10/28/25 Guilt

This is a hard blog to write, because guilt is one of those emotions that can be seen in both a positive and negative light.

I don’t think guilt is ever a good emotion, but it is valid. The real question is whether it’s valid when you’re seeing an escort. The answer depends entirely on who you are and what brought you here.

For most men, by the time they decide to see an escort, it’s been a long time since they’ve had sex—or if they are still having it, it’s few and far between. Sometimes that frustration or resentment over unmet needs pushes them more easily toward seeing an escort and, in turn, helps them feel less guilty about it.

The men who struggle most with guilt are usually those who do have a decent sex life at home but are seeking something more or something different. These are often the ones who take the longest to reach out to me, because they’re wrestling with the question of why they feel the need to come at all.

Lately, I’ve been asking new clients how long it took them to “pull the trigger,” so to speak, before contacting me. The average answer? About six months. Six months of thinking about it, worrying about it, and finally making that call. And honestly, that’s when the guilt usually starts.

I know I don’t make it easier when I ask about their sex lives at home. I do it partly out of curiosity and partly because, as a former therapist, I sometimes see patterns worth talking about. When it’s a younger man not having good sex at home, that feels like a problem worth exploring. Maybe not with me—but if it starts with me, that’s fine too. I probably should just keep my mouth shut; I’d probably have more repeat clients if I did. But then, I wouldn’t be me.

In all my years doing this, I’ve only had two men leave because the guilt was too much. But I’m sure there have been others who didn’t say it, just never came back. And that’s okay. If I help someone make a decision that’s good for them—even if it’s not good for me—I can live with that.

What I tell clients, more often than not, is that I commend them for not having an affair. Seeing an escort is a far better option than betraying a partner emotionally. Affairs are messy. They come with tears, yelling, and almost always discovery. With me, there’s privacy. I will never call or contact you. Confidentiality has always been part of my DNA as a social worker, and I think it’s healthy when men keep this experience transactional rather than emotional.

But still—if we don’t address the elephant in the room, it just stays in the room.