Blogs: Best Of (FREE!)

9/14/16  Toothless Joe (names have been changed to protect the innocent)

I have a funny story about an overnight. The man was very sweet, very stupid and very redneck.  How do I know this? He had 6 teeth!  For someone who believes that dental hygiene is very important, this was quite a shock. When I asked him how he lost his teeth, he simply replied that they fell out. When it came time to get more intimate, I just couldn’t. His breath was so bad that I had to be at least 2 feet away. From now on, you’ll have to give me a picture smiling to book an overnight! When you spend that much time with a stranger, you want to be as assured as you can that you will both get along. So a phone call and pictures can help with this process immensely.  That poor guy!  Please note: this story was meant to be funny and did not break confidentiality. I would never break confidentiality because I hold this to be very important.

10/2/16  Marrieds:  Sex vs. Passion

When I was a therapist, I dealt with a lot of couples.  This was one of my specialties.  I was thinking this past weekend about why people cheat on their spouses.  I think the percentage is around 50% with women gaining in numbers all the time.  It’s easy to understand why men cheat.  They want more sex and they want variety!  Their libidos are probably 2-3 times what a woman’s is.  But why do women cheat?  I mean, if they don’t want to have sex with their spouse, why do they want to with someone else?  The answer can be summed up in one word:  Passion. 

Women’s libidos are ruled by passion.  And I think, to some extent, men crave this too, but they understand that passion does subside with time.  But, by and large, for women, once the passion is gone, so is the sex.  So the big question for men and women is “How do you keep the passion alive and is it possible?”.  There is no doubt in our society that men are expected to and love the thrill of the chase.  They buy her flowers, take her out to eat, go on weekend getaways and basically pour on the romance and the passion.  But, once the chase is over and he’s got her (usually in the form of marriage, but not always), that drive to “win” her over is gone.  We live in a patriarchal society which basically means that men pursue and women are pursued.  I wonder what married life would be like if it was the woman wooing, chasing, and romancing.  So what is the message of this blog?  Men who have great sex in their marriage take the time to add passion to their marriage.  They still buy her flowers and little presents “just because”.  They give her a foot massage at night, they make sure she is satisfied before they are, and they play together with teasing and little kisses, spanks, and whatnot.  Remember, you pursued her, not the other way around (unless of course it was and that’s a whole ‘nother blog!).  There is still that expectation that you will pursue her for sex.  And I’m not talking about “Hey I want to have sex tonight”.   If you read this blog and are still baffled., come see me.  Even just to talk.  And if you’ve come to the realization that you don’t want to even try to bring passion back, there’s always my profession to help you out!

Update:  I just want to add that I think most women (but certainly not all) find passion outside the bedroom, while men find it inside the bedroom.  When marriage gets boring and ho-hum, men look for excitement in a provider.  Women don’t have that opportunity, nor do I think they would take it.  It’s not about sex, it’s about passion and this is usually found in an affair.

10/18/16 How to Get Your Wife to Want Sex Again (aka “Sex Therapy 101”)

I’m usually on this subject with my clients as they are headed towards the door.  Probably because they just got done seeing a Provider and now that Provider is trying to talk herself out of a job!  But seriously, guys, there are things that can be done and there are valid reasons for the fact that wife doesn’t want to have sex.  Remember that this is advice from a provider only and not meant to be professional licensed therapy.  With that said, I have been through sex therapy a couple of times in my life and I have conducted such therapy in my former occupation.  If the couple were young, I would look to see if she is on any medications that would dampen her libido such as an anti-depressant.  And, if she’s on that anti-depressant, there’s a reason.  She’s depressed and depressed people don’t usually want to even think about sex much less have it.  Again, not true for everyone, but probably 90% of depressed people.  So, obviously those things that are making her depressed need to be addressed and if she’s going to need to be on meds the rest of her life because she is biochemically depressed, this also needs to be addressed.  There are anti-depressants that purportedly do not take your libido away.  In fact, I just saw a commercial about a new med that doesn’t deprive you of your sex drive and doesn’t make you fat, like so many SSRI Anti-depressants do.

Now, if we’re talking about an older woman, then it gets a bit more tricky.  Is she overweight, on high blood pressure meds, diabetic meds, anti-depressants?  Just to name a few.  I don’t purport to know how every medication works, but I do know that there are many that dampen or delete a woman’s libido.  Men on these meds suffer the same ways women do.  So what can be done with a woman who goes through Menopause and loses her desire and lubrication?  Ever heard of Testosterone?  Well they make this little tube of Testosterone cream that she puts you-know-where and Voila! she suddenly (or maybe not so suddenly) wants to have intercourse again.  This is the best course of action I know of and my blog below about passion vs. sex should be followed also.  Sometimes a woman needs to talk to her OB/GYN or Primary Care doc to know if she is going through a normal transition in Menopause or does she need some Hormone Replacement Therapy.  And by the way, guys, google anything in this blog you don’t understand.  Sometimes a person needs to be on an anti-depressant because their depression is worse for them than the side effects of the medication!

But Provider, you say, you’ve got it all wrong.  She’s not on any meds, she just decided one day she wasn’t going to have sex any more.  Time for therapy.  Chances are, the two of you needed this a long time ago and now that the kids are gone and you two are stuck with each other, things are gonna change.  But they don’t have to.  This could be a great time of life for the two of you.  But, if the solution is not a pharmaceutical one, then maybe therapy is the way to go.  Sometimes I say it the other way.  You can have a lot of therapy but until you find the correct medication, you might not find any peace.  Either way, you and your wife need to be open to these therapies.  I believe the same to be true, if not more true, for a young couple.  If you aren’t having sex regularly, something’s amiss and should be looked into.  If you have small kids and aren’t finding the time, don’t sweat it, everyone goes through this stage.  If your kids are 12 or older, then that excuse kinda goes out the window unless you have a special needs child.  This is especially the age where my blog about passion vs. sex comes in handy.

1/6/17 A Few Stats to Ponder

You do not have to be hard to have an orgasm.

You do not have to ejaculate to have an orgasm.  Your prostrate starts to produce less seminal fluid around the age of 60-65.

75% of the men that come to see me are over 50.

75% of women do not come vaginally (no matter what you’ve been told).

25% of men do not come from Oral.

90% of straight men do not like anal play.

50% of men that come to see me, come back.

75% of men who see me are married.

2/13/17 Confidentiality

One of the first things they taught us in Graduate School was all about Confidentiality and I take this to heart every time I see someone.  I might talk about another patron, but I will never divulge his name or any identifying characteristics.  I do have a scheduler but I only put in first names there.  Heck, I don’t think I even know your last names!  Nor do I need to.  Nor will I give out my last name.  I fully appreciate that this is a very private, discreet business and I just want you to know that I understand this and that you have nothing to worry about with me.  I will never call, text or email you without you contacting me first.

5/7/17  I’m Not Sure How to Entitle This Blog!

This blog is meant for the men who read my website.  I want to try to explain why their women eventually turn off to sex with you.  It’ s not completely about you.  It’s more about the habits we fall into and our inability to change.  I’m going to explain what I believe the typical woman to be like, think like, and her sexual proclivities.  You must remember also, that many women were molested/raped as children.  This can make her hyper-sexual or very self-conscious and sexually averse.  The woman of the 60s, 70s, 80s was not usually given any education as to how to have an orgasm, how to make a man have an orgasm.  It was all about how not to get pregnant.  Which is important, but the other is JUST as important.  So, here she is, probably a virgin or very inexperienced and she has no idea what will be expected of her.  Therein lies the issue.  Sex becomes an expectation and not the treat that it should be.  Now, this is a generalization and all generalizations are bs.  Women 40+ see sex as a duty.  This is where you come in.  Don’t let her make it a duty.  You need to make it fun, make it about her, lube your finger before you put it on her clit, get her a vibrator if she doesn’t have one and use it with her.  I think for most women, they cum by clitoral stimulation, not vaginally.  Make sure she cums first, so she is nice and lubricated for you.  So, when you are having intercourse, she’s probably counting til you cum.  And it doesn’t help that you roll over and go to sleep or take a shower without her.  This is the most intimate time, it should be savored.  Hold her, stroke her, tickle her back like I do.  If you do the same thing each time, it will become rote after awhile.  Best to mix things up.  I just realized how to title this blog entry.  “Advice to Newlywed Guys”  because by the time you are in your 40s, sex is what it is.

6/7/17 The Story of My Parents

This is somewhat of a long story, so feel free to pass this one up if you aren’t for reading about love stories.  Because this is the ultimate love story.   

My parents met at Washington University in St. Louis, where my Mother was in the Jewish Sorority (Seldom Dated Twice – Sigma Delta Tau) and my Father was in the Jewish Fraternity (ZBT).  They dated for a while and were the toast of the town, my mother being beautiful, my father being wealthy.  Finally, my mother gave him the ULTIMATUM!  He had 6 weeks to decide if he wanted to marry her or she was going to look around further.  My father left for 6 weeks, came back and proposed.  My mother, who came from a poorer family, borrowed her rich cousin’s wedding dress and looked radiant on her wedding day.

Four children and 23 years later, they divorce.  My father was going through a mid-life crisis and needed out.  Six months later, my mother met Arthur, my soon-to-be stepfather.  Arthur was brilliant (3 PhDs), a professor and world traveler.    If you ever see a Maker’s Mark bottle, he designed that.  He was a marketing whiz.  To say that my mother has lived a charmed life is putting it lightly.  She got Arthur into a program through the University of Maryland that sent professors to Air Force bases all over the world to teach our military.  They stayed in Ramstein, Germany for 2 years, then went to Brindisi, Italy and finally to Jakarta, Indonesia.  I can’t think of a place they did not go to.

While my mother was happy in love with Arthur, my father remarried a witch.  I can’t say one good thing about Marilyn.  She was only in it for the money, that is for sure.  When they got divorced, she definitely got the better lawyer.  They got a separation agreement that paid her $5000 per month and then did nothing about the divorce!  My father could not and did not want to pay this exorbitant amount of money, so he skipped town.  Remember, this was 1992.  He went to Utah, why I can’t surmise.  Then Las Vegas, but didn’t like either of these spots.  At the time, my mother and Arthur had moved to a high-rise right on the ocean on Hutchinson Island, Florida.  My dad moved to Tampa and met his girlfriend, Charlotte.  Now to say that Charlotte was worse than Marilyn is the understatement of the year.  My sisters referred to her as Lizard Legs.  She forbade my father from talking to my mother.

I must digress here to tell you that 6 months after my father left, my mother and father stayed friends, got together every Wednesday night for happy hour with Arthur.  And my father and Arthur were friends also.  It was a happy little 3-some except for Charlotte.  She was so jealous and nasty, I hated being around her.  At one point, my father broke up with Charlotte and went to live 4 floors above my mother and Arthur!  Well eventually he and Charlotte made up and she moved to where he was.  And still forbade him to have anything to do with my mother.

Flash forward to 2007.  Arthur had been in declining health for several years and eventually died of prostate cancer and kidney failure.  He was 82.

My mother moves back to St. Louis where 3 of her children live.  She has maintained a condo in a nice complex.

2009, thankfully Lizard Legs dies back in Tampa where she is from.  My father doesn’t attend the funeral.  He moves to an apartment in the same complex as my mother’s condo!

My mother and father had been talking since Charlotte was gone.  Now that everyone was out of the picture, you guessed it.  They got back together at the ripe old ages of 77 and 80!  Now when I say they got back together, I do not include intimacy past a good night kiss.  They talk 5 times a day or more, go out to eat 3 times a week and have a “date” every Saturday where my father pays the whole tab.  He even took her out on Valentine’s Day!  Us kids were, to say the least, shocked.  The best word I could conjure up was Bizarro!  But when we thought about it, it made sense.  They had 4 kids together, 23 years of marriage, and had stayed friends for the most part.  At this point, I know my father needs my mother way more than she needs him.  She has a vibrant social life and he just plays Bridge 3 times a week with 90+ year-olds.  I think 4 of them have died so far.  Heck, I hope I’m playing Bridge at 90.  It’s not an easy game to play!  My mother is 86, father is 89.  Their bodies are going, but their minds are sharp.  The women on my mother’s side live to 100, not sure about my father’s side as that side is a bit murky.  We children hope that my Dad passes first, because he would be a mess without my mom.  The saddest part of this story is my parents telling me that all their best friends have died.  This is what happens when you outlive your friends.

What a story, huh?

6/13/17 Pet Names

I want to write a blog about name-calling. I’m not talking about asshole or bitch or anything mean. I’m talking about how men call women and women call men cutesy names likes sweetie and baby and babe and dumpling. Now don’t get me wrong, in a relationship these are all great names to call each other if that’s your sort of thing. But when you don’t even know the person I really don’t think you should be calling them sweetie or honey or baby. I know that men think they’re being sweet but in truth it’s really annoying. I wonder how many other women feel this way or is it just me? Maybe I’m just a bitch, maybe I should just get over myself and accept being called names that really don’t pertain to me. I had to write this blog because it’s been on my mind for years. Probably since the first time someone called me baby. I haven’t used that term since my kids were three and under. It’s kind of pedantic and childish or maybe it’s just sweet and I’m missing the boat. Neither would surprise me. Please don’t take offense by this blog and if you love calling women sweetie or honey or baby, then just do it. I’ll get over myself or just ignore you. I think the thing that drives me the craziest is when it’s used over and over and over. If you’re going to call me anything, call me babe because I like that word, I like that name. When I’m in a relationship, I use that word a lot and it feels right. But then I’m in a relationship. I know the person very well. It’s when I don’t know a person that I take offense. You’re probably thinking it’s no big deal. And you would be right.

6/13/17 Why Do Women Shy Away From Penises?

Have you ever noticed that most women, but not all, don’t really want to touch, much less put their mouth on a penis?  It’s almost like it’s considered dirty. Distasteful at the very least.  Maybe the younger generations don’t have this problem, but being the age I am, I am very aware that most women my age do not want to perform fellatio and giving a hand job is somewhat of a duty to be performed.  I find the male appendage beautiful and every single one is different.  Now I’m not saying that I wouldn’t rather look at a beautiful naked woman, because I would. But to just say that part of a man is ugly or dirty it’s just not fair and it really is not accurate.  I think if more women took the time to really explore their man’s penis, they would find that it’s not dirty or scary and that semen can easily be washed off. True, we women don’t have any thing on our bodies like it, but that doesn’t mean it has to be seen as deficient just because it’s different.  This is a man’s main erogenous zone and, as such, it should not be ignored.  I hear stories about how women are more than happy to receive but when it comes to giving, they just can’t make themselves do it.  Or if they do, the effort given is minimal and my guess is that she just wants out of the situation.  How frustrating for both the man and the woman!  Here is where I believe a sexual surrogate would be of the most help. She could show the woman how to please her man and explore the penis as a whole. We were never taught as young women about penises so for many of us they remained a mystery.  I remember being 16 and giving a guy a hand job and him coming all over my hand. To say the least, I was appalled and just a bit disgusted. I had never come into contact with cum and being that he was 17, there was quite a lot of it. But I took the time to clean myself up and then to explore this new world opening up to me. If you think about it, sex really can’t be enjoyable if the woman does not like her mate’s penis. The most frustration I’ve had in my life came from a 3 inch hard penis. Had I known then what I know now, I think things would’ve been a lot better. The only position we ever did was doggy style because that’s all he could do. There are plenty of positions that we could’ve done even with his size, but we didn’t know. He was a virgin when I met him and I had had many one night stands and a few relationships but I was still so naïve about sex. It wasn’t until I got away from him and experienced a man who taught me everything, that I realized what I had been missing.  Let me just end this blog by saying that I think before you get married, you should explore each other, explore different positions and be open and honest about what you like, what you don’t like, and why you don’t like it. Every couple needs to have a weekend completely full of sex to make sure that they are compatible.  Trust me when I say that sex before marriage is the best it will ever be.  So, if it’s not good now, it isn’t probably going to get better unless you get help.  You really need to consider this before getting married.  If you think that it’s no big deal, “we’ll deal with it after were married”, think again. Sex is important to a marriage. It doesn’t make a marriage but it is a barometer for that marriage. The happiest marriages that I’ve encountered have happy sex lives. End of story.

7/11/17 Decades (or Why Your 30s are Your Best Years)

I’ve been lecturing my 30-something customers for over a year about this Blog, so I decided it was time everyone saw my opinion on decades.

Your teens are great years, but you have no real identity or clue as to what life is all about.  You are completely into yourself and your friends, that’s about it.  Near the end of your teens, you start to get a clue.  You gain your identity in one of two ways:  either through something that will get you a scholarship for college or through your friends.

Your twenties are a really difficult decade.  You’re not a kid anymore, but you kind of still are.  You certainly are not treated like an adult yet.  You are just starting out so, most likely, you are not making that much money.  There are exceptions to this, but it isn’t the norm.  You are, however, at the peak of your physical capacity (even if you might be starting to lose hair on your head).  This is really the decade where you go from being a kid to being an adult.  This is the decade where you finally forgive your parents for being human.

Ahhhh, your thirties!  You are finally treated and thought of as an adult.  You are starting to make bank at work, even if you have had to move around to get those pay increases.  You still have your eyesight (far-sightedness has not settled in yet) and your body is still in relatively good shape.  This is the decade where your marriage is probably at its’ best.  You’re having kids and they are at their cutest.  Life goes by and you probably don’t even realize these are your best years.  But I want you to take a moment to ponder and appreciate what I am saying.  Revel in yourself and your life.  It may not get better.

Your forties are a close second.  But there is a wide variation between how people experience their forties.  I got my reader glasses on my 40th Birthday, I promise!  You will get readers in this decade or, if you are near-sighted and lucky, instead of becoming far-sighted, your nearsightedness will actually improve.  But, most likely, you will be looking at buying Bifocals or readers this decade.  On the positive side, you very well will make the most money of your life during this and the next decade.  During this decade your kids are either leaving the home or are getting to high school.  If you haven’t started saving for retirement, you might want to think about doing this sooner than later!

Your fifties are a lot like your forties except that your parents and your health start waning.  You may find yourself starting to take care of them instead of them taking care of you. This is a stressful decade because, in part, you cannot rely on your parents anymore and your kids are most likely in college or starting families of their own. The upside is that you may begin to be a grandparent, which is one of the best parts of life. But your body will surely start to decline. If you have arthritis, you may be looking at joint replacements. This is also a good decade to get cancer, not that any decade is a good decade to get cancer.  This is also the decade that you see the most diabetes begin. I believe there is a statistic that if you make it through your 50s, you will probably see 70. You are also starting to plan for retirement which you will undoubtedly take in the next decade.  All in all, your 50s are a mixed bag. You might be in great shape with no health problems and no financial worries. Or your health may be declining, you’re earning potential may be declining, and the loss of your parents, whether alive or not, can take a very heavy toll.

I call the 60s the young part of being old.  You are not truly old yet, but you are certainly not young either. This is the decade that you will most likely retire, But that doesn’t mean you won’t be busy. For one thing, you’ll most likely have grandchildren that you will see on a regular basis and they truly will be the joy of your life. Mostly because when you’re done playing with them and spoiling them, you will simply give them back to their parents who have to then de-brat-ize them.  Hopefully if you have saved enough for retirement, in this decade you may travel and see some of the world.  This is also a decade in which you will most likely start having health issues if you haven’t already.  Again statistically speaking, if you make it through your 60s, there’s a good chance you will make it to 80.

I think the change from 70 to 80 is one of the biggest changes of your life. Things just start to go, such as your hearing, your eyesight, your ability to sleep at night which is probably sleep apnea and just a general host of maladies. This is probably the most cancerous decade and because friends are dying, you start to really think about your life and what you’ve accomplished and what you haven’t. Cognitively speaking, you’re still bright if you were ever bright.  Even if your body is going, your mind is alert, which makes your ailments all the more difficult.  This is also the time when children and parents change places.  Children become parents to their parents.  This is especially painful for both parties.

If you are lucky/unlucky enough to live into your 80s, this is the decade that will see the most physical decline after the 70s.  Many of you will be in assisted living or having someone come in to care for you.  If you are doubly lucky enough to still have your health, you are going to see most of your friends die. My 86 and 89 year old Mother and Father told me, not too long ago, that all their best friends had died.  My Dad has basically no friends left besides my Mother and his 90-something Bridge playing pals.  One will die and they replace him with another 90-something.  My Mother still has a wide variety of friends.  My Father would be lost without her, but she would be ok without him.  This is a hard decade to live through, even for the most healthy.

30% of men will reach 90 and 42% of women will reach this age.  The chances of an 90 year old man reaching the age of 100 is 1.4%, for women it is 3.7%. I don’t think I want to get this old!   If you haven’t already gotten dementia in your 80s or even 70s, you will certainly see a decline in cognitive functioning. The person afflicted with this doesn’t really know that they have an affliction, but everyone around them knows it all too well. In some ways, I hope that I get  dementia because I think it’s an easier way to go. Speaking of ways to go, I’d like to die in my sleep. And I have great fear that I will be alone when I die. 

9/6/17 Why Providers are so much more preferable over Affairs

A lot of times men are missing things from their marriage.  Sex, intimacy, someone to talk to.  And granted, these are all things that you can get from an affair, but let’s talk about what you get with an affair.  For one thing you get another relationship in your life.  This may be beneficial, but my guess is that someone, if not both people, is going to get hurt.  Besides that, there’s a lot more drama involved in an affair.  The chance that the affair might be found out by the wife is high.  There’s also more expectations in an affair.

Now let’s look at the same scenario, but from the vantage point of being a provider.  He’ll more than likely get sex.  I don’t know about other providers, but I oftentimes provide intimacy.  Granted, it won’t be the same kind of intimacy that an affair will supply, but it’s intimacy all the same.  As far as someone to talk to, that’s me.  Having been a therapist for 10 years, I can listen as well as give feedback.  Additionally, providers don’t often show drama because the relationship is so short lived.  When a man leaves my place of work, that’s it.  No phone calls, no texts, complete confidentiality.  And if providers aren’t doing this, they should be.  The only expectation with a provider is that she will provide her client with the best time possible.  She should have no expectations as to gifts or even how much time they spend together.  The man is much more in control of the situation when a provider is involved.  With an affair, it’s really a two-way street.

Seeing a provider to get your needs met makes so much more sense than having an affair.  You come in my door, pay me for my time, we spend time together and you leave.  I’m not leaving with you or crying that you don’t love me enough!  And it isn’t that we don’t have a relationship, but it’s based on a set amount of time and that makes all the difference.

10/3/17 How to Find a Provider

When looking for the right provider, look for someone who is closer to your age and definitely not someone who is 35 or younger. Many of these girls are addicts. When you go to their incall, ask her to show you her tits.  You want to do this because no female cop will ever show you her tits. So if the escort does, you know she’s not a cop. You can also look for things that are suspicious. This would be unmarked cars close to their house or apartment, pretty much anything that looks strange. And make sure that they live alone.  And for god’s sake, do not ever go to a motel.

You should also be very aware of her emotional make up. Is she nervous? Is she looking out the window a lot? Wedding  Unfortunately most of these providers only do in calls, but it’s much safer to have them come to you. If you don’t hear a knock at the door in the first 10 to 15 minutes,  then you probably have nothing to worry about. Never ever bring up sex for money.   And if you’re at a hotel, I would look in the bathroom because boyfriends and pimps hang out there ready to rob you. I think it’s prudent to check out the whole living situation. And if you walk into a situation where you know she’s doing drugs or there’s food and wrappers all over the place and it’s just disgusting, feel free to leave.   Anyone who takes pride in themselves, keeps a clean house.  I believe that this advice will keep you safe in 99.9% of appointments. There is no guarantee, but you can do a lot to ensure that you’re in a safe place.

11/15/18 A Dog?  Really?

A guy I had seen one time calls last night to make an appointment.  And wants to bring his dog with him.  At first, I was like “sure bring fido with you” and then it dawned on me what he really had in mind.  And he confirmed my suspicions.  He wanted me to have sex with his dog!  To say the least, I was outraged.  If I wasn’t in the occupation I’m in, I would have called the police on him.  What a sick man to not only put his dog through that, but me as well.  I can’t even think about it without feeling sick.  What makes a person think such a thing is appropriate or even feasible?  And what was he going to get out of it?  What a sick fuck!  I’m sorry, but that’s just not right no matter how you look at it.

12/25/18 The Four (or so) Things I do not do and Why

Anal:  I feel like this is obvious but I really should explain.  I had my gallbladder out and ever since then, I don’t have great control over my bowels. Anyone who has had their gallbladder out knows what I’m talking about.  So not knowing exactly when I’m going to need to go puts a bit of a damper on anal.  Plus, I can’t find anything about Anal that attracts me.  I’ve tried it and it just was not for me.  Please note, this has NEVER gotten in the way of sex or anything else.  BDSM:  Bondage/Domination Sado-Masochism Quite simply, I do not like pain or acting. Face-Fucking:  This is where a man takes the woman’s head and hold it while he fucks her mouth and usually makes her deep throat and gag.  Need I say more? Role-Playing:  Mostly I’m asked to play “Mom” or “Teacher” by guys in their 20s.  I think this is one of the strangest fetishes I’ve come across and I am just NOT an actress.  Not only do I not want to play your Mom, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want to be your Mom!  I tell the story of trying to do phone sex and lasted 3 minutes!  At least you know I’m not acting with you because I can’t! Other No-Nos: These are things I’m not really into but will do on occasion.

    • Facials

    • 69s ( I can’t concentrate on what you are doing and what I’m doing at the same time!)

    • Hand Jobs (another blog all by itself!)

    • Depositing cum into my mouth instead of letting me swallow.  I NEVER spit!

    • Doggie style if bigger than 8 inches.

12/28/18 Why I Don’t do Handjobs

    1. You’ve been doing them since you were 10, give or take a few months.

    2. Why should I do something that you’ve perfected over years.

    3. You know just how to do it.

    4. You know how fast to do it.

    5. You know exactly where to stroke it.  And most of all,

    6. You have the upper arm strength to accomplish such a fury of a feat!

11/12/19 When Your Wife or Significant Other Cuts Off All Sex

The first thing that comes to mind is (duh) see an Escort to get your needs met.  But there’s more than meets the eye here.  Really, seeing an Escort is the last thing you do!  And this is only because you have finally come to realize that there is nothing that can be done to change your wife’s mind/body.  Now, I’m not talking about the women who are infirm, handicapped or in pain a lot of the time.  I’m talking about the 40 year old who suddenly decides she doesn’t want to have sex with her husband anymore.  This happens all the time.  She just simply cuts you off with not a whole lot of explanation or emotion.  I’m talking about the post menopausal woman who refuses to look into remedies that would help her lubrication and desire.  Believe it or not, sex does NOT have to stop with menopause.  Think of all those women who have a hysterectomy and then go through menopause 2 weeks later at the age of 35?  Are they doomed to a sexless life just because they went through menopause early?  What I’m saying is this doesn’t have to happen but there needs to be talking, maybe counseling.

5/16/20 The 3 Medications that Destroy your Sex Life

I mentioned 2 of the meds in my post below.  Please do not construe anything I say as medical advice because it is not.

High Blood Pressure Meds:  In talking with men who are taking high blood pressure meds and it seems to me that Losartan does the least harm, while Lisinipril seems to be the worst med for side effects.  I’m not a doctor, though, so take what I say here and talk to your doctor!  But high blood pressure medicine can easily put a kibosh on your ability to perform and have a normal sex life.  I will say this, though.  It really depends on your dosage level as to how much this med affects you.

Diabetes Meds:  I don’t know why this is, but insulin and Metformin both make getting an erection nearly impossible.  And it’s not like you can mess around with this like you might be able to with high blood pressure meds.

Anti-depressants:  I know all too well about this one.  I was on a very high dose of Zoloft in the 90s and had no libido whatsoever.  Plus, it would take me forever to have an orgasm.  The only anti-depressant that I know of that does not potentially do this is Wellbutrin (bupropion).

7/17/20 Quick Note on Frequenting Massage Parlors

I know, I know.  Every guy goes to a massage parlor at least once.  They are convenient, you probably will get a decent to excellent Massage and most likely (if you have an extra $40), a hand job as well.  The good ‘ol “Rub and Tug”.  But even though you can just walk in and be serviced, might there be a cost for this convenience?  Well, if you are one of the men who regularly frequent these establishments, then you know that you can get stung when the place is raided by the police, which happens on a fairly regular basis in parts of KC.  I would even go so far as to say that your chances of being stung at a hotel are about the same as a massage parlor.  In fact, many massage parlors are going legit in large part due to the number of raids these establishments have seen in the past year.

8/14/20 How to Tell if an Provider Ad is Fake

Is it too good to be true?  Do they offer the world for no money?  Do they write like they are foreign?  Use bad grammar and words that don’t fit?  Even if the pics look real, this is one of the scams you see all over SkipTheGames.  And that’s because STG is FREE!  I contacted someone that I thought was a scam and they HOUNDED me for over a day.  Every few hours they would send me an email asking why I had’nt filled out the form (with very sensitive information) yet.  I never replied to any of these emails that kept coming for about 27 hours.

8/28/20 What to Expect the 1st Time…

This blog is for all the Newbies out there who have no idea what it’s like to see a provider for one half hour.  The only problem with me writing this is that I have no idea what other providers are like so this blog (as with all of my blogs) vily weighted to what I do know.  I’d love to be a fly on the wall of any other provider, but alas I’m not.  So with that said, you will call or text me to see if I’m available when you want me.  You will not ask me my menu because I won’t give it to you and I may just hang up.  I’ll ask your name/age/race and if you are over 29 and not an AA, we should be good.  I’ll then text you my address.  When  you get here I will open the door when I see your car.  We’ll make some small talk and then go back to my play room.  At this point, if I think you may be a cop, I will either ask to see your privates and show you mine.  This is so that you know I’m not a cop because no female cop would ever show you her tit and no male cop would or should show you their penis.  If I feel we can proceed, I will ask for a donation and then when I get it, proceed to undress.  You will undoubtedly do the same.  At this point, I know you are probably very nervous so I get you talking, maybe laughing, I’m caressing you to help calm you down.  When I feel you are getting more comfortable with me, I will ask what you like and then we will get to it!  When we are done, I will get a hot wet washcloth to clean you up and then ask you to turn over.  At this point,  you will get the best back tickle After Glow you have ever had!  Now this is a generic 30 minute visit, but it’s pretty much my playbook!

9/1/20 What it means to be a GFE

We all know what GFE stands for.  Girlfriend Experience.  But what is that exactly?  And since I always say that GFE is my middle name, I feel certain I can answer that!  It’s somebody who greets you at the front door with a smile on her face, someone who makes you feel comfortable, someone who is not shy about kissing, does not feel the need to cover you unless necessary.  It’s someone who caresses you and gives you a back scratch, and basically acts more like a girlfriend than a non-GFE provider who completes her “work” and leaves.  Interestingly enough, when I started in this business, this was just the way I was and am.  I think it’s because of my social work background that I naturally care about people and show them this.  At times, I’ve cared too much and I’ve had to back off a little bit.  And one last bit of information is this.  I try to gauge where my client is coming from and then provide the service that they want.  Sometimes they want GFE and other men don’t want anything to do with that.  It’s pretty easy to tell the former from the latter.

10/6/21 Erectile Dysfunction

I did my research on this subject, both through Google and also from my own 6-year empirical data.  Google states that ED can start as  early as 40, but in my experience, the earliest case was closer to 44-46.  The following are the reasons for Erectile Dysfunction according to Google.

Low testosterone. A man with low testosterone might also notice symptoms including fatigue, depression, decreased interest in sexual intercourse, changes in muscle mass and changes in body hair.

Diabetes. This occurs when your body can’t appropriately handle sugar. Diabetes is one of the most frequent causes of erectile dysfunction.

Peripheral vascular disease. This involves the narrowing of blood vessels. It is also one of the most frequent causes of erectile dysfunction.

Obesity. A healthy diet and weight loss will help decrease the risk of multiple health issues, including erectile dysfunction.

Psychosocial stress. Due to the amount of anxiety about erectile dysfunction, mild erectile dysfunction and intermittent difficulty can lead to constant erectile dysfunction in some patients. Addressing the stress around the disorder with a psychiatrist or psychologist can help improve function.

Smoking. Not smoking or stopping smoking can help reduce the risk of multiple medical conditions, including erectile dysfunction.

I noticed that pharmaceutical reasons are not included.  These are High Blood Pressure medication, Diabetic Medication, and to some extent Anti-depressant medications.  Quite possibly, these weren’t mentioned because if you go off the medication, the symptoms of ED go away.  Both BP and Diabetic meds tend to make it difficult to get hard and, if they can get hard, stay hard.  Anti-depressants have the tendency to cut off your libido and make it VERY hard to ejaculate.  I don’t see many men who are on anti-depressants, but a good 30% are on HBP and/or Diabetic.  In another blog, I’ll talk about what you can do.

4/22/22 Menopause Revisited

I saw a man whose wife had a hysterectomy at the age of 35 and continued to have sex until the age of 40. Now that might not make you think anything is out of the ordinary but for a woman who has been through a hysterectomy, to have sex she better be on estrogen, the female hormone, or medication that helps get her wet or testosterone cream on her clit. Even so she had to be uncomfortable. I find that a lot too of men don’t understand that when women go through menopause, which happens in two weeks after you have a hysterectomy, they lose all libido. Now not all women lose complete libido. I think about 10% of us keep it. But women can’t help the fact that the idea of having sex makes them sick and that actually having sex hurts tremendously. I bet if you knew that you wouldn’t be as gung ho to have sex with your wife. If she has sex with you once a month you can pretty much bake on it being duty sex. She’s doing her duty. Is that what you want? For your wife to have sex with you because she feels it’s her duty? OK you know where I’m going with this so I’m just gonna go there. Get an escort, get a regular so you don’t have to worry about being busted. Find somebody that you click with and stay there. I’m not saying to get emotionally involved, I would never tell you that. In fact keep it as businesslike as you can. Your wife has her reasons, you have your reasons and the escort has her reasons. And if all three reasons come together it can be a good life. The most important part of this blog is this right here. Keep it safe.

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