New Blogs 12/12/24

12/12/24 Another Dear Mom Blog and More

Dear Mom,

You’ve been gone almost four months and I don’t feel like I’m any better off than I was at two months. But I suppose if I look back on it, I can tell that I’m crying less. The days between actively grieving are getting longer. I still have not reached acceptance. I’m still bargaining. I’m still angry and I’m definitely still depressed.

So many things have happened that I couldn’t talk to you about that I would normally have talked to you about. It’s disheartening. Laurie says I can talk to her, but it’s not the same and she’s not going to be my surrogate mother. It’s not healthy and it’s not going to happen. We’ve talked about it. And I know that I can talk to her, but sometimes I feel judged or she’s overly protective.

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My mom was protective, but mostly she gave her opinion. My mother was not a hugely motherly person. Nor am I. But like me, she would tell you what she thought. I miss hearing that from her. I miss being able to get her perspective. But the other day, I kind of heard her talk through me. It was very funny because what I said was funny and the way I said it was my mother saying it. Almost like she was talking through me. I’m pretty sure that does not happen but it felt like it and that’s what matters.

When I met with my sister Susie for dinner, we talked about how difficult it was to talk with mom over the phone. But Susie had every opportunity to see my mother and talk to her in person whereas I did not. But even in person was kind of difficult also. And in being difficult, it was at times very disheartening and frustrating.

My dinner with my sister went very well, which was a surprise to me. I think we were both on our best behaviors. I found out from my other sister the next day that a family friend who witnessed my sister brow beating me had a little talk with her. All I know is that my sister did not berate me, did not get on me about anything and we had a nice chat. And I was happy to be able to report to Laurie that it went very well. I need my sisters in my life. Especially now that my mother has passed.

I have a lot of good things going on in my life right now, but it never takes away from the fact that I am still very actively grieving. I seem to do better when I’m around other people. Imagine that?!

12/10/24 Resolutions! 

I was reading through my blogs for this year and stumbled across my New Years Resolutions last January.  And, I am here to sat that I have accomplished every one of them EXCEPT for exercising 3 times a week!  That figures because I have never excersized that much!  But, I’ll be damned the rest have come true!  Now that’s a first!

  1. Maintain my weight loss.

  2. Exercise three times a week.

  3. Stay out of the hospital.

  4. Make more than I did in 2023.

  5. Increase my stable of regulars.

  6. Build up my savings.

  7. And continue to be happy, healthy, and wise.

12/9/24 Does Your Job Define You?!

I had a random thought this morning. And it goes something like this. Does your job define who you are as a person? I can tell you in my line of work, it definitely does not. I think you can tell from my blogs that the sum of the parts of me does not add up to equal escort ! There’s so much more to me and I’ll bet there is so much more to you than what you do. Or, are you a workaholic who takes more gratification in their job than any place else in their life? If so, I feel sorry for you. I often ask men what they plan to do in retirement and often I hear that they do not plan to retire. They don’t feel they have enough that they can do in their life to retire from an occupation that keeps them busy, probably keeps them alive, and one that they love.

In 2024, I have come to see that being social and having hobbies is very important, at least to me. Before a few months ago, I mainly just worked and occasionally got together with friends, went to St. Louis to see my mother and my sisters. But I really didn’t do much out of the house, and I constantly lamented it. Now I’m going to a weekly meet up where we play adult board games. I’m still going to the Timeleft dinners, but those haven’t been as much fun as the meet ups. This month I’m planning on going to a new meet up where we’re going to discuss Trump’s promises. I thought that was really interesting. I’m also going to go to this thing called Skip the Small Talk. At this, you have questions to answer and you talk to strangers and it’s monitored by professionals. I haven’t been yet so I will report back. I believe I found it through the Meetup’s website though. I seem to also be doing more out calls lately that get me out of the house.

So no, I don’t let my occupation define who I am. I have at times, struggled with being a homebody. And I still have to make myself get out of the house on occasion. But the difference is now I look forward to making myself get out.I just think it’s important to have hobbies and activities outside of work. And that doesn’t necessarily mean doing other work unless it’s a hobby of yours.

11/28/24 Giving Thanks 

I give thanks to my two sisters who, without them, I would have no family of origin.

I give thanks to my two sons who delight and frustrate me in equal amounts.

I give thanks to my clients who keep me in the lifestyle that I have and never cease to delight me.

I give thanks for still being alive and capable and cognizant.

I give thanks to my mother for having been the best mother I could imagine ever having.

I give thanks to my friends for putting up with me.

And finally, I give thanks for being able to celebrate Thanksgiving.

11/28/24 I Guess I Told Him!

Man, it takes all kinds!  Especially on Thanksgiving?!

11/18/24 It’s No Wonder That Men Don’t Live As Long

I had a client today who, at the age of 63, has never had blood work done. He doesn’t know if he has high cholesterol, he will never know if he has early stages of anything. He gets an annual physical, which consist of just a physical exam . Now, if you ask me, getting blood work is 10 times more important than looking up your nose or into your ears. They see things like white blood count that may be elevated because you’ve got something going on inside of you. Lab test show you if you’re missing any vitamins or minerals. Now granted you will know that you are sick if you have symptoms. But a lot of things are missed, like cancer, all the time. I truly believe that if you have blood work done twice a year and a physical once a year, you will live a longer life. I realize that genetics play a large part in how long we live, and I also realize that more men have heart attacks and brain aneurysms in their 40s. But I do think that if you don’t have bloodwork yearly, you’re really asking for trouble or at least ignorance. I guess I would rather know if something’s wrong with me than find out by getting symptoms of stage four cancer. And I’m not saying that just because you get bloodwork you can’t get stage four cancer out of the blue. I know you can. I just think getting regular bloodwork increases your chance of catching something early. OK, I will get off my soapbox now.

11/14/24 MUA

MUA stands for manipulation under anesthesia. Many of you know that I had my knee replaced on 9/11/23. Well, things have not gone that well. I still have a lot of tightness, I still have pain and I think I have a large amount of scar tissue. What they do with an MUA is bend your knee while they have you under anesthesia so they can break up that scar tissue and any adhesions, whatever those are. If I were awake and somebody did this, I’m sure I would scream bloody murder! I have this awful feeling that I’m gonna wake up from this in horrible pain. The nurses are telling me that I will be sore for a couple weeks. Sore is not the same thing as pain. And seeing that they’re going to give me pain pills to take home, I’m sure I’m gonna be in pain.

So if you don’t see too many ads for me this week you’ll know why. And if anybody would like to check in on me to see how I’m doing, that would be very nice. I’m really hoping this helps my range of motion because I just don’t feel like can bend my knee that far. I know that kneeling for a large amount of amount of time is out of the question.  But it would be nice to be able to sit at a table for more than a couple hours without having to get up and stretch and walk around. I’m not going to say that this operation was not a success because it was. I was limping before I got a new knee. I was in a lot of pain all the time. So in that regard, I am much better off. After I have this MUA I will be in physical therapy for six weeks, which I think I can do really well. I can do anything for six weeks. So wish me well that this procedure works.

Update: I came through with flying colors and my knee is already bending more than it was before. My PT lady says I’m going to do very well. And I only have to do six weeks of it! Thank you to everyone who said good luck to me.

10/31/24 TimeLeft.com Update

OMG, I had a wonderful time. There were supposed to be six of us, but only four showed up. Probably because there were tornado watches all over the city. We met at the American Reserve bar and grill inside the Ambassador Hotel downtown. It was nice and quiet, there weren’t many people there. It was easy to talk and to hear everybody. There were three of us women and one man. One of the women had been to six of these so I pressed her on all things regarding stranger dining!  I liked her the most out of all of the people there, but I didn’t get her number so I’m hoping I can contact her through the app and I’m pretty sure I can.

All four of us were professionals, in our late 50s and early 60s. And I know that everybody could afford the meal because it was kind of expensive. The food wasn’t that bad but the drinks were $21 each. Note to self: make sure you look at the menu before you order. My French onion soup was just OK but the Caesar salad was to die for.

I could tell we were all pretty much the same type of personality. Somebody who would get out on a rainy night to meet three other strangers for dinner. There was never a pause in talking and we all participated pretty evenly. After the dinner, we were asked to give our feedback and a big part of it was “would we have dinner with these people again”.  I answered in the affirmative on everybody. The one lady had told me that you were matched partly by political affiliation and she was wrong about that. So I need to not make that assumption because it is incorrect. All in all, I had a really nice time.

Not sure I recommend the restaurant but I definitely recommend timeleft.com.

Update to the update:  I have now done this 3 times.  The 2nd time, the dinner got cancelled without anyone telling me.  Not good.  The 3rd time was at Blue Sushi and I don’t eat Sushi!  On top of that, I had dinner with 2 other women in their 70s.  And they did not drive, so not a lot in common there.  Three people did not show up! I’m giving this one more time and, if it’s not good, I’ll be unrecommending this service.  

10/29/24  It’s Not All That Bad!

I just looked back at my recent blogs and realized that I’m painting a pretty depressed picture and although I am grieving, I’m really not depressed per se. Sometimes grieving feels like depression, but it’s not depression because it comes and goes in waves. At least for me, my depression usually sticks around for a couple days and then goes. With grief it sticks around for a few hours, not days.

So here’s some uplifting news about me. October has been the second best month of this year. Let’s just say that I grossed almost as much as a lawyer does in a month. That should give you some idea of how well I’m doing business-wise. On a personal note, I haven’t been feeling really lonely lately. I feel like I have a lot to look forward to and I’m even interested in meeting new people through these Kansas City meet ups. I’m looking really forward to this timewasted.com dinner tomorrow. I have come to realize that I am the only one who’s going to make my life better. I cannot look outside of myself for that.

And I still love my sexy red Mustang Mach E that I have now named Ruby!  So all in all, I’m doing OK. And unless I say that I’m not doing OK, you can pretty much bet that I am. I’m not saying that I don’t have difficult days because I do. And I’ll bet there’s a lot of people out there who would agree with me that they do too.

Again, I want to thank everyone who has sent me their condolences and well wishes. You all know just the right thing to say to me. I really do appreciate you.

10/28/24 Please Leave My House

I can count on one hand the number of men I have given their money back and asked them to leave my house. Yesterday was one of these.

I had seen this client one time before and everything was fine so I was looking forward to seeing him again. The first thing he did was tell me that the Covid vaccine caused people to be magnetized. He said that he actually saw a friend put a magnet on their skin where they had the shot and it stuck. This is such a myth and only one crazy doctor in Ohio claimed this. Ohio almost took her license away for this but good old Republican state did not in the end. Now the IRS is suing her for $650,000 because she didn’t pay taxes. Yeah, that’s a fucking conspiracy theory and I’m having no part in it.

Then, as if that wasn’t bad enough, he starts in on how we kill babies after they’re born in the United States. Oh my God. Really? When people talk about things like this and believe it’s true, I feel they are very dangerous because they will tell other people what they believe is true and spread lies. I am a bit embarrassed to say that I did yell at this guy after he said this because I was so appalled and so disgusted. Shortly after that, I asked him to leave and gave him his money back.

I’m sorry, but I cannot tolerate conspiracy theories. If you believe these to be true, then please don’t tell me so. It just upsets me and aggravates me. I think, too, that this was Sunday and Sundays are very difficult for me. I wanted to stay busy so that I might not grieve as much as I do on Sundays. But there’s really no getting around it and this guy did not help.

After the fact, I really started to think about this exchange, and the therapist in me thinks that this guy was trying to push my buttons. And boy did he ever. He also kept asking me if I had any proof that killing babies was not going on, but I never thought to ask him if he had proof that it was. And what I told him I still believe. If this ever happened, it would be all over the news and it would be being litigated. There’s no way that any parent would accept a baby being killed after it’s born. Now there is such a thing as a stillbirth, but that isn’t what he meant. And then he tried to tell me that he was not a Trump supporter. So was he just trying to stir up shit? Kind of makes you wonder. At any rate, I am doing so well that I don’t have to see anybody I don’t want to. And I don’t want to see someone like that.

10/25/24

Dear Mom,

You’ve been gone over two months and I miss you as much as I missed you the first day I found out. Which is to say that I miss you a heck of a lot. Some days I have a lot of problems just getting started in the day because of my grief for you. I’ve come to see you as the light of my life and the light has gone out and now I’m in darkness.

I feel like I should have realized before you died how I would feel after you died. But I would never allow myself to go there because I knew it was going to hurt terribly. And I decided that I didn’t want to hurt terribly until I had to. So now I guess I have to, Lord knows I am.

I find myself full of regret and I hate this emotion. I tried to tell myself that I did the best I could. But I’m not really sure that’s true.  So a lot of my grief is wishing I had done better. Wishing I had stayed in touch better.  It was so difficult to communicate with you over the phone and so frustrating. Which is why I started writing you letters like this one.

My therapist said that I should start writing you letters again because it helps me get my thoughts out of my mind and on paper. Plus, I can refer back to this letter maybe to help me.

I’ve had many well wishes and much condolences, but I find that grieving is a singular process and no one can really help me through it. I do wish I had that one single partner in my life that could hold me when I’m sad.

Well, Mom, I have my good days and my bad and I’m hoping that my bad days decrease in number and my good days increase. I keep you close to me with all my pictures of you and all your jewelry and letters. But somehow 2-D does not work for me. I need the 3-D you back!

Thank you, Mama, for being the best mother I could have ever had. We had our difficulties growing up, that is for sure, but I came to see you as my mother and my friend once I was old enough to appreciate you.

10/22/24 TimeLeft.com

I don’t know if I’ve ever said this, but I’m always looking for ways to meet people. There are a lot of ways to meet people in Kansas City and I found a new venue for this. It’s called timeleft.com. Not sure why it’s called that but the premise is that they get five people together to have dinner at a nice restaurant at 7 PM on a Wednesday. You have to get a membership which costs around $20 a month and then you can go every Wednesday. I am going next Wednesday and I will report back on how it was. I think the fact that it’s only five people and they match you with like-minded people is what caught my eye. It’s not meant to be a dating app. It’s really more to meet people and make friends. So I will let you know what I thought of it after I go.

10/22/24 GFE versus non-GFE

I get asked a lot about the difference between a GFE and a non-GFE. Let me tell you, there is a huge difference. First of all, GFE stands for girlfriend experience.

The escorts who are non-GFE simply do their job. They come in. They get the job done, they leave. It’s as simple as that. A lot of times everything is covered, kissing is definitely not on the menu, and if you get a hug it’s a very brief one. They are all about business. Warning: you might feel rushed.

GFE girlfriend experience escort will meet you at the door with a smile greet you nicely and take care of you the entire time. She will try to connect with you because connections are important to her. She will kind of act like a girlfriend in that she might cuddle with you or kiss you. She will be safe, but not ridiculously so. Which means that not everything will be covered. And my belief is that most men prefer this.

I’m always astonished to see how many of the escorts on Tryst offer or rather do not offer GFE. You would think for the money they charge for an hour of their time, they would offer the world!

I think because of my social work background and my easy connection with people that GFE is not even a question for me. I can’t be anything else.

10/22/24 Toot My Own Horn

It seems to me that in all these blogs that I’ve done, I’ve never actually tooted my own horn. So allow me to today.

I got a compliment the other day from a client who I’ve seen several times. He simply said “Patty, there’s you and there’s all the other escorts“. I asked him what he meant by this. And his response was that I’m not a flake, I’m actually very genuine, I’m not on drugs (marijuana doesn’t count) and I actually respond to people. And then he rattled off a series of escorts he had seen that were absolutely horrible. I hear that a lot. But what I hear more is that there are some good ones out there and there are some not so good. Probably more not so good.

I know I’m one of the better escorts in town because I’m so busy. You cannot make the money that I make and think of me as a failure because I am not by any stretch of the imagination. Sometimes I think if I were 30 years younger and at my present weight, I could charge $300 to $400 a session. But I have to say that I am very happy at the rates that I’m at and doing this later in life. This is an occupation that kind of hardens you and I would not have wanted to do it for the last 30 years.

I think what sets me apart is not only how genuine and down-to-earth I am, but also my patience with people (for the most part) and my ability to put people at ease. One thing that I know for sure is that it is nerve-racking to see someone new. It’s even nerve-racking for me. I’ve gotten used to it over the years but until I see your face, I’m never sure of who’s going to show up and that’s a bit anxiety provoking. So I do what I do best and that’s to talk. And then to make you feel, very comfortable. Without that, ab escort doesn’t have anything. Both literally and figuratively.

I do so enjoy what I do and that sets me aside also. I’ve come to believe that most of these escorts do not enjoy what they do. They do it to have money, they do it to sustain a habit and they do it because they can’t do anything else or at least not anything that will pay the bills like this will. But a client told me yesterday that he knows an escort and 90% of her clients do not show up. I’ve got to wonder about this. Because my no-show rate is around 5%.

So to end this blog and to toot my own horn, let me just say that I think if you come to visit me, you will find that I am worth every minute and every dollar spent!

10/18/24 Blood Is Thicker

I think I might have mentioned that my older sister and I had a falling out after my mother died. But really, she hasn’t called or communicated with me in any meaningful way in about two years. So cutting off from her when she got so upset by my behavior at the wake was pretty easy. I haven’t liked her as a person since I was 10 years old and she was 15. And I don’t think there’s any love lost between us. But I am here to say that I can’t afford to lose another family member. Blood is definitely thicker than water, and I need this woman in my life in some capacity. After all, she had five more years with my mother than I did and she remembers more than I do. Since my mother has died, I’ve come up with a bunch of questions that I cannot answer on my own. I need my sisters for this. I need them to help me keep her memory alive. And even though I don’t like my oldest sister, she is my family and for that I love her.

Cutoffs are never a good thing. I’ve known this since I was a therapist. I would tell people this all the time. And the amount of time that you spend angry, it’s just not worth it. So for Yom Kippur, which is the Jewish day of atonement where we atone for our sins for the year, my sister contacted me and said that we should atone for our harsh words and decide to become sisters again. And I couldn’t agree more with her.

So we are getting together for dinner when I go to St. Louis in early December and I’m really looking forward to it. Blood really is thicker than water in most cases. And even though I don’t really prefer her company, I don’t wanna lose her as a sister.

10/12/24 Menopause and Medications

I try to write a blog about this every year because it’s so important that guys know this information and so I’m gonna tell it again.

When women go through menopause, about 80% of them lose their libido, their sex drive. And the thought of having sex goes out of their mind and into their anxiety mode. So when you bring it up, she is most likely not gonna respond. 75% of my clients are married and not having sex at home. And the sad thing is that they don’t have intimacy either. And when I talk about intimacy, I’m NOT talking about sex. I’m talking about holding hands, kissing, sitting on the couch together, watching a movie and cuddling. I wrote a blog this year about how to remedy this so you should look down and find that blog.

Now let’s talk about medications. There are three medications that screw with sex. These are high blood pressure, diabetic medicines specifically Metformin and insulin, and finally, antidepressants. Disclaimer: I am not suggesting that you get off any of these medication‘s because of their side effects. High blood pressure medicine is going to save your life literally. And of course you can’t go off of your diabetic medicine. That’s kind of crazy to think about. And if you’re on an antidepressant, there’s probably a very good reason. So I am not suggesting that anybody take this information to mean that you need to stop taking your medication. You’re on these medications for good reasons.

And as with anything I say, take it with a grain of salt, but I have done my research. The effects of these medications also depend on how much you are taking of them. For example, if you are on a low-dose of high blood pressure medicine, it might not affect you at all. Especially if you’re under 60.

High blood pressure medicine (especially lisinopril and losartan) make it so you either can’t get hard at all or if you can get hard you cannot maintain it. And if you try to take Viagra or Cialis, the two medicines fight each other. And your high blood pressure medicine is going to win out. I hope you like oral. That’s all I’m gonna say.

Diabetic medicine pretty much makes it so that you can’t even get hard. The Biologics don’t seem to have that effect, but most people are on a biologic and Metformin and Metformin is horrible.

Antidepressants are a little bit different in that they don’t affect your ability to have an erection. What they do is typically shut down your libido so that you don’t even want sex as much as you did. They also make it very difficult to have an orgasm. It can take 30 minutes to an hour to achieve this.

So there you have it. If you have any questions, please talk to your doctor about it.

10/8/24 St.Louis Revisited

Well, upon further inspection, maybe I was a bit preemptive in my last blog about never going back to St. Louis. I realize that sometimes I do overreact and I may have overreacted in this case. But that Thursday was a horrible day. I had seven people scheduled and only one showed up. Reminds me a lot of my trip to Hawaii and my first day there. I was ready to come home. Thankfully, I didn’t and I had a wonderful time and the same goes for St. Louis. Friday and Saturday were excellent days and I made as much as I thought I would for the entire trip. Most of the no-shows were under 40 and from now on I’m going to make and keep a strict policy of not seeing anyone under 38. It’s just not worth it.

So I will be going back to the Lou December 5-8 and I hope to see some of the guys I saw this time because I had a really good time with most of them. It really did turn out to be one of my better trips.

10/2/24 My Last Trip

Now that my mother has passed on, I’m finding fewer and fewer reasons to travel to St. Louis. Especially when I got here this trip and I’ve had a no-show, two cancellations and five people have not confirmed. Probably the worst trip I’ve had in St. Louis ever. And I realize to myself that I don’t really have a reason to come here anymore. If I want to see my sister, I’ll plan a weekend to come see my sister. But for all the work that goes into planning a trip to St. Louis and all the expenses that are incurred in doing so are not worth the aggravation that I feel as I’m writing this. It seems like each time I come I have fewer and fewer regulars wanting to see me. If that isn’t a sign, I don’t know what is.

I’ve enjoyed coming to St. Louis but right now being here just reminds me that I can’t see my mother. And that just brings up my grief. And being 300 miles away from home and in a hotel room without my cats to comfort me and my home surroundings, I’m at a loss to figure out why I’m here.  I don’t think I’ll miss traveling. And if I can’t make enough to make it worth it then just screw it. I don’t need the aggravation anymore.

I won’t miss coming to St. Louis when the one person that I wanted to see is not here anymore. I really hope that my sister and I can forge some sort of new relationship that isn’t based on my mother. I guess time will tell.

Update 10/4/24: OMG, yesterday I had one appointment show up. Today has been like night and day compared to yesterday!  Great clients, almost all showed up and I had a wonderful time. I still don’t know if I’m gonna come back but at least I’m not leaving in angst. I’m actually staying an extra day because I got so much interest today.

9/23/24 Meet KC’s Newest Professional Cuddler

That’s right! I registered with comfortcuddle.com and now I am charging $100 for a clothed 1 hour platonic cuddle session on that website and also on my website. On my website I also offer $160 for a nude cuddle session, sensual, not sexual. I’m really looking forward to this. I love to talk and I love to hold and caress and I think I’ll be really good at it. I’ve already had my first paying session and I’m going to have my second one tonight.

If you’ve never experienced, just pure cuddling for cuddling sake, it’s really kind of wonderful. Add in my back tickles and you’ve got a recipe for extreme comfort.  Cuddling can also be very healing. I’m hoping my clients come away feeling warm, understood, and completely cared for. To me, this is just an extension of what I already do. You really should try it out.

9/12/24 Cuddling

I have to say that I tried cuddling someone that I met through ComfortCuddle.com and I wasn’t much impressed. Now, maybe I picked the wrong person because he turned out to be a workaholic. And I think that I realized that if I cuddle with someone and I really like them, it’s going to be hard to keep it platonic. And that’s what this website advertises. Platonic cuddling with no strings attached. I’m sure this would be good for some people but it kind of creeped me out. I might try it again with someone else.

I still think it’s a good idea and I still believe that 90% of my clients want me to cuddle with them. But I do think you need to go into it with the idea that it’s just cuddling and nothing more.

8/30/24 Good Grief

I have decided that there is nothing good about grief. I had two good days this week and I feel lucky about that. Grief is as bad as any depression I’ve ever had. But the thing about it is that grief goes away whereas depression doesn’t. At least not for me. When I said that grief comes in waves, those waves can be very big or just a ripple.

I know I shouldn’t, but I keep berating myself for the things that I did not do with or around my mother. I should have called her more. I should have visited more. I am so grateful that I got to speak with her the day before she died. She was in great spirits and felt she was getting better. I know that she died the way she wanted to, but I wasn’t ready for her to go and I’m still not ready. I know that this torrential rain of grief will pass, but I don’t know how long it will take. And that kind of scares me. I find that work and really anything that takes my mind off of my grief is a good thing. But I’m also taking care of myself and not pushing myself to do more than I want to do.

I know I will get through this because I have to go through this to find peace. I have been told that my grief will be replaced by loving and fun memories of my mother. I look forward to that day. No, grief is not good, but it is necessary. I wonder about people who do not grieve.

8/19/24 My Mother

My mother passed in her sleep earlier this morning. She was 93 1/2 years old. She lived one of the most luxurious, wonderful, blessed lives that I’ve ever been a party to. And she was an amazing woman who made me everything I am to this day. I am sure I will miss her every single day I am alive. I feel like I now truly understand grief. I didn’t feel this way with my father or my brother and I wasn’t very close with them either. But I was very close to my mother and my grief has been torrential at times and negligible at other times. Grief is just that way. It comes and goes in waves. You’ll think you’re doing really great and something small will remind you and you’ll be a puddle again. I totally get it now. I knew this before, but until you’ve really experienced an earth shaking grief, you can’t fully know how you will react.

I will miss her. This is for sure. Both my sister and I expressed to each other that we wanted to die along with her. But that isn’t possible and nor should it be. I will keep her alive in my memories and talking to her probably on a daily basis. I’m just that way. But then you knew that.

8/18/24 Cuddle Buddies

I recently ran across a website called cuddlecomfort.com What this website is all about is hooking up people together to cuddle. Simply platonic. No sex intended or even allowed. It’s like any other dating app, but just for people who want to get together and cuddle with each other

On the face of it, it looks like a wonderful idea. Imagine, having intimacy without having the pressure of having to have sex. Who doesn’t like to cuddle? When I ask my clients what they missed the most, it is almost always touch and cuddling .

I think the service would be great for women, especially those who no longer want to have sex, but still want to have intimacy. Part of me thinks this is a great idea and part of me thinks that this is date-rape ready to happen. I mean, you would really have to vet a person to allow them into your house and cuddle with you. But then, I allow people into my house all the time not knowing them. Makes you think, doesn’t it?

At any rate, I may try this out. The boundaries issue would be interesting to see how you negotiate that. And can you keep it at just cuddling? I’m not sure that I could especially if I really like the person and I’m attracted to them. I could also see this as a segue into dating.

As usual, I will let you know how this all pans out!

8/8/24 Pay The Piper

I’m not sure exactly where that saying came from but I’m starting to understand it all too well. You see I met somebody on Match and no one on Match knows what I do, obviously. And now I feel like all of my choices are coming up to rear they’re ugly little heads. I know I have to tell this man what I do for a living but everything in my body says no don’t do it. And yet I cannot live with myself like this. I am not a liar and it’s bad enough that I have to lie to my family of origin. But I can’t be in a relationship and lie about what I do. Eventually, he will find out. I think whenever a person is underhanded, the person that’s closest to them will figure it out. First, they’ll figure out that somethings not right, and then they will start to look for things that are out of place. And once you start to look for things that are out of place, you will find them. It’s like the wife who figures out that her husband is having an affair. It isn’t all that hard. And I don’t wanna go down this road in six months when I’m thoroughly in love. Hell no!

So I have to tell him now or before we have sex. Otherwise that’s really bad. Especially given what I do. And if I were to ask him to wear a condom, don’t you think he would question that? Yeah, I’m pretty well fucked. Lesson learned. Get myself off Match because I don’t belong on there. I chose to be an escort, and I still choose to be an escort. I choose the money, I choose the lifestyle, I choose this profession. And in doing so, I basically take myself out of the dating market. Think I have to get used to the fact that I will probably be alone the rest of my life. I’ve been starting to plan for that. Sometime I’ll let you in on what my solo dream retirement is. It’s changed a little bit.

I am not so attached to this man now, only having known him a short while, that his breaking up with me would be of that much consequence. I would feel bad for a few days, but I would get over it fairly easily. That won’t be the case in another month. I know myself. So I will be telling him today. Definitely before things get really intimate.

Update: I decided to text him immediately after writing this. As I thought, he did not take it very well. Lesson learned.

8/5/24 All The Bullshit!

I just realized that sometimes I really hate this business. Which is not to say that I don’t love what I do because I do. But boy do I hate all the bullshit that goes with it.

All the guys that call and text and haven’t read my ad so they’re too young or inappropriate and I won’t see them.

All the times that someone makes an appointment and doesn’t show and doesn’t call or text to let me know that they can’t come. How hard is it to text somebody and say I’m sorry I have to cancel?

For all the spam texts that I get. I believe I get more spam because of my ads in this business.

All the guys who short me. I think from now on, I’m gonna count my money in front of them. That’s just utter bullshit. They know they’re shorting me because I asked for my donation and I state what that donation is when I ask for it.

All the guys who want me to do things that prostitutes do, like car dates. I will never do a car date.

All the guys that want me to come to their house and their house is disgusting when I get there. I no longer will go to people’s houses unless they tell me they’re perfectly clean. And even then I don’t really want to do out calls to residences.

For all the times that someone said hi and nothing else. I’m starting to think that these are escorts trying to see if I’m busy! Probably not but you never know.

I remember being a social worker and there was a lot of bullshit in that job too. I guess there’s bullshit everywhere. Today I got a call from someone asking about my sex ad and saying that I could still be saved. I think I’ll end with that.

8/2/24 Men Over 65

I am going to write a controversial blog about men over 65. In the almost 9 years that I’ve been doing this, I’ve seen loads of men over 65. And, what I have found is that there penises have become desensitized overtime. It happens to almost every man. When this happens, full service is nice, but not effective. And if he can’t come from oral, many times he ends up having to get himself off. And you know I don’t like that. Mostly because I think I’m never going to see them again. And I don’t blame them. Why would you pay for something like that?

It’s not that I don’t want to see men over 65. I love them. They’re respectful, prompt, and generous. I just have to figure out how to go about pleasing them. I find that men of all ages who are not having sex miss touch more than anything. Even more than sex. Because let’s be reasonable, you can have an orgasm on your own . But you can’t be touched on your own and that is something I specialize in.

So I’m hoping that my skills, my personality, and my touch/compassion will keep them coming back.

7/24/24 Catfished

I know I haven’t written in a while and I really wanted to write something that was upbeat and positive. So along those lines I’m doing very well. I love my new car. I love my new kitten. Business is good. And my life is humming along.

Enter Mike, software salesman who recently moved to Kansas City and lives in $1 million house. Boy he really had me going. But thankfully, it was only 24 hours because I wanted to meet him. Of course he ghosted me. And what I learned from this is that I don’t want to talk with guys forever or even for a full day before I meet them. What a waste of time. I can only hope that karma will serve him best with what goes around comes around. I have to wonder what I have done to deserve this.

I’ve never been one to think of people as bad. Maybe with the exception of felons, but it really depends on the felony too.  But, as I get older, I’m starting to see the nefarious side of people. I guess I just don’t understand why people sometimes do the things they do. Why would someone waste their time and texting me a lot over 24 hours with no intention of ever meeting me? Why do people catfish in the first place? Having come from mental health, I often question peoples mental health. But I do have the belief that everybody does the best they can given what they have to work with. And it’s those last seven words “given what they had to work with“ that is the true meaning of that sentence. Think about it. Maybe some people don’t do a very good job at living, but I do believe they’re doing the best they can, given what they have to work with. Which granted is not a lot sometimes.

7/10/24 Weightloss and Being Judged

Up until the age of 30 I weighed 120 pounds. From 30 til a couple years ago, I weighed anywhere between 180 and 240 pounds. And now I weigh 130 pounds. So I’ve been thin and I’ve been fat and I know what it’s like to be both. And, I have to tell you that it’s a very strange feeling to know that not only are you judged at 240, but you’re judged at 130! I have to say that the judgments at 240 were a lot more intense and a lot more demeaning than they are at 130. Still, I see how other women look at me. I’ve always been aware of that. I’m not sure where that comes from and I’m not gonna get into that. Maybe I’ll talk about that with my new therapist.

But, it is an interesting phenomenon to have been obese, and now be slim. As many of you know, it took me quite some time to realize my weight loss even after I lost the weight. It just takes the brain time to catch up with the physical. We see it when people lose limbs and have phantom pain. The pain is real, but it’s created in their brain and it took my brain about six months to wrap itself around the fact that I lost 110 pounds. I think I lost close to 90 pounds before I even bought new clothes. How pitiful is that?

Trust me when I say that I am not complaining one bit. I don’t see how anybody can lose 110 pounds and keep it off without a gastric bypass. It must take a heck of a lot of willpower and completely changing your lifestyle because the habits you have when you’re obese are definitely not the habits that you need to have to get and stay slim.

I never had those good habits and I never wanted to change my lifestyle, but I did want to lose the weight and in doing so, I did change my lifestyle. I still eat all the foods I want to eat except for the foods that I can’t eat. Truly, the amount that I eat is minuscule compared to how I used to be. My desires did not change and really my exercise habits did not change. But my stomach changed and in doing so, I had to change how much I ate and what things I ate or I was going to be in a lot of pain. I hate pain. It has taken me close to two years to figure out what I can’t eat permanently and how much I can eat at any one meal.

I have been in pretty bad stomach pain many times in the last two years. It’s really just been in the last six months that I have figured these things out and now I am staying conscious when I eat. If I zone out and eat too much, even a couple bites too much, I’m paying for it. If you’ve ever stuffed yourself so bad that you wanna throw up then you know how I feel when I eat two bites bigger than my stomach. It’s not a fun feeling. Thankfully, it does pass because you digest, but while you’re going through it, it’s not any fun.

I have to say, amazingly enough, this was one very big problem that was solved by surgery. It’s been a rough road, but I would do it all over again.

6/30/24 Statistics

Three out of four women do not come vaginally.

25% of men do not come from blowjobs.

50% of men have sensitive nipples and 50% do not.

95% of men like to have their balls pulled on!

Intercourse last for an average of 5.4 minutes.

Men’s prostate start to dry up around the age of 62. I don’t see many men over the age of 70 who ejaculate.

At the time that a man’s prostate starts to dry up, it also starts to enlarge, causing many problems. Thankfully, there are medication‘s for this.

75% of the men that I see are married and not having sex at home, usually because their wife has gone through menopause.

Half of my appointments are with people I have seen before and half are with newbies.

When asked, men will tell you that half of the escorts they’ve seen has been OK and half have not.

Half of my appointments are hour long and half are half hour long.

Since I have started not seeing men under 35, my no-shows have gone from 15 a month to five a month.

Half of African-American men are normal sized and half are not!

Asians tend to have the smallest penises of any race. They are also the most polite, the most hygienic, and some of the nicest men that I see.

I have 1000 subscribers to my blogs, but I have at least 2000 people that read them.

Several escorts read my blogs.

My sons read my blogs and sometimes read them to my ex-husband! Which is why you never see any blogs about my sons.

When a woman has a hysterectomy, she immediately goes through menopause.

85% of women who have gone through menopause, no longer have a sexual libido.

Even though a woman does not want to have sex, she will still have “duty sex“ which is basically sex once a month or less.

6/25/24 A Letter To My St. Louisans

Dear St. Louis Clients,

I am always so happy to see you and spend time with you. And every time I come, I get to meet new, fun, generous men who are so good to me and so appreciative of me. I appreciate you also.  I’m looking forward to coming back every single month. And even though I had to charge my electric vehicle four times there and back, it was well worth it! Stay safe and I’ll see you July 18 through the 20th.

6/24/24 My Newer EV After One Week

I absolutely love my 2021 Mustang Mach E with the premium package, all wheel drive and extended battery. Kind of. I love everything about it, except for the fact that I had to charge it four times during my trip to and from St. Louis. The charges took anywhere from 15 minutes to 45 minutes. And I spent around $60 all told. Which is less than I used to spend on gas.

And the thing that I don’t like about charging is that there are no facilities around it. At least I haven’t found any for my use that are at a gas station. So I end up going to a gas station to get supplies and go to the bathroom and throw trash away. And clean the bugs off my windshield. I wish charging stations were more like gas stations. I wonder if they are in California. And here’s the biggest rub. I’m supposed to get 277 miles off of 100% battery but I really only got about 180 miles. I had to stop in Columbia. I also charged it down in Fenton where I stay And then before I left, I charged it for maybe 15 minutes. And then again in Columbia. So it’s a lot of time but it goes by fast if you have emails to read and respond to and texts and calls and you can watch YouTube or Netflix on your phone! So it’s not that big of a hassle, but it is a hassle.

Let me tell you, this car is a dream. I would call it a luxury SUV, but it doesn’t have wood accents or real leather or any of the trappings of a true luxury SUV. What it has is all the bells and whistles. OMG, this car drives itself. But the hands-free which is called Blue Cruise will not stay for all that long because it’s a subscription. And I’m not sure who bought the subscription. You buy it for $75 a month or $800 a year. I think that’s ridiculous, but it is what it is. I absolutely loved it once I started trusting it. The adaptive cruise control is so cool. You follow a car at their speed or, if no one’s in front of you, you go at the speed that you set. The only thing I don’t like about it is that I get used to it and then I find myself going 65 in a 70 and that’s when I have to ride their ass!

It has heated seats, a heated steering wheel, heated windshield wipers, heated side mirrors. I think that’s enough heating for right now. I may never turn the heater on. It would save on battery. It has a digital dash in front of you that shows you your battery percentage, range in miles, and how far you have to go to your next destination if you set GPS. This car also has lane assist, which will move you back to the center of your lane if you start going over the white line or the yellow line. Very cool option. It also has the Blindspot alert in the mirrors so that if somebody’s passing you, you see a yellow alert in either of the mirrors where they’re passing. Really cuts down on cutting someone off or worse.

It’s comfortable as hell with power seats and memorized seats and mirrors. There’s plenty of room in the back and it has two trunks! Although the one in front isn’t very big, but the one in back is huge. And this car is no bigger than my Buick Regal was. But it truly is an SUV. A very small one, but still an SUV.

If I had a complaint about the interior, it would be that the rear window is very small and the rearview mirror dims so that the sun doesn’t come in, which can make it very difficult to see out the back. When you’re backing up, you can just look at the 15 inch tablet that is basically your dash to show you what you’re backing into. But when you’re moving forward, it can be difficult to see out the back. I think there’s a way to show what’s behind you as you drive, but I haven’t figured it out yet. And something that I’m not used to is that there’s very dark tinting on all the windows except for the windshield. I’ve never had tinted windows. They’re pretty cool actually. And if you’ve never seen a glass roof in a car then you need to see this one!  it’s seriously covers from the back of the front seats to the back of the passenger rear seats. It too is very cool.

To say the least, I’m having a lot of fun. Oh, and I didn’t mention the fact that it’s very fast which is why they named it a Mustang. Now don’t get me started on that because a lot of people are upset about it, but I could care less. It’s fast and sporty and fun and I love it .

6/18/24 Therapy

So, I got a therapist and I was really impressed by the fact that she was a clinical social worker and older than me. I gave her a list of things I wanted to talk about in therapy and, after two sessions, she decided that all of my problems are because I’m an escort. And most of the things I wanted to talk about had nothing to do with the fact that I’m an escort.

I was simply flabbergasted that she would be that judgmental after two sessions. And when I confronted her about this, she made no excuses. I quickly told her that this was not going to work because I was not going to change occupations and I thoroughly disagreed with her diagnosis. We agreed to part ways and she referred me back to the agency that I got her from, to find me a different therapist.

Can I just say that this next therapist is not going to know that I’m an escort?! I know most of you will think that that’s wrong. Not a good way to start in therapy, but I refuse to be judged and I think that I can still benefit from therapy even if she doesn’t know what I do. I thought that therapists were supposed to be open-minded. I know, when I was a therapist, I was very open-minded. And I don’t think I would’ve judged somebody wholly based on the fact of what they do.  I just think it’s rather pedantic to say that all of my problems stem from me being an escort. I’m sorry, but I refuse to believe that.

At any rate, I am going to try a new therapist and I will probably let you know how it goes. So the question becomes, can you have a relationship without their knowing everything about you? I think most of our relationships are like this. I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am.

6/30/24 Update:  I talked with my long-term psychiatrist about this and he agreed that I should wait until she gets to know me to let her know my occupation.

6/18/24 My New Ride

Well, after having a car for seven years and it being nine years old, with less than 100,000 miles, I decided to trade in my trusted Buick Regal for a Ford Mustang Mach E.  This is their electric vehicle that probably should not be called a Mustang given the fact that it’s a four-door SUV.  But, let me tell you that the reason they called it a Mustang is because it’s as fast as a Mustang. I don’t know if you’ve ever driven an electric vehicle but there’s absolutely no pause. When you put your foot on the accelerator it goes. This car is basically a battery on wheels with a really cool computer, that runs everything else. It’s going to take me a good two weeks to figure this thing out and, just like any baby boomer, I bought an owners manual that is an actual book because I want to be able to sit in this car and read about it as I figure things out.

At least this car does have a dash in front of you whereas the Teslas really basically do not. My son says Teslas are not meant for baby boomers and I think he’s right. If you don’t mind taking your eyes off the road to adjust the air conditioning through an app, then you’ll be just fine in a Tesla. Besides that, I’m not really an Elon fan.

The worst part about electric car is having to wait 45 minutes while it refuels. I hope this will get better in time. I think it already has. I, for the most part, will be charging it at home, which will cost around $30 extra a month. Not bad when you figure I use $30 a week in gas. And I’ve already figured out where I will charge it on my way to and from St. Louis once a month.

I’m hoping the learning curve flattens out fairly quickly. I will let you know what I figure out. I can tell you this though. The Bang and Oloffson stereo system with 10 speakers is pretty awesome. And the moonroof that goes over the entire roof of the car is also something to behold.

6/18/24 Writing Letters

A few weeks ago, I started writing letters to my mother. It only took her receiving one letter from me to know that this was going to be a really good thing. And it has been.

You see, she is as deaf as a doorknob without her hearing aids in. And even with them in, her hearing is contextual. So if there is no context for what I am saying, she doesn’t often understand. The best way for me to communicate from me to her is to write her letters. She loves receiving them, and I love writing them. I mainly update her with what’s going on in my life, but I know she’s getting more from them than she normally would from even talking to me. If you’ve read my blogs for any length of time, then you know that I’m a better writer than I am a talker. I think I have better control of my words when I’m writing versus talking.

At any rate, this is one of the best things I’ve ever decided to do and I wish I had done it years ago. I’m thinking of writing the same letter to my sisters who don’t keep in touch with me very often. I don’t know if they would appreciate this or not. I guess I can try writing one to my sister Laurie and see how she reacts.

One thing that I want to work on this year is creating better relationships, both with my sisters and with my sons. And I will talk about this in my next blog.

6/18/24 Regret

My son said to me the other day that regret is a very powerful emotion and I thoroughly agree with him on this point. I often feel like I sit in regret and wallow in the strength of this emotion. But what I recently realized was that, for the most part, if my mistake did not hurt anybody else, they don’t even remember my mistake. Only I do. Now that’s not true if it hurts somebody because they’re going to remember that for a long time, if not forever.

But I tend to think that most of my mistakes were only damaging to my self-esteem and my ego and nobody else really cared about them and probably do not even remember them or me.  This realization has been very revealing to me about how I think. Isn’t it terribly egotistic to think that just because I did or said something silly or stupid, that others who were around me, would even care to remember such a stupid silly thing!

This has been a life changer. Anytime I start to have a regret, I ask myself. Does anybody remember this besides me? I have many valid regrets from my past. But I have very many invalid regrets also and at least I can do something about those.

So the next time you find yourself in the deep emotion of regret, ask yourself, does anybody really remember this besides you? And do you really need to regret something that nobody else really cares about? I find that most of the time my ego was hurt and that was about it.

6/18/24 A Complete Change of Attitude

I was editing some blogs from 2017 and I ran across where I talk about the fact that I think people never change. Well, I’m here to say, after losing 110 pounds, people do change! I also want to talk about another change I have made this year that has been remarkable for me. This is going to sound really simple and easy and it is, but it didn’t occur to me until this year. And that’s the fact that I am consciously trying to be a nicer person. I say thank you so much more. I let good servers know that they’re good. I always tell people to have a good day. Honey catches a lot more flies than vinegar. Why it took this long to figure that out is beyond me. But you can teach an old dog new tricks! I would know.

The response that I get back tenfold of what I give. So if I want people to like me and I want people to be nice to me, it has to start with me. The number of regulars that I have is increasing because of this. I mean, who wants to come spend good money with someone and either have them be rude or insulting. Of course I didn’t do that all the time or I wouldn’t have any regulars. But I just feel better inside and I think I look better when I’m being nice. I’ll bet Dale Carnegie would agree with me.

6/2/24 If You’re Going to See Me…

This blog was originally published on 12/17/17!

* Use some mouthwash if you expect to kiss me.

* Wash your hands if you expect to use your fingers in my private parts.

* Wash your private parts if you are not circumcised.

* Wash your private parts if you are overweight.

* Use deodorant if you aren’t already in the practice of doing so.

* Shave down there if you expect me to give them attention.

5/31/24 Website Down and Updates on ME!

Well, you may have noticed that my website was down for a couple days. I hated to have to do it, but I had no choice. Suffice to say that I can’t really talk about it in my blogs which is a first.

I really don’t have a whole lot that I want to talk about right now in a blog so I thought I would just update everybody on what’s going on with me.

I am looking at buying a late-model used car, specifically the Mustang Mach E electric vehicle. The federal government is giving people $4000 to buy a used electric vehicle that is priced at $25,000 or less. I should be able to find a 2021 with a fair amount of miles on it for around that price. I’ve test driven this and the ioniq6 and the Kia Niro and the Tesla model 3 and model S and I am very pleased with the Ford. Now I just have to find the one that I want.

My mother is doing better. She was in the hospital with pneumonia for about five days and of course when she’s down for two days, it takes her two weeks to get back up. But she is slowly getting better. One thing that she decided though was that she cannot take herself to a doctors appointment where she hast to walk along way. So she’s going to have my sister take her which is just fine. But it just reminds me that she is going downhill.

Dating is pretty much the bane of my existence. I can’t seem to meet anybody worth meeting. I had a date with a wealthy doctor on Wednesday and I doubt it will go anywhere. I would love for someone to come in and sweep me off my feet and retire me. But I don’t see that happening anytime soon so I’m not quitting my day job anytime soon.  I always get a crack out of people who ask me what I do for a living.

Catie and I have settled into kitty cat and master wedded bliss. I keep telling her how happy I am that she came home. I’ll probably do this for the next six months. It was very traumatic when she left.

Business has never been better and I am reminded of my first hobbyist who told me that money goes with looks and I suppose I am better looking than I used to be. At least that’s the feedback I get. I’m not complaining mind you.

As far as my gastric bypass goes, I have my good days and I have my bad days. On my good days, I can eat anything I want and feel full without feeling sick and I know when to stop. On my bad days I may zone out while I’m eating and eat too much and pay for it. When you’re stomach is a size of a baseball it’s easy to overeat. And that is absolutely no fun.  I have to admit that there are days when I do not feel like eating period.  If it weren’t for getting high and giving me the munchies, I probably wouldn’t eat very much.

So given all of what I’m going through, I decided to start seeing a therapist again. It’s been a couple years since I went and I’ve always enjoyed it. And the lady that I got for telehealth was a little bit older than me and seemed very smart. So hopefully it will work out, I have a lot to talk about

As you can tell…

Special for June! Dinner and dessert at my house for $220. No time limit.

I’d really love to go to some Royals games and I even have tickets for when St. Louis comes here in August. If anybody’s interested in going with me, let me know.

I’m still pretty bummed about Only Fans deleting me, but I may try to get back on. I see these women who have several only fans accounts so it is possible. Many Vids has not taken off like Only Fans did but, then again, I’m not advertising it either. I still need to upload a butt load of videos.

I hope everybody had a great memorial day weekend. It was great weather except for that one storm.  I don’t know about you, but I’m already over this rain. I got a season pass to the Gladstone community pool and I’m starting to wonder if I’m ever going to use it! I plan to go three times a week to sit out by the water. If you’re ever there around 5 o’clock at night look for me.…

5/19/24 Another Year Down

I often write about what I’m grateful for and I keep it in my phone so that I can refer back to it when I need to see it. As I turn another year older today, I am very cognizant of my gratitude for having lived another year. Life is so precarious and unpredictable. My mother is 93 this year so I figure I will at least live till 90. But then I see and hear about people dying all the time that shouldn’t be dying at their age. And then I know that I should be grateful for having lived to this age.

I am not alone on my birthday, but I’m not with the person I want to be with. I don’t even know who he is. And I’m very aware of my current state of being and the loneliness attached to it. So when I lament about my age and my loneliness, I have to remember that I chose the occupation I have and it’s difficult to meet people because of what I do.  That and the fact that online dating is really for the birds. I realize in this past year that I am not going to meet someone through the work that I do. When I think about being lonely, I think to myself “would I rather be alone or would I bet rather be with someone that I really don’t want to be with?“ I think you can figure out which one I would choose! 

I am very grateful for the work that I do. And for the most part, I really do enjoy it. Probably as much as anybody with a regular job! So if I have to be alone, so be it, because I’m not giving up my current position. I may be lonely, but I definitely enjoy my lifestyle and the control that I have over my living situation. I have to admit that there are some good things about being alone.

I look at today as just being another day in my life. Gonna try to make it fun and enjoyable. I have two dates set up, one with a an old regular and one with a very good friend. We’re putting together my birthday present, which is an end table for my bedroom, and that will be nice to have.

I hope everyone reading this has a great day today and enjoy the hot weather. I’m looking so forward to getting in the pool!  Too bad I can’t go naked, but I don’t think the kids would appreciate that!

Many happy returns !!

Patty

5/10/24 A Real Turn Off

I don’t often write about individual clients because I don’t want anyone out there to get the idea that I’m going to write about them. But when someone comes along that demonstrates something to me that is blog-worthy, I feel compelled to write. I saw a man last night who really kind of violated my untold boundaries. And I say these were untold because, before he got here, he didn’t know that I had these boundaries.

The first thing he did was lie about his age. Now I understand that I often do this myself, but in my defense, if I were to tell my true age, guys would think “oh no, she’s really six years older“. This is because every single woman on these ads lies about her age! It’s a silly game, but one that must be played. But, for a man to lie about his age, just because he believes that I will not see him if he does not lie about his age, is reprehensible. But not something that garners that much notice for me. So moving on, it starts becoming very apparent, as we are talking, that he wants me to role-play with him. This is something I strictly do not do. I am not an actress nor do I ever want to be one. To me, role-playing is acting. So after about 10 minutes of him role-playing with me while I’m not doing it back, I finally said enough. I told him I was not feeling it. I was pretty much ready to end the session right there. But he said that he would stop and he would be himself and for about another 10 minutes he complied. But then he started going into this role-play stuff again. If he wanted me to be a bitch, he got his way. I’m not sure that isn’t what he wanted because he said he wanted a dominatrix, which I am also not one. Can you tell how this appointment was going down? Yeah. I simply was not having it. He thought I was the bees knees, and I’m not sure he knows that I blocked him as soon as he left.

I really don’t go for people who are not genuine. And this guy was probably one of the most disingenuous people I have met in a long time. Having said that, I’m lucky that I don’t have to deal with that very often. Which is the reason that I like men so much. They shoot straight from the hip. Well for the most part.

5/5/24 VIP Pics!

I decided to put my nude pics on my website and you can now purchase them for $9.95 through Cash App!

5/4/24 Many Vids

I am in the process of uploading all of my videos and pictures to Many Vids.  I should have it complete this week!  Many Vids has the same type of subscription service as Only Fans, but you can also buy videos from my store or inquire about a custom video.  I’m starting to get a lot of inquiries about this. 

My ID on Many Vids is @olderprofessional. And here is a link:

Http://olderprofessional.manyvids.com

5/4/24 April

I wrote in my schedule book at the end of April “thank God April is over”. And the main reason that I wrote, that was because April was a difficult month for me. At the beginning of this year, I started writing a little list for every week that was entitled “week in review“. And here I would put three or four things that happened that week that were noteworthy. In April, I had a terrible bladder infection and then a terrible trip to Springfield while I had this bladder infection. My cat Catie left my house for 10 days. I lost my only fans account. And I pinched a nerve in my neck, causing me great pain. But, and here is why I I do my weekly review, because then I have evidence of all the good and bad things that have happened. So looking back, I also had a great dinner with my girlfriends from Topeka, I found my cat after 10 days, I met some guys off of Match, and I made over $10,000 in the month of April. My mind will typically go to the bad stuff, but there is also good stuff and I need to remember that. I’m going to keep doing my week in review to remind me that there is no month that is all bad or all good. I just hate that all or nothing thinking. That’s my left brain at work!

5/2/24 Pain Meds

I pinched a nerve in my neck.  My pain is shooting down my arm and causing pain. I would rate it an eight or nine on the scale. I went to see a doctor on Monday and she refused to give me any kind of pain medication. And then I saw my PCP yesterday who also refused to give me any pain medicine. At this point, after talking to several other people about this, I’m convinced that no doctor prescribes pain medicine anymore. My doctor told me that the only reason he would prescribe pain medicine is if someone is going through cancer or dying. I was flabbergasted by this. I was like “why do they even make pain medicine if no doctor is going to prescribe it?“. I’m really hoping that physical therapy takes care of this. If you know of a doctor that does prescribe pain meds I would love to know that!

4/23/24 No More Only Fans

Only fans has decided to delete my account because I have broken their terms of service. Now every time they told me, I broke their terms of service I made reparations and I thought I was OK. Until yesterday. I am working on getting my videos off of there , because I don’t have them saved anywhere else. I might try to get another account through someone else. I’m sure if I bribed my son, he probably would let me. but it’s frustrating because until December when I started doing better, they never bothered me. Once I started getting popular, then they started bothering me. I’m appealing the decision, but I don’t feel confident that I will win.

4/23/24 My Miracle Catie Cat

Friday the 12th, when it was such a nice day, I opened all the windows in my house. My cat loves to jump up into the windowsills. One of the screens had popped off and she got out. She was gone for 10 days and I don’t think she ate a whole lot, but she must have gotten some water because she wouldn’t be alive. I looked and searched and put ads on the web, and she showed up in my crawlspace. I had never heard her cry until yesterday. I followed her cries to my crawlspace, which had a kind of door on it that you could get into the crawlspace if you were small, but you couldn’t get out. So I got down into the crawlspace and called to her over and over because she was so scared. She finally came to me and I got her out. She was much thinner but still her old self. She’s been crying a little bit, which is not like her so I know she’s still kind of in shock. If cats can get PTSD, I think she has it, but I also think it will go away a lot quicker in a cat!  I’m so happy to have my baby home.

4/21/24 Girlfriend Experience

I have decided to add Specific Girlfriend Services.  GFE Services will include daily emails/texts, phone calls, meet for a drink, discounts on sessions and pictures/videos customized to you!  I will have a section on my Donations Page…

4/21/24 OMG St. Louis

St. Louis never stops amazing me. Each time I go, I do better than the last time. Now, I did have three no-shows and one person threatened me, but other than that, this was the best trip I’ve ever had. I made more in two days than I make in a week and a half. But it’s not just about the money. It’s about seeing the same guys that I’ve seen in February and January and last November. I am developing a regular crowd there and I love it. I just wrote a blog about how nerve-racking it is to see new people, especially when I’m seeing so many new people in a day but now I’m not. And I just love that.  I will tell you this.  If Kansas City ever goes south, I could definitely see moving to St. Lou.

4/21/24 More Thoughts on My Gastric Bypass

It’s been a year and eight months since I got my gastric bypass. I have successfully lost 110 pounds and kept it off for six months. And I really don’t think that I’m going to regain my weight and I will tell you why. I still can only eat 4 to 6 bites at a time. And this is the most difficult part of having gotten the gastric bypass. They shrink your stomach so much that you can’t eat very much at one time and you don’t feel like eating for some time because your digestion has slowed. The problem becomes when you zone out while you’re eating and eat too much. OMG, I have never felt such pain in my stomach. And the difficulty lies in the fact that I used to eat a four course meal and now I’m lucky to eat a fourth of a course. It definitely makes going out to eat either a very slow process or a very frustrating one. If I take 30 minutes to eat my meal, I can eat more than a fourth of course. I can probably eat one course. But the food gets cold. Which, I’ve gotten used to, I have to say. 

So now you know how I maintain my weight. And on top of that, there are some days that I just don’t feel like eating. And the only thing that helps with that is to get high because marijuana numbs your stomach. It’s great for when you have the stomach flu and when you don’t feel like eating. Because it takes the pain and nausea away. I’m sure most people reading this are not feeling too bad for me. But if you saw me after I ate 10 bites instead of six, you would see someone in pretty intense pain. It seems like anytime I put food on my plate, I pretty much know I’m going to only eat half of it. Which can make for a very cheap date! I’m still really happy that I had the gastric bypass and even though I have had so many complications from it, I’m past all that and I feel like I’ve finally arrived.

I don’t tend to judge people anymore who are overweight. I simply say a little prayer to myself that they will find their way to a gastric bypass.  I bought a really cute mini dress in St. Louis and I just reveled at how adorable I looked! My sister said to me that I looked really good and I told her that I looked really good in clothes and she replied “that’s all there is at our age”! I suppose she’s somewhat right.

4/18/24 My New BS Meter

I have begun to write down the number of times each day I deal with BS. Yesterday it was nine times. I’ve been telling clients that for every appointment that I set, I probably talk to seven other guys before them! They are either a scam or too young or too black and young or they just rub me the wrong way. Low Ballers, guys who don’t read my ad and ask stupid questions, and just a myriad of bullshit out there. I think anybody who deals in sales or customer service probably goes through the same thing. Where are the guys that simply ask if you’re available, tell you their name, age and race and when they’re going to show up?

4/18/24 There’s Always One

I’m in St. Louis and my first appointment that scheduled with me two weeks ago did not show up. If that were the only thing I had to say about the guy, I wouldn’t be all that concerned. But not only did he no-show, he threatened me. He threatened to call the hotel I’m staying at and let them know about me. He told me that he had talked with four people that said I do BBFS and he read a blog where I had an STD.  In the first place, how could he have talked to four people that I’ve seen? No possible way. Secondly, you can’t even read my old blogs now and he hasn’t been able to the whole time he’s known me. And I never wrote about having an STD. So this guy was utter bullshit and I told him that if he called the hotel, I would retaliate. And I really would. I don’t like to be threatened, nobody does. But in my line of work, I take that very seriously. Now, he didn’t call the hotel or if he did, they didn’t let me know.  I simply was going to tell them that this guy was an old boyfriend who knew I was coming here and is harassing me.  There always seems to be one misogynist who schedules with me, then doesn’t show and harasses me.  I guess in my occupation, you have to take everything seriously, but in all actuality, I’ve never had any real trouble when I travel. And, of course, I didn’t today either.

4/12/24 Trying to Read People

I am often asked what I like and don’t like about what I do. I’m sure I’ve written many blogs about this, but there’s one thing that I’ve never really talked about. And that’s how difficult it can be to read people and know how to respond to them. I have found that everyone who comes to see me has a different agenda. And trying to figure out what that agenda is without coming right out and asking it, is next to impossible.

A lot of times I will just come out and ask what did you come for, what would you like? But then you might get a partial answer or something that just doesn’t feel right. And I never know if somebody likes and wants to kiss me, which can be very precarious. I offer GFE, girlfriend experience, which includes a lot of things that many men might not want. But trying to figure that out can be nerve-racking. I think this is what makes me so anxious about traveling. Because I see new guys back to back to back, and I have to figure out each new guy when I see them. I’m pretty open about asking people what they’re wanting and what they’re missing. I do this because I find that most men who come to see me are missing something or they wouldn’t be there. Some guys are really open about this and others just don’t know. As with everything, I do the best I can given what I have to work with.

4/6/24 The.Worst.Trip.Ever.

I went to Springfield this last weekend and it has never been this bad when I travel! I had 14 appointments scheduled and I ended up seeing 5 people. There were 3 no-shows and 6 cancellations. That is just ridiculous. The only saving grace is that I got a really good deal on a hotel room. I will never ever go back to Springfield again. My experience there was the exact opposite of Omaha. And I figured since they were about the same size and I had been there before, I would have a good time. Boy, was I ever wrong!! But you live and learn, and I had to try Springfield one more time to find out that I never want to go there again. A lot of my cancellations were because of work so I’m making it my new policy when I book an appointment when I travel, I am going to make sure that nothing will get in the way. At least nothing foreseeable. I understand that people get sick. Of course the people that get sick usually get sick the day of. But to make an appointment when you know you might have to work is not acceptable. I’m really trying to see this as a good lesson.

4/1/24 I Am Not A Whore

I am not a whore. I am an escort. There is a huge difference. You may think it’s semantics, but it’s way more than that for me. When a man calls me a whore, he is completely demeaning my personhood, my humanity and my occupation. I am also not a prostitute. Both of the above aforementioned people walk the streets and do car dates. They are usually on drugs and must maintain their habit. This is not always the case, but it is so many times. A whore does not care who she sleeps with and a prostitute will do just about anything for a buck.

I am neither of these. I am a discerning, selective escort, specializing in upscale home spa treatments. I work out of a three bedroom home on a dead-end street. I should walk more often, but I’m not going to walk the streets for my job. I comport myself in such a manner as to never have to deal with any form of abuse, including rape or assault. I maintain complete charge over my environment and this is the way in which I can let go because I know I am safe. If this were to ever change, I would rethink my use of protection.

Can you tell that this makes a big difference to me? A man today called me a whore, and it struck me to the very core of me. It’s one thing to call me your “dirty little whore“ in the context of a session. It’s a whole ‘nother thing to figure out what I do, to get angry about it and lash out at me. That was definitely not cool, and I will not be speaking to him again. I suppose, if he wants to feel better than me, he should probably call me a whore. But those of you who know me and know me well, will always call me an escort. You may think I’m mincing words, but they mean the world to me. Maybe the next time you want to use that word “whore” to describe a woman, you will think twice.

Response to this Blog:

You are absolutely correct in your delineation of the difference between a whore/prostitute and escort. Yes, they are sex providers but the difference lies in the way the product is delivered. An escort provides an environment to make the client comfortable and safe. An escort interviews to know the client and provide a full comprehensive service patterned to the client’s needs.  An escort attempts to create a relationship during the session. An escort does not rush through her service. An escort does not ask “Are you done yet”.

I have never seen you in any light other than a professional escort and friend.

3/21/24 Living Too Long

My 93-year-old mother said to me today that she lived too long. She lived to see her son‘s death. And no mother should ever have to bury a child. Especially not a 69-year-old one. So, do you think there is an age at which you’ve lived too long? My sister had the audacity to ask my mother if she felt that she’d rather live or die because she didn’t think my mother really cared. Well, she got a mouthful from me and my mother confirmed that yes she does want to live. Even with the pain that she deals with, which isn’t overwhelming, and her frailty of body, she still enjoys life. She enjoys reading and watching all sorts of sports. It’s the only programs that you don’t have to be able to listen to because her hearing is so bad. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that she’s always loved sports more than anything else. She likes to get out and eat good food. She likes to see her daughters and her grandchildren and her great grandchildren. Who would want to leave that? Now if she were bedridden or a vegetable, then I could see wanting to leave. But she is neither, and for 93 she’s doing pretty well.She still lives alone. She has a life alert. Until recently, she never even used cane, but my sister asked her to start using one because she’s afraid she’s going to fall. She drives three times a week to get food or to go to the beauty salon. I would say she still has a pretty good life. My sister likes to stick her foot in her mouth a lot. I can go on about that but I won’t. Yes, I think life is worth living. I didn’t when I was 29, but I’m glad I survived and I’m glad I’m here to see every new day. I know my mother is also.

3/20/24 My Brother is Dying

Just found out that my brother is dying. He has been in the hospital for sepsis and he refuses to do anything that they ask him to do. Now his kidneys are failing and he probably has a month left. They’re sending him back to the nursing home with hospice. I plan to go there this weekend or next to say my final goodbyes. I’m very sad but my brother has lived a good life and kind of a hard life too. He’s definitely on the spectrum, but completely brilliant and very very oppositional. Doesn’t matter what you say to him, he disagrees. Always has to have the final word. This is what I will say finally killed him.

Update: 3/22/24 My brother, Jim, died of kidney failure. He went quickly and without pain.

3/19/24 I am getting better!

It used to be that if a man wasn’t satisfied his first time around with me, I would give him money back or offer him a free second session. Then I changed it back to offering half price second session. I am happy to say that I’m no longer offering that or money. I have come to realize that it’s not about me. I’m doing everything in my power to make sure you are satisfied when you leave here. I cannot help if you are so nervous that you just can’t perform. I also cannot help any other emotional state you’re having. And by and large, this is the reason that you did not reach your peak. It only took me eight years to realize this and not to feel so guilty over it. I’m not guilty of anything except trying. At times, I may try too hard, but it’s better than not.

3/19/24 Service is Service

I don’t care what service industry you are in or work for, but I do know this. Every service industry is the same in that you are always trying to please the client. A lot of people don’t understand how an escort can remain emotionally detached, but all I’m really concerned with is making sure you are pleased when you leave. The goal of any service is to make you want to come back again. Of course, that is true for any industry. But never more so than the service industry. If I receive really poor customer service, I am not likely to ever go back. But the opposite is true also. And it’s not just about the service that you give. For me it’s also about safety and how well I was able to dispel your nerves, in addition to how good of a service I gave you.

There are many factors that go into seeing and going back to see an escort that might not translate to other service industries. Location, safety, looks, performance, originality, the atmosphere and ambience, many factors. I was recently talking to a man who has a party/event business, and I tried to impress upon him that what he does is not that much different from what I do. All of the factors that I have are the same for him, even if they look different. When someone is looking for a venue, they’re looking for location, performance, reviews, atmosphere and ambience, you get the idea! Is he able to stay emotionally detached from his clients? I dare say he is.

So why should it be any different for me. The funny thing is, no one ever asks a man why he had sex and did not get emotionally involved, but when a woman does this, it’s considered strange. I’ll bet there are a lot of women out there, escorts and not, who can keep their emotions separate from sex. Thanks to the feminist movement, since the 70s, women have been displaying this more and more. I, for one, do not have any problem with this.

3/17/24 Love Thoughts

I often think about what this world is all about. I’ve heard it said many times that the point to life is love. Being loved and giving love. This is why I talk about love so much in my blogs. It’s important to me. And if sometimes I sound a little desperate, it’s because sometimes I feel a little desperate. But then I get over myself and realize that even a life alone is a good life or at least it can be. Make no doubt about it, I will continue to look for love wherever I can find it. Love is fluid and it comes and goes. I suppose true love does not come and go. How many of us actually find true love? And isn’t true love just love that’s built over time. When I ask men if their wives are their best friends, I’m not asking them for my sake, I’m asking them for their sake. And it occurs to me that I could lose clients because of this question but the point is that you don’t give up your best friend especially later in life. And most of the men I see are later in life. True love is coming home to your best friend every single night and seeing them every single morning. That’s what I believe.

3/17/24 Paid Lover/Mistress

For many of my clients, and mostly those that I see often, I am their paid lover. Call me a lover or call me a mistress but that is what I am. It’s all a matter of how regular a customer you want to be. If you see me once every six months or even once a year, that’s a maintenance kind of relationship. Someone safe to see when you need that extra boost. It’s really only in those client/companion relationships where I see you once a month or more that we develop a connection.

Once that connection is developed, it’s hard to break it. Both parties look forward to the next time they’re going to see each other and both parties might think about it several times before they actually see each other. But the tenor of the relationship is so much different based on how often I see you. I have to say that I truly enjoy being a part-time lover. I think the men that I see often would probably not call me by that term, but it applies nevertheless. Sometimes, if I’m really comfortable, I will even let you call me your dirty little whore. But I have to be very comfortable for that!

This relationship, this connection, evolves as you get to know somebody. I catch myself enough to say that not every connection evolves. And when I say the word evolve, I mean that that connection grows deeper and the things we will try together can become more complex and more kinky for that matter. Yet, for some, it stays the same. That’s what they need and that’s what they desire, and they don’t look to change that. Which is kind of interesting because, often times, that is exactly what their marriage looks like.

I, as a person, crave connection. I don’t think this is true of everybody, but it is certainly true of me. And I do look forward to seeing the people that I have a connection with. I work with the goal of making that connection. But other things also come into play such as finances and availability. Like I said before, I will not probably make that connection with you if I only see you sporadically. If you don’t have the finances and the availability to see someone regularly, that can hinder this. I think this is why a lot of escorts want to see older, generous men. In this way, they know that there is a good chance that these men will have the finances/availability to see someone regularly.

Isn’t that the goal of every escort? To have a stable of regulars, and never have to worry about seeing someone new? Just in the same way that you don’t want to see someone new because of the challenges involved in doing so, I would rather see people I’ve already seen. This is why escorts verify you through other escorts that you have seen in the past. This is one of the only ways to know that you are not involved in law-enforcement. I understand why they do it, but I’m not willing to go there. I’m OK with simply not talking about sex in a text. And certainly not sex and money in a text.

I end this blog with just a statement. I hope that the men I see regularly recognize themselves in this blog. I so enjoy your company and I look forward to seeing you every single time. You are my bread and butter and my cats meow. I will endeavor to pretty much do anything to keep you around. OK, within reason!

3/17/24 Never ask this: are you a cop?

There is absolutely no reason to ever ask an escort or a client if they are a cop, and these are the reasons why.

  1. The only cops that are not in uniform are undercover municipal police, and they never have to tell you if they are a cop.

  2. Police that are investigating or looking into a possible crime, can lie about anything to get the information they want. This includes telling you if they are a cop or not. They can also have sex with you and then bust you. Most police departments frown upon this, but I’m not saying that it doesn’t happen.

  3. You will never get busted by a sheriff because they do not have anything to do with vice. And you will never find an undercover sheriff because they don’t exist. It is always municipal police that do this work.

  4. Your best bet against getting busted is to find someone who has a lot of good reviews and looks like they would be safe and then stick with that person, especially if you like them.

  5. Just remember, if you’re seeing someone new in Kansas, you don’t want to go to a hotel because they are using Hyatt Place hotels to bust people in Johnson county.If they can afford to use a Hyatt Place you don’t know where they might show up.

  6. The better questions to ask are how long have you been doing this and do you live in a house? You can see on list crawler how long they have been on that site. I would definitely stay away from the ones who have only been on there for a day or a week. Cops place ads sporadically, whereas escorts place ads every single day so you need to look at the old posts also to see how often they are placing ads. If they’re not placing ads every single day, it’s probably either a scam, or a bust, but more likely the former.

3/17/24 Fell in Love with Omaha!

OMG, I had such a good time in Omaha! I had my best day ever fiscally, and that created my best week ever. I feel like I’m finally coming into my own. I was told many times that I was completely different from anybody else they’ve met. I love those words! That’s because I like to think of myself as being different and that’s a good thing. Of course, they also meant it in the nicest light.

I literally had no no-shows. I did have one guy who canceled at the last minute and then told me he lied because he was just paranoid. He wanted to have a drink with me and I found out that that’s all he really wanted. so I guess you could call that a no-show. Definitely a waste of my time and I let him know this.

This is the first trip that I actually made more money than I projected based on the appointments I had set up. Even though I had a couple cancellations, I was able to fill those spots readily. As usual, I got many phone calls while I was there and several afterwards. I will be going back May 9-11!

I think what made this trip so special and wonderful for me is the fact that I only had one half hour appointment. The rest were all an hour or more. So I think what I’m going to do from now on is raise my half hour rate to encourage more hour appointments because that’s really what I like. I would much rather see five men for an hour than eight men for a half hour. I did not feel stressed out at all during this trip because it was so low volume.

The hardest part of traveling is meeting, so many new people in such a short time. I suppose if I really didn’t give a shit who I saw or if I saw them again, it wouldn’t be so nerve-racking. But I’m trying to get to know each and every person. I believe that’s the only way to form any kind of connection. I suppose that’s a big reason for why I blog in the first place. I want you to get to know me, I want you to feel a connection to me.

I am going to try to cultivate more hour long and hour plus appointments. I will be putting out new touring rates today. I will end this blog with “Omaha, I love you!”.

3/12/24 Say Goodbye

I am so sad to have to write that I have lost my favorite client, and a very good friend of mine. He has not died, but simply has decided to go back with his ex-wife. Which, in this case, might be a fate worse than death! We had a really special relationship in that he was my “favorite” client (and yes, I do have favorites), and we dated. Maybe not in the traditional sense of dating, but we went out together and we had a really good time together. I will miss this person terribly. And I consider him to be one of the most intellectual and stimulatingly knowledgeable people that I’ve ever met. But obviously, when it comes to his emotional IQ, he’s about 15 years old. Let me explain myself.

This woman left him for another man after 20 years of marriage and served him divorce papers in another state. She took him for half of what he had, and then squandered it in about two years. This will be her thirdor fourth time coming back to him because she cannot make it on her own. And each time he takes her back, he allows her to stay with him for less time than the time before because she’s so incalculably difficult and dependent. She’s bipolar and not on her medication. She tried to steal his identity for $25,000 and she is being prosecuted by a major national bank for this. She could easily go to jail.She also got involved in a cult and stopped taking her medication. This woman is not a good person. At least not from everything he’s told me and I’m thinking he sugarcoated it!

Why do such rational, intellectual, sane men make such bad decisions for themselves? I have no doubt that she will show her true colors once again, and be out of there in three months. I just don’t know if I want to go back to seeing this person again in any capacity. Yes, escorts do get to pick and choose who they will see. We even had this huge date planned for my birthday, all for naught.I can’t tell you how upset I am at this moment. I really should have prepared myself for this. And I shouldn’t have gotten as close to this person as I did. That is definitely something an escort should never do. It’s a very bad proposition all the way around.

Wow! I will definitely rethink how I do my work because of what has happened today. I can see that I got way too close to this person and I can also see that I did not see the writing on the wall. As an ex-therapist, I really feel like I dropped the ball on myself. We had a whole discussion about two weeks ago regarding our relationship because he wanted to hold my hand and kiss me in public, but he did not want to have a relationship with me outside of friendship. I told him then that I was not going to pretend to be his girlfriend. We could go on our dates and that would be fine, but I was not going to hold his hand, kiss him in public, and otherwise act like we’re in a relationship when we’re not. It was then that he told me of all the issues he had. Only one of them was the fact that he was still in love with his ex-wife. I did the right thing in curtailing that part of the relationship that felt fake and false, but what I didn’t do is prepare myself for her coming back into his life. I should have seen that would happen. Especially from everything he’s told me about her. And I really think he has used me as a sounding board. Right now, I feel sorry for myself, but I think I feel more sorry for him. I can see clearly what will happen. I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am.

Are you surprised the escort can get attached to a client? Now granted, he was not my typical client. And I do not typically get attached to any client. He was special. And I hope to remember him that way.

Answer to this Blog:

Parting with a close friend is difficult and life impacting. A period of adjustment is normal but it rebalances life.  Life goes on regardless of what occurs.  We are a resilient bunch. 

As I read the blog, it became evident that your friend is blinded by the whatever (charm, feminine wilds) of this woman. His logic is flawed in making a decision to get back with her. 

Further, his acceptance of her is probably short term. He will be without her once again.  When it happens he probably will be looking to return to his old friends and very likely you are going to be part of it. Be ready to be consoling but level headed as you decide to accept him back. 

I’m sorry you have lost a good friend. However the situation is temporary and he will return probably “hat in hand”. 

3/6/24 A Good Head On My Shoulders!

A friend remarked to me the other day that I have a very good head on my shoulders. And I couldn’t agree more. I do have a good head for most things. But, boy oh boy, when it comes to love, I obviously do not. I mean how, after all, could I have been so snookered by a fucking alcoholic, who sold me a bill of goods and had me drinking from the trough? I like to think that I’m better than that. But obviously, I am not. And as much as it pains me to admit that, the only way to get better is to first admit that you have a problem. I would say I definitely have a problem.

I’m great at business. I’m great as an escort. I’m creative and talented and smart. So why can’t I get this whole love thing? Why can’t I see the forest for the trees? Am I so immersed in the forest that I just can’t see the whole picture? Because once I’m outside of that forest, oh my gosh, the picture is so clear. But when I’m in there, I might as well be blind.

Now, having written this, it’s on me to do something about this.Did you actually think I wrote these blogs for you? Oh, no! I write them for me. This is my therapy. You might not have known that or you might have, but either way, make no doubt about it. This is now on my to do list. And I will be more cognizant of how I go about starting a relationship because obviously what I’ve been doing isn’t working. And when something isn’t working, you don’t keep bashing your head against the same brick wall over and over again! Because if you do that, then you are insane. That is the definition of insanity.

I want to end this blog, that did not start out to be what I have now written, with a thought about my blogs. Someone recently said that it’s like reading a diary and I addressed this in a blog. But I want to add that, if my being as honest as I am and as transparent as I can be bothers you, or makes you realize how dishonest you are or untransparent you are, I can’t help you. What I hope my blogs do is make you realize that you share a lot of the same issues I do. Or at least see my issues as something that you can relate to in your own life. Obviously not every single blog. But maybe there’s just one blog that you relate to and it helps you. This is where my blogs are for you, because not only is this therapy for me, but it’s also maybe a little therapy for you. And, so be it if they’re just simply entertaining. I can live with that. What I obviously cannot live with is the thought of not writing about my issues or sharing them with you. As long as you are listening, I will continue to share, and I will hopefully continue to get better.

3/2/24 I Have a Stalker!

His name is Diego, he’s 27 years old from Council Bluffs, Iowa and he gets a new burner app number every time he calls me to make an appointment. He has made five appointments with me in the last months and a half and every time he tells me that it’s actually Diego not who he said it was. So this means I have to cancel an hour appointment that I was expecting money for. I’ve wasted time, energy and my patience over this guy. I am now telling him that I will figure out where he lives, and who he really is and either get him arrested or send somebody up there to hurt him. And if you don’t think I can do this, think again! I am so upset right now, as I write this, but I know I need to write this now. In eight years of doing this, I have never ever had a stalker! And the last time he did it, he said that he realized his fantasy of being with me was never going to come true. A fucking 27-year-old Mexican guy! And then he turns right around and makes another appointment with me. Now, I feel like I have to get a picture from everyone under 40 making an appointment with me. I’m sure I won’t do that, but that’s how I feel and that’s not a good feeling. Wow, I cannot believe this is even happening to me.

2/25/24 Wanting to Make More Content!

OK, maybe desperate is not the right word. But I definitely need more guys to make content with. My only fans is blowing up, but it’s only gonna blow up as long as I keep putting content out there. So if you’re 40 and under, and in fairly good shape, I would love to meet you and make content with you. No charge, just a lot of fun. You have to be registered on only fans and you have to be able to use Snapchat to transfer files. Please get in touch with me if you’re interested.

2/22/24 I Deserve This!

Alex did one very important thing for me. He showed me that not only do I want more than what I have now, but that I deserve more than what I have now, in terms of a relationship. Now granted it did not work out, but here was this guy who I got along with, had amazing chemistry with and he accepted what I did.

I want that again and I deserve that. I’ve lost 110 pounds, I look great, I feel great, and I want to share that and myself with some very well deserving man. Might not be Alex. But I know he’s out there.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the connections I have with some of my clients. I like when they text me and we talk during the week, sometimes daily. I cherish my friends, but most of them are married. I would just love to meet a really sweet, appropriate, good looking older man to date and hopefully fall in love with. Is that so much to ask for?

Let me be more specific. I want that connection with an available man. Not with someone who’s married and not with someone who has a lot of problems. So I guess I’m looking for someone who is drama free and wanting a relationship and available for a relationship. Someone who likes to go out and have fun and stay in and have fun! Someone who doesn’t mind spending money on having a taste of the finer things in life, even if it’s not an every day occurrence. I believe life is to be enjoyed. I would love to find a man who has a life of his own, but wants a woman to complement it.

Someone who is warm and caring, and really doesn’t mind what I do for a living. Now I realize that last part will be difficult to come by. I’m not stupid. I realize that accepting what I do will be difficult. But I’m sure there are men out there who can look past it. Especially when they find out how much money I make. So if you’re reading this blog and you’re saying to yourself, this could be me, I would really like to hear from you. Please don’t start by telling me that you’d like to marry me, because that’s really old hat by now!

2/13/24 Just a Thought

I’ve been publishing these psychological “hacks“ for a while now, because I find them fascinating. Maybe it’s because I have a background in something akin to psychology.But I want to add one more psychological factoid to the ones I’ve already published.

I believe when women like a man, they think about making love to them. But if a woman doesn’t like you, there’s no way in hell she is ever going to go there. And I think a lot of guys don’t get this. I think they think that if they just try harder, she will come around. Well I’m here to dispel this myth about men who try harder. There’s a reason you’re trying harder. She doesn’t like you and she doesn’t want to be with you. And a woman usually knows if they like someone the first time they meet them. They might not know it from texting or even talking on the phone, but once they meet you in person, they get a feeling. They either like you or they don’t.

After that first meeting, there isn’t much you can do about it. So, if you’re gonna try harder, try harder the first time you meet her. Show up nicely dressed, bathed and smelling nice. Definitely bring her a little something. A great card, a small bouquet of flowers, some candies, a book that you thought she would like. If you can tie it to something that the two of you have talked about, all the better. You get the idea.

And please, please, do not talk about yourself the entire time you are with her, because nothing will turn her off more than that. Well, maybe you popping out your fake eyeball would be worse (and yes, this has happened to me!). It should be give-and-take. If you talk about yourself, then you ask her “what about you…”. The whole meal or venue or walk around a lake should be about give and take. This is the time to be impressing her. Not after she decides that you’re a rude SOB, who likes to impress women with how much he has, who chews with his mouth open, and really has nothing to show for himself! Trust me when I say they are a dime a dozen.

Think about it this way. My mother always says to me that men are like street cars, they come around every 10 minutes. To put it in today’s terminology, there are a lot like Uber drivers. So think about that the next time you have the opportunity to connect with someone on a deeper basis than you usually do. I probably don’t speak for every woman out there, but I think most would say I’m spot on. And, I would love to hear from a reader of mine, who is a woman, to tell me what she thinks. So, enjoy your Hallmark holiday tomorrow and don’t forget the roses. I was lucky enough to get mine today!

2/12/24 What are some psychology facts about love?

  1. If you’re close to anyone, when you read their texts, you can hear their voice in your head.

  2. Sweet nothings work better whispered in the left ear.

  3. When you’re attracted to someone, you’re more likely to be drawn to how they smell.

  4. The more you care about someone, the worse you perform in front of them.

  5. During courtship, set the bar appropriately and the other person will love you more.

  6. Women tend to feel loved when talking face-to-face with their partners. Whereas men feel emotionally close when they play or talk side-by-side.

  7. Asking for someone’s opinion can make them like you more.

  8. When someone truly loves you, they tend to hug you for at least 5 seconds or more.

  9. The more you ignore the one you like, the more you will fall for them.

  10. A woman is more attracted to a man when she is uncertain about how much he likes her.

  11. When someone tries to impress you, it shows they already like you.

  12. People generally prefer an attractive face over an attractive body when they are looking for a long term relationship.

  13. We mimic the actions of people we’re attracted to.

  14. People choose partners whose chemical makeup complements their own. So someone with high levels of estrogen is likely to fall for someone with high levels of testosterone.

  15. A crush only lasts for a maximum of 4 months. If it exceeds, you’re already in love.

  16. If obstacles are placed in the way of your relationship, your feelings of love intensify and you want each other all the more.

  17. When you find out that someone likes you, a little part of you starts to like them back.

2/9/24 OMG Only Fans!

I am now placing ads in 25 metropolitan cities. My subscribers have tripled in the last month. My revenue stream has gone up tenfold since November. I’m looking at making $2000 this month passive income. I don’t think you can get much better than that, but I’m gonna try! I consider this my second job now. When I’m not busy with a client I am placing ads every 15 minutes. That’s the time that you have to wait between ads on list crawler. So I set my timer and I’m on top of it. Why I didn’t think of this two years ago is beyond me, but I’m glad I finally did.

2/8/24 The Truth About a Woman

Just because you get thousands of likes on your profile picture will not keep a woman.

Being honest about things in your past will not keep a woman.

Being faithful and loyal since day one doesn’t keep a woman.

Treating a woman better than she’s ever been treated before doesn’t keep a woman.

Making an effort every single day to make sure she knows you truly care will not keep a woman.

Giving her all of your time that you can spare, doesn’t keep a woman.

You could have the best intentions in the world and could have the most sincere feelings, and you could be the most perfect man in existence and you still wouldn’t be able to keep a woman.

The only way to keep a woman is if that woman wants to be kept by you.

With a woman, you can tell she wants to be kept when the relationship gets very hard and she does everything to fight for you.

A woman only fights for a man she wants to belong to, so if she isn’t fighting for you when things get hard, then that means she doesn’t want to be kept by you anymore.

The truth im trying to make is, Don’t hold on to a woman who doesn’t want to be kept by you.

You’re not giving up on her. It’s quite the opposite.

It’s her who gave up on you, and it’s you who shouldn’t waste any more of your time than you already have.

Know when it’s time to let go, know when it’s time to walk away, and know when it’s time for her to be unkept.

2/8/24 Alex

Well, you might have noticed if you read my blogs regularly that I took all the blogs down about Alex. I did this because I didn’t want to put out that energy to the universe and I felt that they were depressing blogs that I didn’t really want anybody else reading. I have since found out that he does not want a relationship or a friendship with me. He has shown me this through his actions. And actions speak louder than words. so we are not talking, and I doubt we ever will again. I basically got bamboozled by this guy and I learned a lot about how to approach a relationship. I will not make the same mistakes I made with him. Of course, he omitted to tell me that he had a drinking problem, and quite honestly, I don’t think there’s much you can do about a recovering alcoholic especially when they’re not even 30 days sober. I know I’m much better off for leaving this relationship. 

2/8/24 Update on my gastric bypass

I was going to entitle this blog, I Sag! But I didn’t want people to not read it! As a result of losing 110 pounds, can I just say that I look great in clothes, I am way more healthy and will probably live longer and I feel better. But, the part about looking better naked is suspect. I do sag. My boobs have lost a cup and I feel like they’re down to my bellybutton. Of course they aren’t but you know what I mean. My stomach is smaller, but it still sags. My arms sag, my thighs sag, my butt sags, even my pussy sags!I thought about having a tummy tuck done in Mexico. A client told me that he had a gastric bypass there and it went really well and they were a very professional outfit in Cancun. That would make me a lot happier and somewhat poorer. Not sure if that’s a word. At any rate, I am who I am. My body is what it is. And when I ask clients, who have known me since I was fat, whether I look better fat or skinny, they always say skinny. Or they say they like me at both weights. Which is actually very nice to hear.

2/8/24 You Can’t Force Intimacy

Even with an escort! I was with a man last night, who was very sweet, very generous, and very married. But what creeped me out about him was that he treated me like he’d known me six months and we had been dating that long. He had no boundaries around what might be appropriate with me on our first date. He wanted me to treat him like we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Well, that was his fantasy, not mine. I suppose I have walls and boundaries set up so that I don’t feel creeped out, and most men do not do this to me. I usually have to do a little coaxing with them, but they never want to just give give give. That was what was up with this guy. I think when we were texting, I started to get the feeling of it being too soon and too much. Kind of like my last relationship. But this guy was married and it wasn’t gonna go anywhere. I certainly was not going to get into a relationship with a married man. I’ve done that and I will not go back. Horrible, horrible experience. So, in the end, I made him leave early. It wasn’t just that he creeped me out, it was more that I was exhausted, and having trouble keeping my eyes open. But even if I wasn’t exhausted, I would’ve let him leave. He gladly took the money that I offered him. I think what I’m going to take from this is to recognize through texts where a person is coming from. If I’m kind of creeped out in their texts, I’m going to be creeped out by them. It doesn’t happen often, but last night was a very good example.

2/8/24 Relationship Truths

1. If love was enough, every relationship would have a 100% success rate.

2. Bad relationships change good people.

3. Toxic is when they can’t let you go, but they can’t treat you right either.

4. Authentic love may be unconditional but it does not mean unconditional tolerance.

5. You can take your power back by letting people go.

6. The moment that you start to wonder if you deserve better, you do.

7. Sometimes rejection is redirection towards something better.

8. Healthy relationships include uncomfortable conversations.

9. Loyalty behind your back is really top tier.

10. Kindness is not flirting.

  • Attention is not love.

  • Silence is not anger

2/8/24 Hawaii Man is Back!

Well, it’s kind of a funny story. I blocked Hawaii after we “broke up“ and then later I decided to unblock him. Well, he tried to get in touch with me when I had blocked him and couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t contacting him back. And then, one day after I unblocked him, he sent me a text. And that was all she wrote. I mean we’re not back to where we were, but he did send me the most gorgeous decorated egg, and I love these. He had also sent me a gorgeous robe from the Wynn hotel. And he has been very generous with me in the past. We have talked about me going to Hawaii for another work vacation, but I’m not sure I wanna fly that far. We had also talked about us going to Las Vegas and staying at the Wynn hotel. I don’t know if any of this will happen but I’m glad that we’re back talking. I had missed him. He missed me too. I think it just goes to show that when you’ve known somebody two years and you care for them, silly, stupid arguments can be forgiven and forgotten.
Update: Ken and I stopped talking in March after he told me that he had other obligations so that he didn’t know how much time he could spend with me if I came to Hawaii to see him. This man has no other obligations besides work. He has no family and no friends and now I know why. And if I’m flying nine hours to see someone, I expect to see them. I don’t know why he said that. This man has real intimacy issues.

2/7/24  71 Going On 61

You might have this preconceived notion that 71-year-olds are old people and look like old people, you would be sorely mistaken with this client that I had the other day. We laughed almost the entire time we were together. I was in rare form. Everything I said was funny. Like I said, rare form. But I digress. This man told me upfront that he was 61, but when I met him I asked him how old he was and he said he was really 71. I gasped! “no fucking way“ is exactly what I said. And I would say it again. He had very few wrinkles. He had some non-distinct lines on his forehead as we all do over 60 or even over 50. He was in shape like you wouldn’t believe, and very good looking with a mop of grayish brown hair. And he didn’t act 71 at all. The reason that he came to see me was that he was with a woman who didn’t know how to have sex and really didn’t want to have sex. She didn’t even want to touch or kiss him. But he liked her in every other way. So I told him to stay with her and come see me every other week! I think that’s a perfect arrangement!!

2/7/24 My Apologies to My Readership

It has come to my attention that when I post a blog, my readers get two emails instead of just one. I want to apologize for this, and I will look into it. In the meantime, just delete one! And just be happy that I’m blogging a lot again!

2/7/24 He Also Thought He Could

I had a client a couple weeks ago, who was adamant that, even at his age of 60, he could perform twice in an hour. I called his bluff. And I knew from experience that whatever time the first go around takes, his second go-round was going to be twice as long. And it was. And he did give up. And I wanted to say “I told you so“ but that would’ve been rude. I just smiled and kept my mouth shut like a good little companion! Such a silly man. And who knows if he was even 60.

2/6/24 More About Only Fans

I was looking up information on how much I should charge for my subscription, and I ran across this OnlyFans Price List Example:

Content type

Price

Subscription

$4 – $50

PPV  – Image

$2 – $5

PPV  – Video

$10 – $15

Custom Image

$5 – $40

Custom Video

$8 per minute

Paid Messages

$1 per message

Feet Pic

$5 – $7

Sexting

$2 – $3 a minute

Well, what I figured by looking at it, is that I’m right where I need to be and there is so much money to be made on this platform. Before I started sending list crawler ads to every major metropolitan city in the US, I was making about $200 a month. In the last 30 days I’ve made over $1000  and I don’t think there’s any stopping me. In addition to that the more subscribers I have, the more renewals I will have. Plus I’m getting serious about putting out more content. It used to be that I would do videos every six months and now I’m thinking of doing them every month.  Maybe even more. Gotta love that passive income!

2/5/24 A Word About Taylor and Travis Baby

Yeah. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been waiting for me to write a blog about Taylor and Travis. My mother who is 93 calls Travis Kelce Travis Baby and Taylor Swift is Taylor Honey. As you well know, I have an opinion about most anything! And this subject is no different.

I want to address the issue of whether these two will actually make it or not. I lean towards thinking that they will. And these are the reasons why.

First off, they are both stars in their own right. Now, Taylor is a bigger star, but Travis is just as much a star in football as she is in Pop rock. and besides that, they are both very good at what they do. Which is, of course, why they are stars. There is nothing mediocre about either one of them. And they are wealthy beyond their needs and probably the needs of many many families. And I kind of like Taylor being with a professional athlete over some actor or musician that’s probably going to be mentally unstable! Travis comes across to me as someone who is very stable and very protective of her. I like that in a man. And I’ll bet she does too!

Second, they are both 34 years old. Travis is probably getting ready to retire in the next few years. And although Taylor is going very strong in her career, if she has any kind of biological clock whatsoever, it’s a-ticking! And she has talked in the past about wanting kids and wanting a marriage. She knows she’s not getting any younger. She also knows that she has made the rounds in dating in Hollywood and that didn’t go so well. See my note above on mental stability.

I’m rooting for these two and I’m sure my mother would too! I think they make a cute couple. I think she’s been great for the Chiefs. Even if it does get a little nauseating at times. I’ll bet more 87 jerseys have sold this year than ever before! I hope they keep going strong, and I hope we hear of an engagement ring. It will be a humdinger!

2/2/24 The 40-year-old Who Couldn’t

I am always amazed by men who are above 30, who think they can have MSOG twice in a half hour!I’ve maybe encountered 2 to 3 of these guys who were able to in eight years of doing this.Most cannot. The last guy was no exception. I always say, before we start, if your first one is fast, we may be able to get a second one in. But if your first is not fast, good luck!I think he was really upset that it didn’t work like he thought it would. I tried to remind him that he was 40 and not 30. I think he knew after the first pop that he was not going to get erect again and he was definitely disappointed. But I didn’t set up that disappointment, he did. He obviously doesn’t know himself well enough to know that that’s not gonna happen. Of course, a lot of young guys don’t have the experience of MSOG so they don’t know that they can’t do two pops in a half hour. Now, this guy does.

2/2/24 Advice on Being Safe

  • The only cop that will ever bust you is an undercover police person, and they will never tell you if they are a cop or not. So there’s no reason to ask a provider if they are a cop.

  • Never talk about sex on text. You can talk about money. But you cannot talk about sex and money.

  • If you want to verify if a provider is a cop or not, ask her to show you her boob or kiss you, because no female cop will do that.

  • If a provider asks you what you like to do sexually, this could be a way of getting you to talk about sex. Do not go there, whether over a text or in person.

  • Your best bet is to see a provider at either a house, or an apartment as the police do not use these to do stings.

2/2/24 Ten Truths about Life

  1. You are not going to exist forever. You’re just a tiny speck in this vast universe and your time in this world is limited.

  2. Anything harsh said to a loved one in anger leaves a permanent scar, no matter how much you try to bandage it.

  3. Health is the most important wealth you can acquire. No matter how much gold you own, it can not quell the torture of an illness.

  4. Every old person was once as old as you are today. Time stops for none.

  5. Things which are most important for you today might be worthless tomorrow. Avoid spending money on urges.

  6. Something as simple as saying sorry first can prevent countless disputes. It is not a sign of weakness.

  7. Many times, who your friends are determines who you become.

  8. To become good at conversation, learn to be a good listener first.

  9. Luck favours those who don’t give up.

  10. Be grateful if you have a roof for shelter, clean water for drinking , food on your table and a healthy functioning body. Try to imagine the absence of even one of these in your life.

2/1/24 Sometimes I Simply Amaze Myself!

Make no doubt about it, not only am I smart, but I am a marketing genius!! I wrote in a blog earlier, that I was thinking of putting ads in other cities to advertise my Only Fans page (only fans.com/pcornett50).  Well I have now placed ads in Los Angeles, San Francisco, San Diego, Portland, Minneapolis, Detroit, Chicago, New York City, Boston, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Miami, Dallas, Houston and Omaha, Nebraska.

Now, you may be wondering why Omaha. Well I am planning a trip there in the near future and this is a good way to kind of get known in that market. I did a search of the largest metropolitan areas and this is the list it came up with.  And list crawler lets you place any ad anywhere every 15 minutes. So, when I’m not busy, which is a lot of the time, I’m placing ads in other cities for my only fans page!

OMG, my only fan sales went from $200 two months ago to over $900 in January. Passive income, mind you. Just to have an extra thousand a month is an extra 12,000 a year. Well worth my time and trouble to place all those ads. And I’ve even heard back from a few of the guys that they loved my website and my only fans page and couldn’t wait for me to come to their city! I wish so much that I could take the credit for having figured this one out but it was actually another providers ad in Kansas City that clued me into this.

1/28/24 About to Self Publish

I’m about to self publish my blogs as soon as I figure out how to do it!I compiled them into a 253 page book, and I was completely astounded. I couldn’t believe how many I had written, and I couldn’t believe how far I had come. I hope if you read all 530 some blogs of mine, you realize that I have come a far way too. This truly is a crazy occupation and I am a crazy fool for having undertook it, but I wouldn’t change 90% of it! Stay tuned for more details, and if you know anything about self publishing, please get in touch with me.


1/27/24 NOW ACCEPTING NEW REVIEWS!

I would love to have a review from you if you have seen me in the last six months and had a good time with me. You can reach them on escort Babylon by going to the link on my website. Please do not go to my new ad  and leave it there. After you have left a review, please let me know your ID on list crawler, and I will be happy to give you a discount at your next visit!

1/27/24 No more appointments ahead of time for newbies

God, I am so sick of all of these no-shows from appointments that were scheduled the night before. Why is it that grown men can’t even text you to say they have to cancel? As of right now, I will not be scheduling any appointments in advance unless I have seen you more than once. No-shows are so fucked up!

1/23/24 New Rates

As of 2/1/24 my rates will change. Not by much. I will no longer be doing any quick visits and the least amount that I will accept is $120 for a half hour or less. My hourly appointment will go up to $220. I have not made a rate change since June 2022 and I think with my new pictures, a rate change is warranted!

1/22/24 DON’T TRUST THESE PEOPLE

  1. People who never accept their mistakes.

  2. People who don’t help you when you ask them.

  3. People who gossip with everyone.

  4. People who act differently around others.

  5. People who are never sorry about their rude behavior.

  6. People who tell you other people’s secrets.

  7. People who bad-mouth their ex.

  8. People who do bad to others to feel good themselves.

  9. People who become jealous of others’ success.

  10. People who’re always busy or stuck when you need them.

1/22/24 Dear Diary

I always ask people if they read my blogs, and the guys in St. Louis were no different. But when one man told me that reading my blogs was like reading someone’s diary, I was kind of taken aback. And I’m not really sure if he meant this to be a compliment or something derogatory. But it truly made me think that he was onto something. I guess my blogs do sound like a diary. Now I just have to decide how I feel about that. I know that I’m very transparent and very honest with my thoughts and feelings. And I would not want it any other way. But I’m not sure how I feel about my blogs being called my diary. I get that a diary is your innermost thoughts and feelings about your life. And I will say that I don’t share every little thing about my life with you. But I do share a lot. And I think the only way that I can do this is to not think about how other people will take my blogs. I write to get things off my chest. It’s as simple as that.And I think the majority of you can tell that that’s what I do. I like the fact that I can share with you what I’m going through. And I like to think that my sharing with you will help you also. Or at least you’ll get a chuckle or a smile or a deep thought from my blogs. At any rate, diary or no, I’m not stopping.

1/21/24 St. Louis

I have often written about St. Louis, but never in the glowing terms that I am going to write today. I absolutely had a wonderful time. I maintained a positive attitude the whole time. There was one night that I was really worn out and really sore and the best thing for me to do was just to get a good nights sleep. And it’s not like I didn’t have no-shows. But I had 22 appointments and five no-shows out of them. So I saw 17 guys in three days. That’s high volume. In Kansas City, I’m low volume. But then, I go to St. Louis and this time I got booked for three days in three days!I was miss popularity. And for the most part, the no-shows were guys that had not booked with me beforehand.I had a few cancellations beforehand, but none of this deterred me. I had a really nice time seeing my mother and I plan to go back in February for her birthday and work for a day and a half. I’ll also be there in March. I just want to thank my St. Louis clients for a great weekend!

1/19/24 Alex

I met Alex through my ads on the Internet. He’s been watching me for a year until he got up the courage to text me. He told me that he wanted to marry me in that first conversation and, to say the least, I was a bit overwhelmed.  We hit it off famously and three weeks felt like three months. But after those first three weeks, I discovered that he was an alcoholic. He binges, and this binge almost killed him, but he went to the hospital to detox. He feels that he does not have another detox in him and, as such, he is going into AA and has two sponsors already plus a peer counselor.  He’s going to do 90 meetings in 90 days which is standard for AA. To say the least, he has been in very bad pain, and he kind of messed his body up. But when you’re drinking that much poison, that’s going to be the end result. We are talking daily, and I have let him know that his recovery is the most important thing to him right now. I have offered to be his friend and possibly his lover, but that is on the back burner. I totally get that he needs to work on himself and get right with himself first. I still have all the feelings I ever had. But I am holding off a bit due to my need for self preservation and to see what he does in the next 90 days.

So I guess you could say I have 1 foot in and 1 foot out and that’s OK by me. I think he counts himself lucky that I want to have anything to do with him. But I’ve met my fair share of men, as you well know, and I seriously have not met someone whom I thought could be my person the way that Alex could be my person. You know you’ve got something good when you’re willing to go to Al-Anon for someone! Wish me luck…

Update: Alex and I have decided just to stay friends because his priorities right now are to get immersed into AA and get sober, emotionally and physically and really work the program. We chat daily, but nothing like it was.

1/18/24  7 Uncomfortable Truths We All Need To Accept

  1. You should either have a supportive partner or no partner. There’s no third option.

  2. If someone can’t tell you their flaws, they have a dangerous lack of self awareness.

  3. The best revenge is getting yourself to a place where you no longer care about revenge.

  4. Just because a relationship has lasted a long time doesn’t mean it’s working.

  5. Self respect comes from self control. You’ll never respect yourself if you’re a slave to people pleasing and external validation.

  6. Don’t let your time and energy leak from social media, overthinking, and meaningless relationships.

  7. If you always think your happiness is somewhere else, it’ll never be where you are.

1/18/24 Encouraging Intimacy in your Post-menopausal Wife 

You may think by the title of this blog, that I’ve gone out of my freaking gourd, but trust me, you wanna hear what I have to say. Especially if you find yourself in the position as 80% of my clients can attest to. Your wife went through menopause and you no longer have sex at home. You’ve made the wise decision to find a provider who can meet your needs for intimacy in a safe and non-emotional manner. Now what you need to hear from me is that, if you play your cards right, you might be able to convince your wife to at least share some small intimacies with you. I hate to have to be the one to tell you this, but she is never going to want to have sex again, especially if she has cut you off completely.  If she hasn’t cut you off completely then you don’t need to read this blog necessarily.

What you need to hear, if you don’t have any chance at having sex again, is that you can still have intimacy between the two of you. But one essential thing has to happen first. You have to convince her that any intimacy between the two of you will NOT lead to sex. The reason she is not intimate with you is because she’s worried that if she is, you will think this is the greenlight and the go ahead to have sex! And she’s probably right! And if all you want is to have sex then you need to find it somewhere else. But, if you want to have some sort of intimacy with your wife, you will have to convince her, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that anything the two of you do, will not lead to sex.

Now, there may be plenty of other things that you miss, but let’s start here. If I were in your position, knowing that my wife wants to not have sex at any cost, I would start with the following: “Dear, I would really like to sit on the couch with you tonight, and hold hands. I don’t want to start anything sexual with you. That is not where I’m coming from. I simply want to sit on the couch next to you and hold your hand. I promise you it will not lead to sex! What do you think about this? Do you think you’d like to sit on the couch and hold my hand tonight? Do you trust me when I tell you that it will not lead to sex?”.  And there you have it. It can be as easy as this, and as she feels more comfortable, knowing full well that whatever the two of you do, it will not lead to intercourse, she may open up to you and she may even initiate after some time. But make no doubt about it. She does not want to have sex. If she wanted to have sex after menopause, she would have looked into hormone replacement therapy or testosterone cream, or even Viagra, which they are now prescribing for women with sexual dysphoria. I truly believe this could work, but it all hinges  on how convincing you can be in telling her that this will not lead to sex! And need I say that if you make any reference to having sex during this time of intimacy, you will have ruined pretty much everything. Nothing like having a little control. Find someone safe to lose control with. The whole point of this blog is to impress upon you, that you can still have intimacy without having sex. But please, don’t make the mistake of thinking that, just because you are intimate means she wants to have anything to do with sex. Trust me when I say that she does not. If you need other ideas about how to increase intimacy, come and talk to me.

1/16/24 A Word About Listcrawler.eu

You might want to do the following if you see someone’s ad that you haven’t seen before. What you do is click on the little box that says More Pics and Reviews at the bottom the ad. This takes you to what is basically their profile where you can see their old pictures, their old posts , when they came on the system and when they last posted and also their reviews and their comments. The part of this that I want you to take a good look at is their old pictures. The reason I want you to look here is because if you see more than one person‘s pictures, this ad is probably a scam. Women pay other women to put their ads on their account. It doesn’t sound like a scam, but there’s gotta be a reason that some women cannot advertise on listcrawler. The other reason for this is scammers putting out new pictures on the same account.

The other thing you want to check out is their Info tab. Under here you can see how long they have been on the site and a lot of times these women have been on maybe a day or so. I would personally stay far away from these women. It could be a guy who is simply using women’s photos and scamming lots of men out of deposits.

The other things you should always remember are:

  1. The Asians you see in the ads are not who you see in real life. Most of the ads say this now.

  2. Twenty-somethings are never worth it, except if you want to be able to see a banging body. This is because they’re rude, have attitude, and are mostly on methamphetamine.

  3. Older women know what they’re doing, are true pleasers, and rarely ever give you drama.

  4. Never ever give a deposit, unless it’s a fairly small amount that will show the provider that you are legitimate. Deposits for legitimacy should never be more than $25.

1/15/24 Bored in the house and I’m in the house bored!

Happy Martin King day! Where would we be now without him? Would we have the civil liberties that we have today? Would somebody else have taken his place eventually?

Now see, this is not what I wanted to talk about. I want to talk about how boring this weather is. It’s putting a damper on me and my business! How dare the heavens throw down this much snow and this bitter cold? Gosh, I felt so sorry for those poor over-paid football players yesterday. But it was a great game and it was nice to see a great game for once in a while. I can’t really complain. I had a pretty good week last week, even though it was snowy and bitterly cold, and I’m going to St. Louis this week, and it’s going to be the best week I have ever had there. Once again, I am simply amazed at the fallout my new pictures have created. I booked three days in St. Louis in less than three days. That never happens. And so far, all but about three guys have confirmed. Usually at this point, I’m wondering if I should even go. Because I may have only heard back from 1/2 to 2/3 of the guys who made appointments.

Sometimes I can be really dense. Like take for example, why didn’t I put out new pictures earlier? Why did it take me so long to figure out that I should put my only fans link in all my ads? OMG, my only fan sales have gone through the roof. Sometimes I have to wonder about where my head is at.Any good businesswoman would know to put her only fans link in her ads, and yet most of the girls who have only fans only mention that they have only fans instead of putting the link right there! So I guess I’m in good company when I say that I’m not so bright sometimes!

But I do learn. And one thing I saw the other day that interested the heck out of me was this woman/provider who was advertising in cities that were not her own just for her only fans content. And maybe for video chatting and worn panties (which I’m about to start selling), who knows what else. I didn’t even read the ad. The title simply said her name/content only. Now of course I would put more in my title, but it doesn’t cost to put ads in other cities. And it could be how I start to fly to other cities. But then I would have to raise my rates. And, I can just raise them for touring, so it may be something to look into. Or, on the other hand, it may go nowhere. In this business, one never knows. But you won’t know until you try.

Can I just say that I hope your day is going better than mine? And God rest your soul because your memory is a blessing to all, Martin Luther King.

1/13/24 Saying of the week

You cannot be good at anything in life, unless you enjoy doing it!

So when I am asked if I enjoy what I do, I simply reply “am I good at it?”. And, of course, the resounding answer is yes. And so is my answer also!

1/13/24 New Years Resolutions

I did pretty well on my New Year’s resolutions from 2023 so here they are for 2024.

  1. Maintain my weight loss.

  2. Meet a man who will become my boyfriend.

  3. Exercise three times a week.

  4. Stay out of the hospital.

  5. Make more than I did in 2023.

  6. Increase my stable of regulars.

  7. Build up my savings.

  8. And continue to be happy, healthy, and wise.

1/12/24 Interesting Client Story # 397 or I thought I had heard everything!

Oh, my word. This truck driver came to see me today and told me that he had been married 10 times! I kid you not! Two of them were double marriages, but eight of them were not. The shortest marriage was three months and the longest marriage was five years. And this man believes that if he had been allowed to marry his high school sweetheart, he would’ve never gotten married again. I told him that was foolish, thinking from a man who had been married 10 times. I asked him why the majority of them did not work out and his response was that he didn’t have enough money for these women.

He was easily a multimillionaire with a trucking company of 25 trucks and 50 to 100 trailers and one wife took it all. She got the mansion, she got a big settlement of a couple hundred thousand and she got all the trucks. She was a meth head who went through all that money in one year and now she’s dead. I always say that what goes around comes around.

We talked a lot about the ones he remarried because that was what interested me the most. And it wasn’t like he got married after knowing them for three months. Most of these women he dated at least one year and then on average, he was with them less than a year married. I told him that marriage was the kiss of death for him! He agreed. He also told me that he basically was an alcoholic in his earlier years and he quit completely 15 years ago at the age of 41. So I’m thinking that alcohol played a big role and he acknowledged that most of his marriages were when he was drinking. I’m sure you know what I’m getting at. One of his remarriages was with a fellow alcoholic. He married her after knowing her more than a year, and they lasted six months, waited another year and got remarried for six months. The other remarriage was a little bit different in that he knew her the same amount of time, but they were married for a year got divorced unmarried for three months and then got back together for another year. At least I think I have that right. My head was kind of spinning.I just had to blog about this guy because I’ve never heard of anyone being married 10 times besides maybe Elizabeth Taylor. He told me that she had been married 12 times. Go figure.

1/3/24 My Conversation with Another Provider

Me: hi, I’m wondering why you put an ad on list crawler saying that you won’t see new clients. Don’t understand why anybody would do that.

Her: it’s because I was assaulted, and I don’t need to see anybody new

Me: oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Can I ask how old the guy was?

Her: he was 40 and he hit me in my head several times and then punched me in my gut and I had a severe concussion and I probably should get a CAT scan.

Me: was he black or white?

Her: he was mixed

Me: then I would not see any black or mixed men ever again.

Her: I don’t plan on it.

After talking to her for a little while, posing as a possible new client, she wanted to see a picture of my dick. She said that cops could not send a picture of their dick because they didn’t know if she was a minor.

I found this to be very interesting. Especially since I’m always wanting to understand what cops can and cannot do. So, after she told me this, I googled it and basically cops can do whatever they need to do if they’re in an active sting. I pretty much figured this, but it helped to Google it. So I sent her a picture of a dick I found off of Google and she accepted that. She then told me her rates, which were very high, especially since she doesn’t even show her face in her ads. And the fact that she doesn’t show her face is how she can say that the cops don’t know her age. I gave her some advice that her ad was very angry, and she might want to just tone it down a bit. She then said she would be happy to see me even though I was brand new.

You can’t blame her for being as careful as she can be. But you can see from her ad that she doesn’t even know who her regulars are. And the thing about regulars is that they don’t necessarily stay a regular. This is why you take new clients because you hope they will become a regular! I have never been assaulted in the eight years I have done this. She thought going four years without being assaulted was a good thing. I don’t think ever being assaulted, for any reason is a good thing. Update 2/1/24:  She is back seeing anyone who wants to see her and she works all sorts of hours which tells me she’s prob on Meth.  I’m seriously thinking that, whoever assaulted her, came to see her at night.  Which is why I like to quit at 7!

Update 4/21/24:  She has been posting NORMAL ads again.  She is only screening with a photo and not seeing any AAs.

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