New Blogs 2/9/25

2/9/25 – The Week From Hell

It started on Monday when I was supposed to leave for St. Louis for the entire week. I locked my keys in my electric vehicle—with the car running—and had to call AAA. About 15 minutes later, I suddenly remembered that I had a key code to unlock the door. Thankfully, I had written it down in last year’s schedule book. Crisis averted.

Then came the drive. I somehow ended up on a one-hour detour down dirt roads, stuck behind 18-wheelers, just waiting for one to tip over in front of me. When I finally got through, I saw two semis sprawled across the highway on their sides, cargo scattered everywhere. It was a mess—absolutely horrible.

I made it to Boonville to charge my car, only to find the charger wouldn’t work. Turns out, when I got a new debit card, I forgot to update the payment info for the charging networks. Thankfully, there was another charger in town that worked, but the frustration was piling up.

By midweek, things weren’t much better. I had eight cancellations in three days. If you know me, you know I do not handle cancellations well—especially eight of them. By that point, I was pretty fed up.

Then, Friday morning, I woke up to no hot water in the entire hotel. No refund, no apology, nothing. So, I packed up and switched hotels, canceling everyone for the day. The new place wasn’t much better—the water was warm but definitely not hot. At this point, I was beyond done.

The one bright spot? I had a wonderful weekend with a really good friend, which helped salvage things a bit. But along the way, I made a decision: I’m never traveling again. I’m just done. I don’t force myself to do things I really don’t want to do, and this is one of them. Between the stress and the expenses, I probably made less this week than I would have staying in Kansas City. Some of that was my fault—maybe most of it—but the lesson is clear: traveling for work just isn’t worth it. Live and learn.

And then… the Super Bowl.

2/5/25 Anxious Escort

Maybe this will resonate with some of you, but I definitely suffer from anxiety. As an escort, that can be a real liability because I’m constantly meeting new people and stepping into “unfamiliar situations” – things that naturally make me anxious. I know I’ve talked about depression before, but anxiety is something that developed later in my life. It can be just as debilitating, but it’s usually shorter-lived. And, thankfully, certain medications can really help.

I just wish I didn’t have it. I’m still figuring out what triggers it. I know that seeing too many people in a day can set it off, so I try to avoid overbooking myself. Overthinking things can also send me spiraling, so I write things down to get them out of my head and onto paper. As you may well know.

One thing I’ve learned is that if you suffer from anxiety, I’ll probably recognize it in you because I see the same signs in myself. And let’s be honest. Meeting someone new can be nerve-wracking, even when you’re looking forward to it. That leads me to my last thought: excitement and nervousness are two sides of the same coin. They feel almost identical, but one carries a positive charge while the other feels negative. I try to reframe my nerves as excitement, to shift my perspective in a way that serves me. It doesn’t always work, but I try.

I guess this is just another foible of mine.

1/30/25 Understanding Sexual Addiction

Sexual addiction isn’t just a high sex drive—it’s compulsive sexual behavior that feels out of control, often leading to distress, damaged relationships, and neglect of responsibilities.

Signs of Sexual Addiction

• Repeatedly failing to control sexual urges

• Using sex as an escape from stress or emotional pain

• Feeling guilt or shame after acting on urges

• Engaging in risky behavior despite consequences

• Neglecting personal, work, or social responsibilities due to sexual preoccupation

Is It Really an Addiction?

While debated, sexual addiction shares similarities with substance addiction, especially in how the brain processes pleasure and reward. It’s not about morality but about compulsive behavior that disrupts life.

Breaking the Shame Cycle

Shame often keeps people stuck. Society promotes sex yet judges those who struggle with it. Seeking help—through therapy or support groups—can break the cycle and lead to healthier coping mechanisms.

The Path to Recovery

Sexual addiction isn’t hopeless. With the right support, change is possible. Recognizing the problem is the first step toward a more balanced, fulfilling life.

1/22/25 People Do Change

I used to believe that people didn’t change. I couldn’t even pinpoint anything about myself that had changed, so I was convinced that transformation was a myth. And then—I became an escort.

What a change that was.

I grew up with money, in a good family, the kind that would never understand why I do what I do. And I don’t blame them. Before I made this choice, I wouldn’t have understood it either. But I did make the choice, and I’ve never looked back—not really. I like what I do. I’m good at what I do. I make a lot of money doing it. And if you had told me years ago that I’d be here, I never would have believed you. So to say that people don’t change? That’s a complete misnomer.

For a long stretch of my life, I didn’t even enjoy sex. I barely had it. At 30, I was prescribed 200 mg of Zoloft, a strong SSRI antidepressant. And back in 1991, SSRIs wiped out your libido. Maybe some don’t now, but I doubt it. So, I didn’t want sex. I had just enough to secure my place in my marriage, and then I stopped.

I feel bad about that—for him, for me. A lot of women use sex as a tool, and I did, too. I’m not proud of it, but it was what it was. My ex and I barely touched each other except to procreate, and looking back, that was a deeply sad chapter of my life.

Fast forward to 2007. I was taken off antidepressants, and my libido came roaring back. And unlike many women, menopause didn’t take it away. That was a stroke of luck. My relationship with sex changed long before I started escorting in 2015, but even then, I never could have imagined this would be my path. And yet, here I am. People do change.

Another transformation? My weight. It wasn’t just physical—it took me a long time to mentally catch up to my new body. For the most part, I embrace it. But I’ve paid a price. These days, I never know for certain if my stomach will feel okay. That was never an issue before, but now it’s a daily uncertainty. Not a dealbreaker, just a reality.

And then there’s the biggest shift of all: who I am as a person.

Last year, I decided to turn over a new leaf. And I believe anyone can do this at any point in life—if the desire is strong enough. Mine was. I got sick of the way I was treating people. I wanted to be better. I truly believe that what goes around comes around, and I made a conscious choice to change.

And here’s the remarkable thing: all these changes—some chosen, some unexpected—have led me to where I am now. And where I am is a very good place.

I don’t have much to complain about these days. And that, in itself, is something to be grateful for.

1/19/25 Raising the Bar: How I Redefine Connection in an Industry Built on Distance

Not every man is looking for the kind of experience I offer, and that’s okay. Some prefer a simple, no-frills encounter, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But for those who want something deeper—something real—this is how I redefine what connection can be.

Most men who see an escort don’t expect to connect. They don’t expect warmth. They don’t expect to feel anything beyond the surface.

And that, right there, is where I change everything.

I don’t just provide an experience—I create a moment in time that lingers. A moment where a man, maybe for the first time in a long time, feels seen. Feels held. Feels like more than just another transaction.

I raise the bar, and here’s how:

I bring authenticity into every encounter.

A lot of women in this industry treat it like a job—and I get that. They clock in, they do the bare minimum, and they clock out. No kissing, no cuddling, no warmth. Just mechanics.

That’s not me. That’s never been me.

I engage. I listen. I make eye contact that isn’t just for show—I see the man in front of me, and I let him feel that. Because for so many men, real intimacy isn’t something they get at home. It’s not something they even know they’re missing until they feel it again.

I give men permission to be vulnerable.

You’d be amazed at what men will share when they feel safe enough to do so. Stories about their childhood, their marriages, their regrets, their dreams.

Most people don’t ask them real questions. Most people don’t lean in and really listen.

But I do.

And that’s why men come back—not just for the physical experience, but because, for an hour or two, they don’t have to pretend to be someone else. They don’t have to perform. They can just be.

I make intimacy about more than sex.

Let’s be honest—sex is easy. Real intimacy? That’s rare.

I kiss. I touch. I hold. I let moments breathe.

So many men go their entire lives without experiencing that kind of closeness. And when they do? It changes them. Because even if they can’t put it into words, they feelthe difference.

Why does this matter?

Because men aren’t taught how to ask for emotional connection. They’re told to toughen up, to push their feelings down, to never need anyone.

And then they meet me.

And suddenly, for an hour, they’re not just another guy moving through the motions. They’re someone. They’re seen.

And that? That’s why I do what I do. That’s why I’m successful. That’s why I stand apart.

I don’t just provide an experience.

I give men something real.

And that’s what keeps them coming back.

1/13/25 Fuckball

I know you’ve heard of football but have you ever heard of fuckball? It’s basically a scenario where you’re watching the Chiefs and getting fucked doggy style. But there are rules!  If the Chiefs score a field goal, he gets a blow job.  Touchdowns are worth an orgasm.Doesn’t that sound like fun?  What a great idea. It wasn’t my own. It was actually a Saint Louis client of mine. And speaking of which I’m going there February 5-7 and I already have 15 people booked! Go me!

1/1/25 Resolutions

Every year I make New Year’s resolutions and almost every year I don’t really follow through with them. But this past year I found that I had started following through with them, and that makes me want to do more New Year’s resolutions this year to see if these things can also be created by myself. So here goes:

  1. Meet a man that I will have a wonderful loving relationship with.

  2. Continue to use my exercycle until it becomes a habit and then continue to use it for the entire year.

  3. Continue to go to meet ups and Timeleft dinners so that I can get out of the house and meet people.

  4. Set boundaries with my son and stick to them.

  5. Continue the prosperity I have found.

  6. Gain more regular clients.

  7. Save money every single month.

  8. Take a self-defense course.

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