I’d say 75% of the men I see carry a certain sadness. And 95% are married—still very much in love with their wives—but have slowly come to terms with the fact that sex, or at least good sex, may be behind them.

Their wives have gone through menopause or had a hysterectomy—two different paths to the same destination. And with that often comes a lost libido, a shift in desire. It’s not anyone’s fault. It’s not neglect. It’s biology. Mother Nature, in all her wisdom, sometimes robs us of our drive just when we finally have the freedom to enjoy it. How unfair is that?

But I digress.

What I really want to talk about is the sadness I feel from so many men who don’t want to see someone like me—but feel they have to. Not because they don’t love their wives. They do. Deeply. This is the woman they married, the one they chose. The one they still long to connect with.

But that connection just isn’t there anymore—at least not in the bedroom.

They don’t want to be with someone else. They want to be met at home. But their wives have changed, and the act itself—once joyful and bonding—has become painful, dry, unsatisfying, or simply unwanted. Some women never initiate again. And many men, in their desperation, push too hard… and end up losing all the intimacy they once had.

That’s where I come in.

I offer a semblance of that lost connection. A reprieve. A warm, accepting space where you can feel close to someone again. Where you can feel wanted again.

I wrote a blog last year about how to rekindle intimacy with a post-menopausal partner. If this resonates with you, I encourage you to go back and read it. I still believe in it. Because while losing intercourse is one thing, losing all intimacy? That’s a much deeper wound.

So yes, I see your sadness. I feel it. And I’m sorry.

I’ll do my best to give you what you’ve been missing.

Dear Mom,

You’ve been gone over two months and I miss you as much as I miss you the first day I found out. Which is to say that I miss you a heck of a lot. Some days I have a lot of problems just getting started in the day because of my grief for you. I’ve come to see you as the light of my life and the light has gone out and now I’m in darkness.

I feel like I should have realized before you died how I would feel after you died. But I would never allow myself to go there because I knew it was going to hurt terribly. And I decided that I didn’t want to hurt terribly until I had to. So now I guess I have to, Lord knows I am.

I find myself full of regret and I hate this emotion. I tried to tell myself that I did the best I could. But I’m not really sure that’s true.  So a lot of my grief is wishing I had done better. Wishing I had stayed in touch better.  It was so difficult to communicate with you over the phone and so frustrating. Which is why I started writing you letters like this one.

My therapist said that I should start writing you letters again because it helps me get my thoughts out of my mind and on paper. Plus, I can refer back to this letter maybe to help me.

I’ve had many well wishes and much condolences, but I find that grieving is a singular process and no one can really help me through it. I do wish I had that one single partner in my life that could hold me when I’m sad.

Well, mom, I have my good days and my bad and I’m hoping that my bad days decrease in number and my good days increase. I keep you close to me with all my pictures of you and all your jewelry and letters. But somehow 2-D does not work for me. I need the 3-D you back!

Thank you, Mama, for being the best mother I could have ever had. We had our difficulties growing up, that is for sure, but I came to see you as my mother and my friend once I was old enough to appreciate you.

On the face of it, it looks like a wonderful idea. Imagine, having intimacy without having the pressure of having to have sex. Who doesn’t like to cuddle? When I ask my clients what they missed the most, it is almost always touch and cuddling .

I think the service would be great for women, especially those who no longer want to have sex, but still want to have intimacy. Part of me thinks this is a great idea and part of me thinks that this is date-rape ready to happen. I mean, you would really have to vet a person to allow them into your house and cuddle with you. But then, I allow people into my house all the time not knowing them. Makes you think, doesn’t it?

At any rate, I may try this out. The boundaries issue would be interesting to see how you negotiate that. And can you keep it at just cuddling? I’m not sure that I could especially if I really like the person and I’m attracted to them. I could also see this as a segue into dating.

As usual, I will let you know how this all pans out!

Well, you might have noticed if you read my blogs regularly that I took all the blogs down about Alex. I did this because I didn’t want to put out that energy to the universe and I felt that they were depressing blogs that I didn’t really want anybody else reading. I have since found out that he does not want a relationship or a friendship with me. He has shown me this through his actions. And actions speak louder than words. so we are not talking, and I doubt we ever will again. I basically got bamboozled by this guy and I learned a lot about how to approach a relationship. I will not make the same mistakes I made with him. Of course, he omitted to tell me that he had a drinking problem, and quite honestly, I don’t think there’s much you can do about a recovering alcoholic especially when they’re not even 30 days sober. I know I’m much better off for leaving this relationship. 

2/8/24 Update on my gastric bypass

I was going to entitle this blog, I Sag! But I didn’t want people to not read it! As a result of losing 110 pounds, can I just say that I look great in clothes, I am way more healthy and will probably live longer and I feel better. But, the part about looking better naked is suspect. I do sag. My boobs have lost a cup and I feel like they’re down to my bellybutton. Of course they aren’t but you know what I mean. My stomach is smaller, but it still sags. My arms sag, my thighs sag, my butt sags, even my pussy sags!  I thought about having a tummy tuck done in Mexico. A client told me that he had a gastric bypass there and it went really well and they were a very professional outfit in Cancun. That would make me a lot happier and somewhat poorer. Not sure if that’s a word. At any rate, I am who I am. My body is what it is. And when I ask clients, who have known me since I was fat, whether I look better fat or skinny, they always say skinny. Or they say they like me at both weights. Which is actually very nice to hear.

2/8/24 You Can’t Force Intimacy

Even with an escort! I was with a man last night, who was very sweet, very generous, and very married. But what creeped me out about him was that he treated me like he’d known me six months and we had been dating that long. He had no boundaries around what might be appropriate with me on our first date. He wanted me to treat him like we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Well, that was his fantasy, not mine. I suppose I have walls and boundaries set up so that I don’t feel creeped out, and most men do not do this to me. I usually have to do a little coaxing with them, but they never want to just give give give. That was what was up with this guy. I think when we were texting, I started to get the feeling of it being too soon and too much. Kind of like my last relationship. But this guy was married and it wasn’t gonna go anywhere. I certainly was not going to get into a relationship with a married man, I’ve done that and I will not go back. Horrible, horrible experience. So, in the end, I made him leave early. It wasn’t just that he creeped me out, it was more that I was exhausted, and having trouble keeping my eyes open. But even if I wasn’t exhausted, I would’ve let him leave. He gladly took the money that I offered him. I think what I’m going to take from this is to recognize through texts where a person is coming from. If I’m kind of creeped out in their texts, I’m going to be creeped out by them. It doesn’t happen often, but last night was a very good example.

2/8/24 Relationship Truths

1. If love was enough, every relationship would have a 100% success rate.

2. Bad relationships change good people.

3. Toxic is when they can’t let you go, but they can’t treat you right either.

4. Authentic love may be unconditional but it does not mean unconditional tolerance.

5. You can take your power back by letting people go.

6. The moment that you start to wonder if you deserve better, you do.

7. Sometimes rejection is redirection towards something better.

8. Healthy relationships include uncomfortable conversations.

9. Loyalty behind your back is really top tier.

10. Kindness is not flirting.

• Attention is not love.

• Silence is not anger

2/8/24 Hawaii Man is Back!

Well, it’s kind of a funny story. I blocked Ken after we “broke up“ and then later I decided to unblock him. Well, he tried to get in touch with me when I had blocked him and couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t contacting him back. And then, one day after I unblocked him, he sent me a text. And that was all she wrote. I mean we’re not back to where we were, but he did send me the most gorgeous decorated egg, and I love these. He had also sent me a gorgeous robe from the Wynn hotel. And he has been very generous with me in the past. We have talked about me going to Hawaii for another work vacation, but I’m not sure I wanna fly that far. We had also talked about us going to Las Vegas and staying at the Wynn hotel. I don’t know if any of this will happen but I’m glad that we’re back talking. I had missed him. He missed me too. I think it just goes to show that when you’ve known somebody two years and you care for them, silly, stupid arguments can be forgiven and forgotten.

I want to address the issue of whether these two will actually make it or not. I lean towards thinking that they will. And these are the reasons why.

First off, they are both stars in their own right. Now, Taylor is a bigger star, but Travis is just as much a star in football as she is in Pop rock. and besides that, they are both very good at what they do. Which is, of course, why they are stars. There is nothing mediocre about either one of them. And they are wealthy beyond their needs and probably the needs of many many families. And I kind of like Taylor being with a professional athlete over some actor or musician that’s probably going to be mentally unstable! Travis comes across to me as someone who is very stable and very protective of her. I like that in a man. And I’ll bet she does too!

Second, they are both 34 years old. Travis is probably getting ready to retire in the next few years. And although Taylor is going very strong in her career, if she has any kind of biological clock whatsoever, it’s a-ticking! And she has talked in the past about wanting kids and wanting a marriage. She knows she’s not getting any younger. She also knows that she has made the rounds in dating in Hollywood and that didn’t go so well. See my note above on mental stability.

I’m rooting for these two and I’m sure my mother would too! I think they make a cute couple. I think she’s been great for the Chiefs. Even if it does get a little nauseating at times. I’ll bet more 87 jerseys have sold this year than ever before! I hope they keep going strong, and I hope we hear of an engagement ring. It will be a humdinger!