, but the couple does.  Sex has got to be talked about, usually with a qualified therapist.  If you don’t talk about it, it will never get better

8/29/17 Word of the Month

The word of the month is Afterglow.  I haven’t found anyone in KC that knows what this means.  Afterglow is what you do after sex.  You don’t get up and take a shower, nor do you fall asleep.  You cuddle and give them a back tickle and whisper sweet nothings.

9/6/17  Oh The Stories I hear about 20-something Providers

* There’s my favorite where the client pays for an hour, but is done after 20 minutes and is asked to leave.

* There’s the one where the boyfriend/pimp is in the closet just waiting to rob you. 

* There’s the girls with horrible attitudes, couldn’t give a shit about you.  They rush you in, take your money and rush you out.

*  I’ve heard of girls outright robbing clients or getting men to do it for them.

* I’ve always wondered if the girls who only do outcalls live in their cars.

* What about the one where the girl doesn’t look a thing like her picture on Backpage? This one is not just 20 somethings but every age range.

*  But I think the most prevalent and sad story is all the meth that these girls partake of.  When it says that she’s available 24/7, you can pretty much guess that they are hitting the meth pipe.

There are so many reasons NOT to see these girls, that I wonder who is?  A lot of times their donations are so high, no one in their right mind would pay it.  I’m sorry, but I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  No one is worth $300 or more an hour.  Especially when they have an attitude, treat the client like shit, and are only interested in the money.  And I’m also not saying that all 20-something Providers are like this, just the majority.  They could use a few lessons in customer service!

9/6/17 Why Providers are so much more preferable over Affairs

A lot of times men are missing things from their marriage.  Sex, intimacy, someone to talk to.  And granted, these are all things that you can get from an affair, but let’s talk about what you get with an affair.  For one thing you get another relationship in your life.  This may be beneficial, but my guess is that someone, if not both people, is going to get hurt.  Besides that, there’s a lot more drama involved in an affair.  The chance that the affair might be found out by the wife is high.  There’s also more expectations in an affair.

Now let’s look at the same scenario, but from the vantage point of being a provider.  He’ll more than likely get sex.  I don’t know about other providers, but I oftentimes provide intimacy.  Granted, it won’t be the same kind of intimacy that an affair will supply, but it’s intimacy all the same.  As far as someone to talk to, that’s me.  Having been a therapist for 8 years, I can listen as well as give feedback.  Additionally, providers don’t often show drama because the relationship is so short lived.  When a man leaves my place of work, that’s it.  No phone calls, no texts, complete confidentiality.  And if providers aren’t doing this, they should be.  The only expectation with a provider is that she will provide her client with the best time possible.  She should have no expectations as to gifts or even how much time they spend together.  The man is much more in control of the situation when a provider is involved.  With an affair, it’s really a two-way street.

Seeing a provider to get your needs met makes so much more sense than having an affair.  You come in my door, pay me for my time, we spend time together and you leave.  I’m not leaving with you or crying that you don’t love me enough!  And it isn’t that we don’t have a relationship, but it’s based on a set amount of time and that makes all the difference.

9/6/17 The Ads on Backpage

I figured something out the other day about the ads on Backpage.  When I am slow and not getting a lot of calls, I will move my ad back to the top of the list and “voila!” I start getting calls again.  When I’m busy, I figure why should I spend $3 to move my ad to the top when I don’t need to.  So I started looking at who consistently put their ad on top and figured out that they aren’t very busy.  Now, do you want to see someone that is busy (because she’s good) or do you want to see someone that can’t get any business?  I thought this was a very interesting perception on my part!  And I still hate that there’s more emoticons than text on Backpage.  To me, it’s so immature and silly.  It’s like looking at a 4th grader’s work!

9/6/17 I Forgot My Phone Number!

Okay, I’ve done some kooky things in my time, but forgetting to put my phone number on my Backpage ad is one of my all-time faux pas!  It took a guy who looked it up on my website (which I will say I always remember to include in my ads) to get a hold of me and let me know that there was no phone number on my ad!  And here I was, wondering why no one was calling me…oh brother!

9/15/17 Shy Guys and Strip Clubs

I didn’t know this before, but Strip clubs are loaded with very shy guys.  Think about it.  They go to a regular bar and offer a drink to some woman sitting at the bar and she says “No thank you”, but when you go to a strip joint, naked girls want to be around you all the time!  They come to you!  You don’t have to worry about being turned down, they are happy you’re there!  All you have to have is a stack of ones and you’re good to go.  The only problem with this scenario is that you have to have a LOT of money to get any attention in the strip club or out.  Oh yes, many strippers are Providers also.  I’m sorry, but I don’t care how good I look, I’m not taking off my clothes for sleazy men to throw dollar bills at me.  I much prefer what I do.

9/15/17 Why Providers Should Never go on an Outcall 

Unless you are going to an upscale hotel, outcalls can be dangerous and unpredictable.  You never know what you are walking into.  You don’t know who’s there, what weapons you might be facing, and what else you might be facing.  When you only do in calls where you are clearly in charge, you have a much better chance at a positive controlled outcome.  I believe that men should not do incalls (in their home) because you don’t know what the provider is bringing into your home.  Perfume alone would cause a lot of suspicion.  And no one should ever go to a motel for any reason!  The only outcall I would ever do would be to an upscale hotel where I know the police won’t bust.

9/20/17 Saying of the Week 

If in doubt, don’t do.

9/30/17 On Moving to a New City

I am definitely getting settled in, in no time, with only a few boxes yet to be explored and a few handyman (hint hint) things to get accomplished.  I love this duplex more than I think I have ever loved a dwelling before, in large part because it’s brand new, next to no one, very discreet, and beautifully appointed.  I have to say, though, that I am sad upon leaving my kids in Topeka.  Going back every Sunday will not suffice for being there.  I hope they will come see me, but that is doubtful.  I’m getting used to KC, MO slowly but surely.  The Northland can be a little tricky so I’m trying to learn a little at a time.  Went to IMO’s Pizza the other night and that was fantastic!  Worth the 35 minute drive to OP.  I’m really happy to be moving to KC, I truly and sincerely like it and especially the Northland.  I have met several smart, fun, and interesting people here already.  Topeka is a nice town. but there is just no comparison to this thriving, metropolitan, exciting “Big” City!

10/2/17 Medicare pays for Penis Pumps?

I had a client recently who had a pump INSIDE his penis that Medicare paid $13,000 to place there.  And, let me tell you, it worked like a charm.  But just like Viagra, it will only get you erect, it won’t bring you to completion.  I was simply amazed that Medicare would pay for such a thing.  And at $13,000!  This is where our hard earned tax money is going.  I don’t begrudge my dear client, but isn’t this kind of over-doing it?

10/3/17 Prostate Massage

There is a lot of debate/talk about Prostate Massage.  There is even a Provider offering a Prostate Wand (You Know You Want It!).  But the truth is that many men do NOT want this type of stimulation and that’s just fine with me.  But for those that do, I want to tell you that I believe I have the best Prostate Massager ever made!  It’s really small and the part that enters you is the size of pinkie finger.  It vibrates, which is why I like it so much and it’s the perfect size (about 4″ long) to find your Prostate with.  I have turned a lot of guys onto this toy as it’s minimally invasive and quite pleasurable. This is merely a toy that dramatically enhances an orgasm.

10/3/17 Sex as a Barometer of Marriage

Whether you are in your 20s or 70s, I believe and used this concept a lot as a therapist dealing with sexual issues between couples.  What I mean by barometer is that it is a certain measurement of how happy and stable a relationship is.  And the sexual barometer is not going to be the same for each couple.  Maybe for 20-somethings, the barometer is a factor of how much time they have together.  Small children and differing work schedules play a big part in how satisfying a love life is at this age.  There are usually no physical barriers, but there may be emotional roadblocks if the couple is too young to be married.  Either way, sex is usually seen as a priority at this age.  The biggest challenge in your 20’s is not stone-walling each other when you are angry.  Although some couples enjoy sex when they are angry to release the pent up tension and because their emotions/senses are strongly acute when angry.

In your 30s and 40s, sex takes on a more docile role in the marriage.  Sex, at this point, can turn “Vanilla”, so in this way, sex as a barometer of the marriage would suggest that these couples are tiring of each other sexually and probably in their marriage also.  They are not trying new positions or different sexual foreplay/games.  They’ve stopped trying to really please one another and may be just going through the motions.  The same goes for the marriage.  I think this is when a lot of men start seeing a Provider on occasion.  They want what they had and can no longer get it.  This is also a prime time for counseling.  Especially if you know there are tensions and pent up hostilities between you two.

In your 50s and 60s, this “going through the motions” shows itself to an even greater degree than before.  Most likely because the woman has no or little libido.  This is the age where men get vanilla sex once a month if they are lucky.  And taking this sexual barometer back to the marriage, these couples may have a great friendship, but sex is not usually going to be part of it.  And he knows it.  And she does too.  But they don’t talk about it and so it stays the same.  These years I call the Status Quo years.  Each member of these couples are invested in keeping things the way they are.  But don’t be fooled.  She holds all the cards in sex, as each woman does at any stage in life.

Many men hate this, but they have to accept that you cannot force a woman to have sex.  We call this Rape.  Not a good thing.  So they start seeing a Provider who will meet the needs that are not being met at home.

If you are still having sex in your 70s and 80s, hats off to you!  I know that men still have a libido, but I know very few women who will put up with sex at this age.  There are a variety of reasons for this that I will discuss in another blog.  And, I think, at this age that the women are calling a lot of the shots in the marriage and, as long as the male can do what he wants to do, he doesn’t complain too much.  After all, this is what she loves to do and he loves to do “his” things (think fishing, tinkering, golf) and let her worry about the day to day matters.  Even though many men, in this age group, feel very badly for going to see a Provider, they know they still have needs that need to be met.  The sexual barometer for this age range can be summed up with “Why rock the boat?”.

10/3/17 How to Find a Provider

When looking for the right provider, look for someone who is closer to your age and definitely not someone who is 35 or younger. And when you go to their incall, ask her to show you her tits.  This is because no female cop would do this, so if she will, you know you are safe! You can also look for things that are suspicious. This would be unmarked cars close to their house or apartment, pretty much anything that looks strange. And make sure that they live alone. It’s all right to check out the property inside and out before you lay any donation down.  And for god’s sake, do not ever go to a motel.

You should also be very aware of her emotional make up. Is she nervous? Is she looking out the window a lot? And of course you always want to make sure that she lives alone.  Never ever bring up sex for money.   And if you’re at her place, I would listen for strange sounds because boyfriends and pimps could be hanging out, ready to rob you. I think it’s prudent to check out the whole living situation. And if you walk into a situation where you know she’s doing drugs or there’s food and wrappers all over the place and it’s just disgusting, feel free to leave.   Anyone who takes pride in themselves, keeps a clean house.  I believe that this advice will keep you safe in 99.9% of appointments. There is no guarantee, but you can do a lot to ensure that you’re in a safe place.

10/3/17 You Have to be Attracted

I saw a 21 year old the other day and as we are enjoying each other, I can tell there is something wrong.  For one thing, this 21-year-old could not stay hard.  And then I realized something.  He was not in the least bit attracted to me.  Oh, he wanted to be, but this is something you just can’t fake.  I gave him his money back (less a tip) and sent him on his way.  I want to find a nice young provider for him, but I don’t trust any of them!

10/3/17 Saying of the Week

Women hold all the cards when it comes to sex.

 10/8/17 Why Most Providers Don’t Have Boyfriends

Recently, I helped a couple who were having difficulties in forms of payment for Backpage.  When I found out that the provider was married and he condoned her activity (they had bills), I was a bit dumbfounded!  I asked him, after I got to know him a bit better, if he was okay with his wife providing and he was.  But I truly believe that most men would not be.  This is simply my assumption knowing people as well as I do.  I know for myself that I have no desire for a boyfriend who is most likely going to give me trouble over what I do.  I need companionship, everyone does (for the most part), but I certainly don’t need the intimacy after a day filled with it.  I believe that most men are “rescuers” and would want to take a girl/woman away from this type of life.  And I also believe that most girls/women would gladly accept this.  But for those of us who actually enjoy this lifestyle/employment, boyfriends just get in the way.  I’ve heard of more strippers who have boyfriends than I have providers (even though many strippers are also providers).  I just think this sort of living is a hard pill for most men, who are interested in us, to swallow.

10/13/17 When To Just Walk Away

I hear a lot of stories about visits to providers that go terribly wrong. And I wonder if there aren’t signs along the way that would tell you this is not going to be a good experience. For example, if you call somebody or text them and they don’t respond within an hour I wouldn’t waste my time. If when they do respond, they seem to have an attitude and you can tell it over the phone, I wouldn’t waste my time. When you get to their location and it’s really run down , I wouldn’t go in. You finally get to the door and when she opens it up, you see food and wrappers on the floor and the place is a mess, definitely wouldn’t go there. You can back out at any point before you leave that donation down. You have the right to just leave without any excuse or explanation. The same goes for if she looks like she’s on drugs. I would not go there. There are probably more reasons to walk away from the session then there are reasons to stay.  When you go to see a provider, she should get back to you within an hour, give you good directions, meet you at the door with a smile on her face and won’t act as if seeing you is a chore.  Hopefully she’ll have conversation with you and help to put you at ease.  There are big differences between good providers and horrible providers and you have to watch for the signs that say to you  “I need to walk away”.

10/13/17 It’s OK To Get Your Needs Met

I would say that 80% of my clientele is married. Of that 80%, 10% have a good sexual relationships with their significant other. The rest have sex very rarely if at all.  And I’m finding more and more men who don’t have sex at all because their wives are sick, disabled, or just have no interest whatsoever. I am here to say it’s OK to get your needs met.  I even believe that your wife would want you to have your needs met. I’ve heard of men whose wife told him to find somebody and just not tell her about it. I realize that you have a hand and you can pleasure yourself, but it’s not the same as being with someone. You miss the touch, you miss the cuddling, you missed the out and out great sex, you miss the closeness.  We as humans are creatures of comfort and connection.  And men especially get these things from sex. These are things that I specialize in. I’m not a freak or a kink, I’m fairly straight but whether it’s because I’m a social worker or just plain touchy-feely, I relish the touch and making you feel wonderful. Because for some of you, it’s been a long time.  And I know how that feels.

10/13/17 Saying of the Week

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

-George Bernard Shaw

10/18/17 Funny Saying of the Week

Every time a man comes to my playroom with socks on, I quote him “495 out of 500 men wear their socks to bed”.  And then I let them know that I just made that up, but I think it’s very true.  I’m shocked when I see a guy take off his socks!

11/7/17 Wow! It’s been a long time since I blogged!

I’m not entirely sure why it’s taken so long to get out pen and paper (or laptop and brain as the case may be).  I’ve been busy, I’ve had issues with my son in Topeka.  I’ve been thinking of starting a new blog, yada yada yada!  A strange thing happened last week to me.  I didn’t feel like working.  I suppose I was depressed, but it hit hard.  Thankfully, this week I’m back in the saddle again ( so to speak).  I feel better and it shows.  Now, let’s talk about my new idea for a money maker.  “Diary of an Provider with a Masters” blog where I talk about my day to day travails and OHs!  It would be it’s own website that would either require a subscription to it or a weekly newsletter that you subscribe to.  I think it’s a genius of an idea and I plan to go for it.  Once I figure out how.  Or find someone who wants to trade website design services (hint hint) for my mmhmm services.  Let me know what you think of this idea.  Would you subscribe?  I’d especially like to hear from those of you who have read most of my blogs if not all.  Oh!  I almost forgot!  New pictures coming soon!

11/17/17 Guilt

Let’s talk about guilt.  I know, it’s not one of those subjects that you necessarily want to be subjected to (pun), but I think it is necessary that we talk about it and understand it.  

When a couple (married or not) are not having sex, a lot of emotions come into play.  Believe it or not, some people feel relief.  But more often, the associated emotion is a feeling of guilt.  And not just by the husband who sees a provider to get his needs met, but the wife feels terribly guilty knowing that she is not providing for her man.  She may even be savvy enough to wonder how he’s getting by, where he’s getting it, and she asks herself “will he leave me over this?”.  As an aside, the answer to that question is “not usually”.  Nevertheless, she feels guilt, he feels guilt.

I know, I know, you’re probably thinking that they should feel guilty.  But I see it differently.  Guilt is completely unproductive.  It makes you feel bad for something you have no control over.  I truly believe that when a woman decides she no longer feels sexual, it’s not by choice.  I believe that there is more than meets the eye with women.  Menopause is the culprit most of the time, but there are many other reasons she lost interest.  She’s depressed, on anti-depressants, she’s gained a lot of weight, you two as a couple are not getting along, she’s super busy and just plain tired, or seeing someone else, and the worst one: she’s sick/cancer/prolapse/any number of physical ailments.

Men, on the other hand, do one of two things when this happens.  They either take care of things themselves (which they know is not what they want ALL the time) or they find someone who can help them take care of things.  I will say right now that I have never heard of it being the other way around, that he does not want sex and she does.  I’m sure it happens, but in 8 years of being a therapist, I never saw a couple like this.  So men feel guilty when they find someone else to get their needs met.  But this is unnecessary too.  I’ve talked about the reasons not to have an affair and the emotional attachment that you feel towards the woman you are having an affair with, should be going to your wife.  Even if you aren’t sexual, you can still be intimate and loving towards each other.  And that’s another blog.  I’ve talked before why seeing a Provider is so much smarter than having an affair.  So I’m not going to go there again except to say “Don’t Do It”!  With a Provider, you get your needs met and the experience is usually fun, playful, very much like it was with your wife in the beginning.  And because everything (should be) is confidential and non-committal, you leave her place knowing you are safe.  Now, I’m not speaking for any other Provider besides myself because I only know one other provider.  Another interesting factoid is that I usually see the same men every other week so I’ve gotten it into my brain that that is about how often they need a little help!  

In summary, don’t go there, don’t do guilt and don’t let your spouse do it either.  It’s a waste of good emotion.  If you’re a wife reading this, do something about it.  Go to your doctor, look into testosterone cream, get a vibrator.  If you’re the husband, do what you can at home, encourage your wife to get help if that is called for, and get your needs met in a safe and, hopefully, guilt-free manner.

11/17/17 My Second Year

Well as usual, I’m a day late and a dollar short!  My anniversary was really 10/11/17.  Highlights of my 2nd year:

I left Topeka and moved to Kansas City in July (my Studio apartment).

I made the move permanent with my new Duplex.

I honed my skills as a Provider.

I decided to stop seeing boys under 30 (unless they pre-pay).

I traveled to Omaha, Denver and St. Louis.

I had my first 3-some (and hated it).

I had my first 2-on-1 (and loved it).

I tripled my old Social Work income.

I got ripped off about 8 times during the year.

12/1/17 The recent FBI Sting in 17 States

I would be remiss if I did not talk about the FBI-centered stings in 17 states a few weeks ago.  They didn’t even try to arrest Independent Providers they went after the Human Traffickers and the Johns who visit the underage children that the traffickers bring in.  Most of the girls are 14-16, but one was just 3 months old!  How sick is that?  They ended up arresting over 1000 traffickers and Johns over a 17 state region.  Maybe vice is finally figuring out that Independent Providers HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH HUMAN TRAFFICKING!

On a more personal level, I have a story to tell.  I was turned into a Black and White (police) who can’t arrest a Provider.  Only Vice can do that.  So I get a call from the police department the next morning and missed it because I was sleeping.  When I saw the number, sure enough it was TPD.  I never called them back, they never called me back, no cop showed up at my door, and no sting ever came about.  My point?  Well for one thing, the guy who turned me in was a complete loon and secondly, I really don’t think TPD vice cared about a 53-year-old provider!  I had a client who would know about such matters and he said Vice would never have even called and it was all a hoax.

If it’s one thing I know, the pimps and human traffickers have got to go!  They make it bad for all providers.

12/10/17 Saying of the Week

The things that attract you to a person initially, become the hot issues when you get further into the relationship.

12/12/17 Vanilla

If you have a great sex life, this blog is definitely not for you!

I hear this nearly daily.  Sex with your wife is just “Vanilla”, meaning you pretty much do the same thing every time.  I think sometimes this happens because that is all she is willing to do.  But what if you asked her to “mix it up a bit”?  What if you said you saw a new position in “(you fill in the blanks)” and you’d like to try it with her.  Sex does NOT need to be vanilla no matter how many years you’ve been married.  But you have to be willing to stick your neck out and prepare to be turned down.  Sometimes sex is going to be vanilla because you are both too tired to try anything new (think really young kids).  If your wife is a stay-at-home mother of little ones, she’s exhausted by the end of the day (and rightly so).  This is not the time to push for sex.  Rather, she needs her feet rubbed, her back tickled, she needs to feel close to you without the pressure to have sex.  Guess what?  If she feels pampered by you, she just might want to return the favor.  Besides that, you need to make a date night at least every other week.  Doesn’t have to be expensive, just quality time without kids!  Sex is a great way to end a night like this.

Ok, enough on 20 and 30-somethings, I actually hear more of this from 40-somethings.  Sex has just gotten into a rut and it’s been like this for years.  Maybe until shortly after you were married.  I’ve said before that when it comes to sex, women hold all the cards.  If you married a virgin or sex was not good before you got married, did you think it was going to miraculously change?  Or maybe it was great (read my blog on how women use sex) and either gradually or suddenly turned vanilla.  And you either never broached the subject or your attempts to talk about it went on deaf ears.  There’s a reason more 40-something guys seek out providers than any other age group.  You need your needs met and you aren’t getting it at home.  So what can be done?  Of course, having been a therapist, my first answer is to go to therapy to see what needs fixing.  My guess is that she will refuse.  She has gotten used to what and how you do things and change does not sound good to her.  Plus, let’s call a spade a spade.  Sex is very difficult to talk about without a therapist there to mediate and help you both understand.  Most people have a hard time talking about such a “hot” topic.  A few challenges to discussing your sex life are embarrassment, anger, upbringing, and just plain shyness.  Many women were taught to not talk about sex.  “Just do it, it’s your duty”.  And because she has not experienced a rip roaring sex life or was taught that “good” girls don’t do that, what you get is vanilla.  If sex was great in the beginning but is not now, something happened along the way.  Either she was performing because she knew that was what YOU wanted or something happened to turn her off.  My first guess is very young kids.  Kids can ruin a romantic life quicker than the roadrunner!  And sometimes, it can be very difficult to take up where you left off.   Do you remember my Saying of the Week about how if you stay away from sex for too long, it’s hard to get back into it?  That could be a big part of the problem.  Other factors may include an early Hysterectomy and Menopause that quickly follows.  Illness is another possibility.  Depression/Anxiety will kill any libido.  And medications that don’t help matters include anti-depressants, blood pressure meds, diabetes meds and pain medication.  And I’m not saying that she should go off any medication because there is a good reason she is taking them!

I hate to end this way, but I have to say that sometimes Vanilla is all you’re going to get.  At least you ARE having sex.  Once Menopause is over, it’s hit or miss as to whether she’ll have any libido at all.  Some women really do, but most do not.  Being cut off or living with vanilla sex may be a hard pill to swallow, but let’s remember that sex is just one part of a great relationship.  And there are always providers that can meet your sexual needs.  If you find the right provider, you will never hear from her unless you contact her first.  My #1 Cardinal Rule!

12/14/17 If You’re Going to See Me…

* Use some mouthwash if you expect to kiss me.

* Wash your hands if you expect to use your fingers in my private parts.

* Wash your private parts if you are not circumcised.

* Wash your private parts if you are overweight.

* Use deodorant if you aren’t already in the practice of doing so.

* Shave down there if you expect me to give them attention.

12/15/17 Questions You Should Ask a Provider Before Making an Appointment

  1. Are they verified through P411 or ECCIE? I myself would not see them if they were not and if they are, definitely go look them up. A lot of times there are more pictures on those sites then backpage.

  2. Are they in call or out call? In call means you go to them, Whereas out call means they come to you, In my opinion you should always do an in call where you go to them. This way, they do not know where you live, you can see the way they live and decide not to keep the appointment if the conditions are abominable.

  3. You can’t ask them what they do, that’s just a no-no. But you can ask them what they don’t do and that can give you some idea of what they do. Besides that, Eccie reviews always say what the provider and the client did together.

  4. If she has a website, read it. You’ll learn more about her before your appointment and the information will be good to have.

  5. I would ask if she has a boyfriend or a pimp. Neither of these situations is good. Too many men have been robbed, I would hate for you to be the next one. The only providers you should be seeing are the independent ones.

  6. If this is your first meeting and she asks you to get her something, whether it’s a drink or a pack of cigarettes, this should be a warning to you. She doesn’t even know you and yet she’s asking you to get her things. This type of provider is typically a user and doesn’t have good boundaries.

  7. In general, if you get a bad feeling either over the phone, through text or when you enter her domicile, you have every right to leave. You do not have to pay her anything. There are some really good providers in Kansas City, but there are some really bad ones too. And a lot of men get taken advantage of by these providers. I myself would never see anyone in their 20s or 30s unless someone else has recommended them. The reason I say this is because these are the game players. The ones that you pay for an hour and get 15 minutes. The ones that never show up. The ones that have a pimp in the closet who’s going to rob you. I think you get my drift. Getting to know someone before you meet them is always a good idea and I do suggest a telephone call instead of just text. You can tell so much more about a person when you are talking to them.

  8. Ask her if she has condoms and, if she doesn’t, make sure you bring one because you’ll want to use it.

  9. If she is on Eccie, look at her reviews and contact the clients she has seen to see what they have to say.

I know this seems like a lot, but this occupation is very dangerous and full of unscrupulous people. So you want to be as prepared as possible and you want to know that you’re going to have a good time. Most likely she’s going to be verifying you as well. I think a big part of choosing a provider is age. Now, not every woman over 40 is going to be your cup of tea, but they’re going to be a lot safer, more honest and you may even get your money’s worth.

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