I’m not sure exactly where that saying came from but I’m starting to understand it all too well. You see I met somebody on Match and no one on Match knows what I do, obviously. And now I feel like all of my choices are coming up to rear they’re ugly little heads. I know I have to tell this man what I do for a living but everything in my body says no don’t do it. And yet I cannot live with myself like this. I am not a liar and it’s bad enough that I have to lie to my family of origin. But I can’t be in a relationship and lie about what I do. Eventually, he will find out. I think whenever a person is underhanded, the person that’s closest to them will figure it out. First, they’ll figure out that somethings not right, and then they will start to look for things that are out of place. And once you start to look for things that are out of place, you will find them. It’s like the wife who figures out that her husband is having an affair. It isn’t all that hard. And I don’t wanna go down this road in six months when I’m thoroughly in love. Hell no!
So I have to tell him now or before we have sex. Otherwise that’s really bad. Especially given what I do. And if I were to ask him to wear a condom, don’t you think he would question that? Yeah, I’m pretty well fucked. Lesson learned. Get myself off Match because I don’t belong on there. I chose to be an escort, and I still choose to be an escort. I choose the money, I choose the lifestyle, I choose this profession. And in doing so, I basically take myself out of the dating market. Think I have to get used to the fact that I will probably be alone the rest of my life. I’ve been starting to plan for that. Sometime I’ll let you in on what my solo dream retirement is. It’s changed a little bit.
I am not so attached to this man now, only having known him a short while, that his breaking up with me would be of that much consequence. I would feel bad for a few days, but I would get over it fairly easily. That won’t be the case in another month. I know myself. So I will be telling him today. Definitely before things get really intimate.
Update: I decided to text him immediately after writing this. As I thought, he did not take it very well. Lesson learned.
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