10/2/24 My Last Trip

Now that my mother has passed on, I’m finding fewer and fewer reasons to travel to St. Louis. Especially when I got here this trip and I’ve had a no-show, two cancellations and five people have not confirmed. Probably the worst trip I’ve had in St. Louis ever. And I realize to myself that I don’t really have a reason to come here anymore. If I want to see my sister, I’ll plan a weekend to come see my sister . But for all the work that goes into planning a trip to St. Louis and all the expenses that are incurred in doing so are not worth the aggravation that I feel as I’m writing this. It seems like each time I come I have fewer and fewer regulars wanting to see me. If that isn’t a sign, I don’t know what is.

I’ve enjoyed coming to St. Louis but right now being here just reminds me that I can’t see my mother. And that just brings up my grief. And being 300 miles away from home and in a hotel room without my cats to comfort me and my home surroundings, I’m at a loss to figure out why I’m here.  I don’t think I’ll miss traveling. And if I can’t make enough to make it worth it then just screw it. I don’t need the aggravation anymore.

I won’t miss coming to St. Louis when the one person that I wanted to see is not here anymore. I really hope that my sister and I can forge some sort of new relationship that isn’t based on my mother. I guess time will tell.

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