Blogs for 12/10/23

12/10/23 3 months after my total knee replacement

Well, it’s been three months since I had my total knee replacement and this is where I’m at today. I can bend it 115% and functional is considered 120% but I want to be able to bend it 140%. I gained some strength and some range of motion during PT, but to tell the truth, I don’t feel I made that much progress. I do notice, and have noticed, that each week that passes brings new abilities. I’ve also noticed that my workouts at planet fitness are helping. I’m getting stronger and my range of motion is getting better. I was told before the operation and by many people, it would take six months to a year to be fully recovered and I believe it. My knee still feels very tight and the PT lady said that would be the way it is for 6 to 12 months. I still have pain at times and that could last for a year also. Now it’s not nearly as bad as it was, but at night it aches. I’m still very glad that I did this. And I’m pretty confident that I’ll get to the point where I want to be eventually.

12/10/23 Self-conscious

I had a client tonight tell me that I have no need to be self-conscious of my new thinner, saggier body. He told me that I was just as pretty at 135 as I was at 165 when I took all those pictures. I didn’t disagree with him in person, but I’m sorry, I don’t see it. At 165, I was pretty. My face was still somewhat full and my jowls didn’t show as much.  I still had full breasts. I had a non-flat ass! And really, the issue is not how I look, but more about how I feel about myself. And I don’t feel I look good. I think my face is too thin, my breast are way too saggy and flat as a pancake. My belly is still my biggest part, and it’s kind of saggy. It reminds me of when I used to watch Kate and John, the ones who had like eight babies at one time. And when you look at her belly before she got a tummy tuck, it kind of looks like mine! Now, don’t get me wrong. I look fabulous in a dress. I look smashing in jeans and a sweater. It’s only when I take off my clothes that I’m aghast! Well, maybe that’s a bit strong. But you get my drift. Unfortunately, I’m in an occupation that favors bigger. In fact, I was told many times as a BBW, that guys didn’t want to do anything with a bag of bones. And I’m not a bag of bones yet, but I am thin. I’m glad I’m healthy. Or at least healthier. I’m glad I look good in clothes. I’m glad my mother is so proud of me. I just wish I didn’t feel so bad when I took my clothes off. Especially in front of guys who don’t know me. Oh, and I should mention that the man who told me not to be self-conscious, also told me that he was coming to me for my personality, not my looks. He found my website and was totally taken by my blogs. I might start to make that required reading!

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