Blogs for 6/18/24 (4)

6/18/24 Therapy

So I got a therapist and I was really impressed by the fact that she was a clinical social worker and older than me. I gave her a list of things I wanted to talk about in therapy and after two sessions, she decides that all of my problems are because I’m an escort. And most of the things I wanted to talk about had nothing to do with the fact that I’m an escort.

I was simply flabbergasted that she would be that judgmental after two sessions. And when I confronted her about this, she made no excuses. I quickly told her that this was not going to work because I was not going to change occupations, and I thoroughly disagreed with her about her diagnosis. We agreed to part ways and she referred me back to the agency that I got her from to find me a different therapist.

Can I just say that this next therapist is not going to know that I’m an escort. I know most of you will think that that’s wrong. Not a good way to start in therapy, but I refuse to be judged and I think that I can still benefit from therapy even if she doesn’t know what I do. I thought that therapists were supposed to be open-minded. I know when I was a therapist I was very open-minded. And I don’t think I would’ve judged somebody wholly based on the fact of what they do.  I just think it’s rather pedantic to say that all of my problems stem for me being an escort. I’m sorry, but I refuse to believe that.

As you well know, one of the main things that I talk about is being lonely. Do you really think I’d be any less lonely if I truly were a bookkeeper who worked out of her home? I think I would have about as many clients during the week that I would talk to, but for the most part I would be alone.

At any rate, I am going to try a new therapist and I will probably let you know how it goes. So the question becomes, can you have a relationship without their knowing everything about you? I think most of our relationships are like this. I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am.

6/18/24 My New Ride

Well, after having a car for seven years and it being nine years old, with less than 100,000 miles, I decided to trade in my trustee Buick regal for a Ford Mustang Mach E.  This is their electric vehicle that probably should not be called a mustang given the fact that it’s a four-door SUV.  But, let me tell you that the reason they called it a Mustang is because it’s as fast as a mustang. I don’t know if you’ve ever driven an electric vehicle but there’s absolutely no pause. When you put your foot on the accelerator it goes. This car is basically a battery on wheels with a really cool computer, that runs everything else. It’s going to take me a good two weeks to figure this thing out and just like any baby boomer, I bought an owners manual that is an actual book because I want to be able to sit in this car and read about it as I figure things out.

At least this car does have a dash in front of you whereas the Teslas really basically do not. My son says Teslas are not meant for baby boomers and I think he’s right. if you don’t mind taking your eyes off the road to adjust the air conditioning through an app, then you’ll be just fine in a Tesla. Besides that, I’m not really an Elon fan.

The worst part about electric car is having to wait 45 minutes while it refuels. I hope this will get better in time. I think it already has. I, for the most part, will be charging it at home, which will cost around $30 extra a month. Not bad when you figure I use $30 a week in gas. And I’ve already figured out where I will charge it on my way to and from St. Louis once a month.

I’m hoping the learning curve flattens out fairly quickly. I will let you know what I figure out. I can tell you this though. The Bang and Oloffson stereo system with 10 speakers is pretty awesome. And the moonroof that goes over the entire roof of the car is also something to behold.

6/18/24 Writing Letters

A few weeks ago, I started writing letters to my mother. It only took her receiving one letter from me to know that this was going to be a really good thing. And it has been.

You see, she is as deaf as a doorknob without her hearing aids in. And even with them in, her hearing is contextual. So if there is no context for what I am saying, she doesn’t often understand. The best way for me to communicate from me to her is to write her letters. She loves receiving them, and I love writing them. I mainly update her with what’s going on in my life, but I know she’s getting more from them than she normally would from even talking to me. If you’ve read my blogs for any length of time, then you know that I’m a better writer than I am a talker. I think I have better control of my words when I’m writing versus talking.

At any rate, this is one of the best things I’ve ever decided to do and I wish I had done it years ago. I’m thinking of writing the same letter to my sisters who don’t keep in touch with me very often. I don’t know if they would appreciate this or not. I guess I can try writing one to my sister Laurie and see how she reacts.

One thing that I want to work on this year is creating better relationships, both with my sisters and with my sons. And I will talk about this in my next blog.

6/18/24 Regret

My son said to me the other day that regret is a very powerful emotion and I thoroughly agree with him on this point. I often feel like I sit in regret and wallow in the strength of this emotion. But what I recently realized was that for the most part, if my mistake did not hurt anybody else, they don’t even remember my mistake. Only I do. Now that’s not true if it hurts somebody because they’re going to remember that for a long time, if not forever.

But I tend to think that most of my mistakes were only damaging to my self-esteem and my ego and nobody else really cared about them and probably do not even remember them or me.  This realization has really been revealing to me about how I think. Isn’t it terribly egotistic to think that just because I did or said something silly or stupid, that others who were around me, would even care to remember such a stupid silly thing!

This is been a life changer. Anytime I start to have a regret, I ask myself. Does anybody remember this besides me? I have many valid regrets from my past. But I have very many invalid regrets also and at least I can do something about those.

So the next time you find yourself in the deep emotion of regret, ask yourself, does anybody really remember this besides you? And do you really need to regret something that nobody else really cares about? I find that most of the time my ego was hurt and that was about it.

6/18/24 A Complete Change of Attitude

I was editing some blogs from 2017 and I ran across one where I talk about the fact that I think people never change. Well, I’m here to say after losing 110 pounds that people do change! I also want to talk about another change? I have made this year that has been remarkable for me. This is going to sound really simple and easy and it is but it didn’t occur to me until this year. And that’s the fact that I am consciously, trying to be a nicer person. I say thank you so much more. I let good servers know that they’re good. I always tell people to have a good day. Honey catches a lot more flies than vinegar. Why it took this long to figure that out is beyond me. But you can teach an old dog new tricks! I would know.

The response that I get back tenfold is the same as what I give. So if I want people to like me and I want people to be nice to me, it has to start with me. The number of regulars that I have is increasing because of this. I mean, who wants to come spend good money with someone and either have them be rude or insulting. Of course I didn’t do that all the time or I wouldn’t have any regulars. But I just feel better inside and I think I look better when I’m being nice. I’ll bet Dale Carnegie would agree with me.

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