Blogs for 9/30/25

9/30/25 Women Seek Affairs, Men Seek Sex

I’ve always noticed something interesting about the way women and men approach infidelity. For women, affairs often start with conversation. They’re seeking connection, someone who listens, someone who makes them feel seen again. It’s not always about replacing the man they’re with—it’s about filling a gap in intimacy. Women want to feel desired, cherished, and understood. That’s often what leads them down the path of an affair.

Men, on the other hand, are usually more straightforward. Many are seeking sex—variety, excitement, physical release. For them, it can be less about conversation or connection and more about the act itself. That doesn’t mean they don’t care about their partners, but their motivation for stepping outside a relationship tends to be simpler.

Of course, these aren’t hard rules. There are women who chase sex for sex’s sake and men who long for emotional intimacy outside their relationships. But as a general pattern, I’ve seen—and lived—this difference. And it fascinates me. Because in the end, both men and women are trying to fill something they feel is missing. The form it takes just often looks different.

9/30/25 Patty State of the Union

It’s been a little over four months since I moved to St. Louis, and I think it’s time for a Patty State of the Union.

The short version? I’m good. Really good. Happier than I’ve been in decades.

The move was the right choice. I love my house. It feels like me—roomy enough to welcome people in, cozy enough to hold the pieces of my life that matter most. I’ve started filling it with memories: dinners with friends I hadn’t seen in years, laughter echoing in the kitchen, quiet mornings with coffee and sunlight in my family room. I’ve reconnected with people from my past, and those friendships feel like gifts I didn’t know I was going to get back.

Gary is part of my State of the Union, too. We’re steady. Sometimes it still surprises me that at this stage of my life, I’ve found someone who fits so well. It’s not a fairy tale, and I wouldn’t want it to be. It’s better—it’s real. He’s thoughtful, kind, and shows me in his own ways that I matter. After so many years of being on my own, that’s no small thing.

Work is work, and work is good. St. Louis has been generous to me. I still feel lucky that I get to do what I do on my own terms. There are ups and downs, sure, but overall, I’m thriving. And while I’ve taken a break from writing lately, I know it’s always there for me when I’m ready to pour my heart out again.

As for me personally? I feel grounded. My depression and anxiety still tap me on the shoulder from time to time, but they don’t define me. I’m learning to take care of myself in ways I didn’t before. I’m remembering that my happiness counts, and that I can love my sons without carrying their lives on my back.

So, the Patty State of the Union: Strong. Grateful. Surrounded by love, past and present. And absolutely, without a doubt, moving forward.

9/30/25 What Men Teach Me

After nearly a decade in this business, I’ve realized that men have been my greatest teachers. Not in the way you might think—not about sex, but about people. About needs. About what gets buried under the surface when life piles on.

Men teach me that loneliness doesn’t care how much money you make, what title you have, or whether you’re married. I’ve seen CEOs, construction workers, widowers, and husbands—all carrying loneliness like a hidden weight.

Men teach me that physical touch matters more than they’ll ever admit. Sometimes it’s not the sex they’re after, but the hand on their back, the massage, the closeness that tells them they’re still human, still wanted.

Men teach me that vulnerability is there, even in the toughest exteriors. A man might walk in trying to project control, but give it time—and safety—and suddenly he’s telling me things he’s never told his wife, his friends, or even himself.

And men teach me, over and over again, that everyone wants to feel seen. That’s what they pay for, more than anything else: the experience of being noticed, heard, and cared for, without judgment.

People often assume I’m the one “offering” something in this line of work. And yes, I do. But I also receive. What men teach me stays with me, shapes me, and, more than anything, reminds me that underneath all the roles and labels, we all just want the same thing: connection.