9/30/25 The Five Love Languages

I think most people have at least heard of the idea of “love languages” by now. The phrase comes from Dr. Gary Chapman, who wrote a book years ago called The Five Love Languages. The concept is simple, but it has changed the way many of us understand relationships. According to Chapman, each of us gives and receives love in different ways, and when we’re speaking the same “language” as our partner, love flows more easily. When we aren’t, even the best intentions can feel missed or misunderstood.

There are five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Let me break each one down, because they are so much more than just a neat little list.

1. Words of Affirmation

This love language is all about verbal expression. People who thrive on words of affirmation feel most loved when they’re complimented, encouraged, or reassured. It’s not just “I love you”—though that’s important. It’s things like, “I’m proud of you,” “I appreciate you,” or “You’re beautiful to me.”

And it’s not only the big declarations. Sometimes it’s the little things: a quick text in the middle of the day that says, “Thinking of you,” or saying “thank you” sincerely when your partner does something small. To someone whose love language is words, silence can feel like rejection. They need to hear it, and they need to hear it often.

2. Acts of Service

For others, talk is cheap—love is shown through actions. Acts of service mean doing something that eases your partner’s burden or makes their life better. It could be as big as taking care of household repairs, or as small as making coffee in the morning just the way they like it.

It’s not about grand gestures. It’s about thoughtfulness. If your partner notices what stresses you out and steps in to help, that can feel like the deepest kind of love. For someone with this love language, “I’ll do it for you” speaks louder than “I love you.”

3. Receiving Gifts

This is one love language that people sometimes misunderstand. It’s not about greed or materialism—it’s about the thought behind the gift. A person whose love language is gifts feels seen and loved when someone takes the time to choose something meaningful for them.

It doesn’t have to be expensive. It could be a wildflower picked on a walk, a book you think they’d like, or even something as small as their favorite candy bar left on the counter. The gift becomes a tangible reminder of the love between you. It says, “I was thinking of you when you weren’t there.”

4. Quality Time

This one is all about focus and attention. People who value quality time don’t just want you around—they want you fully present. That means setting aside distractions, turning off the TV or phone, and being engaged with one another.

It could be a long conversation over dinner, a walk together, or even doing something side by side like cooking or gardening. The key is undivided attention. For someone whose love language is quality time, there’s nothing worse than feeling like they’re competing with a screen or a to-do list.

5. Physical Touch

For some, love is best expressed through touch. Hugs, kisses, holding hands, a hand on the shoulder, cuddling on the couch—these are all ways they feel cared for and connected.

This doesn’t mean only sexual touch, though that can be part of it. It’s the everyday touches that matter most. Physical closeness reassures them. Without it, they can feel distant or unloved, even if everything else is in place.

My Love Languages

Like everyone, I have my own mix of love languages. For me, receiving gifts has always been the strongest. A small, thoughtful gift means the world to me. It tells me I’m on someone’s mind, that I’m cared for, and that they wanted to make me smile. My second love language is quality time—I thrive when someone I care about sets aside the world to just be with me.

But I’ve learned something new in my relationship with Gary. I truly love acts of service—but only from him. It’s one of the main ways he shows me his love, and it touches me in a way I never expected. Whether it’s fixing something, helping me with a project, or taking care of little things so I don’t have to, those acts speak volumes. They make me feel secure, cared for, and deeply loved.

Why It Matters

Most of us naturally express love in the way we want to receive it. But our partner might have a completely different language. That’s where the disconnect happens. A person who shows love with gifts might not understand why their partner just wants more time together. Or someone who gives lots of physical affection might be frustrated when their partner keeps asking for words instead.

The magic happens when you learn not just your own love language, but your partner’s too. Speaking their language may not come naturally, but it’s worth the effort. Love, after all, is about making the other person feel loved—not just doing what’s easiest for us.

Final Thought

The five love languages aren’t the be-all and end-all of relationships, but they are a powerful tool. They remind us that love isn’t one-size-fits-all. What makes you feel cherished might not be what makes your partner feel cherished. The best relationships are built when two people are willing to learn each other’s language and speak it often.

So here’s my question: do you know your love language? And more importantly, do you know your partner’s?