Relationship, Novella

Chapter 1 – Background

This is a story about my life.  My name is Patty.  I am your average 5’4”, pretty, brown-haired girl growing up in Ladue, Missouri, an affluent suburb outside of St. Louis.  On my first day of high school I met my best friend, Joyce.  I discovered a couple days later that she happened to be dating one of my arch enemies from Junior High, Harlan.  When Harlan and I realized that we both got high and liked Joyce, we decided to call a truce and the rest is history.  All of her friends and all of his friends came together to make up one big clique.   Some were smart, like me.  Some were struggling academically.  Some were “good kids” and some tried to get away with as much as they could (like me).  I dated a couple of guys in Sophomore year that went to different schools.   I was introduced to the penis this year and I must say, I was quite shocked.  Not that we really did anything about it, but I would stroke, and they would let me grind myself to an orgasm on top of them.  It was all very innocent.  After these relationships came to a complete halt, I pretty much quit going out with guys.  I don’t know why I didn’t connect with anybody else, it just seemed like hanging with my friends was the best path for me at the time.  A lot of us in my clique were single so it wasn’t that big of a deal.  I think it was more fun to be single than to be attached.  When we started Senior year, though, I was starting to wonder if there was something truly wrong with me.  I tried not to think about it too much. 

Chapter 2 – Check Out

I don’t remember exactly why I hated him, I just remember that I did.  Probably for no good reason.  But I did.  Maybe it had to do with the group he hung around with.  I pretty much hated all of them too.  They were the “bad boys” of high school.  They were the “most likely to drop out” of our high school.  At the start of  my Senior year, I had dated a couple of them and they always acted as though I were invisible when we were at school.  To tell the truth, “dating” was stretching it.  I’d go over to the guy’s house late at night and get high.  We’d do a little “heavy petting”- as my mother liked to call it (not that she was even aware of these escapades)- and then I’d go home around 3 am.  Naturally, the next day at school, I was persona non gratis.  But the most pathetic part of all of this was that I kept this up for 2-3 months.  Well, I guess it got around that I was easy, even though I always kept a tight reign on my virginity.  I hated the way this group of guys always smiled at me when I walked by.  Like I was a porterhouse steak just ready to share.  I hated them for these sardonic smiles.  I hated myself for being “easy”.  I finally got my self-esteem back and told them where they could put it – well, without actually muttering a word out loud.

I guess you could say that I had some forewarnings that developments were afoot.  The first took place on a Monday afternoon.  I was walking to Calculus from my top floor locker and all of a sudden there he was, just standing in front of me, looking at me and waiting.  I wondered why the hell he was in the upstairs corridor where all the “brainy” classes were held.  I had never seen him up there and it kinda threw me for a loop when he was looking at me so intently.  On Tuesday, when I was walking to Lunch, he was waiting at the entrance to the lunchroom, again just staring me down.  I knew he didn’t have lunch at the same time as me.  I’m not even sure how I knew this.  I remember thinking that maybe he was having lunch with someone even though it wasn’t his lunch period.  Weirder things have happened.  As I walked through the entrance, I glanced back and saw him still looking at me.  After I got through the line, I saw that he was nowhere around.  That’s when I asked myself “Why the hell do I care?” and what’s more, “How do I know it’s me he’s even looking at?”.  I made myself not care. I worked harder at just ignoring him.

On Wednesday, he was watching me before school started.  When my friend, Mark, and I got out of his car, he nodded his head in David’s direction, to make sure I would see.  Ok, now I realized, it was me he was looking at.  David was standing next to his car, just looking at me.  It kinda gave me the “willies” how he was so intent.  I started to wonder if I should be afraid for my safety!  I knew my friend Harlan was friends with his older brother and so, by correlation, with him.  So, I asked Harlan if he knew what was going on.  Harlan just smiled and said something about being a moron.  I did not understand why he would say that, but I saw him smile a little like he knew something I didn’t, which of course, at the time, he did.  I just shook my head and chalked it up to stupid guy speak.  Later that day, again on my way to Calculus, I saw David coming down the hallway.  At first, he seemed pensive, like he was trying to figure something out.  I tried to look past him as though I didn’t see him.  Right before I reached where he was, he glanced up, caught my eye and winked at me!  Well, I just about lost it.  Who the hell was this guy?  He knew I did not like him or his greasy friends!  I looked back even though I so did not want to, but all I saw was his swagger.  And what a swagger.  He was so “pleased as punch” with himself.  God!  What did he think I was going to do?  Drop dead just because he winked at me?  Not likely!

Thursday was an unseasonably warm day for March.  A bunch of my friends and I were standing in the outdoors Student Lounge, talking and having fun.  Standing next to me, my friend Anne looked off away from our group and said “Uh oh, Trouble” with a sing-songy lilt in her voice and a particular grin on her face like she was loving every minute of my discomfort.  I whipped my head around to face where she was looking and there strolled David, along with 2 of his buddies.  As he passed us, he tipped his non-existent hat and  murmured “Ladies”.  Next thing I know that sonofabitch was taking off his shirt!   Now this wouldn’t be that remarkable except for the fact that he plays on both the football team and does Spring wrestling.  So even though I hated his group of friends,  it was very hard to not look at his well-defined, drop-dead, gorgeous torso.  I had to admit, at that moment, that I wished I had more control over my reactions to people.  I really did.  Because right after he took off his shirt and had just walked by me, he ever-so-slightly turned around to see if I was looking.  And when he saw my mouth open and my eyes glazed over, he smiled and winked again. Oh, that just had my group of friends going!  The giggles and sighs from the girls and the teasing from my guy friends was almost too much to bear.

To say the least, I was conflicted.  On the one hand,  I was mortified.  I couldn’t believe he’d caught me looking.  I mean, David is not someone I would ever look at.  For one thing, he isn’t very good looking at all.  He has this frizzy, bright orange hair that he wears to his shoulders and is always unkempt.  Kind of like Heath Ledger in “A Knight’s Tale” (but trust me, he is no Heath).  And his face is red and kind of pock marked.  Plus he has a voice that is high tenor, almost too high-pitched to sound like a guy.  Not at all what I would be attracted to.  So for him to catch me gaping at his unbelievably fit body is just downright scary.  I mean I wouldn’t want to lead him on or anything. 

I did say I was conflicted, right? So there had to be another feeling besides mortification.  Yes, there was.  I hated to admit this (and I didn’t for many days afterwards), but I was totally and unmistakably turned on.  Once I got a gape at that hard, tight body of his, I felt just a bit light in the head.  I couldn’t believe he was that hot.  It just didn’t fit with the rest of what I knew of him.  I mean it made sense given that he was a linebacker and talented wrestler, but I just never put two and two together.  I mean why would I?  I hated him after all.  And then I couldn’t remember why it was that I hated him.  Okay, now I really was feeling light-headed.  Wasn’t he one of those guys who smiled at me like I was an easy lay?  Didn’t he talk in hushed tones when I walked by?  Wasn’t he best friends with the guy who had called me a “bitch” to my face?  He most certainly was and I was going to forget about his “way too hot” bod  right now.  Right now.  RIGHT NOW!  Besides didn’t he do that just to “get my goat”?  I didn’t care how “hot” he was, I wasn’t going to acknowledge him.  I was already ashamed for having stared.

Chapter 3 – Mall Rats

 

On Friday night, as on many other Friday nights, a bunch of us would go to the Mall and hang out at the Arcade and have dinner at the Food Court.  Sometimes, if enough of us had money, we would go to a movie.  Most Fridays, after we got bored at the mall, we would all go back to my house and play in my rec-room downstairs.  This particular Friday night, the girls all felt they had a lot to talk about, what with all the happenings at school between David and me.  I tried to convince them that there was absolutely nothing going on between us, but they weren’t buying.  Most of the guys could have cared less and went on to the Arcade room.  I noticed that Harlan wasn’t present that night and asked Joyce about this. 
“Oh, he said he was going to catch a ride with a friend.  His car’s in the shop.  So what’s new?”, she finished in sarcasm. 

Amy changed the subject, “So Patty, why is it again that you don’t like David?”.

“What’s to like?  I mean, he’s kinda gross looking and he’s got a bunch of creeps for friends.  And he’s not all that smart.  I don’t know, he just kinda freaks me out”.  I could tell she wasn’t buying any of it.

“Well, you know that Harlan, Mark and I have known him pretty much all our lives and we all think he’s a pretty cool guy”, she said trying to sound convincing.

“How do you know him?”, I asked. 

“From Synagogue”, she replied, “And besides, I’m pretty darn sure he’s totally hot for you”.  And then Anne and Margee agreed with that conclusion.

“Yeh, well, I still don’t like him.”, I stated with equal conviction.

Anne chimed in, “Patty, I think you should get to know him before you write him off as a loser.  True, he may have some loser friends, but we can’t always be as fortunate as you are to have such great friends”, and she fluffed up her hair meaning herself as she said this last statement.

“Fine, whatever.  Hey did  you guys see who was kissing in the Student Lounge this afternoon…..?” and we were off and discussing other people’s gossip, not mine.

Fifteen minutes later, Harlan saunters in, comes straight up to Joyce and takes her aside to kiss her long and hard.  Just behind him, walking up the mall walkway, I see bright orange hair and a pink face from afar.  I was pissed!  I wanted to know who invited him.

“Amy, who invited David?  Is this a set-up?” and she could tell I was none too pleased.

“Calm down, he brought Harlan since he doesn’t have a car.  And I don’t think you have to have an invitation to go to the mall”, she said.

“And tell me why couldn’t one of us have taken Harlan?”, I spat out.

Anne replied, “Because he asked David, that’s why”.  And then I knew.  I knew it was a set-up and I wasn’t having any of it.  David hung back seeing that it was all girls.  He glanced at me and looked away too many times for my comfort.   As soon as Harlan and Joyce were done saying “hello”, the two guys took off for the Arcade.  When Joyce got back to us, I asked, “So I’m being set up?”, with as much sarcasm as I could muster.

“No, I don’t think so.  Well, maybe just a little.  But it wasn’t my idea, so don’t get mad at me!, she exclaimed. 

“Are you trying to tell me that Harlan is trying to set me up with David?”, I asked incredulously.

Joyce looked a little sheepish and said, “Well, maybe….Now, Patty would that be so bad?  You know Harlan has pretty good taste after all”.

“I trust Harlan, but I do NOT trust David Freeman, not as far as I can throw him”, I said, still perturbed.

“Well, fine.  You never have to see him after tonight”, she said trying to assuage my anger.

“Yeh, right.  Only every day in school”, I barked back.

“Oh, yeh, forgot about that.  Well, he’ll get the message soon enough that you want nothing to do with him”, Joyce soothed.

“Well, he’ll get it right now, cause I’m leaving.  I’m going to go home.  If anyone, besides the unspeakable, wants to come over, they are welcome”, I said in my typical bossy fashion.  Amy decided to come with me, but the rest of the girls stayed until the guys were ready to leave the Arcade.  I didn’t mind.  I liked Amy’s company more than most of my friends.

When we got to my car, we started gossiping about friends and not-so-friends.  We always liked to hash over who was going out with who and whether we thought it was a good match or one destined for hell.  Amy and I hardly ever went out with guys, so we lived vicariously at times through other people’s relationships.  I think the fact that she was “sans boyfriend” made her sad.  I, for the most part, could have cared less.  I hadn’t met anyone who struck me as dating material.  Even my best guy friends were too immature for my taste.  I loved them as friends, but that’s as far as it went.  When we were almost home, Amy decided to try again with a forbidden subject, “Patty, I wouldn’t say this to you if I didn’t really like you and know you.  But here goes.  I really think you need to give Dave Freeman a chance.  I know him pretty well.  I know he has some questionable friends, but he’s not like them.  He’s really a cool guy.  And besides, he LIKES you.  I mean, how often does that come along?” and I gave her a sour look, “No, I didn’t mean it like that.  I’m sure lots of guys would want to date you if you ever gave them the time of day”, and then I looked at her like ‘Yeh, right’ was written all over my fact.  She paused then, and I said “Amy, if anyone else were sitting in my car with me, telling me what you just told me, I’d tell them where to go.  But I know you have my best interests at heart.   It’s just that he creeps me out so much.  I’m not even attracted to him”.  When I ended, she replied, “Patty Yalem, you cannot tell me your eyes didn’t pop out the other day when he took his shirt off in front of you!”.  I looked pained, because I couldn’t refute what she was saying. 

“Okay, I’m attracted to his body.  Amy, is that enough to overlook his face?”, I asked in all sincerity.

“Well, when it’s as hot as his is, I’d have to say YES!  And Patty, have you ever seen his eyes?  I mean I know he’s not the best looking guy in school, but he does have some very nice attributes.   And besides, beauty is only skin deep”, she finished seeing that I was starting to give in.

“I suppose he’s coming over here with Harlan and Joyce?”, I asked softly.

“I think that was the game plan, but you know you could always tell him to go home.  Wouldn’t be the first time you did that!”, and we laughed at the thought of how many people I had kicked out of my house who I didn’t want to be there.

“Well, maybe this time I won’t.  For YOU, Amy, for you….”.

Amy and I sat outside on the chaise lounges on our patio.  It was still really nice weather and we didn’t want to be cooped up inside on a nice night like this.  We got high and talked about school, guys, her friends from Temple, just about anything that we could think of.  About 10:00 pm, we heard a bunch of cars pull up into my family’s over-sized driveway.  You could fit about 10 cars in it.  Amy and I went to the front of the house to greet everyone.  I found myself looking to see if there was a Firebird amongst the slew of cars.  Right as I was starting to think he wasn’t coming over after all, I heard tires screech to a halt at the end of the driveway.  Sure enough, it was a gold Firebird, David’s car.  Harlan and Joyce got out  and came over to where I was standing.   Harlan said, “Hey Patty, would it be ok if David partied with us for a while?”, sounding very innocent and nonchalant.

I remembered my conversation with Amy and said, “Sure, tell him he’s welcome”.

“Why don’t you?”, asked Harlan.

“Don’t push your luck”, I answered back.

With that, Harlan ran back to the car at the end of the driveway and I saw David’s bright orange hair alight from the car.  I didn’t wait for him, but went with everyone else to the side of the house where the steps led down to the rec-room.  When I was just about down the stairs, I heard behind me, “Patty?  Umm…Patty?” and recognized the voice at once.  After all, not one of my friends had a high-pitched, raspy tone like David’s.

I turned around and stood there, looking up at him while the rest of my friends passed by to go into the house.  David jogged over and started down the stairs.  I stared at him working his way to me.  When he was 3 stairs apart from me, he asked “Do you mind if I come in?  I  mean I don’t want to gatecrash or anything”. 

“I don’t care”, I said with as much disdain as I could muster.  And with that, I went off into my family’s rec-room where 20 friends of mine were already playing Ping Pong and Pool, getting high or sitting around talking.  It was a typical Friday night at the Yalem’s.  Oh, all except for that freaky orange-haired guy who was playing Pool with my guy friends.   I couldn’t believe he was actually here in my basement.  And for all David’s temerity, he didn’t talk to me once.  He shot billiards with my guy friends, laughed it up when he knew what they were talking about and pretty much stayed to himself.  I couldn’t help, but look over in his direction every so often.  I know my girlfriends were doing the same.  It was just so weird to have him at my house.  Anne told me a couple times that he had looked over at me, but she was always stirring things up, so I didn’t take her seriously.  Then, Joyce pinched me one time when he was looking at me and I looked up.  When he saw me looking over at him, he quickly looked down at the floor and blushed.  I could see his blush from 20 feet away!  Then, the funniest thing happened.  I blushed too!  I could not believe that I was blushing.  I had absolutely nothing to blush about.  Joyce saw this and just smiled her knowing, smug smile.

Since my Mom and stepfather were away on one of his teaching trips, I had the house to myself.  I had invited a bunch of my girlfriends over to sleep.  Since, we had the house to ourselves, the party didn’t break up until around 2:00 am.  We all went up around midnight to make some snacks and watch an old movie on TV.  My den was large enough to fit up to 30 people in it comfortably.  I sat up front and David stayed off to the back.  I kept on being surprised that he stayed the entire time.  Wow, what nerve!  I don’t think I would have been able to, had it been me at his house with a bunch of kids I didn’t know very well.  I guess it helped that he knew Harlan and Amy pretty well.  Harlan always wanted everyone to get along and feel good.  So, when I looked back and saw Harlan sitting next to David, it didn’t surprise me.  Harlan saw me looking, smiled and did a little two-finger wave.  When the movie was over and most people were starting to yawn, we broke it up for the night.  My girlfriends and I saw the guys out to their cars.  It was getting pretty cold out so we didn’t linger.  I went back inside while some of the girls were still saying goodbyes and standing there by the front door was David.  I yelped a little when I saw him as I wasn’t expecting to see anyone there.  He reached out to steady me and said, “Sorry!  I didn’t mean to startle you”.

“Oh, it’s ok.  I just didn’t expect to see anyone there.  Did you forget something?”, wondering why he was still in my house while everyone else was outside, including Harlan, who had to be waiting for him for his ride home.

“Yeh, I left my coat downstairs, but I’ve got it now, so I’ll be going”, and he made to leave as quickly as he could.
I lightly grabbed his arm and said, “David”.

“Yes?”, he turned around and looked me in the eyes, wondering what I could possibly want since I hadn’t talked to him one snitch the entire night.

“Did you have a good time?”, I asked softly and shyly, which was not like me at all.

“Yeh, I” and he looked around, “I had a great time tonight.  Thanks.  I know you didn’t exactly invite me,” and then back into my eyes, “but I had one of the best nights that I’ve had in a long time”.  And with that, I let go of his arm and said, “Good, I’m glad.  Ummm, see you on Monday”.

“Yeh, see you then”, he replied and he was off running to his car, where Harlan and Joyce were waiting for him. 

Joyce came back after she had said her goodbyes to Harlan and simply said, “Patty, you might not want to believe this, but that boy is seriously head over heels about you”.

“Yeh, you know Joyce, you might have something there”, I said as I sighed.  “Problem is, I just don’t think I could feel that way about him.  I mean, he seems nicer on inspection I’ll give you that,  but he’s just such a freak, you know?”.

“Yeh, that’s how I felt about Harlan before I got to know him better.  Now, you’ve got to admit, Harlan is definitely a freak”.

“Yes, but he’s a lovable freak”, I said wistfully.

We were all so tired, we had no energy to pick apart the night and by the next morning, we were on to other areas of gossip.  David was long forgotten, for the time being.

Chapter 4 – Partying

 

Anne’s favorite past-time was going out on a Friday or Saturday night to crash parties.  We stuck to only the parties where we would have a chance of knowing, or even possibly liking, some of the people there, unlike the socialite and jock parties.  We always ran the risk of being laughed at or worse, booted out of the party-giver’s house.  So, we would make sure we knew who was giving the party before we traipsed upon their festivities.

So, the next night,  Saturday, we arrived at a party given by one of David’s best friends.  Anne had come up with the information of who was giving it and where it was located.  I wanted nothing to do with her scheme, but she insisted I had to go since David was in all likelihood going to be there and that would give us an in.  I would have rather stayed at home and watched “Saturday Night Live” or played “Pass Out” with my friends.  But I had plans to be with Anne and she was totally up for a party and partying.  I begrudged her this one outing and she thanked me profusely.  Truth be told, she was hot for one of David’s friends and thought he might be there too.  Anne was a good friend of mine.  She had gone along for the ride many times before when I had hair-brained ideas, so I could forgo my selfishness to help her along her path to romance.

We walked into this guy’s basement, having heard the noise coming from the downstairs’ rec-room.  We knew there were a good number of people at the party by the number of cars parked helter-skelter around his house and street.  I was feeling really uneasy when we walked in, but Anne, who was much more outgoing than me, walked right up to a friend of hers from class.  I just kind of followed along, not wanting people to stare at me or think I didn’t belong.  The next thing I know, Jerry Combs, David’s best friend, came up to me and asked me, “What are you doing here?”.  It wasn’t in a truly mean or sarcastic manner, but more like he honestly wanted to know.  I thought that was funny since this was the guy who dared to call me a “bitch” right to my face.  I started to answer, when all of a sudden, David cut me off to say, “She’s with me, got a problem?” and smiled to Jerry and me.

I looked at David with, what I can only describe as, shock.  When Jerry proceeded to leave to probably bother someone else, I turned to David and said, “Thanks, I appreciate that”.

“Do you want to go outside and get high?”, he asked showing me the joint in his hand.  I looked over to see if I could find Anne and she was talking in an animated fashion with a bunch of girls and guys.

“Sure”, I said.  I was amazed that he and I were actually here together and talking.  He led the way out of the basement, through the sliding doors that Anne and I had come through.  As we climbed the hill to the patio, he looked back to make sure I was with him.  We went around to the side of the house, where several chaise lounges were waiting to be occupied.  No one was out here, we had the outdoors to ourselves.  I started to get self-conscious.  He lit up, took a toke and offered it to me.  My hand was shaking just a bit when I took the joint from him. 

“So, how did you hear about this party?…  I was surprised to see you here”, he said as he looked me straight in the eyes.

“Umm, Anne found out about it.  I wasn’t going to come, but she wanted to meet up with a guy here”, I answered back, not looking in his eyes.

“Well, I’m glad you showed up”.  I didn’t initially answer back.  In fact, we were both quiet for some time.

“Why are you following me at school?”, I asked, finding my courage as I got high.

“I wasn’t aware that I was following you”, he said, smiling.

“Okay, so we’re going to play it that way”, I said with sarcasm as I got up to leave. 

He reached for me and said, “Please, don’t leave.  I’ll answer your question, okay?” and then after I sat back down, “I really don’t want you to leave”,  David said with a bit of desperation and sadness.  I looked at him, waiting for him to answer my question, waiting to see if he could be serious.  I didn’t say anything.

“Okay, the reason I follow you around and look at you all the time is……I’ve been trying to work my nerve up to……well, talk to you”, he said with a lot of trepidation and shyness.

“You could have just come up to me.  I mean I’m not that difficult to talk to”, I said more harshly then I meant to.

“You’re probably right.  I just didn’t know if you would give me the time of day”.

“Well, I am now”, I said more softly.

“Patty, I know how you feel about my friends.  I just figured you felt the same way about me”, he replied with honesty.

“Yeh, I guess I did”, I said without thinking.

“Oh, well, hey.  Now I know I was right”, and he laughed sarcastically.  And then I said, as I looked him straight in the eyes, “Do you think that two people who “hate” each other can get over themselves and become friends?”.

“I didn’t know we hated each other.  I’ve never hated you.  But hey yeh, I definitely think they can let bygones be bygones”.

“So, you want to be friends?”, I asked with a hint of incredulity in my voice.

“Yeh, I definitely want to be friends.  Why were we ever enemies?”, he asked this so sweetly that I had a hard time remembering why I hated him.  And then he took my hand.  I immediately grabbed it back from him and said, “What are you doing?”.

“I just wanted to hold your hand.  Geez!”, he barked back.

Right then, Anne came out and called my name.  I got up in a quick gesture and went to where she was standing.  She was with Rick, the guy she had wanted to come to the party to find.  She asked me in hushed tones if it was okay that he took her home.  I said that was fine.  I had driven anyway.  She said she’d call me on Sunday and proceeded to take off with him.  I was standing a little way away from David.  He asked, “Will you come back over and sit with me?”.

“I really need to get going”, I answered in a hushed tone. 

He asked, “Do you need a ride home” and I could tell that he was hoping I did.

I responded, “I drove tonight”. 

He asked, “Are you okay to drive home”, once again hoping I would answer negatively.  He was trying to keep us together and I was trying to get away. 

I said, “I’m fine.  Thanks.  And thanks for getting me high”.  With that, I started for my car.  He asked if he could walk me out to my car and I declined laughing, “I think we’ve had enough of each other for one night”.  I started walking away and I heard him say in his soft voice, “I’m sorry you feel that way”….

 

Chapter 5 – Roses

 

On Sunday, I called my best girlfriends and we re-hashed the whole “party” scene from last night.  The consensus was that David definitely liked me and wanted to get to know me.  I was ambivalent at best.  Monday morning when I got to school, I opened my locker and lost my breath.  Taped to the inside of my locker door was a blush pink rose with a stem holder to keep it fresh.  My first response was one of delight as this is my favorite color of rose and roses are my favorite flowers.  My second response, though, was one of skepticism.  Who had my combination to be able to get into my locker?  Think.  Joyce.  Anne.  Amy.  And Mark.  Those were the only people I had ever told.  I left the rose taped to my locker as I went to my first hour class.  Joyce was the first person that I saw that day.  When I told her about the rose she looked shocked.  Same for Anne and Amy.  No one could figure out how someone could get into my locker to put it there.  I was starting to really get freaked.  When I saw Mark, at lunch, he denied having anything to do with it.  But, he did mention that it wasn’t that hard to break into any of these lockers, that they were not “idiot proof” as he liked to say on a regular basis.  Later, when I saw David passing me in the hall, he smiled and nodded as he passed by me.  Not exactly the face of a criminal.  And then again, placing a rose in someone’s locker was not exactly a crime. 

I received a new rose every single day that week.  And still had no clue as to who was doing it.  On Friday, when I had lunch, my friend Liz, commented, “If I had a guy sending me roses anonymously, I’d be asking a lot more questions!”.

“What exactly do you think I should be doing, Liz?”, I asked back. 

“Well you know they’re probably from David, why not ask him?”, she pushed out.

“Because I do NOT know they are from David and I hardly even know him”, I said exasperatedly.

“Well, you’d know him a lot better if you ever talked to him”, she said heatedly.

“Liz, maybe I’m way off base, but I get the feeling you like David”, I said, trying to back off emotionally.

She blushed and looked down at her plate.  “Well, yeh, I just think it’s a shame that he likes you and you couldn’t give a shit about him.  I mean, he’s a pretty great guy if you ever gave him a chance”.

“And how do you know him so well?”, I asked back.

“Patty, I’ve known  him since Junior High.  You have too.  You just never gave him the time of day”, she said, looking sad.

“Liz, let me try and fix you up.  You’re so pretty, I’m sure if he knew, he’d fall all over you.  Let me do that, ok?”, I asked.

“No way!  He’s got it for you and I’m not going anywhere near him while he’s moonstruck over you”, she replied.  Just then, the bell rang for 5^th hour and we got up to leave.  I wasn’t done with this conversation, though.  I needed to get my other girlfriend’s thoughts in on this.  I just couldn’t see why David couldn’t be steered in Liz’s direction.  And away from mine.

 

Chapter 6 – Riding Home

On the next Monday,  at the end of school,  I was getting my books ready to head home.  David came up from behind me and murmured ever so softly “Would you let me drive you home today?”.  I just about lost it!  I wasn’t expecting him in the least.  And, he sounded so presumptuous.  Almost as if I’d let him take me home on lots of other occasions.  But more sensuous.  Much more sensuous.  After my heart got back to beating at a normal rate, I looked at him and said “Now why would I want to do that?” and went back to putting books in my book bag.  I couldn’t believe how mean I had been!  He leaned against the locker next to mine and didn’t say anything.  I heard him sigh above me and then he said “It’s only a ride to your house for god’s sakes.  I promise to be on my best behavior and not grab your hand”.  I reddened when I thought of how I had handled that scenario at the party.  I kept dawdling in my locker, trying to think of something witty and mean to say.  Trying to think of something sensible to say.  All I came up with was “Ok”.  We walked in silence to his car.  I swear I could not think of a single thing to say that didn’t sound silly or stupid.  I, who was never at a loss for words, was at a loss for words.  What’s more is that I couldn’t even bring myself to look at him or anyone else for that matter.  Almost like I was in a complete fog.  I remember thinking “Why did I agree to this?”.  We finally got to his car and he very gentlemanly opened my door.  I noticed it was a really nice car, fairly new, and amazingly clean.  I didn’t live very far from school so it wasn’t a long ride.  For my part, I didn’t say a thing.  I was still wondering why the heck I was sitting in David Freeman’s car.  He turned on the radio and made small talk about what was playing.  I, who had always been the outgoing, talkative, gregarious leader of my clique, was reduced to mere utterances.  It seemed like it took forever to arrive at my house, but eventually we did.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  David turned in his seat and asked me in a very quiet, sultry tone of voice,

“Now, was that so bad?”

to which I replied, “No, it wasn’t.  But you never did tell me why you are even interested?”

“Let’s just say I’m intrigued”, he said smiling down at me.  That made no sense whatsoever to me.  I couldn’t help smiling, even if I wasn’t sure if this guy was lying or not.  “Thanks for the ride”, I said as I got out and went into my house.  I wanted to, but I didn’t look back.  Thank God, I had finally found my composure.

David kept this up every day thereafter.  He would stare me down in the hallways of school, but not say a word to me.  Then after school, he would meet me at my locker and ask if I wanted a ride home.  Little by little, we began to talk on the way home which, of course, only lasted about 5 minutes each time.  I couldn’t figure out why he wouldn’t talk to me at school.  My friends thought he was shy, but I saw him talk to loads of other people, so that reasoning didn’t fly with me.  And then whenever I passed by him when he was talking to one of his friends, he would follow me with his eyes.  I heard his friends say more than once, “David?  Are you listening?”.  I laughed when I heard this.  I’d like to say that I didn’t look at him, but I couldn’t help myself when I went by.  I think it started to be a mutual “stare down” after a couple weeks.

One day, when I got into David’s car, he started it and then started to stammer in that soft voice of his, “Umm….Uh” and I looked at him and asked, “What?”

He smiled and replied after swallowing, “Would you like to go get an ice cream with me?”

I replied with a smile, “Sure, I love ice cream”.  So we went to Baskin Robbins and got an ice cream cone together.  I let him pay for me, so I guess this was kinda our first date.  As we watched each other lick our ice cream cones, I felt a fluttering in my chest.  He had a nice tongue, but I wasn’t about to admit it to anyone but myself.  I wondered that night if maybe he might talk to me at school the next day.   I was starting to think that maybe he was somehow ashamed of being seen with me, like his friends had been.  But then I reasoned that getting ice cream in the middle of the afternoon wasn’t exactly the same thing as heavy petting and smoking pot together until 3 am.  Besides, I wasn’t speaking to him at school either.   Was I ashamed to be seen with him?  Or was I just waiting for him to make the first move?  This was when I decided to talk to him about Liz, even though, if she knew I was doing this, she’d kill me.  I didn’t care.  I wanted to let him know that she was interested.  I started with, “David, do you know my friend, Liz?”.

He replied, “Sure, the one with the long black hair?”.

“Yeh, that’s her.  Well, I thought you should know that I think she kinda has a crush on you.  And, well, if you wanted to get to know her better, I could help with that”.   And it was right then and there that I wondered what the hell was I doing.  I most certainly did NOT want to hook up my friend Liz and this guy sitting next to me outside Baskin Robbins!  That was such a lie.  And now I was going to have to hear what he said.  And I didn’t want to.  I really did not want to.

“Patty, thanks and all, but I don’t want to be set up with Liz.  I mean it’s not that she isn’t really nice and all, but I have no desire to go out with her”, he said matter-of-factly.

“No?”, I said quietly, looking into his deep blue eyes.

“No.  I’ve got someone else in mind”, and as he said this softly, he stopped eating his ice cream and just stared into my green eyes. 

“Oh”, I said.  That’s all I could think to say.  I was a bit overwhelmed with how fast my heart was racing just then.

A couple of weeks into our “driving home” routine, David didn’t show up at my locker after school.  I waited for 10 minutes and then decided to just walk home.  It was a nice, warm day and, as I’ve said, I didn’t live that far away, so walking was no big deal.  I was walking down the street to my Lane, which is a 2 way street, and the next thing I knew, David was yelling at me from his car.  He looked upset when he said, “Why didn’t you wait for me?, to which I yelled back matter-of-factly, “I did wait for you, but you were over 10 minutes late, so I just decided to walk instead.  I didn’t know if you had already left or what”.  At this point, a car came up behind David, who was only going 2 miles per hour, and honked loudly.  David gave him the finger and he passed David on the wrong side of the street, honking the whole time.  David looked like he was going to lose it.  I had never seen him angry before. 

He said impatiently, “Look, get in the car and we can talk about it”.  So I got in the car and he took off at a speed that had me pinned against the seat.  I was going to say something, but I could kinda tell that he wasn’t in the mood to hear my gripes about how fast he was going.  He slowed down to stop at a red light and still wouldn’t look at me. 

So I spoke first.  I was a bit exasperated too when I said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know if you had to stay late or just forgot.   You know it wouldn’t be that weird for you to just decide you simply didn’t want to take me home.” And at that, David just looked over to me, glared and shook his head.  I stared him right back down.  He pulled out of that light like his foot was full of lead and nobody said anything else until we got back to my house. 

He pulled over right before he actually got to my house and turned to me, much more calm than before, and said, “Look, I’m not going to just decide I don’t want to take you home.  It would be THAT weird for me to just up and decide that, but you don’t know me all that well, so you wouldn’t know that it would be that weird.  I got hung up at 7^th hour English with Mrs. Crawford.  She just kept going on and on about an assignment that I haven’t turned in and I couldn’t get away from her.  Trust me I wanted to!  And I did NOT forget about you!” and then he sighed and said with emotion, “I want to see more of you, Patty”.   I was a bit thrown by this monologue as it was the most that David had ever said to me in one continuous stream! 

Then it was my turn and I looked him in the eye and simply asked in my smarty pants way, “Are you going to start talking to me at school?”

He just stopped with his mouth open, trying to get out what he wanted to say “Well…yes…are you going to talk to me?”. 

I replied, “Yeh, ok”. 

He said , “Is that ok to talking to me or going out with me?”. 

And as I got out of the car, I nodded and said, “Yeh, ok”. 

He yelled out the window, “When?”.  But I didn’t turn around and I didn’t answer him. He sat in his car until I closed the front door to my house.  I know this because I heard his tires peal out and his car shoot down the Lane.

Chapter 7 – Driving to School

 

On the next Monday morning, David was waiting for me in front of my house.  He stood up against his car on the passenger side, just ready to open the door and let me in.  I saw him before I left my house.  This was lucky because the way he was standing there, just waiting for me to come out, made me blush and smile.  Which was the last thing I wanted him to see.  Now why this was so, I can’t quite put my finger on.  I just knew I wanted to keep the upper hand, at least a little while longer.  Truth was, this guy was starting to captivate me.  I was thinking about him when I was out with my friends.  I was contemplating his bare torso (which I had only glimpsed once) waiting to fall asleep at night.  I would wake up thinking about sitting next to him at that party and my heart would begin to race.  It had been so long since I felt this way, I didn’t trust it at all.  Plus, I didn’t trust him at all.  There was part of me that just wanted to be left alone with my group of friends.  But, to tell the truth, this guy was making it more and more difficult to do that.  When I walked out, I stopped at the front door and said “So how long have you been waiting here?”.

“Not long”, he replied and smiled.

“Well you’re going to have to introduce yourself to my maid or she’ll think you’re a stalker”.

He lightly laughed at that and said, “Maybe I am a stalker”.

“Yeh, that is a possibility. (Pause) So I suppose you want to take me to school?”, I asked, knowing the answer.  I hadn’t moved from my initial position just outside my front door.

“If that’s okay with you, I’d love to take you to school”, he murmured in his soft, sensuous tone of voice.  I didn’t know how he did that.  He just knew how to use that high-pitched tenor of his to melt my insides.  I, of course, would not let him know this for some time.  I was not about to give him a glimpse into how he was affecting me.

I walked up to him and he moved from in front of the passenger door.  He opened it up for me as he always did and I slid into the seat that was beginning to feel like my own.  He shut my door quickly and raced around to get into his side.  He smiled a sweet little smile and started the car.  He handed me a McDonald’s Egg McMuffin.  Now, everyone I knew, knew I loved Egg McMuffins.  But I had obviously not told him and so this kinda got me to feeling like he was talking to my friends.  I wouldn’t have taken the sandwich except that he got one for himself.  I didn’t want him to feel weird eating alone.  Of course.  I took a bite, chewed and swallowed, and asked him, “Who told you that I like these?”

He swallowed hard and said, “Anne did, actually”.

Okay, I was going to have to kill Anne.  “Oh, and when did she tell you this?”

“Does it matter?”, he asked.  He took off down my driveway and then my Lane.  I had to think why it mattered that my friends were talking to this guy behind my back, who obviously liked me, whom I wasn’t sure whether I liked.

“No, I guess it doesn’t.” and then,   “Thanks for bringing me this.  But you didn’t have to.”  “And you don’t have to drive me to and from school”, I continued.  And as soon as I said it, I wanted to take it back.

After he had time to think about what he wanted to say,  he murmured “Patty, I only do what I want to do.  No more, no less.” 

“Well, thanks anyway, I appreciate it”, I said softly, not even sure he could hear me.

“You’re welcome”, equally as soft.  I looked over at him and he was looking out the front.  I smiled and looked away.  He kept his eyes out front, smiled and blushed.  We continued to eat and stare out the front all the way to school.  He parked on the side of school, away from the Student Lounge.  I’m not sure if he did this so no one would see us together before school started or so that we could talk without others disturbing us.  Either way, I was glad of it, because I wasn’t ready to be seen alone with David.  Not that it wasn’t obvious to most who knew us that there was something going on, but for those who didn’t know us, it was a comfort not having gossip spread about us just yet.   

When I got done with my Egg McMuffin, I handed him the wrapper and thanked him again.  It was kinda weird eating with him.  It felt too intimate.  That might not make sense to most but, for me, eating with someone was an intimate act.  I wondered if I had any food on my mouth or teeth.  I wanted badly to look in the mirror to check myself.  So, I did the best I could.  I looked out my side window and used my tongue to go over my teeth.  When I felt I could talk again with little fear of looking like a hag, I said, “Well, thanks again for the ride”.

He replied hastily, “School doesn’t start for a few minutes. Do you have to go in just yet?”.

“Umm, no, I guess not”.  I felt awkward.

“I was wondering if you’d like to go out sometime?  I mean you did say that you wanted to get to know me better, right?”, he asked and blushed at the same time.

“What did you have in mind?”, I asked back suspiciously, thinking I wasn’t sure about this at all, not one bit sure.

“Well….I thought maybe you’d like to go out to dinner and a movie.  I mean we all have to eat and I know you like movies”, and then he knew he’d kinda blown that confidence thing again, knowing about me even though I hadn’t told him.

“And who told you that I like movies?”, I asked with a bite.

“Yeh, well, that would be Anne again.  But, she was only trying to help”, he replied in earnest.

“Yeh, I suppose she was.  Ok, when did you have in mind?”, I shot back.

“How about this Friday?”, he asked and looked so much in misery, that I just had to put him out of it by saying, “Okay, this Friday”. 

“I’ll pick you up at 6:30 for a movie and we can eat afterwards, anywhere you want”, he said with a little bit of glee in his voice.  I knew I shouldn’t feel so uncomfortable, but somehow this trip to school had outdone all the trips from school.  I was feeling warm, like I needed to get away from him quickly. 

I said, “Okay.  Well, I’m going to go to English now.  I need to get a book out of my locker first.  So, thanks again for the ride”. 

 “Sure”, he said, nodding.  I got out of the car and walked into school hoping he wasn’t just sitting there watching me walk in.  But, of course, he was.

After English, I saw Anne in the hallway and pulled her aside.  Anne was one of my best friends, but if I knew anything about her, it was that she could not be trusted with gossip.  She just plain had a big mouth.  And, she loved romance.  She was constantly reading Romantic fiction even though her time would have better been spent studying.  She had a good heart, so it was hard for me to get mad at her when I knew she was sharing things with David, that I really didn’t want shared about me.  No matter what she did or said, I always forgave her because I knew she meant well and was such a true friend.  That’s not to say that I couldn’t give her a little hell about her indiscretions in the meantime.   I smiled at her and said inquisitorially, “So when did you and David chat it up about me?”.

She quickly replied, “Patty, you do realize that he’s frickin’ in love with you?!”.

“No, I wasn’t aware of that and I hope you aren’t spreading around that he is!  Now answer my question!”, I practically barked at her.

“Well, remember that Party we went to where I found Rick?  Well, we ended up going back to the party after you had left and David was on me like ‘stink on shit’!”

“And you just had to tell him my most intimate secrets, right?”, I asked sarcastically.

“No, what are you talking about?  I might have told him a few things that he didn’t know, but most of it he already knew”, she said and then added, “at least he acted like he already knew….”.

“All right, all right, I’m not freaking out, it’s just that he knows some things I keep pretty close”, I said and then ended with, “He asked me out finally”.  I had a feeling of misgiving as soon as I said it.

She was all over that.  “Are you kidding?  That’s great!  You know, Rick told me he was trying to get up the nerve to ask you out.  I’m telling you Patty, that boy has it bad for you.  B-A-D bad!”, and she was giggling by the time she ended this rant.

“Well that may be, but I don’t want YOU saying anything about this to anyone.  Let me tell my own stories, ok?”, I said, looking her straight in the eye to get my point across.

“Fine, ok.  Far be it from me to take your glory away.  Just tell our friends quick, cause I can’t sit on this for long!”, she quipped laughingly.  I “ugghhh”ed as I walked away.

After the next period, Amy came up to me and gave me a big hug.  I asked her, “Why are you hugging me?” and looked at her like she’d lost her marbles.

“Because you and David are dating.  Finally.”

“First of all, one date does not constitute dating.  And who, may I ask, did you get this juicy bit of information from?”, starting to look cross since I knew who.

“Actually, I can’t remember.  I think it was Joyce.  No, maybe it was Harlan.  Or possibly Mark.”, she said in all honesty.

“Oy vey”, I responded.  “The whole school knows”.

Weirdly enough, I didn’t see David that entire day.  Usually, I would run into him on my way to Lunch or up in the upstairs hallway (where he never had any classes), or between classes in the Student Lounge.  But somehow, on that Monday, I didn’t happen to bump into him at all.  And I think I knew why.  The news of us going out on Friday was all over school.  I couldn’t go anywhere and not hear about the big news of Patty and David.  Or be taunted about it.  By the jocks, the socialites, even my friends.  By the time he came to get me to go home, I was livid.  I wanted to call the whole thing off.  But that would make for even more gossip and taunting.  I decided the best thing to do was to just stay home from school.  Unfortunately, my mother had another say in the matter.  But I digress. 

When David came to take me home from school, I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to see him again.  He came up from behind as he usually liked to do and I turned around, glaring. 

He looked me straight in the eye with a worried expression and said, “What?”

“What?  That’s all you have to say? What?”, I asked incredulously and angrily.

“Umm, Yeh.  What’s the matter?”, he replied.  I looked to see if anyone was watching.  I didn’t want anyone to see how angry I was..

“You’ve got to be kidding.  Do you know all I’ve heard about all day is how you and I are going on this big date on Friday”, I said and laughed a little sarcastic laugh..

“Oh, yeh, I’ve heard about it to.  Some of my friends are like ‘What the fuck?’.  But I just say, ‘whatever’”, he shook his head and smiled at me.

“Just like that, huh?  Whatever?”, I emphasized the “whatever”, not believing how unphased he was by everything going on.

“Yeh, you ready to go?”, he said more quietly.  He used that sweet little smile to work his wonders on me.

I paused to stare directly at his mouth and then his eyes.  “Yeh, I’m just about ready”, I finally answered, not knowing whether this guy was crazy wonderful or just crazy.

The rest of that week, David drove me to and from school.  And he parked by the Student Lounge.  Neither he nor I cared who saw us together now.  And another thing happened this same week.  He and I started to talk to each other at school.  And it wasn’t any big deal.  We almost acted like we had been talking all along.  We still didn’t see each other all that often, but when we did, we would say “Hi” or ask each other “How’s your day going?”.  Just niceties like that.  Just enough so we both knew we weren’t avoiding each other anymore.  He would purposefully stare me down without any trepidation or disguise. 

His friends didn’t know whether to give him a bunch of shit or a wide path.  In the end, they ended up respecting his choice, but the road to self-decision was a rough and rocky one that David had to endure for many months.  I was most unliked by these guys and they weren’t about to let him off the hook that easily.  Especially the guys I had “dated” from this group.  They thought I was trash and didn’t hesitate to let David know at every opportunity.  In looking back upon this period in our lives, I am amazed that David put up with as much crap as he did.  But, for his own reasons, he did put up with it.  I can see now how determined David was when it came to being with me.  It took me a long time to understand this determination: where it had come from, why it was there, where it would eventually take us.  But, one thing I was certain of, David wanted me in ways that I could not fathom.

On the other hand, my clique of friends was ready to welcome David into the fold with open arms.  That’s just how we were.  Plus, it didn’t hurt that he was a nice Jewish guy from the same Synagogue as Harlan and Amy.  As far as the guys in my group felt, as long as you drove a cool car (which he did) and smoked weed, they could forgive him for being a Jock.  And he really wasn’t that much of a Jock, he just happened to be good at Football and Wrestling.  David was basically a freak, albeit one from the wrong group of friends.  My girlfriends were undecided as a whole.  Some thought he was weird looking and a punk, which is pretty much what I had thought of him not too long ago.  The others, headed by Anne, Amy and Joyce, thought he was romantic, sweet and totally hot.  Wow!  Talk about how I was feeling, they all hit the head on the nose.

Chapter 8 – First Date

 

On Friday, after David drove me home, I told him I would see him at 6:30 pm.  I had almost 4 hours to worry and that’s pretty much all I did.  My friends called to try to help alleviate my worry, but it didn’t work.  You see, I had never been on a real date without my parents or them having to drive and pick up.   So, to say the least, I was nervous.  I showered, got changed, and then just listened to calming music.  I called Joyce around 6:00 and we just talked about her and Harlan for a while.  She was one of only three friends whom I trusted with my innermost feelings, especially when it came to guys.  Even though I had tried in the past to act as though I walked on the wild side, I was very immature and unsure of myself around the opposite sex.  Part of the reason that I gave David a chance was that he made me feel more comfortable than I had with other guys.  I think this had to do with the fact that I wasn’t initially attracted to him.  It made it easier for me to take my time in getting to know him.  When I was overwhelmingly attracted to someone, I tended to think with my lower regions.  Not at all unlike what a guy would be like. 

David picked me up at 6:30 on the dot.  He was wearing a nice pair of pants, a light sweater and I could tell he had shaved (although I’m not sure he needed to with that baby-face of his).  He was wearing a nice musky aftershave.  All in all, I was impressed.  I had put on my nicest, pleated jeans and a pretty pink sweater.  I, too, was wearing a light spray of perfume that my parents had gotten me this past Christmas.   After we were in the car and driving to the movie theater (I can’t even remember what we saw that night), David leaned over and opened up with, “You smell great”.

“Thanks”, I replied softly.

“And you look really nice, too”, he added.  This made me blush to match my sweater.

“Thanks, you look nice too”, I answered back to him.

“So do you know anything about the movie we are seeing?”, he asked. 

“Not really, but some of my guy friends liked it, so I’m hoping they have taste and it’s good”.

He laughed at this.  “I love the way you talk”, he said sweetly.

I smiled and just said, “Oh.” 

We tried to make more small talk on the way to the movie.  There was definitely tension in the air.  I was looking forward to just watching the movie and not having to talk too much. 

The movie turned out to be good.  David got us some popcorn and soda and we shared.  At one point he put his arm around the back of my seat, but other than that he stayed a gentleman.  I kept thinking I wouldn’t mind if he held my hand, but after I had given him such grief at the party for trying, I suppose he just couldn’t face that kind of rejection again.  We both enjoyed the movie, so that gave us something to talk about over dinner.  We went to a good Mexican restaurant.  He offered me a bite of his and I accepted and then did the same.  That was actually as intimate as we had ever gotten.   On the way home, David asked me if I would like desert at Baskin Robbins.  I agreed that that sounded nice.  When we got there, I got my usual Jamocha Almond Fudge and he got a double of Chocolate.  I teased him a little about just getting Chocolate and he told me “Don’t knock it til you try it”. 

And then he made me blush for the second time that night when he murmured, “Would you like a lick of mine?” in that soft and sensuous tone of voice.   He knew exactly what he was doing to me. 

I immediately turned pink and stammered, “Um…no…no thanks” and then looked away.  But this was a lie.  I was really starting to think that I wanted to lick anything that was his.  I just couldn’t admit it yet.  When we got home to my house, I didn’t invite him in.  I just wanted to take things slowly and I wasn’t at all sure I trusted myself to do that if we were alone together with beds and sofas around.  He walked me to the door and I kissed him softly and quickly on his lips.  They were so silky and supple.  He looked a little shocked when I told him I’d see him on Monday and quickly went inside.  I know he was disappointed.  I could see it in the slope of his shoulders and the slowness of his gait as he walked back to his car.

He called me three times on Saturday and four times on Sunday.  I refused to talk with him any of those times.  To me, talking on the phone meant a whole new level of intimacy that I was clearly not ready for.  I did, however, talk to all of my girlfriends to re-hash the date over and over.  Not one of them were surprised by how well everything had gone.  The only shock was left for me.  Anne couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t talk to him on the phone.  Joyce thought I should have french-kissed him.  And they all ate up the whole ice cream bit.  Amy said she would have kissed him at Baskin Robbins!  Nobody seemed to understand my trepidation.

When he picked me up Monday morning for school, he asked, “Where were you all weekend?  I tried calling and you never returned my phone calls”.  He sounded pretty upset.

“I was gone to visit my Grandmother.  Sorry, by the time I got back last night, it was too late to call”, I lied.  I hoped he would buy it.  I didn’t want to explain the real reason.

“Well, I was trying to invite you over to my house on Wednesday for dinner and studying.  My Mom wants to make a big Italian dinner so that she can meet you”, and then he stammered, “but you don’t have to if you don’t want to”.

“I’d love to.  What time?”, I asked.  And I meant it.

“Well I thought maybe I’d just drive you to my house from school and we could get some studying done before dinner”, he said forthrightly.

“Yeh, let me make sure it’s okay with my Mom and I’ll let you know tonight”, I said. 

I called him later that night.   I was so nervous.  I just did not talk to guys on phones.  Of if I did, they were my guy friends and it was to give them help with their girlfriends or talk about our weekend plans.  My guy friends were almost on the same level as my girlfriends.  When the phone picked up on his end, it was his Mom.

“Hi, is David available?”, I asked shyly.

“Oh yes, let me get him for you. (“David” off in the background).  “Is this Patty?”, she asked.

“Yes”, I said, feeling a little thrown off that his mother already  knew who I was.

“Well, we’re hoping you can come over for dinner on Wednesday.  I’m making my famous lasagna and…Oh, here’s David, (it’s for you)”, she said and then David came on.

“Hi”

“Hey”, I replied.

“I guess you met my Mom”, he said as he caught his breath.

“Yeh, umm, would you mind telling her that I would be happy to have dinner with you on Wednesday night?”, I said as my conversation with Mrs. Freeman had been cut short.

So he did and then she left the room and he turned back to the receiver, “Hi”, he said softly.

“Hi again.  How are you?”, I asked softly too.

“Great now that I know you are coming over to my house”, he said laughingly.

“That sounds kinda sinister!”, I said, laughing back at him.

“Oh! No, I promise to be on my best behavior”, he purred.

“Hmmm, maybe I might like to see what bad behavior looks like”, I murmured.

“Well, I’m sure I could give you a glimpse sometime”, he said with sex on his tongue.

“Well, I need to go now.  So I’ll see you tomorrow?”, I said in a back-to-reality tone of voice.

“Bright and early”, he said. 

“Okay, well, bye”, I said.

“Mmm, bye, Patty”, he said back. 

When I got off the phone, I could feel my face just in flames.  I was blushing so hard, I had to put my face under cold water just to feel normal again.  Why was it so difficult to talk to a guy on the phone?  He obviously had no problem with it.  Oh, God, the sound of his voice.  For some reason, it was ten times sexier on the phone.  That rasp, that high pitch.  Geez, I could never talk to him again on the phone.  It was just too sexy.

The next day, he picked me up at the usual time, but this time he had a blush pink rose on the seat waiting for me.  I blushed when I saw it, picked it up and got into the seat. 

“Well I guess now I know who was leaving those roses for me that one week”, I said with a hint of sarcasm.

“Yeh, well, you know, you have one of the easiest combination locks to pick?  I was amazed at how easily I got into your locker”, and he laughed as he finished.

“Thank you”, I said sweetly and looked into his beautiful blue eyes.

“You are so welcome”, he answered back and as he did so, he took a strand of my long brown hair and put it behind my right ear.

I averted my eyes and looked down at my rose.  I sniffed it and David started the car to go to school.  I finally got just how sweet on me he was.

Wednesday, after school, David drove us to his house.  I was as nervous as a girl can be, especially one who hasn’t been over to a guy’s house in over two years (well, legitimately, that is).  And even then, I had never been invited for dinner.  When we got there, the house was deserted.  His mother wasn’t home from work and his brother was going to be late coming home from work.  We had the house to ourselves.  Now, I pride myself in having one of the biggest houses I have ever been in.  We were very well off.  But David’s house was truly a mansion.  It was three floors of rooms upon rooms upon rooms.  I didn’t want to pry and thankfully didn’t have to.  David could see the look on my face and explained that his father owned a large string of gas stations in St. Louis and Illinois.  He said that he owned the house, even though he had not lived there since his parents had divorced when David was three.  I, then, explained how my parents were divorced, but only since I was fifteen.  He gave me the grand tour and I was so lost, it wasn’t even funny.  There were eight bedrooms, five bathrooms, a sitting room, library, geez the list just went on.  This was something  I just had no clue about.  Not that it really mattered to me.  I could have cared less if he was destitute, but it did explain a few things.  Like the roses.  When we were finally done looking around the house, David asked if I wanted to study.  Seeing that we were supposed to be doing that, I agreed.  We went up to his room and got our books out.  We sat up against the bed and read.  Well, at least I did, a little.  David mostly stared at me doing my homework.  After a bit, I said with a smile, “Are you going to watch me the entire time?”. 

“Yeh, does that bother you?”, he asked back seriously.

“Well, you see, it’s just that I’ve already read the same line about ten times now, and I’m finding it very difficult to concentrate”, I answered with that same smile on my face.  I looked up into his eyes. 

“I’d really like to kiss you”, he said and blushed.

“David, I’m not ready for that.  I know you probably won’t believe this, but I really want to take things slow”, and I looked away from embarrassment.

“Hey, that’s fine.  Don’t look away.  I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable”, he said softly and sweetly.  I looked back into his eyes.

“David, you’re fine.  You’re not doing anything but being perfectly wonderful to me.  Can we just take it slow?”, I finished, looking worried that he would think I wasn’t worth it. 

Instead he said, “Patty, we can take it any way you want.  I just can’t believe you’re actually here in my house” and he laughed a little.  Then, he took my hand and kissed my knuckles like in Jane Austen period books.  I laughed when he did this and he scootched closer to me so that our shoulders were touching.   And in this position, we went back to reading without really reading.  I loved feeling him against me.  It felt warm and friendly and sensuous.

After a while, his Mom got home from work and she put the Lasagna in the oven.  David made a salad for us, which astounded me to no end.  I’m pretty sure I couldn’t cook anything more than popcorn and here was this guy making an Italian salad with seven different ingredients.  I watched him as he worked, which he loved, both the working and my watching.  When he was done, we set the table and made garlic bread together.  He laughed at me not knowing how to get around in a kitchen.  He said he had been cooking with his mother since he was eight.  When dinner was finally ready, his Mom brought out a nice bottle of Red Wine.  She and David drank most of it, I didn’t really care for it.  When his older brother got home, he sat down and ate with us.  He was the exact opposite of David, very brusque and business-like.  Both he and his mother had chocolate brown hair, so I supposed it was his father who was the red-head in the couple.  Nancy Freeman was a liberal mother, a gracious host and smiled often.  She regaled me and David with stories of him when he was a baby and made him blush time and time again.  That was my favorite part of being around David, how often and how intensely he blushed.  When we were done eating, David and I cleared the plates and loaded them into the dishwasher.  It was so domestic and particularly sweet.  We stood close to each other again as he rinsed and I put the dishes in the washer.  I thanked Mrs. Freeman excessively and she told me she was just so happy to finally have met me.  That made me wonder just how long David had been talking to her about me.  Of course, I wasn’t about to ask.  David took my hand in his and pulled me back up to his room.  Once inside the door, he closed it and turned to me.

“Did you like her?”, he asked.

“Yes, of course, what’s not to like?”, I replied, smiling.

“And my brother?”, he cringed a little as he asked.

“He might take a little bit of time to get to know”, I said as diplomatically as I could.

“Yeh, he’s kinda like my Dad.  Stuffed shirt, but once you get to know him, he warms up” and then, “Will you stay for a while?  I know I only said for dinner, but I don’t want you to go just yet”.  He looked like he wanted to reach out for me so badly, but was holding back for my benefit.

“I’d love to stay.  My Mom doesn’t expect me home until around 10:00 on school nights”, I replied.  I was standing just inside the closed door.  David was a couple feet away.  Suddenly, he frowns at me and says in a rush, “God, I’m sorry, I just can’t……” and the next thing I know he is kissing me up against the door with one hand on my arm and the other on the door next to my ear.  It wasn’t an embrace, but it felt sensual nevertheless.  It wasn’t a long kiss, just quick and deep and to the point.  When he stopped, he pulled away and said in hurried bits, “Jesus, I’m sorry…. I don’t know what came over me.  You are just so gorgeous!….  Patty, please forgive me…Please…”

I put a finger on his mouth to shush him and said, “Stop.  There is no reason to feel bad.  I wanted that just as much as you did.  And I’m glad that we…”.  And then, standing in the middle of his room, we kissed again.  Except this time, it was a lot wetter and lasted a lot longer.  And then he moved me to his bed and we lay there kissing until it was time to go.  He kept a respctable distance from me, but I knew, all the same, that he had a raging hard on.  I knew, too, that the longer we made out, the wetter I became.

Chapter 9 – Second Date

 

When David dropped me off at my house that night, I asked him if he would like to come over for dinner to my house on Saturday.  He was ecstatic.  I was nervous. 

The rest of the week went pretty much as usual, except that now David wanted to do a lot more “making out” when he picked me up for school and when he dropped me off.  We found this little “dead end” part of my Lane where we could effectively hide his car and do whatever we wanted in privacy.  The only thing I would allow was kissing, which I could tell was increasingly making him more and more hot and bothered.  I just wasn’t ready to go any further.  I didn’t trust him yet.  I didn’t trust myself yet.  My friends knew something was going on with David and me, but I kept most of it to myself as I didn’t want anything spread around school like that first date had been.  I told Joyce everything cause I knew I could trust her not to say anything to anyone, even Harlan.  She was sincerely happy for me and thought David was a perfect match for me.  When I asked her to explain, she said “Because he’s just enough different from you to keep you on your toes.  And besides, what you tell me about his ‘abilities’, it sounds like he has a lot more experience and that’s always a good thing!”.

“Yeh, I guess when you put it that way, it is a good thing.  But, Joyce, he scares me!”, I whined.

“Why?  Has he done something to make you scared?  I mean, he hasn’t forced you to do anything you don’t want to, right?”, she sounded worried.

“No, he hasn’t forced me.  He just pushes me sometimes.  You know, to go outside my comfort zone”, I tried to explain.

“Patty, do you mean that he gets you hot and bothered and you’re not used to that?”, she asked wryly.

“Yes.  And I know it’s only a matter of time before we’re going to go too far”, I spat out.

“Who’s going to go too far?  Your or him?”, she asked with a smile on her face.

“Both!”, I exclaimed.

“Just take it slow, Pat.  You’ll be fine when you get there.  Trust me, I know about these things.  It’s really nice when it’s between two people who love and want each other. Just don’t forget the condoms”.

“Oh Joyce, I don’t want to even think about condoms.  And besides, that’s his responsibility!”, I said forcefully.

“Yours too, Patty.  But only when you’re ready.  Just relax and have fun”, she said soothingly.

“Easier said than done, Joyce”, I said quietly.

When Saturday rolled around, I was a basket case.  I knew that after about 8:00 pm, David and I would be left alone in our 7 bedroom house.  And I couldn’t help seeing us having sex in each and every one of those rooms.  I was so tense, I thought about taking one of my Mom’s anti-anxiety pills.  Instead, I decided to have a glass of wine before he arrived.  This did help calm me down.  But it didn’t stop my thoughts. 

When David showed up at 6:30, just like we had planned, he looked so nice.  He was wearing a short-sleeved cotton-knit sweater that accented his chest muscles.  He had on new dark blue jeans and I could smell that same cologne he had worn on our first date.  He immediately kissed me when I opened the door, just a peck on my lips, but one that lasted a little bit longer than most pecks.  And then, I noticed he was holding something behind his back.  I stepped back and he pulled out a beautiful bouquet of flowers with blush pink roses, carnations, and baby’s breath.  I exclaimed that they were beautiful and I would go put them in water.  He watched while I did this and then I kissed him again.  He asked what was for dinner and I informed him that we would be having pizza delivered.  He thought that was pretty funny as he knew I didn’t know how to cook.  I offered him a beer or a glass of wine and he accepted the beer.  I called in the pizza and then took him on a tour of my house.  He had been here for that party, but hadn’t seen the back of the house.  When we got to my room, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me long and hard.  I pulled away eventually and said that my maid was still here until 8:00 pm.  He said, “I don’t care, come here” as he sat down on my bed.

“David, I don’t feel right with her just next door to us”, trying to stand my ground.

“Fine, then we’ll keep it quiet.  Now come here”, and he got a little more teasingly insistent.

“Can’t you wait?”, I teased back.

“No, I can’t”, he said in all seriousness.

So, I went and sat next to him on the bed.  The next thing I knew, he had me lying down next to him, kissing each other like there was no tomorrow and rubbing up against each other.  I could tell he had a lot more than kissing on his mind. 

I said between kisses, “We have a problem”.

“What?”, he looked worried.

“You.  You just want too much”, I was serious.

“No, I don’t….  I want just as much as you do”, he responded breathlessly.

We continued to go at it for another 20 minutes until we heard the doorbell ring.  I got up as quick as lightning and went to the door to pay for the pizza.  David came out after arranging himself so that you couldn’t see he had a raging hard-on.  We ate pizza in the den while we watched TV.  We found a good movie and I sipped wine, while he massaged a couple beers.  Finally, at 8:00 pm, Ophelia, my maid, came in to say goodbye for the weekend.  I introduced her to David, who got up off the sofa to shake her hand.  She winked at me before she left, a sign that she approved.  My Mom and stepfather were out for the night, which meant we would be alone until after midnight.  I started to sweat.

David, went to sit in one of our over-sized arm chairs that could easily fit 2 small people, but would be a tighter fit for him and I.  I saw his ploy and chose to sit with him in the chair.  He put his arm around me and we sat there for several minutes just talking about the movie and getting comfortable.  Eventually, though, he couldn’t help himself.  He pulled me towards him and kissed  me until my lips were swollen.  When he finally pulled away, he said, “I want you to trust me, Patty”.

I looked him in his eyes, frowned a bit and said, “I wish I could, David”.

“I know you are hot, I can feel it between us.  I can feel it down here”, and he put his hand on my crotch.  I was alarmed and electrified.  He was right and I was doomed.  I didn’t know how to respond. 

So, I said, “You’re right.  But I’m not ready.  I told you that on Wednesday.  Why can’t you just respect that?” and I hoped I hadn’t been too forceful.  I didn’t want to make him mad, I just wanted him to understand.

“Patty, let’s just take this slowly.  I’d like to make you feel good tonight.  Just you, not me.  I want to make you come.  Would you let me do that for you?  I know I can make you feel so good.  And it would make me feel great to know you were coming for me.  Please, I know you want it.  I can feel how hot you are”, and when he had ended his soulful plea, I looked into his mesmerizing blue eyes and squeaked, “Ok”.  He went back to kissing me and then I felt his hands on the button of my jeans.  He was undoing them and then pulling them and my panties down.  I froze and he stopped what he was doing.  We went back to kissing as I relaxed when we did this.  The next thing I know, he was kissing me on my neck, on my blouse, down my midriff, my belly button, and then his face was buried in my crotch.  He pulled me down on the chair so that my slit was up against his face.  He was kneeling on the floor and he pulled my legs over his shoulders so that they were laying on his back.  He tentatively licked my clit and I shot up off the chair.  That made him smile and he went back to licking me as fast as I could stand it.  He had a pointed tongue that knew exactly what I would like.  I couldn’t believe how quick his tongue was and how quickly I was mounting an orgasm.  Nothing like this had ever been done to me.  He was so adept with his licking.  A minute later, I was moaning out as my orgasm hit me hard.  I kept coming and asked David, “Please don’t stop.  Don’t….stop…”.  He kept up his rapid tongue motion and I kept coming.  Finally, I slumped down in the seat and he could tell I was totally spent.  He got up and said, “I’ll be right back” and left me to pull myself together.  Slowly, I pulled my panties and pants up and pushed myself up, sitting back up on the chair.  After another couple minutes, I went to look for David. 

I called out, “David?  Where’d you go?” and I didn’t hear a response exactly.  What I did hear, came from the closest bathroom.  It was a soft, grunting noise that could only be mistaken for one thing and one thing only.  I listened at the door.  David was masturbating in my guest bathroom!  And before I could think to be mortified, I realized that he was doing this for me.  He knew I did not want to have sex with him, yet after making me come he was so goddamn horny that he had to do something.  I heard him moan and say, “Oh yeh….”.  The toilet flushed and then I heard water running.  I knocked on the door and after a moment, David opened it up. 

“Are you ok?”, I asked, trying not to act as though I knew exactly what had just transpired behind these closed doors.

“I’m fine.  How are you?”, he asked and I gave a sigh of relief that we weren’t going to talk about what he had just done.

“Honestly?”, I teased.

“Honestly”, he looked worried.

“David, I can’t ever remember anyone doing anything like that to me!”, I exclaimed.

“Well, I would hope not!”, he equally exclaimed.

“No, I don’t mean that.  I mean it was just beyond wonderful….  Thank you”, I trailed off.

“Thank you for letting me.  Come here”, and I walked over to get closer to him and he wrapped me in his arms.  “I hope you’ll let me do that again cause it had a pretty big effect on me too”, he whispered.  And with that, we were kissing right outside the bathroom door.  I led him back to my room and we kissed and rubbed on each other.   I let him take off his sweater.  He said he was getting warm, but I think he wanted me to ogle him.  I did enjoy feeling his body next to me.  His muscles were just so tight and smooth.  I think he just wanted to get me as hot as he was.   David told me he wanted to make me come more that night, but I refused, feeling we had gone far enough.  Even though he didn’t really understand, he respected my need to back off a bit. 

When he got ready to leave, he asked, “When can I see you again?”.

I was so tired, I could barely think straight.  I said groggily, “I don’t know.  Maybe next weekend?”.

“Can I call you tomorrow?  Will you answer the phone?”, he softly laughed.

“Sure, call me.  But not too early!”, I scoffed.  And then he kissed me slow and deep and said he didn’t want to leave.  I laughed and said he had to.  I walked him to his car, even though it was cold.  I thanked him again for the flowers and he thanked me for the “home cooked” meal, laughing and smiling at me.  We finally parted and he took off like only David could, too fast for my neighborhood.  I’m pretty sure I dreamed of him going down on me as I woke up with my sheets in a bunch and as horny as I had been the night before.

Chapter 10 – Sunday

 

The next day, David called me at 10:00 am and wanted me to go out for lunch and a walk at Forest Park.  That sounded nice and safe to me, seeing as we would be in public the entire time.  He picked me up at noon and took me to a little bistro that he and his Mom liked to go to.  It had a great Sunday Brunch.  When he paid for us and we were back in his car, I asked him, “How can you afford everything?  I mean, taking me out and the flowers…?”. 

He replied matter-of-factly, “I have a job, Patty.  I work at one of my Dad’s stations after school and sometimes on Saturdays”.

“Oh, I guess I hadn’t thought of that”, I said non-plussed.

“Have you ever had a job?”, he asked, trying not to sound judgmental.

“Actually, yes.  I worked last year at a movie theater.  But when school started, my parents didn’t want me to continue.  They wanted me to focus on grades.  Well, that’s what they told me anyway”.

“Where do you want to go walking at Forest Park?”, he asked.

“How about the Zoo?”, I asked back.

“It’s a plan!”, he shot back, and we were off.  Something I was starting to notice about David was that he was so easy to be with.  He was totally laid back and easy-going.  He could make plans or let you be in charge.  Either way, it was ok with him. 

We walked all over the Zoo that day.  And I don’t remember a single animal!  We just talked and talked until we couldn’t think of anything else to talk about.  He told me all about his family.  I told him about mine.  He wanted to know the history of my pets.  He told me about his beloved dog who had recently died.  We held hands and, at times, walked with our arms around each other.  That, too, was easy and uncomplicated.  He bought me peanuts to feed the elephants and cotton candy to feed myself.  We threw sunflower seeds to the ducks and geese and he stroked through my hair when I got a couple caught there.  When I looked at him and he didn’t know I was doing so, I saw this sensual young man, who was beginning to rock my world.  His face was still not attractive to me, but the longer I spent with him, the more I realized that a pretty face was highly over-rated.  I would take David’s heart and muscled build any day.  And then, too, I realized that if I broke it down, his eyes were gorgeous, his mouth was tantalizing, his blush made me blush and the color of his hair made most people sit up and take notice.  The most I would or could say of my feelings for David at this point, was that I was thoroughly enjoying myself.  Way more than I ever would have expected.

When I got home that night, I started to think about how far we had come in such a short time.  And frankly, I started to get really scared and weirded out.  I thought back to Saturday night and couldn’t believe I had let him get so sexual with me.  I can tell you, I was totally freaking out.  And the farther I got into my panic, the less I could remember of all the wonderful times I had already had with David and the more scared of getting hurt I was starting to feel.

Chapter 10a – Tear Up

 

Right on cue, David showed up at my house on Monday.  I didn’t want to get in his car, much less see him.  I was still reeling from our weekend together.  I was backing away at 100 miles per hour.  I had my maid go out and tell David that I had already gone to school.  As soon as he was gone, I tore out of my house and drove myself.  I stayed in my car until the first bell rang and then ran to my class.  I knew this was crazy.   I couldn’t keep it up.  But I did NOT want to see David.  I didn’t know what I was going to do. 

After first hour, I cornered Joyce outside our classroom and told her I was freaking out.  She told me to calm down and we went and talked under the stairs where no one would see us.  I told her most of what happened this past weekend and even the first date at his house.  She told me I was just over-reacting.  That I was scared because it felt so good.  She gave me a hug and said I’d be ok, but I had to talk to David.  Then, she ran off to go to second hour and I just sat there, crying under the stairs because I didn’t know what else to do.  I decided to skip Calculus as I didn’t want to go in there with red, teary eyes.  I went back out to my car and sat and thought.  I tried to think of what had happened between us in different terms.  Not just as something to be embarrassed over, but something that would be natural for two attracted people to do together.  This helped a little, but I was still mortified.  I started crying again and lay my head on the steering wheel.

When I lifted my head to check the clock, I saw someone looking at me on my left.  I jumped about a mile out of my seat when I saw that it was David.  He was just staring at me, his eyes kind of squinted, looking in the window. 

“Are you ok?”, he asked.  All he knew was that I didn’t ride with him this morning.  Oh, and here I was crying my eyes out.

“Ummm, no, do I look ok?”, I quipped back.

“Do you want to talk about it?”, he asked tenderly.  I rolled the window down all the way.

“No, not really”, I said, sniffing my nose.

“Why?”, boy he was not giving up.

“I just don’t want to, that’s all”, I said, looking away.

“Is it about Saturday night?” and when he saw me start to cry again, he added “It is, isn’t it?…Hey can I sit in the car with you.  It’s kinda cold out here and I don’t want a bunch of people talking…” and I knew exactly what he meant, so I unlocked the doors and he went around and climbed in.

“So, are you having second thoughts about what we did?  Is that it?”, he said tentatively.  Why did he have to be so intuitive?  I thought that was reserved for women.

“Yes, I suppose so”, I said, not giving him much to go on.

“Did you not enjoy it Saturday night?”, he asked quietly.

“No, it’s not that.  I did enjoy it.  It’s jut that I’m just so embarrassed by my behavior”, I said tearing up a bit.

“Patty, you did nothing to be embarrassed by.  It was all perfectly natural between us.  Did you feel like I forced you to do something you didn’t want to do?”, he asked and I could tell he was worried.

“No, I never felt forced, at the time.  I mean I can look back and say I chose everything that happened that night.  But now, when I think about it,  I just can’t believe I would let you do that”, I said with candor.

“You know, we can step back if you want.  We can take it slower.  Patty, I just don’t want you to be afraid to see me or talk to me.  You mean a lot to me.  I know that may not make any sense to you, but it’s true.  And here, I thought things were going so well”, and he laughed a little.  “Just goes to show what I know”, he said sadly.

“David, do you think you could just give me some room for a few days?  I just feel like I need to have time to work this out on my own”, I asked forthrightly.

“Yeh, sure.  Can I call you at night to see how you’re doing?”, he asked worriedly.

“Umm, no.  I’ll call you, ok?” and with that, we both heard the 3^rd hour bell and left the car to go inside.  He went his way to workshop and I went my way to Chemistry. 

That night, my girlfriends called and they tried to cheer me up.  I didn’t actually tell any one of them what had gone on, but I think it was pretty much understood that it was of a sexual nature.  I got a lot of advice from them and I chucked it all away.   I just needed to be by myself and work it through. 

On Wednesday, I noticed something starting to happen.  I was beginning to miss David.  He was the one I wanted to talk to and get help from.  It was his advice I felt like seeking out.  But, unfortunately, he was the one I needed advice over.  He was the person who I was torn up over.  I didn’t see how I could be with him while I felt this way.  I would see him around the halls at school.  We had kind of gone back to our initial stage of him finding me and smiling my way, or waiting by his car to look at me in the mornings.  As the week wore on, my friends were starting to side with David!  They thought I was being silly or stupid to let him go.  Liz was starting to find ways to strike up conversations with David and he wasn’t stopping her.  Although anyone with half a brain could see him glance over at me while he was talking to her.

Finally, Thursday night I decided to call him.  Around 10:00 pm, I rang his phone number and heard him pick up on the 2^nd ring. 

“Hello?”, he said.

“Hi”, I answered.

“Oh…Hi”, he said tentatively.

“It’s me”, I said quietly.

“Yeh, I know”, he kinda laughed.  I didn’t say anything.

“How are you?”, he asked, trying to get me to not hang up.

“I’m ok, how are you?”, I asked.

“Better now”, he said sweetly.

“I’m sorry I’m calling so late.  I know I should have called sooner.  I thought about calling on Wednesday, but this is the soonest I could…”, I said and felt like I would start crying again.

“No, hey, I’m glad you called tonight.  I was actually out to dinner with my Dad Wednesday so you might not have caught me”, he said, his voice dropping off at the end.

“So, umm, I was wondering if you might like to get together for some ice cream tomorrow night?”, I asked warily.

“I’d love to go for ice cream.  Do you want to pick me up or shall I come by for you?”, he asked trepidatiously.

“Well, since I’m asking, I’ll come and pick you up.  Say around 7:30?”, I asked, hoping this was ok.

“Yeh, that’s good.  That’s great.  I’ll see you then”, he said and then we both said simultaneously “See you in school”.  And I said, “Bye” and he said “Bye for now”.

When I put down the receiver, I felt light-headed and my heart was beating a million miles an hour.  But, one thing I was sure of, I was happy I had called him.  I had so enjoyed hearing his voice in my ear.  I was starting to be able to think of him without totally going red with embarrassment.

Friday night, I took special care to look my best.  I wore my prettiest sweater, a complimentary skirt, some new strappy sandals, and put on that perfume my parents had gotten me for Christmas.  I got to his house a couple minutes early, so I was going to sit in my car for a bit.  However, David saw me and came out, ready from head to toe.  He looked better than I did!  He had on a red knit long-sleeved shirt, new jeans, and clean suede boots.  When he got in the car, he smelled of the cologne that I really liked on him.  It’s no wonder I am so attracted to him, was all I could think.   After we said our “Hi”s, he told me, “You look beautiful tonight”.

I blushed and said, “Thank you.  You’re not so bad yourself”.

“I’ve missed you”, he said, and I could tell he wanted that said as quickly as he could, just so he didn’t lose his nerve.

“I’ve missed you too”, I responded.  And he reached over, took my right hand, and kissed my inner wrist.  I was a bit non-plussed over this and just sat there looking at him.

He said, “Where did you want to go for ice cream?”, as though what he had just done was no big deal.  And I guess, when you think about it, it was no big deal.  It’s just that my heart was racing and I could feel my face heating up.

“How about our favorite?”, I smiled.

“Baskin Robbins, it is.  Drive on!”, and he smiled too.

When we got our favorites, we sat in my car and ate them.  I gave him a taste of mine and he gave me a taste of his.  When I reached over with my cone for him to take a bite, he held my wrist to steady my hand.  I was trying hard not to shake, but it was obvious that I was nervous.  He was as cool as a cucumber.  When we were done, he said, “Did I say that I’ve missed you?”, and he looked me straight in my eyes.

“Yeh, you did”, I smiled back.

“Have you figured anything out over this week?”, he asked very seriously.

“I have, David.”, I began,  “One thing I figured out is that every time I was talking to someone and they were trying to help me, I kept wanting that someone to be you”, I continued, “And what I finally came to realize about last Saturday night was that I was just not ready to be in that position.  Or maybe it’s not that I wasn’t ready, but more that I had never felt the things you were making me feel.  Don’t get me wrong, you weren’t making me do anything, I had perfect control.  I just felt so vulnerable, David.  I felt like I was giving you a part of me, a really special part of me.  And that scared me.  Still does actually”.  I ended and shut my mouth so that I wouldn’t just be the only one talking.  Not that I ever had to worry about that with David.  Thankfully, he was a talker.

“Thanks for sharing that with me”, he initially said, “I hope you didn’t feel like you HAD to do anything with me.  I know I can be convincing sometimes.  I know I wanted to make you feel better than you ever have!  But I didn’t want to make you feel bad about that.  It was never my intention to make you feel bad, Patty”, and when he looked up, I could see the look of worry on his face.  I leaned over and kissed his cheek. 

“I’ve missed you something terrible this week”, he said and smiled.

“I’ve missed you too.  I’m sorry it took me so long to call”, I said sadly.  “Do you want to go see a movie tonight?  I know there’s some good ones just coming out today”, I asked hopefully.

“I’d love to see a movie with you.  Do you want to try the Esquire?  I think it’s the closest”, he said smilingly.  So we went to the movies, saw the new 007 flick and then went back to his house.  He invited me in and I agreed.  We got a beer for him and a cooler for me and went to watch the late night news in his Den.  We sat with his arm around me and my hand on his leg for a long time.  Then he put our empty bottles down on the coffee table in front of us and brought me down to lie down next to him on the couch. 

He said, “Patty, I’m not going to ask your permission every time I want to kiss you.  I just can’t do that.”

“I don’t expect you too.  Did I say that?”, I said and looked at him quizzically.

“No, but I’m starting to wonder if you want me to take the lead.  You know, I don’t want to hurt you or make you do anything you don’t want to do”, he frowned.

“David, you are just going to have to trust me that I’ll speak up for myself.  I know, given what I’ve told you, you might not feel you can trust me.  But I swear, I will let you know if you are doing anything I don’t like.  Now, do you believe me?”, I forcefully asked.

“Yeh, I think I get it”, he smiled and pulled me up to kiss me long and sensuously. 

“God, I’ve missed that”, I said as soon as we came up for air.

“Yeh, me too.  You taste so fucking good”, he whispered in ear.  And then he started to nibble on my ear and tongue my lobe.  I moved closer to him.  We kissed for another couple hours.  At one point, he got on top of me, but didn’t grind into me or talk about making me or him come.  He was not about to rush things. 

It took so long for me to leave his house, standing out by my car and making out, that I almost missed my curfew. 

Chapter 11 – Lake Cottage

 

On the next Wednesday, David asked me on the way to school, “Would you like to go for a ride this Saturday?”

I knew instantly that he could ask me to jump off the moon and I would say,  “Sure, where to?”

“Well, my family has this little Lake cottage over in Illinois.  It’s private and the Lake is really nice.  Plus, since it’s in Illinois, we could stop for some beers first”.  Illinois was an 18 state still.

I replied, “Ummm, yeh, that sounds nice”.  What the hell was I thinking?  I should have said “I really don’t think this is such a good idea”, but of course, I didn’t. Besides, once I calmed down a bit, I had to admit to myself that I do like water and I was in control of myself so nothing would happen that I didn’t want to have happen.  Right?  Yeh, right.

When Saturday came, he picked me up at 10:00 am sharp.  He was always on time.  This was one thing about David that didn’t fit with how laid back he could be.  When we passed from Missouri to Illinois, David pulled over to a Quick Shop and asked me if wanted something and even though I declined, he came out with his beer,  some wine coolers and Cheetos (how did he know that I love those two things?).  We drove another 20 minutes until he pulled off onto a dirt road, which took us to the Lake Cottage, about a mile off the State highway.  The house was a small, gray ranch with 2 separate bedroom suites, a kitchen, a living room and a dining room.    He gave me a tour of the house, which took a whole 3 minutes and then asked me if I’d like a wine cooler.  I thanked him and sat down on living room sofa.  I noticed that there was no TV.  I was starting to wonder what we were going to do.  He came back out of the kitchen with his beer and my cooler and sat across from me on a large, over-stuffed chair.  He smiled and I smiled and then I asked,

“What are you smiling at?” to which he replied,

“Nothing, uh, uh, I mean you” and then he laughed just a little.  What the heck was so funny?

“What is so funny?”, I chimed in.

“Nothing really…..I mean I just can’t believe that we’re here together”, he said.

“I can’t either”, I said with a little sarcastic laugh. 

“Oh well now, you don’t have to be mean about it”, he said.  To which I replied,

“I wasn’t trying to be mean.   It’s just that I haven’t ever gone to a guy’s secluded lake house before.”

“Well, it’s not like you’re with a stranger.  I mean we’ve been dating, you’ve been to my house for dinner for godsakes and I’ve been driving you to and from school for weeks now.”  And then he moved over to the couch next to me.  I had no idea what he was going to do next.  But, I’ll be damned if he didn’t just reach around me and pull me over to kiss me.   That was the beginning of it all. 

Chapter 12 – Truth or Dare

 

And then David said with a  bit of a smile on his lips and half-laughing,

“You know, my friends think I am absolutely crazy”. 

And all I could think was that was the goddamn worst thing he could have said.

“Then why the hell are you here with me?”, I responded with as much anger and sarcasm as I could manage.

“Because I know they’re a bunch of shit-for-brains and because I want to be with you”, he said softly.

“Maybe they aren’t a bunch of shit heads.  Maybe they know more than you do”, I bit back.

Then I got up off the couch.  And that’s when he reached for my hand to pull me back down.  Gently. 

“Don’t be mad”, he said.  “And please don’t leave”.

I sat back down, breathing hard, and we just looked at each other for what felt like an hour.  Ok, it was just a minute.  “Patty, fuck what my buddies think.  They’re a bunch of assholes anyway.”

That was so the right thing to say. 

For a long time, we sat on the couch pretty much staring forward while we drank our beverages and tried to think of what we wanted to say next.  We were both nervous.  For my part, I could totally understand why I was shaking, but I couldn’t fathom where David’s anxiety was coming from.  Was it knowing that we were totally alone in this cottage with no one to interrupt us?  Did he have something in mind that I didn’t know about?

I told him I liked the Cottage, that it must be nice to have a cottage to go to and that I loved water. 

Then he said laughingly, “Truth or Dare”. 

“What?”, I asked with raised eyebrows.

“Don’t you know how to play Truth or Dare?”, he said.

“Yes, but I don’t think I’ve played it since 8^th grade”.

“Well, do you want to give it a try?  I mean what’s the worst that can happen?  If you don’t like your turn, you don’t have to do it.  I already told you that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.  Besides, it might be a fun way to get to know each other”, said David.

“Ok, then Truth or Dare, you go first!”, I said.

He looked at me and I realized for the first time since I’d known him, that he had these intensely mesmerizing blue eyes, like Sea Blue.  “Dare”, he said.

“Run around the cottage 3 full times”, I said.  And with that he was off the couch, out of the house and sprinting around the cottage.  I got up off the couch and went out to the front porch to watch.  Geez, he was fast!  I just then hoped that he didn’t ask me to do this if and when I chose a “Dare”!  He ran back to the front porch where I was standing and leaned over while he caught his breath.  He smiled while he looked up at me and I was immediately turned on by this show of physical strength.  I teasingly asked if he was going to try out for Track and Field too.  He laughed a little and said “No”, like he was definite about that.  We went back in.

It was now my turn and I had to decide which would be less risky, Truth or Dare.  I was not at all sure about Dare so I said, “Truth”.

I got another long glimpse of those baby blues when he turned to me and said, “Truth, (with a long long pause here) are you attracted to me?”

To which I replied, “Yes, you know I am”.  And he said, “That’s it, that’s all I get?  Just simply ‘yes’, nothing more?  You can at least let me know what attracts you.”

To which I replied smartly, “That’s another question”.  And smiled my most naughty, seductive smile.  It was right then that I realized I’d been so lying to myself.  I did want to go further with him.  I was just plain scared.

“Truth or Dare”, I said.

“Truth”, and he added, “cause I’m too damn tired for another Dare right now!”

“What have you heard about me?” I asked.

He looked at me intently and didn’t answer for a good long while.  Then he said,

“Some of my friends don’t like you and some think you’ve gotten a bum rap.  Some have said you’re easy, some say you’re a prick-tease.   But they all say you are pretty and some think you are stuck up.  And does any of this matter, really?  Why didn’t you ask me what I think?”

“Ok, what do you think of me?”, I said, to which he said in a teasing manner, “Uh uh uh, you have to save that for the next turn!  Truth or Dare”.

“Dare”, I dared.

“Ok”, he said, “I dare you to kiss me.  And I promise that’s all it will be.  OK?”

I looked at him for a few seconds and then I said, softly,

“I accept….come here”.  And the next thing you know, he pulled me over in one quick movement, to sit on his lap with my lips locked onto his.  The thing about his kisses was that they started in my mouth and traveled all the way to my groin.  He was masterful.  We explored each other’s mouth with our lips and tongues like there was no other kiss ever for us.  Like there was absolutely no tomorrow. 

I came up for air and saw that he was smiling like he was the happiest man on earth.  I said “That was nice” and he agreed with a nod of his head.   And then we kissed again.  Longer and slower this time.  Taking our time to fully taste and feel.    I loved the way he kissed me.  He would wrap his lips around mine and use his tongue to massage and tickle me.  His lips were soft, but firm and insistent upon mine opening and giving him what he wanted.  He moved his head to put our mouths juxtaposed to each other.  His kisses were overwhelming and totally sexual.  I came up for air first, feeling like I needed some distance before I completely let go.

When I had caught my breath, I  said, “Your turn, truth or dare”, in all seriousness.

“Truth”, he answered back.

“What did you plan when you brought me out here?”, I asked quickly.

He sighed, briefly looked away, and turned back to me to say, “Honestly, Patty, I wanted some time away and alone”.  Then he looked down to the couch and continued, “And I wanted to see if there was something more between us”.  He paused and looked me deeply in my eyes, squinting his eyebrows and said, “I hope that’s okay by you.  I’ve wanted to have that question answered for a long time”.

I didn’t quite know what to say in response, so I didn’t respond.  I was flattered and a little confused.  Hell, I’d been confused since I saw him staring at me in the upstairs hallway at school.  But instead of trying to analyze everything, I decided to just “go with the flow”.  I figured the answers to my questions would come soon enough.

“Truth or Dare”, he asked smiling.

“Ok, truth”, I said straight-faced.

“I’m going back to that first Truth you answered where all I got was a ‘yes’”, he said sarcastically.  “What about me attracts you?  What are you attracted to in me?”, he asked in two ways to make sure I would understand the question.  Which, of course, I understood all too well.  I knew the answer, but I didn’t want to upset him with it.  Diplomacy was never my strong point, always opting for straight-forwardness over anything else.  I was obviously taking too long, staring down at the floor, when David said, “Hey, if the question is too difficult or you can’t answer it, I’ll understand.  Trust me, I’ll understand.  I know I’m not the most attractive guy and all…”.

“Shut up!” I said softly and then “Will you please just shut up so I can think about how I want to answer?…It’s not that I don’t have an answer, it’s just that I want to make sure it comes out just how I want it to come out”.  With that, he completely shut up. 

I began, “Okay, the obvious way in which I’m attracted to you is your body.  And you know this.  That’s why I said before ‘yes, you know I am’.  I know you know when you took off your shirt in the Student Lounge that one afternoon, that I couldn’t stop looking at you.  I find your arms and shoulders edible.  I love feeling your chest, especially your pecs.  Your abs are just about as perfect as they can possibly be.  The few times I’ve seen your legs, I felt light-headed.  Even your hands turn me on.  I think about what you could do to me with them”, and I blushed so pink, I thought I’d die of embarrassment.  David continued to simply listen.  “And what gets me most of all is your blush.  I used to think that your face was just red and then I realized that you were not red, you were blushing!  And that just made me all the more attracted to you”.  I paused to see how he was taking all of this information.  He was simply staring at me with those intense blue eyes, looking as though he was going to pop with joy.  So I continued, “But what really makes me attracted to you isn’t how you look or feel, it’s how you make me feel”.  I paused there.  I couldn’t go on with what I wanted to say.  I turned away finally, as I was just too overwhelmed with my feelings for him.  I didn’t realize until this very moment, how I really felt about David.  It’s funny how things happen. 

He found his voice and asked, “Can you tell me about that?  About how I make you feel?”.

I sighed and took a deep breath.  Then, I looked him directly, eye to eye, and said, “Like there isn’t anyone else in the world for me”.

Chapter 13 – The Lake

 

David reached over and took my hands in his.  He pulled them up to his mouth and kissed my palms tenderly.  He blushed and said, “That is exactly how I feel, Patty”.  I thought I might start crying.  I had never felt this way in the presence of a guy before.  I knew I was in serious danger of falling in love with this guy and I wasn’t turning away.  The next turn was David’s and he chose Dare.  I think he was hoping that I would pick a kiss again, but I had bigger and better things on my mind.  After what we had just talked about in terms of my attraction to him,  I dared him to strip.  Once he got over his initial shock (which took about 2 seconds), he complied.  Well, all except his briefs, I did have scruples after all (or so that was what I told myself).  His briefs were so cute, the kind that looked more like shorts than true mens’ briefs.  I tried not to stare at them, but when he wasn’t looking, I looked.  A few Truths and Dares later, we decided we should go for a Lake swim.  Actually, I was the one who wanted to.  He thought I was crazy, that it would be too cold.  But it was so nice outside, I just wanted to try.  It was a lucky thing that I was wearing a swimsuit-like lingerie piece.   He ran for the lake and I watched.  He really was a beautiful man.  Somehow now that I was getting to know him,  his bright orange hair, red face and tenor voice just didn’t seem to count like it did before.  When I thought about it, the fact that his voice was soft just made me shiver all the more.  Funny how that worked. 

He waited for me in the Lake water and called out to “come in, the water’s great”.  I went to the dock and jumped into his waiting arms.  It was so cold.  Once I jumped in, he had me in a bear hug and was rubbing me with his hands.  It was just too cold.  I wanted to be warm with him, not cold.  I wanted to continue rubbing each other but not because we were freezing.  I said, “Oh my god, I can’t believe it’s this cold”. 

He laughed and said, “I tried to tell you it would be!”.

“Let’s get out and go back inside”.  I was starting to shiver.

He exclaimed, “Shit!  I forgot the towels.  Wait here and I’ll go back and get them.  I’ll be right back, ok?”.  I agreed and he pulled himself out onto the dock.  This was no small feat as the dock was a good three feet above the water.  He made it look so effortless.  When he got back, he reached down and easily pulled me out of the cold water.  He, then wrapped me in a big, cozy towel and we went back to the house with me shivering and him rubbing me in the towel.   I felt so protected and cared for.

Once we got back inside, he sat me down and continued to rub me in the towel.  Since I still had my wet lingerie on, I asked him if he had anything for me to change into.  I didn’t want to put my jeans back on with no underwear.  He looked in the dresser in the second bedroom where he usually stayed when he came to the Lake Cottage and brought out an extra pair of briefs and an over-sized flannel shirt.  I laughed and took them into the bathroom to change.  I was still pretty cold, but it helped having the flannel shirt on.  I looked in the mirror and was aghast at the shape my hair was in.  All the rubbing had it sticking out and tangled.  I looked for a comb, couldn’t find one and called to David, “Do you have a comb?” as I came back out.  He was holding one in his hand, “Can I comb your hair out for you?”, he asked softly.  I was a little taken aback and I think he could tell.  I replied, “I’ve never had anyone do that for me before”.  He answered, “Well I’d like to, if you don’t mind”.  So I sat down on the couch and turned to face the side of it while he got behind me and took the wide-tooth comb to my locks.  He was very gentle on my hair and took his time to get my tresses straight and smooth.  At one point, he moved my hair out from the side of my neck and placed his mouth and nose underneath my left ear.  He purred, “God, Patty, you smell so good…”.

“Just like a smelly lake, right?”, I laughed back.

“No….like strawberries”, he moaned.  The essence of my shampoo.  He didn’t try to kiss me, he just kept smelling me and moving his mouth over my soft nape.

“I’m glad you like my shampoo”, I murmured to him.  He wrapped his arms around my midriff and pulled me to him so that we could be as close as possible.

“You’re delicious”, he addressed me.  I closed my eyes and smiled to the world.  I was so glad he thought so.

Chapter 14– A beginning

 

It was around 3:00 pm and the only plans I had made were with my best friend, Joyce, to hang out at her house and maybe sleep over.  I had to decide whether or not I would go to Joyce’s.  It wasn’t very difficult.  I knew I wanted to stay with David.  I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do, but I knew I wanted to get to know him better.  After a while, he took my wet lingerie pieces to the dryer.  He came back into the living room from the laundry room and found me sitting half on/half off the couch.  He sat next to me and could tell I was tense. He asked me with concern, “What’s the matter?”,

 I replied, “I have plans to get together with Joyce and then sleep over at her house”.

“Oh” is all he said and he leaned up on his knees so that he was closer to me.

“I don’t want to go though”, I said.

“Then don’t.  I certainly don’t want you to go”.

“I need to call Joyce then, because she’ll be expecting me”, I replied.

“There’s a phone in the kitchen”, he said matter-of-fact.  And then I stood, but I couldn’t get myself to go into the kitchen.  I still had that tiny little doubt of his intentions.  Did he bring me here, ply me with wine coolers to get me drunk so he could get me in bed?  That would be so like his buddies.  Sensing my trepidation, he said “Patty, I’ll take you home right now if that’s what you want.  I brought you here to get to know you better.  I’ve achieved that.  I don’t want anything more from you.  Well, that’s not true.  I want you to see me again.  I want you to go out with me.  Anywhere you want.  We’ll do anything you want.  Dinner and a movie, great.  Rollerskating, hell anything.  You’ve got to believe me.  I just want you to give me another date”.  I went to the phone and dialed Joyce’s number.  When she came on the line, I told her where I was and asked her if she would cover for me with my Mom.  She agreed readily, almost too readily.  I think she knew something like this was going to happen.  But surely she wouldn’t know about this and not tell me.  And then I wondered, who else knew?  Then I called my Mom, who wasn’t home and left a message that I was sleeping over at Joyce’s and would be back around early afternoon on Sunday.

Chapter 15 – Passion and Compassion

 

I came back out of the kitchen and David knew.   He knew that I was going to stay the night with him at this Lake House.  He sat on the couch smirking and looking at me.  So I said,

“What are you smirking for?”. 

“No reason”, he replied and kept on smirking.

“Bullshit”, I said, “Do you think just because I asked Joyce to cover for me means I can’t go home?”.

“Do you want to stay the night with me?”, he asked with no smirk at all.

“Yes, but I don’t want you to think that I want to do anything other than sleep!”.  To which he replied with a serious look, “I would love to sleep with you.  I can’t think of anything that would give me more pleasure right now than to wrap you in my arms and listen to you snore next to me all night long”. 

“I’ll have you know that I do not snore!”, I exclaimed, “And I’m sure there are plenty of things you’d rather do than sleep next to me”.

“Well, yes, but I thought you didn’t want to talk about those”, he said, “You know what, let’s just stop this.  I think I made it pretty darn clear that I’m willing to do what you want to do.  I would never and will never force you to do something you don’t want to do.” and then more softly,  “Patty, I’m still amazed that you are even here.  Let’s just sit here and talk all night long, ok?”  And with that I sat down next to him on the couch.  We looked into each other’s eyes for a long time.  I felt as though my heart was expanding and when I couldn’t stand being apart from him, I leaned over.  Then he leaned over and kissed me very sweetly, very lightly.  He nibbled on my lower lip and then on my upper lip.  He licked all the way around both of my lips and very softly stuck his tongue inside my mouth and licked his way around the inside of my mouth.  As soon as I followed suit, there was no stopping this kiss and the passion that it stirred up inside both of us.  I heard him groan a little bit and asked him what was wrong even though I knew what it was.  He just gave me a knowing look and said he was going to get another beer in the kitchen.  I came into the kitchen and asked him, “Do you think we should go back home?”.  He said, “What do you think?”. 

I replied, “Because it might be too difficult to be together and not go too far?”

“Are you worried about me or about yourself?”, he asked. 

I laughed a little and said “Both”,  paused and then “I never expected to be this….” and when I didn’t continue right away,

“What?  This what?”, he asked.

“Hot for you”, I said.  He took the necessary steps to reach me as quick as I’ve ever seen anyone walk and he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me more passionately than I had ever been kissed.  We were both wet when we came up for air. 

I gasped, “What are we going to do?”

He replied, “What do you want to do?”.

“I mean, how are we going to deal with this?”

“How do you want to deal with it?  I’m totally open to your suggestions.”, he worked out.  I left the room.  I could not possibly think of what I wanted and needed to do with him panting not two feet away from me.  I went to the Master bedroom and locked the door.  I did not trust myself and I certainly did not trust him.  He must have realized that I needed my space as he didn’t come knocking on the door.  I had to get some perspective.  For one, I could not believe how god awful attracted I was to this guy.  This kind of attraction, this depth had not happened to me before.  Oh sure, I had had boyfriends, but that seemed like puppy love compared to what I was feeling.  Secondly, I was a virgin and held onto my virginity with all my might.  But now I was wondering why?  What was so great about my virginity?  Why did I hold onto it so strongly?  Was it just because I didn’t ever feel safe with the guy I was with?  Was it that I didn’t care that much?  And then I questioned why I was even thinking about my virginity at a time like this.  Oh yeh, was it because I wanted to give it away to some guy I’d just met?  Just met?  It didn’t feel like we’d just met.  He’d been taking me to school and home for two weeks.  And actually, I’d known David for a long time before that.  I just didn’t ever truly know him before today.  He’d always been there in the shadows.  He was friends with all those guys I made a fool of myself over.  And here I was, doing it again.  Why wasn’t he knocking on the door?  Did he not care about what was going on with me?  Oh for chrissakes, I needed to get my priorities straight!

I opened the door a crack and he was standing right next to it.  He  was as serious as I’ve ever seen him.  I asked him what was wrong and he replied, “I was just concerned about you”. 

I said in return, “Thanks, that’s really sweet of you”.

“Are you ok?”

“Yes, I think so”, I said, “Are you alright?”.

“I am if you are”, he said. 

“I don’t know if I am, to tell the truth”

“What’s wrong?  Do you want me to take you home?”, he asked in that soft voice of his.

“I don’t know.  I mean I don’t want to go home, but I don’t trust myself.  David, I’m not ready to do what I want to do.  Does that make any sense?”, I asked with fear and worry in every word. 

David relaxed his stance, leaning against the wall, and said, “I know what you’re saying.  I get it.  Patty, I’m not going to hurt you or force you to do anything”  He looked at me very intently with those beautiful blue eyes of his and continued, “Maybe I should take you home.”  After he said this, we were both silent for what seemed like forever, but I’m sure was only a minute or so. 

Finally, I said, “No.  I don’t want to go home.  I want to try and trust  you.  Actually, I’m not as worried about you as I am myself.” and I laughed a little at that. 

David replied, “I trust myself, Patty.  I promise not to do anything that you don’t want me to.  Let’s just be together.  Let’s get to know each other better.”

I replied, “You really are not like your friends, are you?”

To which he gave me that little half-smile of his and said, “No, I really am not like them”.

And then it started all over again.  We stood there kissing for what felt like an eternity.  He let me lead for the most part.  I pushed my groin into his and pulled him against me so that we were up against the wall.  David grabbed underneath my knees and picked me up.  I put my legs around his hips and he carried me into the Master Bedroom.  I didn’t stop him.  I didn’t stop any of it.  I realized that I wanted him, I wanted this. I was ready, so ready.  Still kissing, he set me down on the bed with my legs still straddling him. 

He pulled away from my mouth and, grasping for air, asked me, “What do you want?  I promise I will stay in control.  Just please tell me what you want….”. 

Panting myself, I replied, “I want you..but I don’t’ want this to be a one-night stand”. 

He smiled and said, “Then will you please do me the honor of going out with me next Friday?”. 

I laughed and said “I will be delighted to”.

Chapter 16 – Goodbye Virginity

 

We kissed again and this time we were lying on the bed facing each other.  I stopped us and sat up on the bed and said, “David, do you have any protection?” and he replied, “No, I didn’t think this would happen.  Well, I don’t carry anything around anyway.  I’ll go to the store.  It’s not far anyway.  Do you need anything?”

“No, hurry back”, I said and then I lay down to snooze while he was gone.

When he got back, I was sleeping on my side and he lay down behind me, spooning me into his arms.  From this vantage point, I could feel his whole body behind me.  I kinda rubbed my butt into him and he responded.  He responded by putting his left hand on my breast over the shirt I had on. 

I moaned when he did this and he said, “God, Patty, you are so gorgeous”.   I pushed back into his groin, which I could feel getting aroused and he turned me over.   We began to kiss passionately, using our tongues to torture each other.  He whispered that he wanted me, that he wouldn’t do anything I didn’t’ want to do.  I told him I wanted him too. 

I said, “I need you to be gentle with me”.

“You’re a virgin”, he replied. 

“Yes, does that surprise you?”

“No, should it?”, he asked back as he shook his head.

“Well I didn’t know what you had heard”.

“Patty, I never listened to anything I heard about you, especially if it wasn’t nice.”

At that, I started to kiss him again.  I took my hand and cupped his hardness that I could see and feel through his pants.  This made him just about lose his mind.  He asked if he could undress me.  I nodded and he proceeded to take off the briefs I had borrowed and pulled the over-size shirt over my head so that I was naked and lush before him.  Then, he took off every stitch of clothing he had on and I was just wet, looking at his body above me.  He was so gorgeous.  His shoulders were large and muscled.  His arms were smooth, but so strong.  You could see the veins just popping out from his biceps.  His chest was so well defined with small, but taut nipples.  And his abdomen!  The epitome of a six-pack ab if I had ever seen one.  His thighs were overly large for such a tight ass.  This was where I could see the wrestler in him.  And his stiff dick was too large for a guy who was 5’9” tall.  He was quite well endowed and I appreciated every inch.  I looked him up and down and he just smiled and asked me what I was doing. 

I said, “Just enjoying the goods”.  He laughed at that. 

And then, in all seriousness, said, “Are you sure that you want to do this?”,

and I said to David in my most convincing voice, “I’ve never wanted to do something more in my life.  I want you so bad, I don’t know what I’ll do if you don’t …”.  And I didn’t get out the rest because David stopped me from talking with his lips on top of mine.  He licked and he prodded with his tongue.  We explored each other’s mouths for a long, blissful time.  He then proceeded to kiss me from my eyes to my toes.  As he went down my body, he told me all about the parts that he especially liked.  That, in and of itself, got me wet.  I writhed under his tongue as he glided around my vagina.  He used his tongue to stroke my clitoris and brought me to a climax like I had never had.  He inserted a finger to see if I was wet enough for him.  Then two fingers.

As he did this, he pulled his head up and asked me, “Is this ok?  Does it hurt?”. 

I said, “It’s going to hurt a little bit, right?”

and he responded, “I’ll try to make it as good as I can for you”.  When he said this, he looked a little pained like he would gladly take the pain from me if he could.  He put the condom on and told me that it was going to feel tight and a little painful.  And then he did something that I’ll never forget. He made me take his hard cock and guide it into me so that I was the one in control.  This took some time as it was painful going in.  I worried a bit that he wouldn’t be able to be patient, but he was and he never lost his erection.  It wasn’t easy to contain all of him, he was so big.  But he waited until he could tell I was a bit more relaxed and then he started pumping me.  At first it was slow, as he was gauging how I was doing.  But when he saw that I was relaxed and liking it, he got faster and faster until he was so fast and so hard, that I had to hold my hands up against the headboard in order to not be pushed into it!  I loved how he was riding me.  As he was fucking me, he pulled on my nipples and leaned down to put one in his mouth.  As he sucked on my hard nipples,  I reached around and squeezed his butt.  He had a tight, small, sexy butt!  This sent him over the edge and he moaned above me, “Oh god, Patty, I’m gonna cum so fucking hard”.  He squeezed his eyes shut and shivered for what felt like an eternity.  He pushed into me a few more times.  I could tell he was having a great orgasm and this made me happy, even a bit self-satisfied.  David was a wonderful lover, it only took this one time with him for me to know.  When he was spent, he pulled me over so that he could stay in me.  I didn’t know how the condoms worked so I told him I thought he should probably dispose of it.  He agreed and did and came right back to cuddling with me.  He spoke first, “Are you ok?”. 

“Yeh, just a little sore”, I replied.

“Did it hurt a lot?”

“Not too bad,” pause, “David, do you think we could just keep this between us?”,

to which he said, “I would never tell anyone about this, Patty.  This is ours, nobody else’s.  And besides, you’d totally kick my butt!” and then he laughed and because I was so happy, I laughed too. 

He said, “God, I’ve wanted this for so long”.

“How long?”, I didn’t know what he meant.

“For a long time.  Do you know when you dated Jim Leathers?”

“That was last summer”

“That long”. 

“But you were dating Michelle then.”, I said with astonishment.

“Yeh, and we broke up pretty soon thereafter”, he replied.

“Why did you two break up?”

“Oh…it was a two way street.  We both knew it wasn’t going anywhere.  And she knew my thoughts were elsewhere”.  He looked up at me as he said this in that soft voice of his, I just about melted right there on the spot.  I couldn’t believe he had wanted me this long.

“Why didn’t you ever approach me before now?”, I asked with a tinge of sadness in my voice.

“Well you were dating my friends!”

“I was NOT dating your friends!”

“Then what did you call it?”, he asked sarcastically.

“Absolutely nothing.  Stupidity on my part.  And complete immaturity on theirs.  God, now I really wish I could take back those “dates”, which really weren’t dates at all”.

“Ok, now I’m confused.  Did you not date Dexter and Bill?”

“No, I would just go over to their house late at night and party.  It was nothing.  What did they tell you?”  and he paused for a while before he said,

“You know, it really doesn’t matter”.

And I said, “I think it does”. 

“No, it really doesn’t.  I get what you are saying about them.  They obviously made it out to be more than it was.  Patty, that’s not the only reason I didn’t approach you until now….” 

And I waited for him to continue, “I knew you didn’t like me.  I was never sure why, but I saw how you acted around me and how you never would look at me.  I never thought you would go out with me….Until I talked with Harlan”. 

When he said this, I about lost it, spluttering, “And what did Harlan say exactly?”

He looked at me long and hard and smiled, before he said “He told me you were interested.”

“Really?” and then I stopped and looked down.

“Was he wrong?”, he quipped.

And then I was the one to wait a while before I answered.  “No, he wasn’t” and my heart started beating fast and I kinda lost my breath for a moment.

And then I kissed him long and hard and we started all over again.   He rolled us around on the bed and, at one point, rolled us right off the bed!  I thought I was going to hit the floor first, but somehow he quickly maneuvered himself under me.  Then he rolled me over and kneeled over me.  He kissed me up and down my neck and breasts.  When he was hard again, he grabbed a condom, broke open the wrapper with his teeth and put it on while still kneeling over me. 

He said with built up sexual tension in his voice, “I wanna fuck you so hard, Patty.  But I’m afraid I’ll hurt you”.

“Are you sure you have it in you?”, I teased back.

“Oh God, don’t do that to me.  I’m about to pounce on you as it is”, he said so quietly I wasn’t sure I heard right.

“David, I want you to take me and fuck me so good that I never want anyone else”, I purred.  And then he rammed into me and never let up until he was spent and we had both come.  Halfway through, he turned me over and told me to brace myself as he was going to fuck me hard from behind.  Then he reached around my stomach and pulled me up so that I was kneeling against him.  He rubbed on my clit and it wasn’t long before I was coming in his hand.  I cried out and this just set him off even more.  He pushed me back down and came kneeling over me.  He slapped my ass a few times and this seemed to make his orgasm continue.  When he was spent, we collapsed onto the carpet, him on top of me.  I loved the feel of his body covering mine.  After a couple minutes, he rolled us over onto our sides and we lay spooned on the floor.  He grabbed a blanket from the bed and we both fell asleep in each other’s arms.  He woke me around 3:00 am by kissing me all over.  He dipped below the covers and licked and sucked on my nipples and got them hard immediately.  I arched my back to push my groin into his.  He moved further down and threw off the covers so that he could breath while he sucked and licked on my clitoris.  He was so good at this, I couldn’t help wonder how he knew just what made me squirm in delight.  He brought me to an amazing climax in a matter of minutes, put on a condom as fast as he could, and then pulled me further down under him so he could enter me hard and fast.   He liked to talk nasty to me and I loved to give it right back.  I was more intimidated then he was, but soon I figured out just how much he loved hearing me talk to him while we fucked, that I found my voice and my nerve.  Invariably, when he was just about to come, he would yell out “Oh God, Patty, I’m going to come so hard” or some such exclamation.  I loved to hear this.  I would squeeze his dick as tight as I could.  Or I’d slap his ass.  He just loved my ministrations.  I just loved making him come.  And the way he would slam down on me after he was spent.  I loved his weight and his body.  He would tell me how beautiful I was and I would just smile. 

Chapter 17 – To Love or Not to Love

 

After one such episode of lovemaking, David turned to me and very seriously said, “I love you”.  I was floored!  And he knew when I didn’t answer right away that I was taken aback. 

He asked, “Patty?” like he wanted me to answer him.

But all I could say was, “I don’t know what to say, David”.  And then, “How can you say you love me when we’ve only been together for a few weeks?”

To which he answered, “For me, it hasn’t been just a few weeks”.

“What do you mean?”, I asked back with incredulity in my voice.

“Patty, I’ve known you and wanted this since 8^th grade!”

“Whoa, what are you talking about?”, I asked, again questioning his sanity in my words.

“We had Social Studies in 8^th Grade.  You sat all the way in front, I sat all the way in back.  I watched you every single day in that class, at lunch, well just about anywhere that we were in the same place at the same time.  Then, in 9^th Grade, we had Language Arts together.  Again, I sat across the room from you.  Do you remember Mr. Van Buren’s class?” and when I nodded, he continued, “In 10^th Grade, we had Western Civ together.  I overheard you and Joyce talk every day about the guys you were dating.  Weren’t they Scott and Steve?” and when I nodded again, “Patty, I have been watching you and wanting you since 8^th Grade.  But my whole crowd of friends hated you.  I don’t even know when it started or why, but they did.  For a long time I thought about just asking you out, but I guess what my friends thought was more important.  Hell, I don’t know.  Plus, I could see how you felt about me.  It was pretty obvious.  And then finally, I started dating Michelle and I stopped thinking about you for oh, say, 3 months.  Michelle never knew what was wrong with me, she just knew that after those first 3 months, I kinda turned off.  I think we just kept going out cause it was convenient.  Finally, when you broke up with Jim, I broke it off with her.  But then you started in with Dexter and then Bill and I couldn’t do anything when you were dating my friends”.

“But I told you, we weren’t…”

And he cut me off, “I know now you weren’t ‘dating’ them, but I didn’t know that then, and they didn’t talk like they weren’t dating you, so all I had to go on was what they said.  And now that I know the truth, I think I truly want to kill them.  So, yeh, I love you, and it’s not just because of today.  And I don’t expect you to tell me that back.  I know it’s too soon for you.  But it’s NOT too soon for me, can’t you see that?” and with that, he sat back and went quiet waiting for me to answer him.

“You must know, I’m very flattered.  I feel sad that it took so long for us to get together.  But, maybe it took this long for a reason.  As long as you’re ok with me not loving you, I’m ok with you loving me”.

“Do you think you could conceivably ever feel that for me?”, he asked, worried for my answer.

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think that were possible.  And I definitely wouldn’t have slept with you if falling in love with you weren’t something that I wanted.  But, it’s just going to take me time, since I have NOT thought about you since 8^th Grade.  Well, at least not in the way you’d have liked me to”. 

And then he smiled and said, “Hey, at least one of us kept this love affair going”. 

To which, I asked, “Is that what this is?”

and then he smiled and said, “Uh-huh, you just didn’t know it until today”.

“David, you know I do have feelings for you.  I just don’t know how to define them yet”, I said looking searchingly into his baby blue eyes.

“Yeh, now come here and let me ravage you some more”, he laughed quietly. 

After we made love again, I yawned and he held me while I slept.  He couldn’t let me sleep for very long.  He kept waking me up to make love.  The third time he did this, I turned to him sleepily and asked, “Is there a reason you don’t want to let me sleep?” with a smile on my face.  He turned around so he was facing the ceiling and sighed.  I waited for him to explain.  I wasn’t prepared for what he said next.

“I just feel like I have to get as much of you as I can tonight.  I mean, I don’t know when or if we’ll ever be together like this again.” I was shocked by this statement.  I couldn’t believe he didn’t want to be with me again. 

“Are you saying this is it?  That you don’t want me after tonight?”

He quickly responded, “No!  That is not what I’m saying at all.  I’m just saying this is like a dream come true for me and I want as much of it as I can possibly get”.

“But we are going to go out next Friday, right?” I asked. 

He turned around to face me and said, “Yeh, of course.  It’s just so far away.  And I don’t know what you are thinking we’ll do.  I don’t want you to think that all I want from you is sex.”  I laughed a little bit at this, considering we had had sex about 7 times so far tonight.  He went on, “Ok, I know what you are thinking, but I’m not usually this sex-crazed, ok?  I admit I am having a hard time taking it slow with you.  It’s just that I’ve wanted this for so long.  I’ve thought about you and me in bed doing all these unspeakable things and now that it’s finally coming true, I just can’t help myself.”  And then he got really quiet.  When he continued, he sounded more worried then ever, “And besides, I’m thinking that you are going to regret all of this once you’re away from me.  Like last time…”.

“I don’t know how to reassure you”, I faltered.  “Obviously, I wouldn’t be here with you like this if I didn’t whole-heartedly want this.  You’re just going to have to trust me on this, David.  If you think this is a one night stand, you are seriously mistaken.   It’s just too good between us to let go of this.”  When I finished, he rolled over on top of me and took me in his arms to kiss me with all the passion he could muster.  I responded in kind.  We knew we had the beginnings of something really hot and really sweet.

He had bought a box of 10 rubbers and we used every last one that night.   It was a night unlike any I’ve ever had.  He moved me into positions I never thought possible.  He’d ask me to hold onto the headboard and then climb up me and hold onto the board too.  He’d fill me with himself and then reach down to stroke my clit so that we both came.  He’d fuck me from behind and then move me to fuck me from the side.  I laughed sometimes at his inventiveness and at other times, my breath was taken away.  He was masterful.  I asked him how he got this good and he just muttered “Older woman” and wouldn’t say anything more about it.  I was so sore from that first night, but every time I felt the soreness the next day, I smiled knowing what we had done together, knowing how wonderful it felt to get that sore.

David kept his promise to me.  He never told a soul what went on in that Lake House on April 3, 1985.

Chapter 18 – “Oh my God”

 

I got home around 1:00 pm on Sunday and just slept pretty much that whole day.  My Mom chalked it up to us girlfriends having a slumber party.  I didn’t discredit that.  I was just totally wiped out.  I woke up for dinner and to do some homework (what was that?) and around 9:00 pm, David called.  My sister answered the phone and asked me under her breath “Who’s David?”.  I shooed her out of my room and picked up the phone.  I was already starting to feel a bit shy and anxious.

“Hello”, I said into the phone.

“Hi” he said in that sultry voice of his.  Did I mention that that high-pitched tone was now starting to get me turned on?

“Hi back”, I said, “how are you?” and I could feel my body tensing up.

“I’m great” and a short laugh, “how are you?”

“Sore and tired thanks to you”, I quipped.

“Ohhhh, poor baby, I feel so sorry for you.  You know you loved every goddammed minute of it”, he laughed back.

And then, in a tense tone of voice, I answered, “Yeh, it was nice”.

He was incredulous, “Nice?  Just nice?”.

“Very nice”.  And my game was up.  But instead of asking me more about why I was being so tense, he asked, “Can you come out tonight?”.

“No.  I have to get my homework done and I have to go to sleep early.”

“Then when will I see you next?”

“I suppose at school tomorrow”.

“Man, that is just not good enough”.

“Gonna have to be”.

“How about if I sneak into your room tonight around 1:00 am?”

“David, no!”

“Oh well, can’t blame a guy for trying”.

“Yeh, I guess not”.

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.  Hey, Patty?”

“Yeh”

“I don’t think I ever said thanks for this weekend….It was the best 24 hours of my life”, David said slowly and sweetly.

“Ummm…You’re welcome.”, and if he was wondering if I was going to thank him back, he didn’t acknowledge it.  He smartly backed off and said, “Good night”.  I copied that and we both hung up.

I had no idea why I was backing off at 100 miles per hour.  I just knew I was starting to question every minute of my time with him.  I knew I loved being with him.  But would the whole school know about it come Monday morning?  Would I get those salacious smiles from his clique like I had on the other occasions where I had been sexual and stupid?  Was David any different from Dexter and Bill?  God, why was I questioning him?  Of course he was different.  Saturday had been nothing like those other times.  Wasn’t his calling me on Sunday an obvious show of just how different he was?  Hadn’t he told me he loved me?  Yeh, and how could a girl trust someone who could so easily say that?  Wasn’t that just another demonstration of his immaturity and questionable practices?  And here, I had asked him to trust me.  I felt so two-faced.

The next day, I walked out my front door and, of course, David was there like clockwork, ready to take me to school.  Once we were in the car, he asked, “Are you okay?…I got the feeling that something was wrong last night on the phone”.

“Oh, I don’t know”, I lied.  He had started the car and now he stopped the motor, waiting to hear what I had to say.  He simply stared at me with those piercing blue eyes.

I continued, “Would it be that weird if I told you I was just unsure of our day together?”.

“Unsure in what way?, he asked cautiously.

“It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it.  I’d be lying if I said that, because I did enjoy myself….immensely”, and continued, “It’s just that it’s going to take me some time to believe it”. 

He cut in here, “Believe what?   What was there to believe?  I mean it happened and it was great and… okay, I’m really starting to get confused”.

“I’m just having a hard time believing your feelings for me.  That it wasn’t just a one-day stand.  That I won’t see all your friends smiling at me like they know something they shouldn’t.  What there is to believe is that you didn’t just get me up there to fuck me and that you had it all planned out from beginning to end”, and when I was done I had to take a deep breath as I had said all of this without breathing.

He was obviously non-plussed.  His eyes got big and his face started to get red.  Then, he said very slowly and determinedly, “Would I be here right now, if any of that were true?”.  Just as simple as that. 

I answered, “No, I suppose not”.

David went on, “Patty, you are just going to have to figure out for yourself how you can believe me.  I know it’s a lot to take in, all at once.  But the one thing that I have never been accused of is being false.  If I do something or say something, people know that I mean it….Well, hell, you’ll just have to find that out for yourself”.  And then he shook his head, smiled and said, “I knew you’d regret it”.

“I do not regret it!  I’m just having some trust issues, so cut me a little slack”, I spat out. 

“Hey, I’ll cut you all the slack you need.  I’m not about to push myself onto you, that’s just not my thing.  I only want to be with you if you want to be with me, Patty”.

I looked straight at him and said, “I do want to be with you.  I’m just freaking out a little”.   Then, we both said nothing for about 10 seconds.  He was the first to speak.

“Can I help you through this?”, he asked softly, looking kind of sad. 

“Please just give me time to get used to all this, ok?”

“Yeh, of course, we’ve got all the time in the world and I’m as patient a guy as you’ll ever find” and with that, I reached over and kissed him lightly on his mouth.  I wanted so to believe him.  And like he said, we had all the time in the world for him to prove himself to me.  He started the car back up and we drove to school holding hands.  It felt good to feel the warmth of his hand again.  When we got to school, he grabbed my book bag and slung it over his shoulder, not even letting me have a choice about whether to carry it or not.  Then he quickly got out of the car and came around to my side to open the door for me.  I had already gotten out, but wasn’t making to move at all.  He shut my door, looked at me and then stopped dead in his tracks.  His voice was full of worry and concern when he asked, “What’s the matter now?”. 

I asked him, “What do you mean?”. 

He said he could just tell that I was worried about something.  I looked at him knowing that I couldn’t evade his questions forever.  He took my hand and said “You’re worried about everyone else, aren’t you?”.  He looked me deep in my eyes and said,  “You don’t want to be seen with me, right?  I’m not good enough for you at school?  Good enough to make love to all night long, but not good enough in public?  God!”

And I quickly told him, “No!  That is not it at all.  You need to stop thinking that right now.  I was actually wondering how you were going to treat me at school.  All your other little buddies never even acknowledged my being human, why should you?  Yeh, that’s right.  Why should you be any different?”. 

And with anger in his beautiful blue eyes, he bit back very quick and very quietly, “Let’s get this straight, Patty.  I am not my buddies.  You may be misinformed to think that I am like them, but I’m not.  I’m sorry for how they treated you, but I can’t do anything about them.  They’re a bunch of assholes when it comes to girls. I know that.  But I’ve been friends with them since Grade School and they’re the only friends I have, so they’re not going anywhere.  Now would you please take my hand so I can walk you into school properly?”

And after I had time to calm down and think about what he was saying to me, I took his hand.   He took my hand and put it behind his back and then put his arm and hand over my shoulder.  He looked down at me and kissed my eyes.  I looked up into his eyes, that were sparkling and smiled my biggest smile.  I really did feel so good when I was with him. We walked over to where my friends were lounging in the outdoor Student Lounge.  As soon as Anne saw us holding each other and walking towards them, she muttered “Oh. My. God.”.  The rest of my friends looked to see what she was looking at and when they saw me and David arm in arm, they started whistling and calling out.  And of course, the rest of the Student Lounge had to get a look too.  Okay, I was ready to die of mortification.  We walked over to where my friends were hanging out and, of course, the guys all chided and high-fived David.  Did I mention that they all thought he was a pretty cool guy?  Of course, guys will be that way.  Most of my friends were Jewish, as was David and myself.  So they all pretty much knew him from Temple.  Anyway, guys will be guys.  Half of my friends were guys and the other half was plainly the more mature half, the girls.  Anne came up to me first after David had let go and looked me plain in the eyes with a smile on her face. 

She said, “Okay tell me everything!”. 

I simply stared her back down and said “What’s to tell?”. 

At this point, Joyce came over and said “Let me in Anne, I know more than all of you put together!”, but her face did not bely her worry for me.  She took me aside and said very quietly so only she and I could hear, “Is this who you were with Saturday night?”.  I nodded very slightly and her eyes got big.  “The whole night?”, she said.  I nodded again and she smiled big.  She knew.  She knew I was no longer a virgin. 

Then I smiled big and said “Do you still respect me?”

and she quipped back, “It doesn’t matter if I respect you.  Do you respect you?  And better yet, does he respect you?”.  And then she looked back at David and saw the smile on his face as he was bullshitting with my guy friends and realized that was a stupid question.  Joyce looked back at me and said, “Ohmigod, he’s totally infatuated with you!”. 

“How can you tell that?”, I murmured under my breath.

“Because every few seconds, he looks over at you like he wishes he were totally alone with you!”

“How can you tell that?”, I asked with astonishment.

“Trust me, Patty, I know that look.  Harlan gives me that look whenever he wants to have sex.  There’s no mistaking it.”, Joyce said with knowing in her voice.  Just then, my other girlfriends, Amy, Margie and Anne butted in and demanded to know what we were talking about.  Joyce and I just looked at them like we weren’t talking about anything.  They weren’t buying it, but the first bell rang for classes so we had to break it up anyway.  I started walking into school and then realized I didn’t have my book bag.  I looked back at David and he was just standing there waiting for me to find him, with that smirk on his face.  That irresistible smirk. 

He walked up to me and said, “Can I walk you to your class?”. 

I replied, “Do you know where it is?” and before I knew what hit me, he took my hand and was walking in the exact path to AP English, my first class. 

When we got there, he handed me my bag, kissed me oh-so-lightly on my cheek and said,  “See you after first period”.  And walked off.  Actually kinda ran off, as I found out later that he had to make it across the entire school to get to workshop.  Oh, and he never did have a class up on Calculus hallway.  He was simply there to get a look at me.  That day and pretty much every day thereafter, David walked me to every single class I had.  He even switched Lunch hours with his Study Hall so that we could have Lunch together.  He sat with my friends and eventually made friends with all of them, girls included.  It took the girls a little bit longer as they didn’t trust him.  I mean, after all the trash I had talked about him and his friends pretty much all throughout high school, you couldn’t blame them.  But as I told them all how he treated me now, they couldn’t stay mad at him forever.  David was actually very sweet and sexy.  It was hard for my friends to stay mad at that for any length of time.  The sweetness was easy enough to see and grasp.  It was how sexy he was that was much more insidious.  He would pull out my chair at lunch.  Sweet, right?  Not just sweet though. Uh uh.   As he would slide it back in with me sitting on it, he would lean over and moan in my ear, “Yeh, like that”.  Maybe you had to be there.  He just had me hot most of the day.  And he knew it too.  This drove me crazy, the way he always knew what I was thinking and feeling.  He made a practice of coming up to me at my locker, putting his arms around me from behind and kissing me on my neck.  He didn’t care who was watching us, he was oblivious to other people when he had me in his sights.  I remember one particular time he came up behind me when I had my Pom Pom costume on (I was on the drill team).  He had asked me the night before if I would wear it without underwear.  So he came up to me and asked me if I had done what he wanted me to.  When I replied in the affirmative, he moved closer to me, whirled me around to face him and put my hand on his crotch.  He was rock hard right there in the middle of the hallway. 

He leaned in and whispered in my ear, “I want to bend you over right here and fuck the living daylights out of you.”

I gasped and immediately felt my clit start to tingle.  The rest of that day was spent in a sexual fog, barely able to concentrate on anything but David bending me over in the hallway and fucking me as kids walked by.  I was so hot for him.

I remember one time that first week when we were openly dating, I came out during a break after PE and I saw him standing by the handball courts.  He was talking to some friends, when he spotted me.  I went over to the benches that surrounded the Student Lounge and sat down.  I still didn’t feel totally comfortable just coming up to him while he was with his friends.  A few minutes later, I felt him sit down next to me on the bench.  He was straddling the bench and kinda pushing into me.  I asked him, “What are you doing” with a sweet smile on my face, like of course I knew what he was doing.  He replied, teasingly, “What do you think I’m doing?…Why don’t you come closer?” and I was thinking how could I get any closer?  Just then he pulled my leg closest to him around so that I was straddling the bench also.  He pulled me so close I was nearly sitting on top of him and said, “So where are we going after school?” while looking at me like he knew exactly where we were going after school.  I blushed six different shades of pink.

Chapter 19 – Fucking

 

After school, David drove me home, of course.  He smiled and asked me where we could go to “make out”.  The only place I could think of that had any amount of privacy was on this dead end street that kind of went on past houses so that it was secluded.  He backed us into this dead end and stopped the car.  His car had a pretty big console between the seats so I didn’t know what he had in mind.  It took me by surprise when he jumped over the console to land on top of me.  He made my seat go all the way down and immediately began kissing me with all the passion he had shown me on Saturday.  It felt so good to have him this close and to have him making me hot all over again.  Suddenly he stopped kissing and moving and said, “Patty, you really need to get on the Pill”.  Well I was thrown for a loop with this statement and had to think about it. 

I replied, “I don’t know how I would even go about doing that without my Mom knowing, which of course I do NOT want to have happen.  And besides, we just started this, whatever this is.  I don’t want to go on the Pill if it’s not going to continue”. 

He frowned a little bit and shot back with, “Why do you think it’s not going to continue?”.  I didn’t know how to answer that because I was not thinking that it wouldn’t.  But I had trust issues and unfortunately, David was just starting to get a glimpse into them. 

He saw that I was having a hard time answering and said, “Look, it’s not that big of a deal.  You go to the Health Agency downtown and they set you up with them.  Joyce can help you.  Harlan told me that she’s on them too.  And if things don’t work out, you can discontinue them.  It’s just that I plan on having a lot more sex with you and I just hate using those rubbers.  I want to feel being inside you.  I don’t want to have to worry about whether the rubber is on right or if it’s defective.  You know?  I just think we’ll enjoy ourselves more.”  I was absorbing all of this, especially the part about Joyce being on the Pill.  I didn’t know that, but it didn’t surprise me.  I knew her and Harlan were sexual with each other. 

He waited for me to say something, “Ok, I’ll make an appointment tomorrow” is all I could think to say.  He replied, “I’ll go with you if you want me to.”

And then after a pause, “And I can tell you what ‘this’ is.  It’s us having a relationship.  I know it’s early, but I feel something for you that I have never felt before.  I thought you felt it too.”

“I do, David.  I just don’t want to rush anything”. 

He laughed and said, “Too late for that!” and then went back to kissing me and grinding on me with his crotch. 

I asked, “Did you bring a rubber?” and he pulled it out of his wallet in his back pocket.  Then he smiled that lascivious smile of his and pulled down my pants.  He quickly undid the zipper to his pants and pulled out his stiff shaft.  I forgot how big he was!  He kissed me again, good and long.  We were great kissers together.  He took his pinky finger and rubbed my clitoris. 

He breathed into my ear, “I’m sorry I can’t do you properly, but I can’t get my tongue down there.” 

I said back to him, “I don’t care.  I want you so bad it’s not even funny.  Put that rubber on and fuck me now.” 

At that, he did just that.  After he entered me, he pulled my shirt up enough so that he could pull my bra down and squeeze my hard nipples.  He knew I loved that.  Then he started pumping in me.  Slow at first, then faster and finally so hard and fast, that I had to hold onto him to keep him in me.  I loved feeling his shudder as he came.  I loved how heavy his breathing was after he came.  Like he’d run the 100 yard dash! I could tell how many orgasms he had.  Sex was always good with us.  Usually when it was our first time together after not having made love for a while, he would come so fast.  I’d laugh at how eager he was.  He’d promise the next time would last longer and he always did.  He was simply unbelievable in how often he could get hard.  I hardly ever said no to lovemaking with him.  He tried almost every time to get me to have an orgasm.  He was thoughtful and loving, passionate and funny, and he rocked my world when we made love. 

I wasn’t one of those girls who thought that much about sex.  I didn’t have a vibrator.  It didn’t mean that much to me.  Before I met David.  After we started seeing each other and regularly having sex (like daily), I felt like I couldn’t get enough.  Even at night by myself I’d masturbate thinking about him.  This didn’t continue forever, but those first two months, I was definitely “hot to trot”! 

Chapter 20 – The Bet

After a couple weeks of us going to the dead end after school, I teasingly told David that I didn’t think he could keep his hands off me for a 24-hour period.  He laughed at me and said he didn’t think I could do the same.  That’s when the bet was on.  Now, by this point, everyone in school knew about us.  They knew we walked into school holding hands or with our arms around each other and they knew we left school the same way.  They saw us eating lunch together and they got sick when they saw us feed portions of our lunches to each other.  They saw us stealing kisses between classes and they saw David smack my bottom in his teasing manner.  The whole school, even the teachers, knew of our romance.  By this time, we weren’t hiding anything from anyone.  There was a lot of talk at first.  We were something of an anomaly.  Here you had this “Drill Team Brainy” girl dating a “Workshop Most Likely to Drop Out” guy.  I was kinda cute in most people’s perception, he was definitely kinda freaky looking.  My friends had absolutely nothing to do with his friends.  It smacked of something from “West Side Story”.  So there was a lot of talk.  Some of it David and I overheard and some of it was relayed to us via our respective cliques.  Whenever we heard the gossip, we would just look at each other and smile.  We knew that we weren’t supposed to be together, according to everyone else, but when we were together, being together felt so right.  My girlfriends asked me to explain our relationship to them.  I tried, but it wasn’t easy without telling them things that I felt were private to me and David.  I explained how we laughed at the same stuff, how passionate we were about each other, how sweet he was to me.  I must have gotten my point across because they stopped asking.

So we had this bet, about who would break down and touch the other one first.  Of course, he thought I was the weaker of us.  And I thought he was the more passionate.  So we both thought we’d be the one who won.  And it really was simply about touching.  No touch with a single finger or the bet was lost!  We laughed a lot that day.  No one knew what was going on with us, but they did think we were acting very strangely.  I think people would have thought we were broken up if we hadn’t still been together as much as ever.  No one could figure out why we weren’t holding hands, kissing and otherwise making fools of ourselves.  And then came the end of school and the end of our bet.  David was the first to grab me at my locker and we stood there kissing as passionately as we ever have.  Oh, if stares could kill!  We even had a couple teachers say something to us in passing, but it didn’t stop us.  After a few minutes of “making out” in front of everyone who walked by, David stopped his groping, caught his breath and said to me, “We are never doing that again!”. 

I replied, equally out of breath, “It was kinda hard, wasn’t it?”. 

He said, “I think we proved that we can do it if we have to.  Now, can we both agree it was a stupid bet?”. 

“I don’t think it was stupid, David.  I got to see that I like being around you even if I’m not touching you.  And that was worth it”. 

“Ok, you’re right.  Now kiss me”.  And I did.  And that afternoon we made up for lost time.  The truth of the matter was that we really did not want to be apart from each other.  I guess we were your typical teenager romance.  We couldn’t get enough of each other.

When his mother was away, we would sleep over at his house.  This was probably twice a month.  I could usually tell my Mom that I was sleeping over at a friend’s and she would believe me.  David’s mother and father had been divorced since he was a young kid and she traveled a lot for the company she worked for.  He had an older brother, Kyle, who couldn’t have cared less what David did as long as he didn’t burn the house down.   On those weekends when his Mom was gone, David and I would stay in his bed all weekend long.  We’d order out Pizza or Chinese, food didn’t matter.  I remember one night in particular. 

We were watching a sappy movie on TV, and all of a sudden David turns to me and says,

“I love you, Patty”.  This was about 6 weeks into dating and except for the first time at the Lake Cottage, he hadn’t said this to me.  I think he was trying to wait for me to catch up. 

I responded,  “I love you too” and then I paused before adding, “I’ve been in love with you for a while now”. 

He turned me over in bed and asked, “Why didn’t you say something before now?”

To which I replied,  “Because I didn’t want to jinx us.  Seems like whenever I’ve said this in the past, the relationship broke apart afterwards.”

“So you’ve been in love a lot before?”, he sputtered.

“Actually, no.  But it just seems like anytime I have any feelings whatsoever, they are not returned.  And then because of that, things just end.” and I looked at him with a little smile and said, “Thank you for not making me feel like a dork, David.  I’m just glad we are on the same page together.  You know what I mean?” and he smiled too.

“I know exactly what you mean.  I didn’t want to scare you off, like I almost did at the Cottage.  I wanted to wait until I thought you felt the same way.  Now come here you wench” and then we made love again.  This was our first weekend with me on the Pill, having given it a good month to make sure it would work.  We celebrated by making love more than that first day at the Lake House.  I lost track at fifteen.  We didn’t sleep at all that night.

Chapter 21 – To Prom or not to Prom

 

Due to the fact that our school didn’t end until the middle of June, our Prom was always scheduled for the beginning of May.  David and I were conflicted over whether to go to this or not.  And interestingly enough, it was he who wanted to go and not me.  I felt it was a socialite chance to show off “how much you could spend on a dress” type of night.  David, on the other hand, wanted to show me off and looked forward to a night of dancing with me and renting a room at the Radisson with no sleep in the offing.  We sparred back and forth in the following manner:

Me: “I just think it’s a waste of money and I don’t want to spend a night with those jocks and soc’s (pronounced soash’s, the term we used for the cheerleaders and their snobby friends)”.

Him: “But most of our friends will be there too and I don’t mind spending the money.  I want to get dressed up with you”.

Me (laughing):  “You, of all people, want to get dressed up?  Yeh, right!”.

Him (looking at me seriously): “Hey, just this one time.  We can go out to dinner at a nice restaurant with your friends, dance and party with both of ours and then get a room at a nice hotel.  We’ve never done that and I want to do it.”

Me (starting to give in): “Are you going to actually rent a tux?  That would be worth seeing!”.

Him (kissing me up my neck, which he knows I love): “I thought it would be nice for us to get matching outfits.  In fact, I thought you might like going in white and I would get a white tux”.

Me (slowly melting in his arms): “Okay, but you have to let me pay for half of the room”.

Him (taking off my shirt): “Whatever you say, babe”…

The night of the prom, I was nervous as all get out.  I wasn’t sure why, but I think it had something to do with feeling like I would be judged by all the people I didn’t like being around.  My friends and I were on the fringe.  David and I spent our time on the fringe of the fringe.  We didn’t fit in with the popular crowd and most of the time, we didn’t care about that at all.  But tonight, I felt, was an event that was run by the popular kids and I just did not want to take part in anything they had set up.  David, like I’ve said, didn’t care what other people thought.  He was much more sure of himself than I was.  He and I had had a great time going out to buy my dress and rent his tux.  And truly, the results were spectacular, in our opinion. 

When he arrived at my house to pick me up at 7:00 pm for dinner, he just looked at me for a good long time.  Then he remembered that he had an orchid corsage in his hand and handed it to me.  I laughed at his reaction to seeing me all dressed up.  He turned me around a couple times to see how my hair had been done into an “up do”.  He loved that, never having seen it in anything other than a pony tail or straight down my back.  I had fairly long hair at this time and he loved playing with it.  I told him it was strictly off limits tonight!  We pinned the corsage to the left breast of my dress and then, of course, my mother had to take pictures of us.  We finally got out of my house around 7:30 and headed for Tony’s, a really nice Italian restaurant in downtown St. Louis.  When I stepped out of my house to get into his car, I could not believe my eyes.  He had hired a Limo for us.  When I got in, I saw that there were two other couples waiting for us.  He and four other guy friends of mine had gone in on the Limo for the night.  I was so excited.  I had never been in a Limo, so this was a real treat.  The guys broke out a couple bottles of chilled champagne and we toasted silly things all the way to picking up the other couples and going to the restaurant.  I didn’t know how he was paying for all of this.  I knew the Limo cost a pretty penny and I knew that Tony’s was very expensive.  I tried not to worry about the cost, but I am one of those people  always thinking about money. 

We had a great time at dinner.  David and I couldn’t take our eyes off each other and our friends enjoyed teasing us about this to no end.  It was just that we had never seen each other all dressed up and I think we were a bit overwhelmed by it all.  After dinner, it was now around 10:00 pm and we went to the hotel where the Prom was being held.  Even though we had a table with my friends, David and I hung out equally with his friends who had come to the Prom (which turned out to only be a handful).  More than anything though, we danced together.  I didn’t know that he could dance!  He was actually really good, both at slow and fast dancing. 

I asked, “Where did you learn how to dance?”

He responded, acting like he was taken aback, “My mother taught me how to slow dance, actually”

To which I had to laugh a little.  “Really?  And how about the rest?”

“I went to a lot of Bar Mitzvahs!”

And that just had me rolling!  “You’re kidding, you learned to dance at Bar Mitzvahs?  David, that is TOO funny!”.

“Hey, you can laugh, but there were a lot of good dancers at those parties”, he said with confidence, “You’re not so bad yourself”, he added. 

“Well, my sisters taught me”, I said smiling shyly.

“Then I have another reason to thank them”, he replied and smiled back at me.

“David, when can we leave?”, I asked, a bit breathless.

“Aren’t you having a good time?”, he looked worried.

“I’m  having a great time.  I just want to be alone with you”, I said and he understood.

“What would you think if I said ‘Let’s go get that hotel room now’?, he asked in that sexy voice of his that could just melt me on the spot.

“I’d say, ‘What are we waiting for’”, and, with that, he led me off of the dance floor to the table we had with my friends.  We said our goodbyes, got a lot of winks, grabbed my purse, and made our way to the Lobby where we registered for the room he had booked.   I insisted on paying for the room.  He didn’t want to argue, so he let me. 

After David got our bags from his car, we went up to the room, undressed each other and David loved taking out all of the pins in my hair.  Then we took a long bubble bath  in the Jacuzzi tub and played with each other for a good long time.  He made me come in the tub, and I got him hot.  When he could no longer stand it, he got out, handed me a towel and pulled me over to the bed.  He tried, but he couldn’t help himself from fucking me hard and fast.  He told me he’d been wanting to do that since he picked me up from my house.  I just laughed at that.  He told me it wasn’t funny, that he was starting to get blue balls, but I just knew he was teasing me.  After he came, he went down on me and made me come in his mouth.  I’m here to tell you, that man knew what he was doing when it came to making me come!  By the time I was spent, he wanted to fuck me again, so I told him to do with me whatever he would like.  Well, he rolled me over, pulled my hips in the air and took me from behind.  He liked this position because he could get deeper into me.  I liked it because he liked it.  It took a little longer this time and afterwards, we were starting to wear down.

David pulled out of the refrigerator a small container of chocolate-covered strawberries.  I suppose that was the sweetest way to end a perfect night. 

Finally, before we fell asleep in each other’s arms, I said to him, “Thank you for everything”. 

He replied, nearly asleep, “It was entirely my pleasure.  Thank you for agreeing to be my date…and my girlfriend”.  I just smiled as I fell asleep being spooned by this man that I was so in love with.

Chapter 22 – Love Notes

 

After Prom was over and things had quieted down around school, David and I grew to know each other in deeper ways than before.  We spent hours talking on the phone and in his car.  He came over for dinner 2-3 times per week.  My mother, who wasn’t sure of this freaky-looking guy at first, came to appreciate his sense of humor and strength of love that he had for me.  She would tease him to keep it above the waist and he would tease her right back that “of course, we only went to 2^nd base!”.  She knew better, but chose to believe what she wanted to believe.  My maid, Ophelia, and David could talk forever about race relations, her sons, just about anything.  He was so good at asking questions and listening to answers that anyone enjoyed talking to him.  After a while, what I really enjoyed doing with David was sitting in one of my family’s huge over-sized arm chairs and watching old movies.  He would bring over his homework on Sundays, which he almost never got around to doing, and we would watch old black and white movies in our Den.  Sometimes, we would invite Joyce and Harlan or another couple over to watch with us, but mostly it was us.

We didn’t have any classes together, all except for Lunch and Study Hall, which he switched his schedule to be with me.  So when we saw each other in the hallway, when he walked me to my classes, we always took the opportunity to touch and kiss.  One day in particular, David handed me a torn piece of paper before I went into Calculus.  We didn’t usually pass notes, so this got my curiosity going.  He told me to not get in trouble reading it.  This from the guy who used to regularly get detention in Sophomore and Junior years!  I sat in the back of class this day and when Mr. Pride gave us a bit of time to complete our work, I spread out the paper on top of my workbook.  Here is what he had written to me:

                        I think of you every second of every day.

                        I think of you naked next to me and fully clothed dancing with me.

                        I think of you underneath my body, moving back and forth.

                        I think of you making me come and I think of me doing the same to you.

                        I love you in so many ways, the number is endless.

                        I love you when you’re silly and when you’re serious.

                        I love you when we’re talking about the world and when we’re talking about us.

                        I love you loving me and growing with me.

                        I am your soul-mate and your body-mate.

                        I am your brother and your lover.

                        I am your best friend and your endless believer.

                        I am your lover and your love.

                        Please don’t ever leave me, because then I would die.

                        Please don’t ever leave me, because then I would cry.

                        Please don’t ever leave me, because then I would continue

                        To be without you, is like being without myself.

                                                            Love always,

                                                                        DAVID

After I read through it, I asked Mr. Pride if I could be excused to go to the bathroom.  I ran down the hall and the tears had already started.  I was besides myself sitting in the stall.  Thankfully, no one else was there in that bathroom with me.  I read through the poem again.  It just touched me clear down to my being.  I finally got myself together and went back to class.  When I saw David after that class in Study Hall, he could tell I’d been crying.  He cornered me in the back of the room, where the teacher wouldn’t see us and looked deeply into my eyes.

“What?  You read my poem?”, he asked, looking like he might start crying himself.

“Yeh, of course I did.  Why else would I be crying?”, I laughed back to him.  “It was the most beautiful poem I have ever read”, I said with as much seriousness as I could muster.  “Thank you, David”.

“You’re welcome, babe.  I was hoping you liked it”, he answered back.

“Well, I did.  More than you can possibly know”, I said sweetly.

And just then, the Study Hall teacher, Miss Beck, told us to take our seats and get to work.  That day, we took our seats and stared at each other until Miss Beck made us stop.  I didn’t show that poem to anyone until now.  David wrote me more love poems through the years.  I savored each and every one.

Chapter 23 – Robert

 

Most of my friends had become friends with David after we had been together for a number of weeks.  My friends were just like that.  We accepted new people into our clique with ease and friendliness.  Sometimes I wondered why some of  the people who were in my clique had gotten there, but I knew it wasn’t my say who got in and who did not.  Needless to say, our clique grew a lot over the years of high school.  One of our friends that came in during Junior Year was Robert.  I had known Robert since 2^nd grade Sunday School and he was actually considered more of my friend than anyone else’s.  Robert and I had been “bad kids” together in Junior Year.  He would get me to steal my Mom’s diet pills (which were actually pretty hard core Dexedrine) and we would go out around 1:00 am, party until 5:00 am and then sneak back into our respective houses.  At one point, he and I were even planning on taking a road trip to Texas together.  Until I realized that if we did this, I’d have to stay over in Motel rooms with him.  He thought that was just great.  I thought otherwise. 

On a Wednesday, in late May, Robert asked me to come over to his house to get high.  I went over, feeling bad that I hadn’t really talked or gotten together with him in some time.  Especially, since I’d been dating David.  It wasn’t that I tried to ignore my friends, but seeing David as much as I did made it trickier to fit friends in with our plans.  So, I knew when I saw Robert that he probably wanted to talk to me about this.  But I was floored when, as we were getting high, he came up with, “I think you need to drop David like a hot potato”, in the subtle way he has of speaking. 

I sputtered, “What?  Are you serious?”.

“Yeh, actually.  I don’t think he’s good for you”, Robert stated.

“Why would you say that?”, I asked back.

“Well, I just think he’s monopolizing all of your time and you’re disregarding all of your friends”, he said in all seriousness.

“And does ‘all of my friends’ happen to include you?”, I said with a smirk on my face.

“Well, I don’t really care, but I know that others do”, he smirked right back.

“And who did you have in mind?”, I asked. 

When he rattled off a list of my best friends, who I did still see and talk to on a regular basis, I realized that the problem was not so much that I wasn’t still seeing friends, it was that some of my friends did not like David and wouldn’t be caught in the same room as him.  Take Robert, for example.  It occurred to me that Robert had not been to Prom with us.  Well, really, Robert didn’t do much that didn’t have to do with getting high.  And mostly, we came to see him at his house because his parents were so liberal as to not care who got high in their house.

I re-directed our conversation and we enjoyed each others’ company for another hour.  At the end of our rendezvous, I got up and said my goodbyes. 

And then I looked Robert clearly in the eyes and said, “Thanks for your forewarnings and I can appreciate that you are worried for me, but I can assure you, David and I are really happy together, we have no intentions of breaking up anytime soon and most of my friends are happy to see us together.  In fact, I would say most of our friends have made the effort to get to know him and welcome him into our group.  I would like you to do the same.  But, if you can’t do that, Robert, then you can politely just piss off”. 

And with that, I left his room and his liberal parents’ house and smiled at how eloquently I had just put that.

When I told David about the conversation, he kissed me long and hard.  He knew how Robert felt about me.  He was glad I had stuck up for him and myself.  Robert did eventually get over himself and re-joined the group’s get-togethers.  He never got to be friends with David, but we didn’t worry about that.  We weren’t trying to be everybody’s friends.

 

Chapter 24 – Jerry

 

After a couple more weekends of just being by ourselves, David and I decided to venture forth to meet up with other people.  He surprised me at being as popular with his clique as I was with mine.  But, of course, I didn’t get along with his friends in quite the same way as he did with mine.  David was easy to get along with, I was not so much.  I had very true friends, but didn’t stray from my little group.  David had friends in all sorts of groups.  His best friends, though, were the guys he’d known since Grade School.  The ones that I couldn’t stand and the feelings were mutual.  So, it surprised me one Friday, when David suggested that we go to a party that his friend, Jerry, was hosting.  I was nervous, to say the least, but David suggested that we bring some good hooch and a case of beer to help smooth tensions between us.  I agreed, knowing that eventually I was going to have to meet up with and try to get along with his friends.  I really wanted to let bygones be bygones.  It was just that Jerry had been the one to come right up to my face and tell me that I was a “bitch”.  He hated when I had dated his best friend, Jim Leathers, and I’m pretty sure he had a lot to do with the fact that Jim and I broke up.  That and the fact that I wouldn’t sleep with Jim.  I overheard Jerry calling me a “prick-tease” to his group.  But by this time, I didn’t care what he said about me.  I hated his group and they hated me.  So, when I got ready for the party Friday night, I made sure I looked good, really good.  I wanted them to know that David had made the right choice, even if they would never admit it.

David picked me up around 9:00 pm and we steamed up his car before we got to the party.  It was hard for us to go five hours without making out.  He was and still is one of the horniest men I’ve ever met.  I was just plain hot to be around him, so I never put up a fight when it came to any physical contact between us.  He wanted to have sex before the party, but I didn’t want to do it in the car tonight as I was dressed up.  He ended up getting a nice long blow job as our compromise.

When we got to the party, it was in full swing.  David had suggested it would be best if I gave Jerry the case of beer and pot, so I did.  He looked me straight in the eyes, smiled, and thanked me.  I thought he was being very accepting.  David had a great time as this was his milieu.  I pretty much hung onto his arm the whole time as I felt uncomfortable anywhere else.  I did see some girls I knew from English and talked with them for a while by myself.  I’m not going to say that David was glad to get rid of me, because I know that’s not true, but I could tell that he was glad I found someone to talk to.  David kind of kept an eye on me, not because he didn’t trust me, but more that he wanted to make sure I was okay.  He knew I didn’t want to be there in the first place, so he wanted to make sure I was taken care of. 

At one point, the party swelled and I couldn’t find David.  I wasn’t too concerned.  I figured we would eventually meet up with each other.  I was actually starting to enjoy myself.  I had a couple beers, got a little high and was laughing with a group of people that I had just met.  The next thing I knew I felt a hand in my hand, pulling me away from the group and into a corner, under the stairs, where it was dark and secluded.  When I had a chance to realize what was going on, I saw that it was Jerry who was the one pulling me away.  I was confused to say the least. 

I asked him, “What do you….?  Is there a problem?  Is David okay?”

To which he replied with a smile, “Everything’s fine.  I just wanted to talk to you for a while”.

“Really?  Okay, about what?”, I was beginning to wonder where this was going.  And then, he bent over to kiss me and I turned my cheek. 

“I don’t think David would approve, do you?”, I said with biting sarcasm.

“I don’t give a damn whether he would approve or not”.  Jerry grabbed both of my arms to pull me into his arms.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked with fear and worry in my voice.

“Because I want you” he slurred.  I could tell he was pretty drunk and high.

“But you are the one who hates me.  You’re the one who called me a bitch.  Hell, you told Jim not to date me.”

“That’s only because I wanted you.  Patty, I don’t hate you.  I want you…bad.  C’mon, let’s go upstairs to my room.”, he was starting to push his groin into me as he said this.

And then, thank God, I heard, “Jerry, get your fucking hands off of my girlfriend” in the  most menacing voice that I had ever heard from David. 

Jerry pushed himself away from me and said, “Hey Dave, Patty and I were just talking” and again he slurred his words and stumbled a little bit as he moved back towards the wall.

“And that’s why you had your arms around her?” David asked, still in an angry voice like I had never heard before. 

Finally, I quietly said, “David, can we just go now?  C’mon let’s just leave.” 

And he looked down at me and said “Yeh, let’s go”.  But I couldn’t tell if he was mad at just Jerry or both of us.  He just looked so angry.

When we got to his car, I asked to drive since I didn’t know how much he had had to drink.  He acquiesced, so I guess he had had more than me.  He was still so pissed off. 

After we had driven away from Jerry’s house, he said, “Pull over” in a very abrupt manner.  When I pulled over onto a side street, he said, “Patty, what the fuck was that all about?”.  I could tell he wasn’t calming down. 

I replied, “To tell the truth, I’m not really sure myself.  Jerry pulled me over to that corner and told me he wanted me.  I was as shocked as you were!”

And then David cut me off by saying, “Well, I kinda doubt that!  I mean I spent a half hour looking for you and when I finally found you, you’re in the arms of my best friend!”. 

“Yeh, but not because I chose it!” I spit out.

“Goddamn, I am so pissed off at him”, he spit back.

“Well, fine, but leave me out of it, cause I didn’t ask for any of it!”.  At which, I started to cry.  And then David woke up and realized that I had been brought over to that corner against my will, and he quickly said, “Oh geez, Patty, I’m sorry he did that to you.  I should have known it wasn’t a two-way thing”.

“Yes, you should have known that!  Did you think I wanted to be with him?  For chrissakes, David!” and he pulled me over so that he could hug me and stroke me.

“I’m going to fucking kill him”, he was still really angry. 

“David, I don’t want you to do anything.  He was probably just drunk and high.  He didn’t mean anything by it.  I don’t want you two to fight because of this.” I pleaded.

“I can’t just let this go, you know that.  I’ve got to deal with it.  I heard him tell you that he wanted you.  Do you think I can just ignore that?  Hell no!”

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it.  Heck, he was probably just trying to bait me and see if I would take it.” I said, trying to get him to see reason.

“Well, even if he was, it was a fucking assinine thing to do.  I’m sorry, I can’t just let this go.  He shouldn’t have approached you in the first place.”, he was starting to calm down now, at least.

“I’m sure he will have totally forgotten about it by tomorrow.  He was just drunk and playing with me.  It was no big deal”.

“Why are you defending him, you’re the one who should be pissed at him for what he did”, he said incredulously.

“Well, I guess the way I see it is that, if he meant it, then I should be complimented.  If he tried to get me to take the bait, well heck, I didn’t.  So he got to see that I wouldn’t do that to you.  And if he just did it as a joke, then the joke’s on him.” 

And with that, David understood what I was saying, and replied, “Okay, let’s forget it.  I don’t want to wreck the rest of our time together tonight” and then he kissed me long and hard.  We made love that night even though he was kinda drunk and I was getting a headache from the pot.  I think we both needed to prove something to each other.  We needed to prove our fidelity.

On the following Sunday, David and Jerry talked.  Jerry said he was just drunk and didn’t really remember much of what he had said or why he said it.  David didn’t want to, but he accepted this excuse because, otherwise, he and Jerry would have to end their 12-year friendship.  All I know is that I didn’t feel comfortable around Jerry before that night or afterwards.  And, he looked at me with desire every time David wasn’t around.  I don’t care how drunk he was that night.  I knew he meant what he said. 

Chapter 25 – Open House

 

I would say that David and I slowed down in our voracious appetites for each other, but that would be a lie.  What the heck, we were just 17 and 18 after all!  The next weekend, I was turning 18 and my Mom and Stepfather were going to Los Angeles on a teaching trip.  Arthur, my stepfather was a Professor with SIU – Edwardsville and they often went on weekend sabbaticals where he would teach a weekend course and my mother would shop.  When they did this and left me by myself, I would invariably have a party.  Sometimes it was just for my group of friends and sometimes I would throw an open house.  Afterwards, the whole school would be abuzz about my party and the crazy escapades that went on.  I later found out that my maid told my mother that all the beds had been slept in over the weekend.  My mother, who had been a strict disciplinarian with my older 3 siblings, had lost all her steam with me.  She just didn’t care anymore.  I mean she cared in the sense that she didn’t want me to burn the house down, but short of that it was “anything goes”.  So I told David I wanted to have a big Birthday bash and I wanted him to invite his friends.  He was getting along great with my friends, but I still didn’t feel comfortable with his group.  David and I had a conversation over it one afternoon when it was getting close to the party. 

He asked me,  “Why do you still hate them?”.  I stopped to think about how I had hated him just 9 weeks ago and all of a sudden the air just kinda wooshed out my sails. 

I couldn’t remember why I had felt that way, “I guess because of how they treated me”, and he looked at me quizzically,

“Who exactly was it that treated you so bad?  Let me know and I’ll handle it.”

“No, David, I don’t want you to do anything.  Mostly it was that I was too dense to see that they didn’t like me.  They were just using me.”

“How so?  How did they use you?” and I could see he was cut up about this.  So I told him about going over to their houses late at night and then the way that they dismissed me the next day at school.

He said, “You know Patty, those guys are just plain ignorant.  They wouldn’t know the first thing about how to treat a girl.  They’re just immature.  Heck, they probably didn’t know what to say to you when they saw you at school.  Now, I’m not saying what they did was right, but you shouldn’t have been with them in the first place.”

“Why, David Freeman, are you lecturing me?”, I teased.

“A little,” he spat back.  “If you don’t want me to invite them to the party I won’t, but I know if I don’t and then they find out that I invited everyone else, there will be bad feelings between us.  And I don’t care that much about them, but I don’t want to have to answer questions from the other guys.  Does that make sense?”

“Perfectly.  Invite them.  They probably won’t even come.  And you know, now that I’m with you it doesn’t matter.  Nothing but you and me matter.  Well, and my friends.” Then I winked and smiled at him and he kissed me like there was no tomorrow.  In my mind, there wasn’t.

On Friday, May 24, 1985 I threw a Birthday party to end all parties. The way these parties worked was that I invited who I wanted to come.  Then the friends I invited were allowed to invite friends of theirs.  But that’s where it stopped.  If someone came in that I didn’t know, I asked who invited them.  If I knew that person, they were welcomed in, but if I didn’t know the person who had invited them, then they were asked to leave.  I did this for two reasons.  First, I had to be able to trust the people that were at my parties.  I lived in a big, sprawling ranch home with loads of expensive items that could easily be taken.  Second, although I lived on a Lane that was not a through street, I still had to watch out for traffic problems.  This was actually the biggest reason,  as the police had broken up several of my parties based on the fact that the cars were blocking passage through the Lane. 

David and I stood in my family’s front Foyer and waited for people to start arriving.  We were both a little on edge.  He was excited to finally be staying over at my house for the weekend and I was worried about his friends coming to my party.  I knew what I was feeling was probably without merit, but I couldn’t help to worry about the reception I’d get.  Actually, they probably wouldn’t even show up at all.  Naturally, my friends showed up early, around 8:00 pm.  The girls especially always came early to help me get ready.  And they brought their boyfriends to stock the two refrigerators full of beer.  The girls got out the chips and dips and that was pretty much the extent of our setups.  Some of the girls brought their own wine coolers, but for the most part we drank beer and smoked pot.  That first round of friends went out to the back patio to get high and play Frisbee while they could still see in the twilight. 

David and I sat in the front foyer and greeted everyone who came in.  He kept his arm tight around me and we kissed when no one was there to gawk at us.  By this time, all of my friends were very much at ease with David.  David had this way about him.  He could make anyone feel comfortable in his presence.  When he was talking to you, you knew that you were the only one in his thoughts.  It’s an amazing gift. 

I was nervous that not one single friend of his would show.  I knew what they thought of me.  I knew how they disdained me and nothing that David said could sway me otherwise.  So to my amazement, around 9:30 a bunch of guys walked in that I knew only as David’s friends.  He was off getting us a couple beers, so I just said “Hi” and they asked if David was there.  I called to David and he came back into the foyer with a big “Hey” and they all half-hugged and punched each other like guys are apt to do.  I ran to get more beers and came back out to pass them around and show them where the party was taking place.  I showed them the living room where there was always a good conversation going on and people getting high.  And then David and I showed them the back Patio.  At this point, it was too dark to play Frisbee so Harlan and some others had gotten their flashlights out for a few rounds of Flashlight tag.  Some of these guys I didn’t recognize, David later said those were friends from Temple.  They all seemed to be pretty impressed with the house, which was actually pretty impressive.  They were very nice to me and very respectful, which I was equally glad of.  The couple of guys that I didn’t want to see didn’t bother coming, so all was good.  I think the guys that showed up from his clique at school were trying to let bygones be bygones.

After we decided no more people were going to show, I led David out back to see what was going on.  There were still some playing flashlight tag and I could see a mound of people on my oversized trampoline.  My dad had gotten us this Olympic-sized trampoline that I had both sprained my knee and broken my leg on.  I didn’t jump on it much anymore, but my friends had decided it made a great place to lie down and hang out.  It was somewhat secluded in a grove of old Oak trees and could fit a good eight or more kids.  When I didn’t hear any talking coming from the trampoline I knew right away what it was being used for tonight – a kissing orgy!

Chapter 26 – Kissing Orgy

 

I thought it would be fun to see what David thought of this past-time my friends and I had devised.  It was just a playful way to kiss different people.  And there were rules.  No feeling anyone up that didn’t ask for it.  No grinding against anyone that didn’t ask for it.  Anyone could bow out at anytime, no questions asked.  Only 8 to 10 on the trampoline at a time (as it probably would break under any more pressure, although we had yet to have this happen). 

I thought David might find this interesting.  I knew my friends wanted a go at him.  I couldn’t blame them, as much as I had boasted about how good a kisser he was.  Plus, it’s nice to have “new blood” in the kissing orgy as the same old people get, well, old.  I didn’t know about his friends.  They might think it was weird or juvenile.  Looking back on what happened, I wish I hadn’t just sprung this on David. 

We walked slowly out to the trampoline and he asked me what the hell was going on out here.  He could see a mound of bodies, but couldn’t make out any voices.  He smiled, but more of a smile saying “What the hell?” rather than “I want to do that”. 

Once we got almost to the trampoline, I said, “They’re having a kissing orgy.  Do you want to join?”. 

He looked at me like I was crazy, but said, “Well sure, I guess.  I mean it’s your friends, right?”

“Uh huh.  I know they’d like you to join in.”

“Are you going to do it too?”

“You don’t think I’d leave you out here by yourself, do you?” and laughed a little. 

He smiled and kissed me and said, “Baby, anything you want, I want”. 

So I asked if there was room and Anne scooted over to let David on.  I got on at the back so it was still boy/girl/boy/girl.  Someone cried out “switch” and the next thing I knew I was kissing my friend Jeff and David was kissing Anne.  A few of the kissers were making noises, but for the most part it was silent.  After about 3-4 minutes, I yell out “switch” and the next person I’m paired up with is Jeff’s twin, Scott, which I thought was kinda weird since Scott’s girlfriend Julie never let him do the kissing orgies.  I asked him where Julie was and he said that she was home sick tonight.  I told him he was a bad boy and he said he didn’t care and it was time to be bad.  It was funny, he kissed just like his twin.  The next thing I know, I hear David cursing “Fuck no, GOD, let me out of here” and we all looked up from where we were, to see David getting off the trampoline and pulling his pants together.  Right then, I knew he must have gotten Margie.

I got off the tramp and ran over to where he was, which was not easy because he was walking really fast for the house.

“What’s the matter”, I said to him as I finally reached him.  

I put my hand on his arm to try to get him to stop, but he just shrugged me off and said,

“I can’t believe you do that” with as much hate in his voice as he could muster.

“What, you mean the kissing orgy?  It’s not that big of a “, but he cut me off,

“Patty, I am here to tell you, she did not want to just kiss.  She was about to give me a hand job!”.  He was still riled up.

“Well she wasn’t supposed to do that.  That’s just Margie, she’s always trying to push the limits”, I said, but I could tell it wasn’t getting him calmed down.

“I’m getting a beer.  I just need to go inside and calm down”

“Ok, I’m going to go talk with Margie.  She was way out of line.  I don’t know what got into her”, I said, “I’ll see you in a little bit, ok?”

“Yeh, ok.” and he pecked me on my lips and went inside.  David never pecked me anywhere, so that should have been my first clue that something was more than amiss.

I went back out to the trampoline, and asked them to take a time-out.  When I confronted Margie, she said “Well you said you wanted to know….Now you do.  Besides, it didn’t even go that far.  He just freaked out”.

“Margie, when I said I wanted to know if he’d be faithful, I’m not sure I had in mind you mauling him during the kissing orgy!”, I retorted. 

My friend Mark chimed in with “You shouldn’t have asked Margie if you didn’t want the results that she gets.  You know how she is.  At least this way, you know that he doesn’t want anyone else touching him” and then I heard Anne say “Ahem, Patty” clearing her throat and looking very uncomfortable.  I turned to look at what she was looking at with discomfort written all over her face.  Standing right behind me was David looking about as pissed off as any one person could look.  As I turned around, he stomped off through the trees.  I lived on 3 acres of pretty much woods, so trying to keep up with him was not an easy thing to do in pitch blackness.  Still I knew the grounds better than he did and because I kept calling out to him to stop, he eventually slowed down.  We were far enough from the group, that they wouldn’t be able to make out what we were saying without also following us.  Which, at this point, they knew better not to. 

When I reached David, I said, “I’m sorry.  I didn’t think she would take it that far”. 

He stood looking away from me and didn’t say anything for a while, just breathed heavily with emotion. 

Finally, he turned around and raged, “So you planned that little scenario?  You asked Margie to do that?  What the hell do you think of me Patty?  Did you think I was just going to let her stroke me off?  God!” and he turned away from me again.

“No, I did NOT ask her to do that!  I would never put you in that position.   I wanted to know how you would respond to kissing other girls.  Okay, call me crazy.  I wanted to know if that was something that would turn you on!  Margie is just like that.  She’s always going too far, testing the limits.  That’s why we have rules like no feeling up or anything sexual without the other’s consent”.

He broke in with, “So you guys do this a lot?  Just a friendly fuck?”

And I quickly countered with, “No, most of us just kiss.  It’s just fun and games, nobody feels awkward.  We’ve known each other for so long, it’s just a way to get close without being too close.  We’re all really good friends.  Nobody goes too far, well except for Margie.  But even she doesn’t step over the line usually.  She just thought I wanted to know what you would do.”

And then I started crying, “I’m so sorry David.  I never meant to hurt you or make you feel bad or, oh hell, anything”.  I stood there sobbing and he stood in front of me with his hands over his face. 

Then, all of a sudden, he pulled me into his arms and said, “Shush, it’s ok.  God, Patty, I love you so much.  I hated her having her hands on me.  I’m not even sure how it happened.  One minute I’m just kissing her, the next minute she’s got me out of my jeans and in her hand.  It made me sick.  I don’t ever want to do that again.”

And then he held me for a while and said, “I don’t want anyone else.  You must know this?  I wish you didn’t feel like you needed to test me.  I love you so much it hurts me.  Do you know what I’m saying?”. 

I looked up into his face and replied, “I do know, David.  I feel the same way about you.  I’m so sorry, please forgive me.  It’s just so hard for me to trust”. 

“Well you’ve got to try…for me.  Cause I’m not going anywhere.  And I’m not kissing anyone else but you, Patty”.

“Ok, ok.  Do you forgive me then?” 

And then he smiled and said, “Of course.  I love you.  I can’t think of anything I wouldn’t forgive you for”

And then, with that sexy little smirk, he added “But now you owe me big time.  And I plan on getting revenge!”

“Oh yeh?  What did you have in mind?” I quipped.

“Only tying you up and having my way”, he answered.

“Let’s go!” and with that I kissed him long and hard and stroked the outside of his jeans to make sure he was truly over being mad at me.

Chapter 27 – Promises

 

When we went inside, his friends were sitting around the Living Room talking it up and, amazingly, there were some of my friends there too.  We stopped to see if they needed anything and then excused ourselves.  I told my friends that we’d be back in my Mom’s room if they needed me.  Otherwise, don’t disturb!  David grabbed himself a beer and me a wine cooler and raced me back to my Mom’s room.  I could tell he wanted us to have “make-up” sex and I was as much for that as he was.  I still felt badly that that whole escapade had happened.  I gotta say, I was a bit shocked at how he handled it.  I mean, he always gave me the impression that he was “Mr. Cool”.  You know, someone who could handle themselves in any situation.  He was definitely NOT “Mr. Cool” out on that trampoline.  Not that I blamed him.  I probably would have freaked out too.  But then, I was known for being emotional and “freaking out” with the best of them.  I wasn’t about to bring any of this up.  I was just glad he was talking to me.  This could have been our first big fight.  Just goes to show how he felt about me.  I thought that at one point he was going to leave the party.  I was really glad he didn’t and planned on showing him just how glad I was.

We got back to my Mom’s room and the first thing I did was roll down the comforter on the bed.  I did not need my Mom’s bedspread getting messed up.  I could clean sheets, but not that.  As I’m doing this and kinda tending house, David is stripping.  I stopped dead still in my job and just stared.  He loved it when I did this.  You see, he did not see much in himself.  He thought I was beautiful, which I wasn’t, but he didn’t think he was attractive at all.  So when I would just stop and watch him, mesmerized, he kinda got a kick out of that.  Which made two of us, cause I got a kick out of him stripping.  He liked me to undress him, but I preferred to watch him do it.  Then he would undress me, just as it should be.  He would do it so slowly, like he was enthralled and didn’t want it to end.  I always tried to wear a cute little lace bra for him.  They weren’t the most comfortable for me, but I knew he just lost his breath whenever he saw me in one.  Tonight I had a special treat for him.  I was wearing a black lace teddi, the kind with a snap crotch and plunging bra.  When he took off my shirt and saw what I had on, he just about flipped.  He quickly grabbed my jeans, undid the snap and pulled them off of me in one quick “swoosh”.  I took off my socks and quickly got onto the bed.  He lunged for me and came right up to the space between my breasts on the teddi and used his teeth to gently rip.  He didn’t tear it, he just pulled at it with his teeth.  He looked me in the eyes and I just fell backward and under him.  He just made me so hot, it almost hurt! 

He let go and leaned to his side, next to me, and said, “Do you like that?”

I replied, “What do you think?” and then I leaned over on my side so that my left breast was spilling out. 

He said, “ I think you are a little vixen wearing that all night and not telling me about it….And I’m going to make you pay.”  Well, that made me laugh.  And then he got very serious and stared at me for a long time. 

I said, “What?”

And he responded, “Do you know just how much I love you?”

To which I said, “Why don’t you tell me?” very sweet and soft-like. 

And then he bounded off the bed and I was left a little non-plussed.  Here I thought things were going so nicely and all.  What gave?  I watched David go over to my Mom’s cabinet and pull something out.  He turned around and had it hidden behind his back.  I got up and went right over to where he was standing and tried to see what he had.  He and I played cat and mouse for a while until he had had his hearty laugh and then he brought out a lovely little wrapped package with a pretty pink bow on top.  It was the shape of a small square.  I always did love small presents. 

He handed it over to me and said “Happy Birthday”.  

I tore at the bow and then at the wrapping, never having been very good at patience.  When I got the wrapping off, it revealed a white box, which I quickly opened.  Inside sat a beautiful purple velvet ring box and I lost my breath. 

I looked up at David with a quizzical look on my face, and he said “Just open it, it’s ok”.  I pulled out the velvet box and slowly opened it.  Inside was the most beautiful Amethyst ring with two small diamonds on either side.  I couldn’t speak at first. 

Then I said, “This is absolutely beautiful”. 

David replied, “It was my Grandmother’s and it’s meant to be a Promise Ring.  She gave it to me when she was very old.  Told me to give it to the girl I loved more than anything.”  That’s when I lost it.  I just started crying and David put his big arms around me and just rubbed his mouth in my hair. 

Finally, when I had calmed down, he said “I promise to always love you, Patty”. 

To which I responded, “And I to always love you, David”. 

Then I got dizzy when he said to me “I want us to live together.  When we graduate, I want to get an apartment and live together.  I don’t want you to go away to college.  I want you to stay here with me cause I don’t think I could give you up.  And I want you to wear that ring knowing that some day I’m going to replace it with an Engagement ring.  Can you do that for me?  Can you stay with me?”.  Ohmigod!  I couldn’t speak.  I wanted to say something, but the lump in my throat was so big.  I hadn’t thought much about what would happen when I left for college.  It was always a given that I would go away to college.  Every one of my siblings did and I’d already been accepted to Miami of Ohio.  I knew I was keeping him waiting and I didn’t want to do that. 

I said, “How long have you thought about this?”

“Pretty much since we got together”

“Do your parents know?”

“Yes.  Well they knew I was going to ask you.  And I had to get my Mom to get the ring out of the safety deposit box.  My father has agreed to help us with the deposit.  And my Mom says she wants to help us furnish it.”

“Oh my god, I cannot even believe this.  Wait, that didn’t sound good.  I am so overwhelmed”.

“Patty, what did you think would happen to us at the end of the summer?”

“I guess I figured that we’d see each other over the Holidays and that we’d write and call.  I’m sorry David, I’ve just been living in the moment, just enjoying myself, hoping that this wasn’t a dream I would wake up from.  Ok, that sounds stupid, but sometimes being with you does just seem unreal.”

“So am I the only one who wants to keep this great thing going?  Are you ready to give it up come August?”.  I sat down, looked at the beautiful ring on my ring finger and took a minute to think about things. 

Then I said, “No,  I don’t want to lose you”

to which he replied,  “Patty, I’m not stupid.  I know you could do so much better than me.  I think my parents realize that too. That’s probably why they backed me in my wanting to live with you.  I know I’m not the brightest bulb in the world.  But I love you more than I can stand.  And I will always be good to you.  We are so good together.   Your being smart and my being dumb has never gotten in the way.”

And this is where I stopped him, “Wait just a minute.  I know that you aren’t book-smart.  I really don’t care about that.  I never have.  David, you have so much to give, so much that I don’t have.  Please don’t dis yourself like this.  You are funny and street smart and so good with people.  I never realized how everyone likes you.  Everyone wants to be with you.  And as for me, hell I don’t know a bumper from a gas cap when it comes to cars.  You have a true gift that I know you will use and prosper with.  I am the one who’s lucky to have you, not the other way around, David.”

“Well we agree on one thing then.  We are very lucky to have each other.”

“We are” I said back to him.

“Patty just think about my offer.  You don’t have to decide right now.  I know you had planned to go away to college.  I know it’s a big move, but I want to make that move with you.”

“I need to think about this, David.  I just don’t know how my parents will respond” and I looked a little scared at that thought.

“If you want it, then we’ll find a way to make it happen.  With or without their approval”.

“Do you mean that?  Oh god David, I don’t want to lose their support.”

“I’ll bet your Dad would be ok with it.  He just seems like he’s pretty easy-going”

“Yeh, that’s true.  It’s my Mom that I’m worried about”

“Well then, I suggest you invite me to dinner this week and we’ll talk to them together”.

“You mean you’ll talk to them” and I laughed as I couldn’t help seeing David trying to convince my Mom and my Mom throwing a fit.

“Whatever.  What’s so funny?” he asked.  And then I told him.

“Yikes, that does seem kinda scary” and he laughed back. 

And then I ended this conversation with, “David, thank you for my ring.  It’s absolutely gorgeous.  It’s truly the nicest present I’ve ever gotten”.   And with that, he was undoing my teddi and I was stroking his shaft.  I “thanked” him that night with the best and longest blow job he had ever received.  Then he “thanked” himself to coming inside of me too many times to count. 

Around 3:00 am we got dressed and went out to see who was still there.  I knew that most of my friends were staying the night, but I wanted to make sure the house was locked up and things weren’t too much of a mess.  David wanted to see if his friends had left.   The house was pretty quiet.  Most of the kids we found were snoozing away on beds, couches and some on floors.  David went outside to make sure everything was secure and then came back in with a sardonic smile on his face. 

I said, “What’s up?”. 

He just led me by the hand out the back door.   I was looking around to see what was so funny, when low and behold, there on the trampoline, covered in a blanket were four of his best friends and four of mine.  His guys and my girls were having a “kissing orgy” at 3 am on the trampoline!  David and I looked at each other and silently laughed. 

“I guess the party was a success, huh?” he asked.

“I would call it that, Mr Freeman” I muttered back.

“Ok, Ms Yalem, let’s go back inside and snuggle together”

“That sounds like a plan” I said and we went back to my Mom’s room to sleep.  I think we finally fell off around 5 am.  We just had a hard time sleeping together.

Chapter 28 – Confrontation

 

The next day, which didn’t start until around 12:00 pm, the girls and I spent the “morning” cleaning up, making breakfast, doing dishes, making beds and gossiping about the party.  Anne and Margie were blissed out at the “late night kissing orgy” they had participated in.  They were digging at David for more information on his friends who had also participated.  Like I said before, it was a big deal when we got new guys to take part.  David was being coy and teasing with them as usual and this was driving them mad.  But finally, with enough goading, he promised to see if he could arrange a double or even triple date with them.  That appeased my girlfriends for the moment.  Margie apologized to David and, being the mensch that he was, he accepted.  He still kept his distance, though.

The big news that morning was, of course, my ring.  The girls and some of the guys were in amazement, not only at the ring, but also the news that David and I were thinking about getting an apartment together after Graduation.  

Mark wasted no time in teasing me to no end, but eventually he took me aside and looked me solidly in the eyes and asked “Are you sure this is right for you, Patty?”

to which I replied, “I’ve never thought anything was more right in my life, Mark”.

“Then you should go for it girl.  And don’t let anyone get in your way”.  I told him I planned to do just that.  Somehow, sleeping on it had made my decision all the more clear.  I loved David and wanted to at least give it the best shot that I could.  I also reasoned with myself that nothing was permanent.  I reasoned if things didn’t work out, I could always go away to school next semester or next year.  I didn’t tell David about this reasoning though.  He was too sensitive about the whole subject to be able to understand where I was coming from.

When everyone had finally departed for their homes, or wherever they planned to go, David and I settled back down quite comfortably.  We were still tired, both physically and emotionally.   We curled up in an over-stuffed armchair and I snoozed while he watch football.  Around 5:00 pm, we decided to go out for Pizza.  Harlan and Joyce called to see what we were going to do and as it ended up, a group of about 15 of us got together for Pizza and then to party back at my house.  I think David would have preferred for it to just be the two of us, but as usual, he put up a front of being perfectly amiable to anything I wanted to do.  This was something I loved and hated about David.  He was always so easy-going, but he never wanted to make a decision of his own.  Although, you could always tell that he wasn’t completely happy with the plans I had made for him.  The way I knew this was that he would look over at me and give me a look like he just wanted to be alone with me right now.  I went upstairs to get some more beers for everyone and he came up behind me. 

He cornered me and told me, “You are just too sexy for me to keep my hands off of you”. 

I put down what I was carrying and kissed him deep and hard.  “I’m sorry I invited them tonight.  You should have stopped me” I said into his blushing ear. 

He asked back, “Can’t we get rid of them somehow?  Feign sickness, something?  Surely you can think of something, babe?”.  I promised I would try to figure something out.

When I went back downstairs, I pulled Joyce over and explained my dilemma.  She understood completely and the next thing I knew, she and Harlan were leaving.  Well, with them gone, Mark decided to leave and before you knew it, we’d cleared out the house.  I hoped I wasn’t too rude, but the results were worth it.  David was smiling as we walked them outside.  He came up behind me and put his arms around me as we waved goodbye. 

“I love you, you little vixen” he teased. 

I purred back, “All I know is you had better get back to the bedroom so I can make you beg in agony!”.  And with that, well you know by now what happened.  Ok, I’ll spell it out.  I made him wait, wait, wait, until he couldn’t stand it any longer and he did beg in agony.  And then when I gave in, he didn’t give up until he was so tired that he couldn’t do it any longer.  We slept spooned together all night long.  I slept with my head cradled on his big bicep, he had his muscular thigh draped over my puny little legs.  It was sweet and comfortable.  During the week, when we weren’t sleeping together, I put my big bear in the bed with me to simulate his being there. 

Lately, his mother had started dating a new guy and spent nights over at his house.  This was the opportunity that David and I had been waiting for.  I would sneak out around 1:00 am when I was sure that everyone in my house was asleep and David would pick me up so my car wouldn’t be missing in case my Mom or Arthur got up in the middle of the night.  I’d stay at his house until around 5:00 am and then he’d drive me back so that I could get in bed before anyone woke at my house.  At least one night each week I’d beg off of this routine to catch up on sleep.  That night, I’d go to sleep by 10:00 pm just to get as much sleep as I could.  Otherwise, I was exhausted, but happy.  I was glad that Graduation was coming soon.  But, we still had yet to talk to my mother about our plans.  And neither of us were looking forward to this confrontation.  It was David who finally convinced me that we needed to do it as we needed to start looking for an apartment. 

We decided to go to my father first as we wanted to make sure that he would still support me.  David would be working full time for his father, so we would have some income, but I needed my father to pay for “room and board” and tuition, just like if I went away to school.  Although, my Dad was a bit shocked at the news, he agreed to continue to support me until I was 21, when I would come into my inheritance.  This didn’t surprise me as Dad always came through when it came to money.  He felt guilty for having divorced my mother and left the family and this was his way of appeasing his guilt.  He asked me if Mom knew and I said that we were planning to have dinner with her that night to tell her.  David asked to talk to my Dad alone and I left them to their “Man” discussion.  I went back to the car and after ten minutes, David showed up with a serious look on his face. 

I asked, “How did that go?”. 

He replied, “Well”. 

That’s it.  No details, nothing.

“So what did you two discuss?”, I inquired. 

He looked at me very seriously and said, “I asked for your hand”. 

I spit out the sip of soda I had in my mouth. “What?”, I about yelled.

“I told him that eventually I wanted to marry you.  That I would not be living with you if I didn’t have further intentions to wed you.  I told him that I would have given you an Engagement ring if I could afford one and thought you would accept it.  Patty, I know it’s too soon, but this is how I feel, this is what I want and I thought he should know”.  He stopped and looked at me with those intense blue eyes of his.

“What did he say?”

“He shook my hand and said he would welcome me into the family when the time was right”.  And then David smiled and blushed. 

And I smiled and blushed.  And said, “Have I told you today how much I love you?”. 

He replied, “No, but I’d love to hear it, because I don’t think it’s near as much as I love you”.  And then we were kissing like it was that first kiss all over again.

I had asked my Mom if David could come over for dinner and she was more than happy to welcome him.  Mom really did like David, even if she wondered about how serious we were.  Before dinner, I took Arthur aside to talk with him about my possibility of going to SIU – Edwardsville.  Of course, he asked me what was up and I told him.  He was a little non-plussed, but took it in stride and said getting me into SIU would  not be a problem whatsoever.  He asked me if I had talked to my Mom about it and I said no, but that David and I were going to let her know tonight at dinner.  He said he would help in any way he could, but he knew she would not be happy about this. When David arrived for dinner, I brought him back to my room and told him about my conversation with Arthur.  He thought that was great.  I told him I was starting to get a stomach ache and he put his arms around me. 

He said, “Just remember, we are both 18.  That it’s our decision, not hers.  That we have the support of three-fourths of our parents.  And that you’ll be ok even if she doesn’t approve.  Patty, we are now adults and can decide for ourselves.”

I felt a little better just being in his arms, “Then you be the one to tell her!” I laughed.

“Ok, I will. Will that make this better for you?”

“No, I have to do it.  But thanks for the offer”, I responded.

When we sat down to dinner, I said to my mother, “Mom, I need to tell you something that’s pretty important”.

She replied, “I already know.  Your father called me today after you two went to see him”.

I was more than a bit taken aback over this.

“Ok, and…?” I asked. 

My Mom had a scowl on her face when she said, “Well Patty, it seems like you’ve got all your ducks in a row.  What is there for me to say?  I’ve known for a long time that you are going to do what you want to do.  Yes, I do think you are both being a bit rash about this, but obviously you are going to go and do what you want without a thought to how I care”, she was getting angry, I could tell.

“We wouldn’t be here talking to you if we didn’t care, Mom.  What problems do you have with us doing this?”, I asked back.

“Well, for one, I wonder if you and David have known each other long enough.  I am also concerned about whether you are well suited for each other”, she quipped. 

And at this point, when I started to answer, David chimed in with, “I have to respectfully disagree with you, Mrs. Prell.  I think that Patty and I are very well suited to each other.  I may not be as smart as she is, but I have a lot of abilities.  And I know I can take care of her in the long run.  I think you know that my father owns a string of gas stations.  Well, his plans are to have me and my brother eventually take over this business.  I will have a full-time job in this company as soon as I graduate.  What’s more is that I love Patty with all my heart.  I know we’re too young, I know we haven’t been together all that long, but I would ask for her hand in marriage if we were older.  And besides, if your misgivings turn out to be correct, Miami of Ohio will still be there next semester.” 

When he was done, my mother just sat there looking at him.

“Call me Gerry, David.” is all she said. 

“Gerry”, David said back.

“I think we should all get together for a dinner out.   You two, David’s parents, Dick, Arthur and myself so that we can get to know each other.  I understand that your father is going to front the deposit and your mother is going to help furnish the apartment?”, my mother asked.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  The worst was over. 

I replied, “Yeh, they are being very generous.  And Dad’s going to continue to support my room and board and tuition.  Arthur is going to help me get into SIU.”

And then my Mom looked at Arthur and said, “So you knew about this too?”

and he replied, “Patty and I talked right before dinner.  I think she’ll do very well at SIU”.

“Well and I also was thinking of maybe applying next semester to SLU or Wash U.”, I said.

“You’ve really thought this through”, Mom added.

And both David and I replied at he same time, “Yes, we have”.

After that night, I stopped sneaking out at 1 am.  David and I agreed that we didn’t want to give my mother any reason to think we weren’t ready for this step in our lives.  But, we also spent every night together until midnight, with my mother’s approval.  With finals coming up, we did more studying than anything else.  I also had Advanced Placement tests to study for and David was very encouraging of my studying hard for these. 

On the weekends, we scoped out apartments with his mother until we found one we really liked.  It was located up north, about halfway between where David would be working at one of his Dad’s gas stations and SIU.  It was on the top floor of an old apartment complex and had really big picture windows in the living room that looked out onto old Cottonwood trees.  Having trees around us was important to me since I’d grown up in woods.  The guest bedroom was small, just enough for a couch and desk, but it would make a great studying room for me.  The master bedroom was large and seeing that we wanted a king-size bed, it would work out very well.  The nicest part of the apartment, though, was the large soaking tub in the bathroom. 

When we saw that, our eyes popped out and we both exclaimed, “We’ll take it”! 

His mother just laughed and said, “I had a feeling you would like this place”.  That had us wondering how much she knew about us using her bathtub while she was away!

His father co-signed on the lease, put down a deposit with the understanding that David would repay him when he could and we were on our way to blissful co-habitation.

Chapter 29 – Damaged Goods

 

Things between David and I were easy, most of the time.  We didn’t get into arguments, we didn’t criticize each other, we were happy.   Of course, we’d only been together a couple months and I couldn’t help think that most relationships were pretty “smooth sailing” for the first few months or so.  I hadn’t been in a relationship since Tenth grade and that one only lasted about 6 months.  We mostly spent time in my group of friends, we were still too young to really “date”.  David had been in a relationship for over a year with the same girl.  Her name was Michelle and I knew of her, but we didn’t run in the same circles at all.  They had broken up at the beginning of our Senior year.  I didn’t know much about their relationship as David didn’t like to talk about it.  Whenever I would bring it up, he’d change the subject or say “It wasn’t that big of a deal”, so I stopped asking.  I figured if he wanted me to know about it, he’d tell me. 

David talked with more girls than guys.  Of course, he had his circle of friends from grade school that I still didn’t feel very ‘cozy’ with, but as for conversations, he really talked with girls more.  I’m not sure if this was his doing or theirs, but when I saw him at school, he would invariably be talking with a girl.  Some of them were my friends, who I knew had no intentions on him.  And some were the girlfriends of his friends.  But then, there were girls from his classes, which, being that we never had the same classes, I really didn’t know.  I tried not to think about this.  I mean anytime he saw me approaching, he would make his way over to me and put his arm around me or take my hand.  I knew he was crazy about me, he demonstrated this everyday.  So why did it bother me so much that he was always talking to girls?  I knew I was insecure, but it didn’t help me feel any less uncomfortable. 

One afternoon after classes were over, I walked to the Outside Student Lounge and saw him talking to a particularly good-looking girl named Cheryl.  He was leaning up against one of the outside Handball court walls like he always did.  But there was something different.  She was leaning into him and he was smiling.  Not just a friendly smile like I’ve seen on him a hundred times.  More of a lascivious smile like he would save for me.  I stayed out of his sight so I could watch, but I couldn’t really see or hear anything else.  I went back inside, feeling like I was going to start crying, or maybe I did start crying because my friend Mark came up to me and asked what was wrong. 

I said, “Nothing.  But Mark, can you drive me home today?”,

to which he replied, “Sure, but what about David.  Doesn’t he usually drive you home?”,

“Yes, but I don’t want him to, today.  Please don’t ask any questions, okay?  I just want someone else to give me a ride home”.  Mark said that was fine and we went out the side door to his car.  When we got to his car, I saw David over by his car.  He was looking around for me.  When he saw me waiting for Mark to unlock the car, he put his hands up into the air and hunched his shoulders like you do when you are silently asking the question “what’s up?”.  I ignored him and got into Mark’s car. 

When I got home, I told Mom that I was going to be in my room and I didn’t want to be disturbed.  That’s when I lost it.  I just started crying like there was no tomorrow.  I wasn’t even sure why I was sobbing so.  I just felt so lost and out of control.  I knew that things with David would go “south”.  I forgot why he was even with me.  This kind of negative thinking went on and on.  I didn’t come out for dinner.  I figured just the fact that David had not called or come by was proof enough that things were over.  My Mom asked if she could help me or if I wanted to talk, but I declined.  I think I just wanted to wallow.

Around 9:00 pm, I heard the doorbell ring and then I could hear Arthur and David talking.  A short while later, I heard a knock on my door and David saying, “Can I come in, Patty?”

“What do you want?”

“Uh, to talk to you.  Since, of course, I have absolutely no idea what’s going on”, he sounded a bit sarcastic to say the least.  I got up and unlocked my door.  He came in and sat on the floor next to me. 

He started, “Patty, what’s going on?  I can see you’re upset, but I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me”.  I looked at him and started crying all over again. 

He came closer and put his arms around me and said, “Did I do something?  Are you mad at me?  Please Patty, please talk to me.  This is killing me here”. 

I pulled back and said, “I saw you talking to Cheryl”,

and he replied, “So?”

“So she was all over you.  I saw how you looked at her”. 

His eyebrows furrowed and he used that soft voice of his to say, “Patty, I could care less about Cheryl.  I don’t know what you saw, but you didn’t see anything on my part.  If she was coming onto me, I was oblivious.  I don’t discriminate against who I talk to.  If someone wants to talk to me, I talk to them.  But Patty, get this straight.  I’m in love with you.  I’ve been in love with you for some time.  More than 2 months.  I’ve wanted to be with you since last summer!  I wouldn’t ruin what we have over some skank like Cheryl!…Now, what is this really about?  Because you have never been jealous before…”

and when he ended, I knew I had to tell him.  I had to tell him about me.  He deserved that much.  I started with, “David, I know you think I’m so put together.  That I’m super sure of myself and so confident.  Well, I’m not really.  Inside, the place that I never let you or anyone else see, I am so afraid of losing you.  I know that you are going to see a prettier, sexier, smarter, ‘whatever’ girl and leave me in the dust for her.  You’re going to figure out how insecure I am and say ‘I can do better than this’.  And even if that doesn’t happen, I’ll do something to drive you away.  I’m really good  at that!  This is why I haven’t dated anyone since Sophomore year.  And that guy didn’t hardly even count since we couldn’t drive!  I’m just damaged goods.  My Mom even wants me to see a shrink.”  I paused to take a drink of water and then continued, “I’m sorry David.  I wouldn’t blame you for getting up and just leaving.  Heck, I think I would RUN away!”, I kinda laughed at this last quip in a sarcastic way.  When I was done, I looked into David’s blue eyes and saw that they were so sad. 

He said with emotion, “So you think you’re that different from everyone else?  You think the rest of us don’t occasionally feel this exact same way?  Patty, you should know something about me too.  I see a shrink.  I used to go every week, then we went to every other week.  Now I go about once a month.  I know your Dad’s leaving affected you.  It was bound to.  But remember my Dad left when I was just 3 years old.  We talk about that and I’ve also told him about us.  It’s not such a bad idea, I have to tell you.  Patty, I’m not leaving you just because you think you are ‘damaged goods’, which of course, I don’t agree with.  It’s ok that you are insecure.  I am too.  Most of the time I think there are really good reasons for you to be with me.  And then, something will happen and I’ll remember, ‘Oh yeh, I’m a complete dork and she’s going to figure it all out and dump my sorry ass’” to which I had to start laughing. 

He laughed a little too and continued, “but Patty, nothing could make me leave you, no way, no how.  I just do my best to get over myself and remember that you really do love me!  And I love you.  More than you’ll ever know.  Now please, when you feel this way, let me know.  Cause I can’t pull you out of your funk if you don’t let me know.  And even if I can’t pull you out, at least I can hold you while you’re in it.  Did you think I thought you were perfect?  Yeh, right!” and I laughed again.  He came over and put his arms around me and asked if I wanted to go get something to eat.  The boy definitely knew the way to my heart.

We went out to the Fast Food joint around the block and we ate and talked more in the car.  I asked him why he waited until 9:00 pm to come see me.  He said he knew that I needed some space and he just wanted to give that to me.  I told him to not give me so much space the next time I weirded out on him.  He agreed. 

Then he looked over at me and said, “You do realize that we missed our afternoon delight?”, to which I replied, “Oh please, is that all you think of?”

“Yes” he replied very seriously.

“Then fine, come here” with that sweet little smile on my lips.

“No, you come here” and he grabbed me and pulled me over onto his lap.

“So you’d like a little on top action?” I purred.

“I’d love a little on top action” and with that he unzipped my jeans, his jeans, and pulled our pants down.  I’m not sure how we achieved this in his Firebird, but we did and it was great.  He loved me on top so he could kiss me and play with my breasts, especially my nipples.  I loved being in control of the thrusting, although he’d eventually move me as fast as he needed me to, so he could come.  God, we got each other into a frenzy that night.  We took a short break and then went over to my seat and fucked missionary.  That was his favorite way as he could kiss me while we made love.  We were trying to decide if we could go for a third time, but I realized it was getting kinda late.  We both agreed we didn’t want to get on my mother’s bad side by being out past my midnight curfew.  When we got back to my house, he turned to me and said, “Now, are we straight, Patty?”

“Straight?”, I asked.

“From now on, if you get jealous or insecure or in any way weirded out, you will discuss it with me and let me love you through it?”.

“We are straight, sir”, I mockingly answered.  But he and I could tell I meant it.  I kissed him for a few minutes (which was really short for us) and went inside.  I was so sated and tired from all the crying and emotions, that I put on my nightgown and went right to sleep.  I knew after tonight, that I truly was with the right man for me.

Chapter 30 – The Apartment

Finally, Graduation Day came.  We took a lot of pictures together for our parents and then all of our friends congregated over at David’s house for a large Graduation Party.  His mom hosted it and bought a keg for us kids and even allowed David and I to sleep over.  Somehow my Mom didn’t have such a problem with it knowing that Nancy Freeman was chaperoning!  I guess my mother had pretty much figured out that we were screwing like rabbits by this time.  Arthur was certainly no dummy.  I knew he knew.  He’d wink at me to let me know he knew and it was ok by him.  Our move-in date had been set for June 10, just 5 days after Graduation.  We spent those five days, gathering up everything we needed for the apartment.  My Mom and Dad went in on a $100 gift certificate to Target, which in 1985 was quite a bit of money.  With it, we bought towels and linens for the bed, a couple lamps and Kitchen items.  My Mom was giving us her old set of pots and pans and some bowls that she no longer needed.  We were pretty well set.  My older sisters and brother were home from school and giving me all sorts of trouble about my decision, but I did my best to ignore them.  At least, I knew that they liked David.  Heck, when he was around, they talked more to him than to me!  But as I’ve said before, that was pretty much a given that David was liked more than me.  He was just easier to get along with.  I had a loyal group of friends, but sometimes I even wondered if they didn’t like him more too.  I didn’t let it worry me.  I would rather be with someone like David, who was liked and admired, than with the opposite.

We “christened” our little apartment by staying up all night.  It had taken us most of the day to move into it and we were physically spent by the time all of the furniture was in place.  I put the washed towels away and opened the kitchen boxes to unpack that stuff.  David and I made the bed for the first time and just fell onto it with exhaustion.  We snoozed for about an hour and then he woke me up by fondling my breasts.  He undressed me and then himself.  Unlike most of the time when we made love, we made it last as long as we could.  It seems like when we didn’t know when we’d be able to have sex again, we were frantic about it.  Now, knowing we could do it as often as we wanted to and no one was going to be coming back home or finding us in the car, we felt liberated and calmed.  We learned how to use foreplay to its’ full potential.  We made the sex itself last until we couldn’t stand it.  We languished in each other’s arms for hours on end, just stroking and kissing.  Sex actually got better over time.  And we never lost that passion.  We never got bored.  In or out of bed. 

One thing did happen that we had never experienced though.  We became able to be in the same space with each other without having to have our hands all over each other.  Before we moved in together, if he and I were in the same vicinity, we couldn’t take our hands off each other.  This particularly drove my girlfriends crazy.  I think they were just jealous, but I can also see that it could get old.  Problem was, it never got old for us.  We just couldn’t get enough of each other.  Once we moved in together, we realized that we had enough time to fondle each other and get the dishes done.   He liked to watch football, which I wasn’t particularly fond of.  I was hooked on several of my own shows that he thought were “a stupid waste of tv”.    I knew where he was, in case I got an urge that only he could satisfy.  He liked to wake me at 4:00 am for a quickie.  Heck, I’m not sure I was even awake for some of those early morning snacks!  He never lost his passion for me, nor I for him.   He was all I wanted, all I could think of when I thought of loving someone.  Looking back, I should have been amazed at our level of passion and commitment.

We did a really good job of splitting up chores.  He liked to do laundry and I didn’t.  I liked to clean and he didn’t.  He vacuumed, I cleaned the bathroom.  We did dishes together.  It never seemed like we were mad about what we did.  We just always cleaned at the same time, so it always felt like a concerted effort.  If I was sick, he would take over my chores and vice verse.  We lived together well. I tried to have dinner ready for him when he got home from work.  Especially that first summer, when I was just taking a couple summer school courses.  When I was out at night for school, he’d go out with his buddies or friends from work.  That way, he got to go out independent of me, but not when I was available.  We went out with friends on the weekends, mostly my friends.  We tried to double date with some of his friends, but I think he always felt that I was uncomfortable with them.  And truth be told, they weren’t my favorite people.  I knew why he was still friends with them, but they weren’t the kind of people I would ever be friends with.  So, if we went out with them, I was simply appeasing David.  I tried not to show it.  I tried to have a good time.  But mostly I was just along for the ride, and he knew it.  It’s hard to pull one over on David.  He’s not stupid, especially when it came to me and my emotions. 

Eventually we lost track of all but two of his best friends.  And, of course, David made new friends.  There was and is something about David that just screams “I’m a great person, be my friend!”.  He could make friends with a busboy at a diner we were eating in.  Or a wino.  Or an executive.  He just had a charisma that people wanted to be around.  I was a tad bit jealous of this since it’s always been very difficult for me to make friends.  It’s not that I’m shy, far from it.  But I guess I am at first.  Once I warm up to a person, I’m fun and friendly and very gregarious.  Getting to the part where I know and am comfortable around a person is what’s difficult for me.  I am much more critical of people than David.  Truth be told, sometimes I wish he were more critical too.  He had a hard time saying “no”.  And more than once, we had some new “buddy” that he had just made friends with, sleeping on our sofa.  He did put a stop to this after I told him I was uncomfortable with it.  He just couldn’t help himself.  He had a bleeding heart.  I told him he should have been a Social Worker!  He wasn’t very good at screening people either.  He took people at their word, which I definitely did not do.  More than a few times, this came back to haunt him in bad deals and scams.  It took a while, but David did finally get somewhat of a protective shell.  Well, at least he took more time to evaluate people and situations.  In the same way, he helped me to be a little bit more open to people.  He would break through my barriers to meeting new people by basically doing it for me.  Some of our best friends were the people that he met and introduced me to. All in all, we had a great time in our first little apartment.  My mother thought we were just playing “house” and maybe, in some ways, we were.  But finally having our freedom and a place to call our own was thrilling to us.  And we showed our parents that we were truly suited to each other.  We used this time to truly solidify “Patty and David” as a stable, long-lasting, loving entity.  David equally convinced me too that we were meant to be together.  But it’s not as if there weren’t some bumpy roads that we had to traverse to get to a place of constancy.

Chapter 31 – Chelsea

 

David loved working in his father’s gas station.  He started at the lowest level so that he could learn the business from the ground floor up.  He spent his days mostly doing oil changes and rotating tires, but occasionally he got to work on a more difficult project.  The manager at this station was Chelsea, who liked David and tried to give him increasingly important jobs.  She knew he was the owner’s son and would eventually be promoted, so she tried to help this process along.  The only problem with Chelsea is that she also wanted to fuck David and pretty well made this obvious on a routine notice.  She knew about me, but this didn’t seem to stop her or even slow her down.  It started out slowly.  At first, she would smile and wink at him.  He thought it was silly, but I knew better.  Then, one night they were alone closing up the shop and she cornered him outside the Men’s room.  At this point, I told David it was sexual harassment and he should report her, but he didn’t want to make waves, especially since he was so new to the business.  He didn’t want to get his manager in trouble.  He wanted to figure it out by himself.  After that whole episode with Cheryl, I knew to trust him.  Well, at least I hoped I could trust him.  I still had some trust issues at this time.  It got so bad with Chelsea, that she would even come onto David when I was around.  We tried to go out after work to a local bar with his cohorts from work, but it got so uncomfortable for me that we had to eventually give this past-time up.  I didn’t say anything to her as I didn’t want to go head to head with her.  Unfortunately she was very attractive, with strawberry blond hair, large breasts (which she flaunted with tight, low-cut shirts) and shapely legs.  I reasoned that if I were a guy, I would be tempted if she came onto me.  This didn’t make me feel any better. 

One night, David came home later than usual and I asked him if he had been out with his friends. 

He said, “No, why?” and sounded more than a bit guilty.

“It’s not like you to get home this late without calling me to let me know, that’s all”, I responded, trying to not sound accusing.

“Well, my work just ran later than expected, that’s all.  I had a hard problem to work on and wanted to get it done.  I’m sorry I didn’t call, I just lost track of the time”.

“And this has nothing to do with Chelsea?”, ok now I was accusing, but I couldn’t help it.

“God, Patty, it’s bad enough I have to work with her, please don’t do this.  You know I would never do anything with her or any other woman for that matter.  I really wish I didn’t have to keep on convincing you of my fidelity.”  

And then I felt really bad, cause I knew what he said was the truth, and said, “I’m sorry David.  You’re right.  I don’t know what gets into me.  I just don’t want to lose you.”

and he replied, while putting his arms around me, “You are not going to lose me, you silly girl.  I love you more each day.”

To which I replied, “What are you going to do about Chelsea?”

and he looked at me and then away and said, “Nothing, I’m going to hope it goes away.  I figure it has to if I keep turning her down.  And if need be, I’ll transfer to another shop.  But I’d really hate to bring my Dad in on this.  Except for her, I’m doing really well at this station.  And she’s not a bad manager if you overlook the fact that she’s breathing down my neck ever 30 minutes.”  And then we both laughed at that image and I started a bubbly bath for us to relax in. 

Chelsea did eventually tire of David’s continued efforts to ignore and turn her down.  She moved onto the new guy and we clued him into what her strategies were.  I ended up feeling sorry for her.  It was obvious she didn’t have very high self-esteem if she would stoop to chasing guys who didn’t want to have anything to do with her.  I wished I could have let her know this, but there was no way I was going anywhere near her.  I didn’t feel that bad.

 

Chapter 32 – Promotion

After 6 months, David got a very nice promotion.  His father promoted him to manager of a new station.  It was a smaller station with just 3 bays, but David was in “Seventh Heaven” over this.  I was just glad to be rid of Chelsea!  But I was also very proud of David.  He was on a high for several days and we celebrated in lots of ways.  We went out to a really nice restaurant, we went dancing and partying with his and my friends, and we spent that first weekend in bed.  The nicest part of the promotion was that his salary was doubled!  David always felt like he didn’t have enough for us and belabored the fact that my father kept us afloat.  David could afford half the rent, but I basically paid for food, utilities and anything else we consumed.  Now, he would be able to contribute half of everything and this made him happy to no end.  He went a little crazy at first with what he bought, but I didn’t rain on his parade about it.  I knew he would calm down and come back down to reality.  He loved to buy me lace teddies.  The latest one he had bought was fire engine red and had little faux fur around the thighs and bust.  He absolutely loved watching me in this and then, of course, taking it off of me.  We spent hours that weekend after he got his promotion, just kissing and licking each other from head to toe.  He wanted me to come in his mouth and I always complied.  His tongue was perfect for stroking my clit, just tight and pointed.  He had perfected his ability to make me moan with pleasure.  Then after he got me completely soaked, he would get on top of me and fuck me so hard.  The harder the better, I always said.  We got a bed with bed posts on it, so I could tie him up and suck on his dick until he cried that he was coming.  We knew exactly what each other wanted and what would make each other scream with delight.  I felt sorry for the next door neighbors, as we didn’t care who heard what we were doing!

When his first day came for him to start as the manager, David was nervous.  He was only 18, almost 19, but still really young.  He didn’t know if the techs would respect him.  I told him not to worry, that he would do fine.  And, of course, he did do fine.  He only had two guys under him and they were young too, so it worked out very well.  David worked as the manager at this station for over a year and then was promoted again to a larger, more profitable station.  His father appreciated the work that David did and his ability to get along and manage the techs.  David never took any of his work or promotions for granted.  He knew that even though he was the owner’s son, he also did good work.  And he did.  He worked hard, he worked long hours when needed, he filled in for others when they were sick.  And he managed the finances and employees with finesse.  What I knew about David was that although he might never be able to do Calculus, he was very bright.  And he proved me right. 

 

Chapter 33 – Engagement

 

My studies were challenging enough at SIU, but I decided after that first year, to apply to Saint Louis University as it was closer and had more diverse classes.  I got in and started there in the Fall Semester of 1981.  Life continued to be smooth for David and myself.  He worked long hours, I studied long hours.  With his money and my father’s stipend, we lived well and didn’t want for very much.  We didn’t go out every weekend, but enough that we never felt as though we were cooped up in the apartment.  Sometimes we would use his Mom’s Lake Cottage for a little getaway, especially when the weather was nice and we could swim in the lake.  I would take my studying and get some work done while he fished off the dock.  I always got a little emotional being there, seeing as though it was where we “consummated” our relationship.  I still can’t believe it all happened like it did, not so many months ago.

One night, we were ending dinner that I had made for us and David looked at me very intently with his clear blue eyes.  I knew something was up cause he hadn’t talked to me very much that day and this was not like him at all. 

He started, “Patty, I want to talk to you about something”,

and when he didn’t continue, I said, “Okay, what?”. 

He looked away and stayed really still.  He wouldn’t look at me and I started to get worried.  “What’s the matter?”, I asked. 

Then I saw him pull out a small black box from his jeans. And in one quick and smooth movement,  he turned to me, got down on one knee, opened the box and said, “Will you please give me the honor of being my wife forever?”. 

I about had a fit!  I stared with my mouth open and my eyes popping at this beautiful solitaire diamond ring in his hand.  I looked up from the ring into his soul-searching eyes and cried, “Oh god, of course I will” and got down on my knees to hug him. 

He put the ring on the table and we kneeled there on the floor for several minutes.  Then he lifted me up and we continued to hug standing up.  Eventually, he pulled his face from my neck and kissed me long and deep. 

After we came up for air, he whispered “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to say this to you, Patty.  You are the first woman I have ever truly loved and you’ll be the last woman I love and want to be with.”. 

I stared at him and smiled.  I was speechless, which doesn’t happen to me all that often!  He bent down to the ring on the table, pulled it out of the box and placed it on my ring finger.  That’s when I said, “David, this is truly the most beautiful ring I will ever wear.  I love you more than words can describe” and started crying. 

He gathered me up in his bearhug arms and held me while I continued to cry.  Finally, he said “Hey, this is supposed to be a happy day” and squeezed me a little. 

I responded, “I know, and it is.  I’m just so overwhelmed”.   When I had calmed down, we went and sat down on the couch. 

And I asked, “Does anyone know about this?”.

“I asked my Mom for the ring.  It was also a Family Heirloom that she was saving for this occasion.  She’s really happy.  She wanted me to call my Dad, but I figured I would do that after you accepted”.

“Did you think I wouldn’t ?”

“Well no.  But hey, you never know until you ask”.

“Oh, you know I would never turn you down….Do you want to let anyone know right now?”

“No, do you?   Do you want to call your Mom?  I know she’d want to know.  Heck, she’ll probably want to skin me alive for asking you before you have your degree”, he said.

“No she won’t.  She’ll probably want us to wait to get married though”.

“Do you want to wait?  It’s up to you, Patty.  I can wait or I can do it now.  Makes no difference to me”.

“I think it might be best to wait.  I mean, just until I’m done with school and you get another promotion.”, I said and then added, “I know my parents would think that was more mature of us”.

“Yeh, my parents would probably agree.  I just want you with me, forever, Patty.  Eventually, I want you to be my wife, but I’m willing to wait until it makes sense for you.”

I replied, “I love you so much it hurts”.

“I love you more” and then I climbed up on top of him and kissed him hard and wet.  He pulled my knees around his waist and pulled us up to go into the bedroom.  We never stopped kissing the entire time we made love.  It wasn’t easy to not let go, but we kept our lips locked like there was no tomorrow.  It was a sweet lovemaking.  He held me so tight like he couldn’t afford to let go.  When we were both spent, we broke the connection and lay wrapped up in each others arm and legs for the rest of the night.  We didn’t make love again that night.  We just lay there and talked and finally fell asleep in the same pretzel-wrapped position.  The next morning, when we awoke, we acted like we had just met.  I guess in some ways, with the rest of our lives laid out before us, we felt like we were meeting again for the first time.  We made love with the same vigor we had had when we were parked in his car on the dead end street.  I was sore by the time we went home on Sunday.

 

Chapter 34 – Misgivings

 

A few weeks later, I realized that I had missed my period by about 5 days.  I was worried, but decided to get an early pregnancy test and worry by myself for now.  After it came back positive, I knew I had to tell David.  I really didn’t know how he would take the news.  I was having a hard time with it myself and I wanted to find out what he thought.  At dinner that night, I broached the subject by giving him the plastic test.  At first, he just sat there struggling with what he wanted to say.  I think it took a little while for it to even register what the heck was going on. 

I said, “I knew I was late, so I decided to take a test and…”

he cut me off, “And you’re pregnant” and looked at me with a mixture of worry, despair and love.

“Yes, I am”, I said back with much the same look on my face as he had on his.

“What do you want to do?”, he asked.

“I was hoping that we could figure this out together”, I said.

“What do you mean, figure this out?”, he asked with a questioning look on his face.

“Well, I didn’t think you’d want to keep it”

“Why would you think that?”, he was starting to sound angry.

“Are you mad at me?”, I asked worried.

“No, I’m not mad, but I don’t want to just leap to getting rid of it.  Patty, it’s our child.  It’s our creation.  Do you want to just get an abortion and call it a day?”.  He looked so pained.  And the problem was, that that was pretty much what I was thinking about.  My parents had raised me to be pro-choice, to take responsibility for my mistakes and I couldn’t think of this as anything other than my mistake.  Especially when I knew that I had missed a pill, so it was MY mistake.

“David, I just don’t think we are ready for a baby.  Have you ever cared for a baby?  It’s a HUGE responsibility, David.  We are so young.  I want to finish school.  I want us to get married.  I don’t think I can handle being a mother just yet.  Hell, I KNOW I can’t handle this.”

He listened to everything I had to say and then replied, “Patty, I will support any decision you make, but this has to be your decision.  I’m not the one who’s going to be pregnant.  I’m sad about this because to me it feels like a piece of me is in you.  But, if you can’t handle it, then I don’t want you to try to for me”.    I could see tears welling up in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, David.  I can’t handle having a baby now.  I hope that eventually we’ll get to a place where we can handle it, but we’re not there now.  I’m sorry if you can’t see that.”  I paused and then continued, “I was always told that the time to have a baby was when you were mature enough to take care of someone else more than yourself and when you knew there was something missing from your life.  Well, I just don’t feel that way.  And quite honestly, I don’t know when I’ll feel that way”.

David nodded and I could tell he was trying to talk, but just couldn’t because he was going to cry.  I went over and put my arms around him and said I was sorry.  Finally, he said to me “Make the appointment and I’ll come with you.  You know I’ll help you through this, Patty.  I love you so much.”  I agreed and we didn’t talk much more that evening.  I did my studying and he watched TV, although I wonder if he was even watching.  He seemed depressed and a little bit lost.  A couple times I heard long sighs come from the living room.  I went to bed when he did.  This was kind of a routine with us.  We never liked to go to sleep alone.  He moved over to hold me and kissed the top of my head in a very tender fashion.  This was when I finally let the tears roll down my cheeks.  We just hugged each other until we were tired enough to sleep.

The next day, I made an appointment to go see my gynecologist.  David came with me and we made an appointment to get the abortion.  I told David that he didn’t have to go to that with me, but he insisted that he did. 

He said, “I would never let you go through something like that by yourself, or even with a friend.  I need to be there with you”.  I agreed that I wanted him there.  He finally asked me how this could have happened when I was on the Pill.  I told him that I had missed a day.  I didn’t know how he would take that news.  I thought he might get mad at me, but he didn’t.  He simply asked me to be more careful from now on.  We agreed that I should look into an IUD.  The doctor told me he could insert one when I got the abortion, so that is what we opted for.

Before we got to the day of the abortion, I had a miscarriage.  I hemorrhaged a lot so David took me to the Emergency room where they performed an emergency DNC.  Afterwards, David took me home and cared for me as though I were  his child.  I wasn’t nearly as worried about his ability to be a father as I was about my ability to be a mother.  He was selfless and loving and could easily have ushered into his life a newborn.  I was the one who was ambivalent.  I was the one who was selfish.  I knew as long as I was part of the picture, that we shouldn’t have a baby while I felt this way.  At least, now, when David and I looked back on this experience, we would say to ourselves, “it was never meant to be”.  Shortly after this, I got the IUD inserted and we never had this scare again.  I never wanted to see the sadness and despondency I had seen in David the night I told him about the pregnancy.  I reasoned, and rightly so, that the next time should be joyous, not fraught with tension.

 

Chapter 35 – Worth

 

Life went back to the easy-going, fun-loving saga that it had been before our foray into pregnancy.  I was very glad of this as I was worried that my miscarriage would taint us for forever.  It didn’t and, although we never forgot, we didn’t let that episode weigh us down.  We continued to grow in our relationship and our lovemaking.  Not that they were separate, but I suppose sometimes it felt that way.  It seemed like our “relationship” grew heavier and our “lovemaking” became lighter.  We developed a routine in the second year of living together.  I’m not sure how it came about, but we would come home from work and school and immediately get in the shower together.  It was almost like we were washing off our respective days’ endeavors so that we could start afresh in the night.  Then, we’d usually cook or go out to dinner, clean up and settle down to a night spent watching TV, studying, reading or some sort of activity.  We usually ended each night with having sex.  David was much more adventurous when it came to sex.  He always had been.  I followed in his footsteps, for the most part.  All except for one “adventure” that I came up with all on my own.  We had recently seen a soft porn movie in which there were two men who were having sex.  This movie so turned me on that I decided to see if David would do a little role-playing with me.  At first, I thought he would think I was either crazy or deranged, but I was so turned on by the love scenes that I felt I had to ask David to play-act with me.  So, one early evening, when we were taking our shower as usual, I told David that I wanted to fuck him “back there”.  His eyebrows went so high in response that I thought maybe I shouldn’t have approached him with this scenario.  But then he gave me the soap and turned around.  It only took me a few seconds to figure out what he meant and I slathered my middle finger with soap and went for it.  It really was a huge turn-on for me.  At first, David tensed up a bit, but after he got used to it, I think he liked it too.  I kept telling him things like “I want to fuck you up the butt so bad” and “You are such a good fuck”.  I asked him if he liked me doing this and he would say, “Baby, I like it if you like it”.  That was always our way of saying, “I’m doing this cause you want me to”.  We always knew that if we really didn’t like something, we just had to say the word and the other would stop what they were doing.  The last thing we wanted as a couple was to be dishonest about what we liked and didn’t like.  Then he asked me, “Can I do this to you?”

and I said “Absolutely not!”

But then he already knew that I didn’t want to have this done to me as we had tried it once or twice before. 

I told him, “You are such a good fuck, you know that, right?”

and he replied, “That’s why you stay with me, right?”

“That’s right”, I responded with a purr in my voice.  

At this point, he wanted to get out of the shower, so I got cleaned up and we got out.  But, whereas we might have toweled each other off or kissed getting out of the shower, David turned away from me and simply dried himself off.  I didn’t know if he was upset about the sex act that he wasn’t into or if I had done something else to offend him.  Or maybe he had had a bad day and was a little pouty because of that.  Sometimes David wasn’t as forthcoming with his feelings and gripes as I was, so I had to pull teeth at times to get him to talk.  From what my girlfriends told me, I wasn’t alone in having to deal with men who kept to themselves.   I guess we women were like that at times too.  But I wanted to make sure of what was going on with David.  I don’t like going to sleep angry if I don’t have to.  After I dried off and put on my nightgown, since we were staying at home that night, I went to the bedroom where David was sitting on the bed.  I could see he was just sitting there, staring out the window.  Okay, now I knew something was amiss, as he rarely, if ever, did this. 

I asked him, “What’s the matter?”

He replied stiffly, “Nothing really”. 

I said with a little bit more umpf, “What does that mean?” and “Could you please turn around and talk to me?”.

He turned around and I could see he had been tearing up.  He said, and I couldn’t believe he even thought this, “I know why you stay with me”.

“What do you mean?  Of course you know why I stay with you.  What a silly thing to say.”  But I could see he didn’t think it was silly at all.

“It’s the sex.  That’s how we got together and that’s why you stay.” 

And then I realized what I’d said in the shower.  But this was a silly little game we played with each other all the time.  I would tell him he was a good fuck and if he hadn’t been such a good fuck, I might have left by now.

“Oh god, you believe that?  You believe that I stay for the sex?  I mean, not that it isn’t absolutely wonderful, but do you really think I would stay for just that?”, I was incredulous.

He looked really sad and said, “What else?  What else would you stay for?  I don’t have anything else that I’m all that great at!”

I couldn’t believe I was hearing this, especially after we had been together for nearly a year and a half.  I wasn’t sure what had gotten into him.  I didn’t know exactly where this sadness and doubt in himself was coming from, but I knew what I had to do. 

And then I spoke, “What else would I stay for?  Well, for one, David, the sex is great, but I only come when you go down on me and that’s about once in five times that we have sex.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I love fucking you.  It’s a great feeling and a wonderful release, but it’s not why I stay with you.  Okay, let’s start with the fact that you are loyal and trustworthy, reliable and honest.  You’re generous, one of the most generous people I’ve ever known.  You have a great sense of humor, much better than mine.  And to top it all off, you’re loving in ways I never knew possible.  You take care of me and protect me.  God, David, you are one of the best people I know.  If anyone should be asking this question, it should be me!  But I know why you stay with me, because I love you with all of my heart and soul.  And you know this.  Just as I know you love me.”  By this time, he had started to cry and smile at the same time.  

I continued, “Why are you wondering why I stay with you?” and seeing his tears, I couldn’t help but tear up myself.

He croaked out, “Patty, it’s just sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the thought of losing you, that I make up stupid reasons for you to leave.  Things are going so well, I just figure they can’t continue, my life can’t possibly be this good for much longer”.

“Why not?” I asked with sincerity.

“I guess that for so long, my life was just a piece of shit.  And I felt like I was just a shit, so I figured that everybody else did too.  And now, with things so unbelievably good, well I’m just looking for the other shoe to drop.  And I figure it’s going to be you leaving.”  He still looked so sad.

“Okay, you realize that that makes no sense whatsoever, right?”, I asked with a little laugh.

“Yeh, I suppose it really doesn’t make sense”, he answered starting to smile, “So you don’t like sex that much, huh?”.

“That’s not at all what I said and you know it.  It’s not why I stay.  I love to make love to you.  And I love what you do to me.  Well, most of it.  There’s just so much more for me, with you.”  I dried my eyes and came to sit next to David.  He said he was sorry for being such a shit and I said it was okay.  Shit or not, I loved him.  We hugged for a while and then kissed in our most tender sort of way.  And then, of course, we did what we do to make each other feel good.  We made love.  It was loving and slow and kissing and deep.  And I didn’t care that I didn’t come.  I just wanted him to feel better and for him to feel that I loved him unconditionally.

This wouldn’t be the last time we visited this ugly little scene called “Unworthiness”, be it on his side or mine.  I suppose, like most people, we struggled with self-esteem issues.  But thankfully, we had each other to remind us of just how worthy we were, at least to each other.

Chapter 36 – Fighting

 

During my Sophomore year at SLU, I was taking a pretty hard load of classes including Chemistry, Advanced Calculus, Marketing and English Literature.  I wasn’t sure what my major was going to be as I liked both Chemistry and Business.  But, I had time to figure this out, so I wasn’t too worried about it at this point.  I was starting to make some friends in my classes, especially when I had to pair up with other students for projects.  One guy had asked me if we could do a Marketing project together.  It never occurred to me why he asked me.  Since I didn’t have anyone else asking me and I didn’t know anyone in this class, I accepted.  I should have known there was going to be trouble.   For one thing, he was absolutely gorgeous.  His name was Brian and he had this thick, wavy brown hair that just shone.  He had beautiful green eyes and kinda looked like Bobby Sherman from the 70s!  All the girls in class and even in the hallways just stared at him as he walked by.  I can be honest and tell you he was really good looking, but that didn’t matter to me.  I loved David and the fact that he didn’t have the greatest face ever didn’t occur to me anymore.  It was what he did to me and how he did it that turned me on.  A pretty face was just a pretty face, nothing more.  Brian and I had to spend a fair amount of time together working on our Marketing project.  We accomplished this mostly after class in the library, but at one point we needed to work on some poster board, so I invited him over after dinner.  Big mistake.

I told David that Brian would be coming over to work on the Marketing project.  He said, “Okay, whatever”, but when Brian showed up, David took one look at him and clammed up.  He barely even said “Hi” when I introduced them.  Brian and I went to the spare room, which was my study room, and went to work on our project.  We ended around 11:00 pm that Sunday night.  David stayed out of our way the entire time, which I just took for being thoughtful for our needing to work.  I bid Brian good bye and turned around to see David just standing in the middle of the hallway with the most glaring, angry look I had ever seen him wear.  I couldn’t believe my eyes!

I asked him, “What’s the matter?  Are you angry?” with true concern in my voice and eyes.

David replied, “Are you crazy?  Did you not see how he looked at you?  How he talked with you?”

“No, because he didn’t look at me in any certain way and he didn’t talk to me in any certain way”, I said starting to get angry right back.

“He’s got a thing for you!!”, he said in his quiet, but menacing tone of voice.

“David, he’s got a girlfriend.  At least, I’m pretty sure he does.  And besides, he knows all about you.  And besides that, I don’t give a shit about him”, I spat back.

“Jesus, how could you not give a shit about him, he’s a male Adonis!”, he said, now starting to shake.

“I don’t care what he looks like.  I never judge a book by its’ cover.  You should know that by now!”, and then I realized that was not such a great thing to say at this moment.

“Yeh, I know exactly what you’re talking about”, he said in a defeated tone of voice, “Why don’t you just admit that you are completely taken with him?  It was so easy to hear it in your voice”.

“Because I’m not, that’s why.  I admit he’s good looking, but he’s not all that smart and….Why are we having this conversation?”, I was stumped.

At this point, David just left the living room where we had been talking and slammed the spare room door.  I was incredulous.  I was completely hurt and angry.  I didn’t know what to make of what had just happened.  I mean, David should know that I love him.  He should know I would never go for a pretty boy anyway.  God, I couldn’t deal with being with someone who was better looking then me!  I decided to just let him be.  Something was obviously wrong and I didn’t think it had that much to do with me.  But we had never had an “out and out” fight before.  This really upset me and at the same time, I knew it was an eventuality.  I guess when you think about it, the fact that we’d gone a year and a half without a fight was something to feel good about.  I’m just not sure I wanted to be in this particular fight with him.  In my eyes, there was nothing to fight about.

We ended up sleeping alone that night.  The next day, he went to work before I ever got up and we didn’t talk all day.  He left me a note before I got back from classes that said he was going out to dinner and to watch the “Monday Night Football” with his buddies.  This was before the day of cell phones so I had no way of getting in touch with him.  He had a beeper, but that was for work and I wasn’t about to call him on that.  Besides, I felt that he needed to apologize to me, not the other way around.  He didn’t get home until after midnight that night and he stumbled around before falling onto the bed in his clothes.  I was awake, but I could tell he was drunk and wasn’t about to talk to him in that condition.  I was worried that he had either driven home in that shape or left his car somewhere.  I supposed the latter would have been preferable, since I definitely did not want him driving drunk.  The next morning, he slept in while I got ready to go to school.  I wasn’t about to ask why he wasn’t going to work. 

That afternoon, when I got home, he was watching TV.  There were flowers on the dining room table and my favorite Chinese food being kept warm in the oven.  I came out of the kitchen and said, “Thank you”.  He got off the couch and came over to where I was standing, “I saw Walt today and have been doing a lot of thinking since then”, he said with care in his voice.  Walt  was his therapist that he had been seeing since high school.  I knew he still saw him occasionally, but I didn’t think it was very often.  Just when he needed to discuss something that David couldn’t figure out for himself. 

I said with concern in my eyes and my voice, “And how was that?”.

He replied with a slight smile, “It was good.  He helped me understand some things that I don’t think I would have gotten on my own.  I’m sorry I’ve been such a slouch”.

“Can you explain why you were so jealous?”, I asked, hoping this wouldn’t set him off.

“I think it just goes back to not feeling like I’m good enough for you.  I’m trying to not let that get in the way of us, but it’s hard”, he choked out.

“I know.  There are lots of times when I feel the same way.  You’re just going to have to realize that you’re stuck with me.  No getting rid of me, sorry”, I said with a smile on my face.

“God, Patty, I wouldn’t want to.  You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me”.

“And YOU are the best thing that has ever happened to me, David”, I said and walked into his arms. 

“No other guy will ever mean anything to me now that you are part of my life.  Heck, David, I struggle to have any meaning besides you”, I said with passion. 

David tightened his hold on me and said, “I suppose that’s just our cross to bear right now.  I know I have to work, but I’d rather be with you, making love to you all day and night”, he laughed. 

“And I’d rather quit all of my classes and just be with you”, I added laughing too. 

“We’d probably go hungry and crazy if it were just about us”, he said mockingly. 

“I know I would!”, I said with sincerity and then added, “David, you do realize that there is absolutely nothing go on between Brian and me?”

“Yeh, I know.  But, next time, could you please choose some ugly girl to do your project with?, he asked with a straight face.

“Sure, David.  But you need to also try to not be jealous of  something that doesn’t exist.  Okay?”, I needed to make sure we were clear on this.

“I’ll do my best and try to talk to you before I lose it next time, okay?” he asked with all sincerity.

“Sounds good to me.  Now will you please eat dinner with me?”

“How ’bout I eat you and then we can eat dinner?”, David squeezed me a little.

“Hmmm, sounds very appetizing”, I purred.  And then we helped ourselves to each other.

Chapter 37 – Family Christmas

 

Even though we both came from Jewish homes, these same homes celebrated Christmas as much as Hanukkah.  If only for the fact that Christmas was highly commercial and had Santa Claus.  We both grew up with Christmas Trees, stockings over the fireplace and lots of presents on Christmas Day.  David and I decided that, since we had not told anyone about our Engagement, we would break it to both families on Christmas Eve 1981 at the same time.  His mother had her suspicions since he had asked her for the Engagement Ring a while back.  And even though we considered ourselves Engaged, I didn’t wear the ring around either set of families since we hadn’t fully decided on a wedding date. 

But when we did decide, for June 3^rd, 1983, we thought it best to let everyone else know.  Especially since my father would be paying for the wedding and our mothers would most likely be planning the nuptials.  June 3^rd, 1983 was decided for a few reasons.  First, it was  shortly after my graduation from college and we’d have some time to go on a honeymoon.  Second, it was in the Spring, which we both wanted as a wedding.  And we decided that we should wait until we were both 22.  It was a year and a half away, which would give us plenty of time to book the places we needed and prepare without too much rush.

We asked both families to have Christmas Eve dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant and all was agreed upon.  His mother and boyfriend, his father and new stepmother, and older brother would all be there from his side.  My two sisters, my brother, father and stepmother, and my mother and stepfather would all be there from my side.  We decided we would pay for the entire bill as we wanted it to be like we were having everyone over, even if there was no way to actually have everyone over to our little apartment.  After we had had our appetizers, David stood up and stated that he was pleased to announce he had asked me to become his wife and I had accepted.  He then pulled out the ring and put it on my ring finger.  His mother was immediately emotional and his father congratulated David in his usual subdued fashion.  But my family just sat there with incredulity on their faces.  I couldn’t believe they weren’t saying anything. 

Finally, my mother said, “Wow, well Patty, that’s a bit of a shock.  We thought you would take more time than this”. 

“Exactly how much time did you think I’d take Mom?”, I asked back with as much shock as I could muster.

“I mean I will have been with David for 4 years, you do realize this, right?”

My father then said, “David, I’m happy to welcome you into our family”. 

Thank you Dad!  And he got up to shake hands with Mr. Freeman, David’s father.  My sisters finally came to their senses and came over to hug me and see the ring.  The ring was gorgeous.  It was a European cut diamond that was over a carat in weight.  Mrs. Freeman also got up to hug me and hug David.  It was just my Mom that was sitting there completely wooden with fear.  Arthur, my stepfather, also got up to shake hands with our fathers.  My brother just sat in his seat and said “Congratulations, Patty and David”.  His brother punched David in the shoulder.  David asked Kyle if he would be his Best Man, to which Kyle said “Of course”.  I asked my oldest sister, Susie, if she would do me the honor of being my Maid of Honor.  She was enthusiastic and touched.  Laurie would be a Bridesmaid.  After all of us were up and shaking hands and hugging, my mother finally understood that she wasn’t going to come between us.  I’m  not even sure she wanted to get in our way, but she felt we were rushing things getting married before I was even 23.  She wasn’t ready to become a mother-in-law and certainly not ready to become a grandmother.  I reassured her that having children was a very far ways off.

We enjoyed our dinners even if things were a bit pinched between my mother and me.  David and I smiled at each other a lot during that dinner.  We were so happy that we no longer felt we had to hide things.  I started to feel a part of his family that night.  He was trying to feel as though he were part of mine, but that would take a lot more time for him to feel comfortable with them.  We paid the entire bill that night, even though both my father, his father and my stepfather tried to “bully” their way into taking it from us.  It was our way of saying “you are guests to our family”.  I had never felt as much like a family with David as I did that night.  We were all invited back to David’s mother’s house for aperitifs, but the only ones to show were David’s family and me.  That was telling.

Chapter 38 – Loyalty

 

David and I didn’t get each other anything big for those first few Christmases.  We wanted to save for a down payment on a new house.  We knew it would take a long time, but we were also planning on using my inheritance that I would receive when I turned 21.   Instead of lavishing each other with expensive gifts, we worked hard to come up with unique presents that we thought the other one would enjoy and remember.  He loved to get me new lingerie that we both would enjoy taking off my excited body.  I liked to find novel gifts that he wouldn’t have thought to get for himself.  One Christmas I found him an antique watch like his grandfather had used.  Another time, I got him some new sex toys that he would have never had the gumption to get for himself.  And of course, he always got me flowers as he knew I loved receiving them.  He enjoyed bath salts and lotions.  It didn’t take much to surprise each other and show how much we loved each other. 

A few weeks after Christmas 1981, I got out of class early due to a snow storm starting up.  My last class of the day had also been canceled so that everyone could make it back home before the storm hit.  When I came in the front door to our apartment, I heard the stereo in our room blaring.  I didn’t know why David would be home in the middle of the day, it didn’t make any sense to me.  And then I saw his pants in the hallway, and his shirt, and underwear and then I got sick to my stomach.  I saw a woman’s pants lying next to his.  I saw a shirt I didn’t recognize, but could pretty much figure out that it was a woman’s by this point.  And worst of all, I saw a black lace bra.  I was feeling queasy and a little light-headed when I opened up our bedroom door and saw David and this woman having sex on our bed.  They weren’t just having sex.  He was plowing into her while he held himself above her.  Then I saw a familiar head of strawberry blond hair.  Her legs were circled around David’s thighs and they were both moaning.  Fucking and moaning.  The stereo was turned up so loud that, thankfully, they didn’t hear me come in or go out.  I immediately went to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet.  I could NOT believe what I was seeing.  Was that Chelsea with my fiancé?  The Chelsea that had sexually harassed David at his first job?  The same one who David had sworn he couldn’t stand?  I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I couldn’t stay there any longer.  I did NOT want them to see me and I didn’t want David to know that I knew, at least not yet.  I quickly left the apartment.  It was starting to snow pretty hard.  I kept trying to figure out where I could go, but nothing was coming to me.  I got in my car and left.  Before I knew what I was doing, I was at Brian’s apartment.  I kept telling myself this was probably not a good idea, but I went there anyway.  When Brian opened his front door, I just broke down crying.  He quickly pulled me in and sat me down on his living room sofa. 

He asked, “What’s the matter?” and when I wouldn’t stop crying and wouldn’t talk, he simply went and got me a glass of cold water. 

I stopped crying long enough to take a sip of water and he asked again, “Can you tell me now?”. 

I looked him squarely in the eyes and started crying again.  He put his arm around me and told me “Shhh, it’s going to be okay.  You don’t have to talk.  Just calm down”.  

“Can I stay here, Brian”, I asked with tears running down my cheeks, “I can’t go back to my apartment”.

“Of course, Patty.  You know you can stay here anytime.  What happened?”

“I just can’t talk about it right now.  It’s terrible…” and I started crying again.  He held me to his chest, rocked and “shhh-ed” me for a long time.  After a while I must have fallen asleep in his arms, so he put a pillow down for me to lay on and covered me up with a fleece throw.  I was so spent from emotions and crying that I went to sleep on his couch.

I woke up in the middle of the night and went back to Brian’s bedroom.  I called out his name and he got up from sleeping in a start.  

“Huh?”, he asked, like I had awoken him from a dream.   He was bare-chested, under the covers. 

I told him, “Thanks Brian, but I’m going to go to a friend’s house now”. 

That roused him enough to say, “Are you crazy, there’s a foot of snow out there.  I’ll drive you in my Jeep in the morning if you still want to go, but you can’t do that in your Honda tonight.  You’d never make it out of the parking lot!”

“I don’t want to put you out”, I said.

“You are not putting me out.  What’s the matter, really?”, he wondered aloud.

“I just don’t want this to be weird”, I replied.

“Hey, it’s not weird.  I’m fine.  Can I do something for you?  Do you need something to eat or some milk?  Something to help you get back to sleep maybe?”, he asked, full of concern.

“No, nothing, I’m okay.  I’ll just go back out to the couch and lay back down.  Thanks, Brian.” 

And I closed his door and went back to the living room.  I looked out the window and, sure enough, the trees and ground were completely covered in snow.  I could see about nine inches on top of my car.  I sat back down on his sofa and wrapped the fleece blanket around me. 

Just then, Brian came out of his bedroom, with a fleece blanket wrapped around his waist.  His stomach, chest and arms were left uncovered.  He sat next to me on the couch, pulled me back against his chest and put his left arm around my shoulders. 

“Hey, Patty, I don’t know what’s going on with you and David, but you know how I feel about you”, he said with emotion.

“I know”, I said, “That why I’m thinking this was not the place to come to”.

“Or maybe you had a really good reason to come here”, he murmured.  And then he pulled my chin around to look at him and kissed me squarely on the lips.  I couldn’t help myself.  I kissed him back fully and passionately.  Then he leaned into me and we fell back on the couch.  We kept on kissing for a while. 

Finally, he said “Come back to my bed with me”.  I simply nodded and took his hand when he offered to pull me off of the couch.  Then, all of a sudden he picked me up in his arms and carried me back to his room.  He undressed me as fast as he could, probably worried I might change my mind.  He was already undressed.  I just stared at how perfect this man was in bare form.  Not only was his face that of an Adonis, but his body was so well-proportioned and muscled.  He had a sprinkling of brown hair on his chest that slowly slunk down to his stomach and groin.  I could have looked him over all night long.  But, once I was naked in his bed, he covered me with himself.  He said in his deep, warm voice, “I want you so bad.  You know I have for so long”.  He made love to me slowly.  And yes, it occurred to me that the only reason I was here doing this was because David had done the same thing with someone else.  I couldn’t help but compare him to David.  And he didn’t compare at all.  But all I wanted right then was to hurt David the way he had hurt me.   Brian never made me come, he just humped me until he had his orgasm.  He didn’t even ask me about birth control.  I’m sure he was probably used to the girl taking care of that.  He was physically beautiful in a way that David never would be, but he didn’t care about how I felt or if it was good for me.  The differences between these two men were glaring.  And making love to a guy whom you did not love, held no interest for me anymore. 

After we were done, I got dressed and went back out to the couch.  I told Brian that although I was complimented by his attraction to me, I loved David to the ends of this world.  The next day, Brian took me back to my apartment and I thanked him for everything.  I could tell he was upset, but he should have known better.  I walked into the apartment and headed straight for the bathroom, where I took a scalding hot shower for 30 minutes.  I stayed in the bathroom for another 30 minutes after that. 

David came to the locked door and asked me, “Hey, where have you been?”,

to which I replied, “I’ve been at a friends’ house.  I thought I should give you and Chelsea time to get to know each other!”. 

David paused and figured out that I knew. 

“Patty, we need to talk about this”, was his response.

“I don’t know that I ever want to talk to you again”, not very mature, but that was how I felt.

“Okay, well, I have to make sure that people can get gas at the station, so I’m going to go now.  I’ll be back in a little while”, he stated. 

I didn’t answer him.  When I heard the front door close, I finally opened the bathroom door and looked around.  I suppose I wanted to make sure there was absolutely no remnants left over from David’s tryst with Chelsea.  And then I thought, or more wondered, how many such trysts had they had together and for how long had these “fuckings” been going on.  And then I just started crying again full force.  How could he have done this to me?  Was he done loving me?  Did he love her now?  What was wrong with me that he would do this?  Were we done?  Of course we were done!  Silly stupid, me.  Did I think we’d ever be able to recover from this?  I didn’t know if he even wanted to.

I called David at the station and said, “I want you to move out of here for a while, until I can figure out what to do”.

“Can’t we even talk about this in a mature, reasonable way?, he asked back.

“If I thought it was a mature, reasonable thing for you to do, I would be happy to discuss it with you as such.  But, in my eyes, it was immature, totally unreasonable, not to mention hurtful beyond measure”, I spat back.

“Fine, I’ll be back around 5:00 to get my stuff.  I hope that if anyone calls for me, you’ll let them know that I’m back at my Mom’s home?”, he said with anger in his voice.

“You mean, like Chelsea?  I’ll be happy to let her know.  You two deserve each other!”, even more anger.

“Patty, that was a one night…” click.

I had hung up on him before he had a chance to explain.  I didn’t want any explanations.  I wasn’t going to give him the benefit of relieving his guilty conscience.

When he came back, I was gone to my mother’s house.  I laid down on my old bed and just cried and cried.  When my Mom asked me what was wrong, I just shook my head and refused to discuss any of it.  She wasn’t naïve though, she knew it was something between David and me.  I got home around 7:00 pm after dinner and surveyed the apartment to see what was different.  To my surprise, nothing but a suitcase and some of his clothing had been taken.  I cried the rest of that night and pretty much the rest of the weekend.  My mother called some of my better girlfriends, who called me to see if I wanted to talk.  I talked to a few of them, including Joyce and Amy.  They all felt that I needed to sit down with David and discuss what had happened.  Joyce suggested going to a couple’s therapist if I felt I couldn’t do this with him by ourselves.  After I had a while to digest this advice, I agreed that that would probably be a good idea.   That is, if I felt like I ever wanted to talk to him again.  I was just so hurt.  I had truly never been this hurt before and I couldn’t think of anything that would have hurt me worse.  It didn’t matter that I had slept with someone the very same night.  That was simply revenge sex.  And it wasn’t that good anyway.  I couldn’t see that David would be as hurt by my rendezvous with Brian as I was with seeing him with Chelsea.  And given how long they had known each other, I was not going to buy a “one-night stand” excuse from him, not one bit.  David didn’t call me and I wasn’t about to call him.  This lasted two weeks. 

And then he called me.  He called on a Friday afternoon.  He called me to tell me about what had happened with Chelsea, but before he had even gotten much said, I informed him that it didn’t really matter because I had had a similar tete-a-tete with Brian that very same night. 

“Wh-wh-what are  you saying?”, he asked and I could see his eyes starting to squint with anger, even though we were talking on the phone.

“I’m saying, David, that I fucked his brains in.  You remember, the really gorgeous guy who I did a Marketing project with?”, I squinted back at him.

“Okay, so tell me if I have this correct.  After you saw me and Chelsea huh-uh-ing”,

and I cut him off, “You mean after I saw you and Chelsea humping like two dogs in heat?”,

“Yeh, that.  After that, you mean to say that you went out and had sex with Mr. Universe?”, he asked tartly.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I did”, I said with conviction.

“So, you basically had revenge sex with this poor guy”, he said in his quiet, soft, I’m-sorry-you-felt-you-had-to-do-this tone of voice.

I didn’t answer him.  I knew he was right.  It WAS simply revenge sex.  It was disgustingly understandable.  I wanted to hurt him with it, but he was too hurt by what he had done to be hurt by my simpleton’s attempt to get him back.

“I never meant to hurt you”, he said, in the same soft voice that always made me want to hold him.

“But you realize that you have hurt me beyond anything I’ve ever been hurt by before?”, I asked.

“Yeh, I know.  Patty, what do you want to know?  I’m sure you must have a lot of questions.”

“I want to know why and how many times and how will I ever be able to trust you again”, I could have asked more, but these were all I could think of at this time and place.

I could hear David take a deep breath while he thought of which question he wanted to answer first. 

“Patty, can we please get together so I can be with you when I answer your questions?”, he asked searchingly.

“NO!  No, I can’t risk being with you just yet.  I want to be able to hang up on you if it gets too much for me.  I don’t want you to see me when you tell me”, I said back to him, with a bit of a moan in my voice.

“Okay, all right.  You want to know why.  Well the only reason I can come up with is that she isn’t you.  I know that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but it’s all that makes sense to me.  And you don’t have to believe me, but that was the ONE and ONLY time I have ever strayed from you.  Most times, even if I have thought about it, I get sick just thinking of what it would do to you.  I gave in this one time and I still don’t really understand it, Patty.  All I can think is that you and I have been the only ones for each other for so long.  I wondered what it would be like with someone else.  After I started it with her, I knew almost instantly that it was a mistake.  I just didn’t feel like I could stop it once it started”.  He ended and I could hear him crying.  I was starting to wish we were together.  I wanted to hold him, but I couldn’t do anything with 20 miles between us.

“David, I actually think I do understand that.  That’s kinda how I felt with Brian.  And yes, the same thing with wanting to stop it once it had started, but not being able to.  David, I know that there have been plenty of women attracted to you and there have been plenty of men I’ve been attracted to.  I didn’t think that would stop just because we’re together.  But, I never acted on it because the thought of hurting you was so much greater than my desire to be with someone else.  I thought that’s how you felt too”, I said sadly.

“That is how I felt and still do feel.  Well, except this one time I just went with what she was offering.   I don’t know why I let it go as far as I did.  I sincerely wish I had not”, he cried into the phone.

“The real problem, David, is how do I know this won’t happen again?  You say it’s only happened once and I’ll choose to believe that.  But how can I trust you ever again?”, I asked pained and torn.

“I don’t know how I can prove myself to you.  I’ve struggled a lot with this question over the past couple weeks and I can’t answer that.  I can tell you til I’m blue in the face that I love you and I would NEVER want to do this to you again, but I don’t know if you’ll believe me and, if it were me in your shoes, I’m not sure I would believe me”.

“Let me ask you this, are you mad at me for what I did with Brian?”, I asked.

“Well, no, not really, cause I know why you did it and I don’t blame you.  I don’t like to think about you with someone else, but I don’t believe you’ll do it again.  Am I right?”, he asked.

“No, not even if I found you with another woman again.  It just wasn’t worth it.  God, David, I love you.  I don’t want to be with anyone else.  It’s not worth it and, in all honesty, not a hundredth of what we have together”, I said with love and honesty in my voice.

“That is EXACTLY how I feel.  I’m sorry I had to hurt you so bad.  But at least I found out something about me and about us.  I want you more than words can say.  I love you more than anything.  What we have is above comparison to anything else out there.  I feel sorry for the rest of those poor schmucks!  Please please Patty, take me back.  Put me out of my pitiful suffering.  I need to be with you”, he emoted.

“David, I need baby steps.  If you want to, we can go out to dinner tonight”, I kept a distance.

“Where to?”, he replied.

“Riddles”, our favorite restaurant in the Loop.

“Can I pick you up in, say 30 minutes?”, he asked with the beginnings of hope in his voice.

“Yes, that would be nice”, I answered back.

Riddles was a good choice as it was one of the places that we both liked and reminded us of better times that we had had together.  We went to this particular restaurant when we had something to celebrate.  We knew the owner and chefs by name.  We shared a bottle of Chardonnay and ended a great dinner with Chocolate Cheesecake.  I could tell, at times, that I resisted feeling good with David, but it was hard not to give in to his ministrations and love.  When we were done eating, he asked me if I wanted to rent a movie.  Since I was trying to let him back into the apartment gradually, I agreed that this would be a good “baby step” for us.  We rented a sad, sloppy movie and when I began to cry during it, he put his arm around me to console me.  I was such a wuss when it came to watching movies.  I should have picked a comedy!  It felt nice, though, to relax into his arms while sitting on the couch in our apartment.  When the movie was over, David didn’t want to leave, but I told him I thought it would be best to take things slowly.  I just wasn’t ready to completely forgive and forget.

It took a couple more weeks of us going out on dates, for me to feel comfortable with him staying the night.  Once he did stay the night, he moved all of his clothes and toothbrush back in.  It took several more weeks for me to completely forgive him and I can’t say I ever forgot.  And I hope I never do.  We never did go to a therapist.  We talked a lot together, which was not something that was new.  But some of our topics of conversation broadened and deepened as we strove to know each other better.  We both learned a lot from this incident.  We definitely don’t take each other quite as much for granted anymore.  From time to time we will tell each other when we are attracted to someone else.  We play-act more often in bed.  And we both know that being honest with each other and caring more for the other person’s feelings is what it takes to make a relationship work.  We almost lost a chance at being with each other and this was a scare that we never want to encounter again.  We know it’s not easy to find the true love of your life.  We also know we are two of the luckiest people alive for having done so.

Chapter 39 – Moving On

 

The spring of 1982, I turned 21 and, as such, came into my inheritance that my Grandfather had left me when he died.  David and I had been planning for some time that we would use a portion of this to buy a house.  We had also been saving some of David’s salary and my stipend for any improvements that would need to be made.  So, after we celebrated my birthday that year, we started looking for houses.  This was a trickier proposition than we had given credence to.  I grew up in a sprawling ranch house, so one-stories appealed to me.  David, on the other hand, had been raised in a three-story mansion and, as such, saw himself raising a family in this type of house.  We went back and forth trying to convince each other of the merits of each type of house until we were blue in the face!  We must have seen over 100 different houses on the market before we settled on a small two-story in University City. 

We decided upon location over size.  Even though U. City was not the poshest part of the suburbs, it was the most affordable and best located for where we needed to be.  The house was in fairly good shape and, for the areas that needed work, David was fairly certain he could do most of it.  As it turned out, he ended up taking out most of the two bathrooms and re-doing the downstairs rec-room.  I knew that David was talented when it came to working with his hands, but I thought it only pertained to my body, not a hammer and chisel!  When he was done with his work, I was astounded at the craftsmanship he displayed.  The master bath, especially, was a work of art.  He installed a new Jacuzzi tub and stall shower, along with all new fixtures, new tile and new glazed windows.  The night he was done with all the work, we celebrated by using our Jacuzzi, which we named “Bubbly”.  Although he was proud of his work, he also didn’t overstate his abilities, so I had to remind him several times how good he was with his hands.  All-in-all, the work in the house took about 6 months, as David would work at night and on the weekends.  We moved closer to where he worked as he convinced me that since I would not always go to SLU, it didn’t make sense to live close to school.  I just hoped that once I got a job, it would be close to our house.  I was starting to worry about that too.  I didn’t know what it was that I wanted to do once I graduated.  David would tease me that I should just be a house-wife and mother, but really that was the furthest thing from my mind.  I think ever since our scare, he had been thinking about having kids, whereas I was happy that we were still so young and no pressure was upon us.  In this and other ways, we lived in two very differing worlds.  We loved each other deeply, but at times I think we just didn’t understand where the other was coming from.

We gave a big “house warming” party as soon as the house was truly ready to be shown.  Most of our friends and family had already seen the house, but it was still nice to be able to show the completed version.  Plus, I got to brag about David’s work to everyone who came through the door.  My friend, Anne, who hadn’t gone off to college, helped me make hors d’oeuvre.  We provided beer and wine, chips and eats, and most everyone brought something to add to our little abode.  The house was a 3 bedroom, 2 bath, 1600 square foot 2-story bungalow that both David and I loved.  I think the fact that it was our first home made it as special as it was to us.  Even my mother approved of it, all except for the location.  At that time, U. City was not the greatest location for young white couples.  Twenty years later, it would be one of the chicest addresses in all of St. Louis.  But by then, we had moved on again.

Of course, David and I “christened” every room in the house with our lovemaking.  He fucked me standing up in the kitchen,  then we ran to the bedroom and made love on our big four-poster bed.   Of course, we had to steam it up in the Jacuzzi tub.  And we “69”ed on the couch in the living room.  We were ecstatic to have our own home, a place that finally felt like it was ours, all ours.  I wish that our newly-mortgaged bliss would have remained, but it was too easy to continue on so.  We had more rocky times ahead of us, and we hadn’t even gotten married yet.

Chapter 40 – Therapy

 

During my last year in college, I began having nightmares.  They consisted of a scene not unlike that which I had come across when I found David having sex with Chelsea.  I also started thinking more about his infidelity and my reaction.  I thought and truly believed that I had gotten past this bleak time in our lives.  When the nightmares only got worse, I decided that maybe I had not dealt effectively with what had been the most troubling time in our relationship.  David knew that I was having difficulties, but he didn’t know how to help me or deal with it himself.  So, I decided to get professional help.

I met with a Clinical Social Worker through SLU’s school counseling center.  Her name was Beth.  We talked a lot about my family, my childhood and my parents.  We delved into how I had been affected by my parents’ divorce and she helped me see that I had a deep sense of abandonment that stemmed from that.  Especially by men, seeing as it was my father who was the one who left the family.  We talked about how that might be playing out in my relationship with David.  And when we got around to discussing how the “affair” happened, I couldn’t speak for David, I could only speak for how I reacted.  Beth felt that for us to get any further along in terms of how we had dealt with the infidelity, David would need to take part in the sessions.  I didn’t know how he would feel about going to therapy, but since he had been seeing a therapist of his own since high school, I figured he would okay with going to see mine. 

When he got home that night, I approached him.   I asked him to come over and sit with me on the bed.

I started, “David, you know I’ve been seeing that therapist over at the school”.

“Yeh.  How’s it going?”, he asked and I knew he truly wanted to know as I hadn’t told him that much thus far..

“Well, it’s going ok.  I mean we’ve talked a lot about my family and my parents’ divorce.  I’m starting to understand how that affects me.  And us, really”, I said with honesty and forthrightness.

“That’s good. Right?  It’s good?”, he asked hesitantly.

“Yeh.  David, Beth feels that you need to be in on our sessions in order for me to understand how the affair came about”.

“Well, I wouldn’t call it an affair, Patty.  I mean it was just a ‘one-night’ thing after all”, he said, starting to look away.

“Yeh, I know, but to me it was an affair.  Even if it only lasted one night”.

“So then we’re going to talk about you and Brian too?” and I could tell he was getting defensive.

“Yeh, I think we probably need to talk about what happened with me and Brian”, I answered back, a little too forcefully..

“Patty, I thought we were over this.  I thought we had forgiven each other for what happened.  I thought we had moved on…”, he trailed off, starting to look sad.

“I know you did.  And I kept that up pretty well, I have to say.  But for some reason I can’t let go.  I’m having nightmares about it and thinking about it during the day.  I keep seeing you on top of her and her clothes all around”, and I started to cry after I said that, “I know you want to eventually get married, that we’re even going to start now to plan for it, but David,  I just don’t see how I can do that when I’m worried all the time when the next woman’s underwear will be in our house.  Or who you’re flirting with at work”, and he cut me off there by putting his finger on my lips. 

He had tears welling up in his eyes when he said, “No, please no, don’t do that.  I love you.  I’ve always loved you.  Even before you loved me, I loved you.  I don’t know what else I can do, Patty”.

I looked at him with tears streaming down my cheeks and said, “Will you please just go to see Beth with me?  I’m sure we can work things out.  I love you too.  We’ll get past this, I know we will.  But I need you to help me.  And right now, that looks like you and I going to see this therapist together”. 

He pulled me to him and held me for a while.  He took some deep breaths and said, “Patty, I don’t care what it takes, you know I’ll be there and do it with you.  I will always support you and US.  Just tell me where and when and I’ll be there”. 

And I squeezed him tighter and told him again that I loved him. 

He laid me back on the pillows and kissed me tenderly.  He looked me straight in my eyes and said, “You know I’ll always love you no matter what”

and I replied, “Yes, of course and same goes back to you from me”.  Then he kissed me more passionately and I responded by unbuttoning his work pants.   He pulled my shirt over my head and we continued to undress each other as quickly as we could.  David kissed me from my forehead to my belly button and then moved down to lick me in the place that he knew I loved, my clit.  He was masterful when it came to bringing me to orgasm.  And sometimes, like now, I couldn’t help but wonder if it wasn’t his way of saying he was sorry.  And showing me how much he loved me.  He’d tease me when I started to come and say “Tell me how many” since he always wanted to know how many times I orgasmed.  I would count them for him.  He was simply amazed at how many times he could make me come.  At the point at which I would tell him to stop, because I was pretty well spent, he would climb up on top of me and ram his stiff dick into me.  I couldn’t believe how good his aim was!  He just knew exactly where to put it so that he plunged into me.  He didn’t have to hold it or anything.  This night he grabbed my wrists and held them above my head while he pumped me again and again.  I spread my knees as far as I could, so he could fill me as far as he could possibly go.  I loved feeling him deep inside me.  I loved feeling his chest on top of my breasts, moving up and down, faster and faster.  When he came, he cried out and held himself up for a few seconds.  Then he tumbled down on me and we mingled our sexual sweats with each other.  After he caught his breath, he pulled me over on top of  him and then finally we fell over onto our sides.  We settled there for a long time, just holding and caressing one another. 

I shyly said, “Thank you.  That was wonderful”. 

He got up on one elbow , stared down at me and said, “I know I don’t have to tell you how great you are” and then “But I’ll tell you anyway.  Making love to you is like fireworks exploding in my body.  You, my dear, have me totally entranced”. 

I smiled and kissed him and then round two had begun.  The passion between us should have been enough. 

The next week, on a Tuesday at 6:00 pm, David came to Beth’s office from work and we began our therapy.  We would end up staying in therapy with Beth for 6 months.  There was just so much to talk about.  So much to understand.  And since I had started with Beth, she felt she needed to get to know David on his own terms.  So, I basically got to go through a large part of what he had already talked with his therapist about.  I thought he would feel like this was a waste of time, but he never complained if he did.  He came to every session open and willing to explore our relationship.  We learned huge amounts about each other.  And one of the things we learned was how we hid behind our sex life.  Interestingly, we also learned how to make our lovemaking more intimate, more open and real.   Beth felt that we had sex so often because it was how we hid from actually being intimate with each other.  She explained that this was something that happened with a lot of couples who were afraid of actually being seen by each other.  She postulated that we might actually get to know each other more by having less sex and more talk.  At this point, I began to talk about how I felt I had to have sex with David.  That I was worried he wouldn’t love me as much if I didn’t, or might even leave me.  David didn’t always accept what she was putting forth as the ultimate truth, but he was willing to try things differently if that would help our relationship grow.  He didn’t want me to do something that I didn’t want to do.  Beth offered that maybe I should be in charge of how often we had sex one week and then David could be in charge the next week.  That way, we could see how much the other person really wanted it.  We agreed to try this, with me starting the first week. 

We talked a lot about how David’s “affair” had come about and why I went to Brian as a result of it.  We came to understand our actions as a result of our lower self-esteems.  David felt that his actions were a test of our relationship.  After a while in therapy, I was able to tell David that I could forgive him for what he had done, but I would never forgive a second “affair”.  I guess by this time, I came to value my love and myself enough that I wouldn’t put up with his doing that again.  I knew we had both learned a lot from it.  And I knew that David loved me, maybe more so than I loved him.  But, I felt it imperative that he knew there would be no second chances when it came to treating me and us in this way.  He asked me to trust him again.  After a time, I did.  I let go of my anger, my fear, and my distrust.  He never gave me reason to distrust him again.  Therapy was the best thing we ever went through.  Not only did I get to know myself, but David and I got to know each other in ways we could never have thought of.

That first week when we decided that I would be the one to decide on when and how often we would make love, I thought David would have a conniption.  You see, he had always been pretty much in charge of this part of our relationship.  It wasn’t that he forced me to have sex, he just was so good at convincing me. 

So that first night, I said, “I’d really like to just cuddle tonight.  Is that okay with you?”. 

To which he replied, “Yeh, sure, that’s fine”.  And I proceeded to get into my nightgown and he got into a pair of lounging pants that he wore around the house at night. 

“Can we do this in front of the TV?”, he asked with a smile.

“No, I want to do it on our bed with no TV and no music, just us”, I replied, maybe a little too forcefully.

“Okay”, he answered back.  And I could tell he thought this was a bit weird, but I didn’t care.  So, we got on the bed and cuddled, with him holding me in the crook of his arm and my arm draped around his side.  I asked him about how the station was going and we ended up talking about that for almost an hour.  He asked me about school and I told him I had decided to fully go for the Business degree.  When we’d been lying in each others’ arms for over an hour, we decided to go to sleep.  I kissed David sweetly on the lips.  I could tell he was disappointed in our chaste intimacy, but I felt it was one of the first times we had actually fully been together in bed.

The next night, David got home when I was in the shower and he asked if he could join me.  I was worried about what he would take it as, if I said yes, but decided to just say yes and deal with it then.  He asked me if I wanted him to do my back as he usually did and I agreed.  Then I soaped his back for him.  I handed him the soap and I could tell he was starting to get hard.  He asked if he could kiss me and, because I was starting to desire him, I said “Please”.  Interestingly, we just stood there kissing and it didn’t go any further.  I hadn’t seen David show such restraint in a long time.  He would usually be all over me with the soap and his hands.  This time, he held back and simply kissed me.  I got out of the shower first and toweled myself off.  I decided to go lay down on the bed without any clothes on.  I wanted him and I needed to be the one in control.  I heard him get out of the shower, get on his lounge pants and go straight to the kitchen for dinner.  I was shocked!  And even a little bit rejected.  I got up and went into the kitchen, still naked and ready.  I waited until he turned around and saw me standing there in the buff. 

He said, “I thought you wanted to keep it chaste this week?”, with all sincerity.

I didn’t know what to think.  He was right, in a way.  I had wanted to see what would happen if we spent less time making love and more time just being with each other.  But, I was wanting him so badly, that I wanted him to ravage me.  Now I could understand where he was coming from. 

I said back, “I want you right now as badly as you have ever wanted me.  And it’s my week to decide when and how much we have sex, so with your permission, I’d like you to fucking jump my bones”. 

“And, if I don’t want to?”, he asked with raised eyebrows.

“Then, I guess I’ll get out my vibrator and get myself off”, I said back and pulled up on one of my round C-cup breasts by it’s nipple.  That was too much for David, less any man, to forgo and he came over and picked me up as fast as I’ve ever seen him move.   I straddled his torso with my legs while he marched me back to our bedroom.  He plopped me down on our King-size bed, took off his pants as fast as he possibly could, and fucked me like we hadn’t in over a month.  That man was just plain horny, that was all that could be said of him!  While we were tossing in bed, he reached down between us and fingered my clitoris.  I came right as he did, which was a first for us.  Especially since it didn’t take him nearly long enough.  One of the side-effects of not having sex in a couple days.  When he was spent, he stayed on top of me and kissed me for another quarter-hour.  He’d stop every so often and murmur in my mouth, “You are so wonderful” or “God, how did I get so lucky” and “I just want to kiss you all night long”.  I laughed at him and at us.  And after a quarter-hour went by, he got hard again, as he was wont to do.  I really did love how eager he was with me.  I turned over and let him fuck me from behind.  He loved that and could always last a little longer that way.  When he was spent, he rolled off of me and we spooned for a while in bed.  Then, before he could work himself up into another poke, I got out of bed and went to the bathroom to pee and get my nightshirt on.  I called to him from the hallway that I was going to fix dinner.  A few minutes later, he came out, went to the bathroom and joined me in the kitchen for Pasta Alfredo and Veggies, one of his favorite meals.  He smiled his cute little smile while we ate, but I wasn’t going to bring up sex again that night.  After we cleaned up from dinner, I did some homework, he watched TV and we ended up snuggling again at bedtime.  I felt loved, sated, and balanced.  I think he could have gone another 5 rounds with me, but he didn’t let onto feeling deprived and I didn’t ask.

The second week, when it was David’s turn to decide on our sex life, he did something that surprised both of us.  He chose to make love to me every night, but he didn’t push me to go longer or harder then I wanted.  He asked me after every time if I wanted to go again.  Sometimes I did.  But sometimes, I did not.  I stayed honest with him and he stayed honest with me.  It was probably the first time this had ever happened with us.  He even found himself deciding against having sex if we were both tired.  He realized that quality reigned over quantity.  I never actually caught him, but I think sometimes he chose to masturbate in the shower over asking me for something he knew I wasn’t into.  I found that I had to take a lot more responsibility for our love life than ever before.  We both enjoyed my coming onto him.  It was a breath of fresh air after all those years of a him pursuing me.  After this week, we didn’t feel the need to go back to my week vs. his week.  I found my “voice” in other areas of our life too.  I couldn’t believe how many ways in which I had forfeited my self.  David always knew that I had my own thoughts, feelings and beliefs.  He was glad to have them out on the table, so to speak.  He appreciated my personality and my strength.

I can easily say that Therapy saved our life together.  It helped us in ways that I could not have foreseen.  I was happier with David than I had ever been before.  Happier than I had ever been in my life.  I found the truest love of my life through a Therapist named Beth.

Chapter 41– Graduation

 

In May, 1983, I graduated from college.  I had decided upon a Business degree as this was the only major that made sense to me.  I never did quite get how college was going to help me get a job and feel productive, but I did what a lot of undergrads did and just figured out what was easiest to get out with in 4 years.  David, having never had a reason or desire to go to college, didn’t really care what I graduated with.  He would support me in any career I wanted to pursue.  Problem was, I wasn’t sure what that was.  My parents threw a big Graduation Party for me at my Mom’s house and we all got too drunk and too high.  My friends were mostly back from college by this time and everyone was talking about my upcoming wedding.  David was seen as much improved by their standards, having already a career, a house and a bride.  When I looked at how successful he was, I was jealous in part.  I remembered that he was one of the “Least Likely to Graduate High School” and laughed.  Not only had he graduated, but he was further along than any of my friends.  Of course, most of his friends were working at McDonald’s or stocking at a grocery store.  I don’t know where David would be had his father not owned a large string of gas stations.  But I do know that, even though he had a helping hand, he worked extremely long hours, handled his employees with finesse and managed the station he had with aplomb.  Most people would be lucky to do half that. 

David sent me a big bouquet on my Graduation day and then gave me a diamond watch for my graduation gift.  It was absolutely beautiful and I showed my appreciation in more than one way.  He also bought me a new teddi.  Darn thing was, I hardly got to wear it as we enjoyed it more off than on.  Graduation was over-shadowed by our impending nuptials.  I didn’t mind as I didn’t really want to celebrate not knowing what the heck I was going to do now.  Truth be told, getting married was the biggest event in my calendar and my life.  I hadn’t made that many friends at SLU, but the few I had went home after graduation.  Interestingly enough, the friends I had made were not from St. Louis! 

As part of my graduation gift and to get away from all of the hectic planning and parties surrounding our wedding, David took me to his Mom’s Lake Cottage.  Every time we were here, we built up more fond memories of being there.   We swam in the lake, took the rowboat out, made love 15 different ways and talked about our future.  He fished while I read and then we’d lounge in the hot tub and massage each other’s feet.  It was idyllic, almost as good as our first foray there.

 

 

Chapter 42 – Job Search

 

After I graduated, I needed to start my job search.  I went through the career counseling center at school both before I graduated and afterwards, but nothing ever caught my attention.  David helped me look through the want ads every Sunday.  One weekend, I was perusing the paper and saw that Freeman Enterprises was advertising for a Director Intern.  I asked David if he knew about this and he said that he did. 

“Well, why didn’t you tell me about it?”, I asked with a little bit of hurt in my voice.

“Because I didn’t think you would want an Internship”, he answered.  He said so matter-of-factly that I accepted his answer. 

But it sounded intriguing, so I asked, “Would you mind if I applied?”.

“No, not at all”, he muttered back.  Now, I was starting to wonder if he really would mind.

“Can you tell me about the position?”, I asked starting to get somewhat peeved.

“Well, it’s really an Assistant Director as the guy who you would be working under is retiring in a year or so.  They are trying to find someone to groom for his position”. 

“Why aren’t you applying for it?”, I asked, not understanding what the problem was.

“Well, for one, it’s corporate and, two, because my father has already told me he won’t give me the job”.  Then I understood.  His father had a set plan for David on how he wanted him to move up through the company.  He made him start out as the lowest rung on the ladder and move up as he proved himself.  David and his brother, Kyle, would eventually own the business, but since his father was still young, not for a long time to come.  Then I realized that this Director was David’s boss.  No wonder he didn’t want me to apply for the job.  I dropped the subject, as did David, and decided to apply for it anyway.  It was a good job with a lot of growth potential and a nice starting salary.  I probably wouldn’t even get an interview, but it couldn’t hurt to try.

A week later, I got a phone call from the Office manager, asking me to come for an interview the following Thursday.  I didn’t tell David as I knew he didn’t approve of my applying for this job.  I decided that if I got asked back to a second interview, I would let David know at that point.  I met with the Director for over an  hour.  He didn’t act as though he knew I was David’s fiancée and I didn’t say anything about it either.  It was a good interview.  I had most of the qualifications that they were looking for.  When the interview ended, he said that they would let me know one way or another the next week.  That next Tuesday, I got a call from the same Office manager to set up a second interview with Ken Freeman, David’s father.  It was set for the following Friday. 

When David got home that night, I had his favorite meal waiting for him and a bottle of white wine.  I had already showered and put on a pretty lingerie outfit.  I was perfumed and ready to talk.  I was also scared at how he would take the news.  He raised his eyebrows when he saw me and said he would be right out, after he took a shower.  Over dinner and wine, I brought up the subject I had been worried all day to talk about.

“Umm, David.  There’s something I want to talk to you about”, I said worriedly.

“You mean, the interview that you have with my father on Friday?”, he asked smiling.

“How did you know?  No, don’t tell me.  Dear old Dad told you?”, I asked sarcastically.

“Actually, it was Hank”, he said serenely.  The Director I had interviewed with the week before.

“What do you think?”, I asked, looking down at my plate.

“I think you should do what you think is best for you to do, Patty”, he said.  And the love he had for me was so obvious, it took my breath away. 

“Would you have a problem if I got the job?”, I asked, my eyebrows furrowed with worry.

“Are you kidding?  I think it’d be great”, he exclaimed.

“You mean it?”

“Sure, then I could tell everyone that I was sleeping with my boss!”, he laughed.  And then he leaned over and kissed me long and hard.  “I want you to be the most successful woman ever.  I’m so proud of you, Patty.  Oh, and from what I’ve heard, you’d have to really fuck up the interview with my father to NOT get the job.  Hank thought you were perfect.”

“Really?!  Oh God, David, that makes me so happy”, I shouted out.

That night we celebrated my interview, our love, just about anything we could think of to celebrate.  By the time we went to sleep, David was the one begging off.  I was the one wanting to think of new ways to make him come. 

When I met with Ken Freeman, it was more like a father and daughter meeting to talk over job terms.  He had already decided to give me the job.  And here, I had made David help me prepare for the interview for hours upon hours.  The only interview was Ken wanting to know how the Wedding plans were coming along and what he could do to ease my transition into his company.  I asked him to please not give me a higher salary than David.  I knew David was happy for me, but I didn’t want to push my luck by making more money than he did.  Besides, we had plenty.  Ken balked, but eventually gave in and started me at $1000.00 less than David.  I was to start work after our Honeymoon, which suited me to a tee.  When I got home that night, after meeting my Mom to make final preparations for the wedding flowers, David was standing at the door with a bouquet.  He already knew the good news, of course.  We took our nightly shower together, got dressed up and went to a fancy Italian restaurant for dinner and drinks that night.  I thought he would feel jealous of me, but instead he was proud of his soon-to-be wife.  David was becoming so sure of himself and who he was as a man, that my getting a position above his didn’t bother him in the least.  And, after all, one day he would own the company, so it didn’t really matter where he was right now.  He enjoyed what he did.  I don’t think he was in any rush to work in the corporate sector of the company.

 

Chapter 43 – Wedding

 

It took a year to plan this wedding and 10 years later, people were still talking about “the wedding of 1983”.  We planned for it to be cast all in white, as we had dressed for our prom.  I know it was kind of silly to theme it after a high school event, but it was one that had left an indelible mark on both our memories.  My mother and his mother got together over the flowers, my father paid for the affair and his father paid for most of our honeymoon.  His parents split the cost of the rehearsal dinner.  It was, simply put, a glorious spectacle of flowers, food, and music.  We decided to have the ceremony in the Synagogue I had been raised in because it could hold the 500 people who had been invited.  His Synagogue was much smaller in comparison.  We had both of our Rabbi’s perform the ceremony, although David and I could have cared less as long as it was short and to the point.  When he saw me enter the temple on my father’s arm, his mouth opened in amazement at how lucky he was and how beautiful I looked.  He was dressed in white as well, which didn’t go over well with either of our mothers, but at least they had something to bond over.  The second color was silver and his brother looked great in it.  My sisters weren’t so keen on this color, but I reminded them it was my wedding and not theirs.  At 5:00 pm I walked down the aisle.  It took a whole 30 minutes from this to when we were getting into the limousine.  Short and sweet, just how we wanted it.  On the way to my father’s country club for the reception, we toasted with French Champagne.  We kissed and drank until we arrived, which didn’t take more than 10 minutes.  Such a shame for an expensive limousine.

The country club’s main hall was decorated in white and silver.  It was almost overdone, if you asked me, but our mothers were happy, so we were happy.  The wedding party stood in line to greet all of the 500 guests and then, when they were starting on champagne and appetizers, we got our pictures taken.  We decided to do it this way because we didn’t want to see each other before the wedding in all our regalia and we didn’t want to make our guests wait for the festivities to begin.  So, we made the photographer take our pictures quickly while our guests were enjoying themselves.  Then, when that was completed, we were announced to the 500 guests as husband and wife.  We danced our first dance and they served the first course.  I found out something about David that night that I hadn’t realized before.  He loved to be the toast of the party.  And he really did a great job of hosting a party full of people he hardly even knew.  I always knew he had a great sense of humor, but I always thought I was the one with the “mostest”.  Not so.  David was not only funny, but debonair, diplomatic and adored.  I might have been jealous if I hadn’t been astounded.  And tickled.  I was tickled by how smooth he could be with people he didn’t know at all.  We had a great time dancing, drinking champagne, and talking to so many people, we wouldn’t be able to recall what we said to whom.  We barely ate a thing, just didn’t have time for it.  We had too many people vying for our attention.  About halfway through, David whispered in my ear while we were dancing, “Meet you in the upstairs Women’s Lounge in 10 minutes”.  Well, I had no idea where the “upstairs women’s lounge” was located, so it took me 10 minutes of just searching.  Finally, when I found what I thought was it, I looked inside but the lights were turned off.  Next thing I knew, he pulled me inside, locked the door, and put his arms around me.

“Having a good time?”, he murmured into my ear as he nibbled on my lobe. 

“Not half as good as you”, I laughed back.

“Do you think we could call it a night, yet?”, he asked and I couldn’t tell if he meant it or was just saying it for me.

“I think our parents would kill us.  Or maybe then again, they might not even notice we were gone”, I said.  “Do you really want to go now?”, I asked.  I wanted to know if he really want to go or if he just thought I did.

“I want you all to myself tonight.  And I don’t want you so tired or drunk that we can’t celebrate by ourselves.  If you know what I mean”, he replied sexily.

“Okay, let’s stay for another hour.  And I promise not to drink too much if you promise me our last dance”, I said and then kissed him to seal it.

“Can we just stay here another couple minutes?”, he asked between kisses.  We kissed in the dark and he gave me a glance at what he wanted to do to me later.  I got him equally hot and then we had to leave the room separately, lest people see how turned on he was.

I spent the rest of my time just watching David while I had mindless conversations with my friends and my parents’ acquaintances.  A lot of the Freeman Enterprises employees came up to congratulate me on my recent employment with the company.  In between these barrages, I just looked at David.  I looked at how he laughed, how he danced with the women not being asked to dance, how he raised his glass in toasts to our union, and how he would, every so often, glance at me and smile with a wink.  Just like he did those first few days I started to get to know him in high school.  That smile and that wink, so artfully placed within a second of each other, never ceased to send my stomach into butterflies.  I knew, that night, I was the luckiest bride in history.  I had found myself a man who not only took care of me in so many ways, but loved me for exactly who I was.  We had already been through better or worse, sickness and health.  Our marriage was just a re-hash of what we already knew and felt.  We were already married before we said our “I Do”s.  I don’t know, maybe that’s how it should be.  No big surprises.  When he finally came over to me for our final dance, I was relieved.  I had truly had enough of my own wedding.  David announced, through the loud speaker, that this would be our last dance and asked everyone to stay until the club kicked them out.  This got a round of laughs, except for my mother who also wanted to leave and didn’t want people to stay that late.  The dance floor was emptied in honor of the newlyweds and we danced possibly too close for polite company.  David whispered in my ear that he loved me more tonight than he ever had before, and that was saying something seeing as how he had loved me since 8^th grade!  I simply smiled and kissed his neck.  When we were done with the dance, we quickly exited a side entrance where we knew the limo was waiting for us.  There was a huge group of friends and their dates ready to shower us with rice and birdseed.  The limo had been painted with “Just Married” and there were beer cans dangling from the back.  I threw the bouquet and got in the back.  It was midnight and I was pooped.

We drove straight to the nicest airport hotel for our wedding night.  My sisters had already checked in for us earlier that day and our bags were waiting for us when we got there.  Freeman employees had gone in on a basket with champagne, strawberries, chocolates and cheeses and that was waiting in our room also.  I immediately took off my dress and put it in the big white bag that my sister would come by and get tomorrow after we had already left.  When it came to planning, we women had it all down pat.  I changed into a frilly short white lingerie piece that my mother had bought me for this occasion.  She still liked to think of me as virginal and I wasn’t about to disappoint her.  David went to the bathroom, stored his tux (also for my sister to return the next day), showered, and generally got ready for me.  He wanted things to be just right.  Now why he was so worried about one night in all the nights we had already shared was beyond me.  But he felt very sincere about making tonight the most special of all.  When he was done, I used the bathroom for my own needs, combed out my hair, took off my makeup and made sure I lived up to his idea of perfect.  God forbid I should look like I did any other night of the year.

We shared the food from the basket and drank ice water as we had already had enough champagne to last a year.  Besides, I was worried about a hangover.  We decided to leave the bubbly for my sister as a gift to her for helping us with our wedding clothes.  David appreciated my taste in lingerie mostly in how fast we could get it off of me.  He wore only a pair of his “cute” shorts briefs.  I took those off first and lingered at his “salute” to me.  As he was in no position to disagree, he stood there in front of me, holding on to the table and trying not to buckle as I made him come in my mouth.  When he was finally able, he lifted me up and set me on the table.  He took the basket off  and laid me down.  The licking and sucking that he gave me that night was unparalleled.  I came so hard that my back arched in ecstasy.  When I was done “counting” my orgasms for him, he kissed me long and soft.  We tasted each other’s juices that lingered in our mouths.  I loved the way he could so easily pick me up, loved the look of his chest as he flexed his muscles when he lifted me to the bed.  I reveled in the way he laid me down and then flopped down on top of me.  His weight always made me want him in me.  He loved how endowed I was in some places, and tiny in others.  We so complemented each other, we so loved being naked with each other.  We made love a couple more times that night.  We didn’t overdo it.  We were tired from the long day of nuptials.  Our lovemaking that night was long-winded, sweet and sweaty.  And a beautiful end to a perfect day.

 

Chapter 44 – Honeymoon

 

The next day, we got up early to make our 8:00 am plane to Hawaii.  We ordered room service for breakfast, packed our toiletries, finished off the basket of goodies from last night and hightailed it across the street to the airport.  His father paid for our honeymoon vacation, but we decided to splurge on extras.  The first was two first-class seats the whole way to and from Hawaii.  This was nice as it was a long flight.  By the time we got to Honolulu, we had been in the plane for 12 hours.  I brought a couple sleeping pills along as I knew I didn’t want to be awake in a plane for that long.  David opted not to take his, instead he read an entire book.  The nicest part of first-class seating is how wide the seats are.  We put up the arm rest between us and I slept leaning into David, while he put his back up against the window and spread his legs to envelop me.  When I woke up, it was 4:30 am and we were somewhere over the Pacific.  No one around us had their overhead lights on, so the plane was fairly dark.  I could hear the light snoring of a few passengers nearby.  I softly looked up to see if David was sleeping.  His chest was rising and falling like it did when he was sound asleep.  When I lifted my head to look at him, he startled and looked down at me.  When he got his bearings, he smiled down at me and I up at him.  Then he kissed the top of my head and said, “Hey, Beautiful”.  He yawned, stretched his arms above his head and pulled me in tighter.

“How long have I been out for?”, I asked yawning right back.

He looked at his watch, the one I had bought him for Christmas, and said, “Well, it’s 4:30 , so I’d say about 6 hours”.

“When did you go to sleep?”.

“Not long after you did”, he responded.  I got up from leaning on him as I figured he was starting to get stiff just sitting in that one position all this time.  He pulled his leg down and stood up to stretch.  I stretched what I could and arched my back.  He excused himself to go to the bathroom and I followed after he was done.  When I got back, he asked me in a very serious, but soft voice, “Would you like to be instituted into the “Six Mile High” club?”.

“What the hell is that?”, I asked thinking he was making this up.

“Well, you see, all we have to do is fuck each other in a plane”, he said and smiled.

“You’re kidding!”, I quietly exclaimed, thinking he was just teasing me.

“No!  I’m not!  There really is such a club”, he sputtered out.

“Yeh, and did you just make this club up?”, I laughed back.

“No.  Terry told me about it.”

“Oh well, there you go.  If Terry told you about it, it must be true”, I whispered vehemently back.

“Well, whether or not it really exists, I want to try it”, he said with conviction.

“And where and how do you see this happening?”, I asked with equal conviction.

“Well we could go to the bathroom.  I mean nobody’s up right now.  It would be the perfect time”, he replied with sex on his brain.

“Have you seen how small that bathroom is?  Are you crazy?….And what about the stewardesses?  Wouldn’t they hear us?”, I asked in quick succession.

“Okay, yeh, that might not be a great idea”  and then, “What about right here?  We’ve got a couple blankets.  We could hide under them and you could sit on top of me”, he was starting to get turned on and convinced.  I can always tell when David was getting hard.  He blushed and he started looking at my breasts.

Now, since I was wearing a skirt, this idea didn’t sound half as crazy as it should have.  I pulled off my panties and waved them in his face.  He grabbed them, sniffed them, and that was all she wrote.  That had us kissing each other with me straddled over his thighs.  He undid his jeans, pulled them and his briefs down, and pulled me onto him.  It was difficult for me to entirely relax as I kept wondering if the stewardess or a fellow passenger was going to find us out.  David, on the other hand, relished having sex with the threat of exposure.  He reached under my top and pulled my bra up so he could feel my breasts.  He knew I loved this and it made me get wet nearly every time he did it.  He moved me exactly as he needed me moved so that he could pump up and down inside me.  He was coming in record time.   When he was done, he reached down for a napkin so I could let the juices flow into it instead of the seat.  He was always so courteous when it came to my welfare and comfort.  Only problem was, we didn’t know what to do with the napkin after it was soiled.  He shoved it under our seats.  After we were back to our put together selves, he held me the rest of the way until we had to put our seat belts back on.  He was happy as punch that we were now initiated into the “6 Mile High” club.  As for my part, I could have cared less, but I cared so much for David’s happiness that I smiled right along with him.

When we got to Honolulu, we checked into the Hyatt and took another nap after showering.  When I woke up, David was ushering a bellman into our room with a cart full of breakfast foods.  It was around 1:00 in the afternoon, but I could eat breakfast 24 hours a day.  We ate in our bedclothes and enjoyed just being out of St. Louis.  David asked me what I wanted to do that afternoon and I replied that I wanted to take a walk around the area and see what was going on.  He could have stayed in the room all day, but he agreed with my suggestion.  We walked about 2 miles in all, checking out the local shops, markets and beach.  We both liked to swim and be in water, so we agreed that was what we would do the next day.  We had dinner at a fancy restaurant that night and listened to a Jazz Ensemble until we were ready to call it a night.  Throughout dinner and the nightclub, David had a hard time  keeping his hands to himself.  He was overwhelmed with just being with me.  I was still tired from jet lag.  I tried to keep up with him, but he could tell I was wiped out and wanted to end our night early.  He wasn’t quite ready to let me go to sleep.  When we got back to the room, I decided to take a shower to see if that would revive me at all.  I was washing my hair, when I heard the shower curtain pulled over.  David got in and began to soap me like he loved to do.  He kissed me long and tenderly and I responded by rubbing his dick with my soapy hand.  That was all he needed.  He picked me up under my butt, positioned me against the shower wall, and brought me over his hard shaft.  While he was working me up and down against the wall, he let go with one hand to reach for my right tit.  He took it into his warm mouth and sucked on my nipple until I moaned with desire.  He traded hands and pulled on my left nipple between his thumb and forefinger.  That made me cry out, but it wasn’t from pain.  It just felt so good and so overwhelming.  I held onto him around his neck and fucked him until he was sated.  I loved how he held me up so easily, like I was just a doll.  He was so strong and muscled.  Just looking at him naked in the shower was enough to make me want him.  After we cleaned me up and toweled off, he ended the night by picking me up and taking me to the bed so he could suck and lick on me until I came in his mouth.  He got so hard again doing this to me, that before I was done orgasming, he climbed on top of me and fucked me all over again.  By the time we fell asleep, we were both spent, sated and exhausted. 

We spent the next 12 days making love, playing in the ocean, touring the islands and eating to our hearts’ content.  We spent a few days each on Honolulu, Maui, Kauai, and The Big Island.  We snorkeled, para-sailed, went to dinner shows and spent ample time in bed.  He bought me anything I wanted and we picked out a few expensive souvenirs for us to remember Hawaii by.  It was an idyllic time for us, probably the best of our lives.  Everything was first-class.  His father and David had seen to it that nothing was spared.  We stayed in the nicest Hyatt hotels the entire stay and ate at the nicest restaurants.  Because David had never shown himself to be that adept at making plans and picking restaurants, I didn’t know he had this hidden talent.  Just like how he showed himself to be a superb host, he ministered to me with an adroitness I had never seen.  He was maturing in ways that astounded me and, not only did I appreciate them, I relished finding out more.

On the airplane ride home, we were sad to have to leave and get back to the real world.  We talked a lot about my new job that I would be starting on Monday.  Thankfully, we had a weekend in which to recuperate.  We didn’t make love on the plane again, something for which I was grateful.  Too many people were awake the whole time that we never had a chance to be intimate.  There was no doubt that David was a Voyeur, but I was much more shy when it came to where we made love and who might walk in on us!  I had always been the one to worry about this, especially when we were still in high school and he wanted to make it in his car every day.  Of course, I gave into him, but I never felt completely at ease.  He just didn’t care who saw us.  I chalked it up to him being a horny toad.

 

Chapter 45 – Working

 

When we settled back into our married life in St. Louis, I was busy trying to learn and keep up with my new position as Assistant Director at Freeman Enterprises.  Ken would check in with me a couple times a week to see how I was coming along.  My boss, Hank, always assured him that I was bright and picking things up very quickly.  But at night, when I had a chance to breath, I wondered.  David tried to reassure me that every new job was fraught with tension and unease.  He told me not to be so hard on myself.  That it would take a good 6 months to feel completely comfortable in my new shoes.  That was to be expected.  He did help me feel better, but then I would get to work and wonder what the hell I was doing there.  Hank was very nice, but not very good at explaining to me what he was doing and why he was doing it.  So, a lot of my job I had to gain my comprehension simply by doing it, and hoping that the results were what they were supposed to be.  This did not make me feel adept at all, but David assured me that it would all work out.  Things with Hank only got worse, to the point where he wasn’t telling me what he was doing at all.  I started to wonder what the real problem was.  But, when I talked to David about my misgivings, he said that since this guy was retiring in a year, I shouldn’t worry about it.  Just try to get done what he gave me and leave the rest to Hank.  But I was the one who was being groomed to take his position after that year and I still didn’t know anything of what he did with any clarity whatsoever.  I started to really wonder if maybe Hank was doing something he shouldn’t be.  So, I did what all good nosey Interns do.  I started to spy on my boss.  I would go into his office to see what he was working on when he was away.  I got a key made to his desk and used it to open up his file drawers.  Maybe I was being overly suspicious, but I just plain did not trust this guy.  He had seemed so inviting when I interviewed and initially, when I started, but little by little he had shut me out.  When I brought this up to David, he tried to make excuses, but the more I told him, the more he also became wary of Hank’s behavior.  Finally, one Friday, when Hank was out of town on a business Trip, I found pay dirt.  The papers that I got my hands on incriminated him in an embezzlement scheme like you might find at a larger Corporation.  Yet, sure enough, he was doing the same thing here, on a smaller scale, right under the nose of Ken Freeman and the other Vice Presidents.  I made copies of everything and took them home to David that night.

David was, to say the least, shocked by what I showed him.  He said that Hank and Ken had been friends and in business together for years.  He couldn’t believe this guy would do this to his father.  But the proof was irrefutable, anyone could see that.  I asked David what I should do.  He suggested that we get together with Ken on Saturday night for dinner and confront him with the news/proof then.  That sounded good to me, as I did NOT want to do this on my own.  Heck, I’d only been at the company for a little over a month.  And Ken was, to say the least, a bear when it came to business.  Even David was a little bit afraid of him. 

We went out to a nice chain restaurant on Saturday with Ken and his wife, Jenny.  David brought the matter up by saying that since I had started at Freeman Enterprises, I had noticed some strange things with Hank.  I took over by saying that things just didn’t always add up in my mind, from what he was showing me and what was actually going on.  I told him the rest of my story, even the spying part.  I didn’t know if I would be fired, but I knew the Mr. Freeman had to know what was going on beneath his nose.  After I was done talking, Ken looked very grave and very upset.  I needed to know who he was upset with.  Finally, he said that he was not upset with me.  Phew!  He said he knew something was amiss with Hank for some time, but never had the proof with which to confront him.  He thanked me for being so thorough and clever in figuring this out on my own.  He said he would talk to Hank and deal with the fallout on his own.  We left it at that.  After all, it was his company and his employee.  I had done all I could at this point.

The next Monday, Hank’s office was cleared out.  I never saw him again.  I think the company brought charges against him, but it was very hush hush.  David told me to just leave well enough alone.  Now, since I didn’t have a boss to train me and they were going to have to hire a new Director, Ken thought it would be better to move me over to Marketing for the time being.  That suited me fine.  The Director of Marketing was a man named Craig Lenehan.  He was very bright, talented and young.  I was surprised at just how young he was.  I think maybe in his early thirties.  I didn’t know a lot about Marketing, but he did and he didn’t mind having an Intern to train and have assist him.  I think he was over-worked as it was, so any assistance he could garner was welcomed.  I ended up working in Marketing for another 10 years. 

Around this time, I was working 10 hour days and David was working six 12 hour days.  And we stopped making love.  Well, maybe not stopped as in never, but it just didn’t seem like it was nearly as much as it had always been. 

One Saturday, when David got home, around 7:00 pm, I cornered him in the bathroom and said, “Are you having an affair?”.  I don’t know exactly why I decided to ask him this, but I do know that the fact of not making love was weighing on my mind a lot these days. 

He looked shocked and hurt and said, “No!  You know I would never do that to you again.  Where’d that come from, anyway?”. 

I started to tear up and said, “It’s just that we never make love anymore, or at least not like we used to”.

He crossed the room in two quick strides, took me in his arms and said softly, “Patty, I would never do that to you again.  It’s just that we’re both so tired.  Hell, I’m working 70 hours a week and then I work on the house in my spare time.  You’ve got your first job and are working 50 plus hours a week, plus trying to keep up on all the shit that has to be done around here.  I think the fact that we have the energy to do it twice a week is pretty darn good!”.

“David, I just miss being with you.  I don’t care about the sex as much as I care about just being with and cuddling you.  I need more time for us”, and I stopped crying to just look at him, eyes to eyes.

“Well, I think I need to get an assistant Manager who can work on Saturdays so that we can have at least the weekend to ourselves”, he said with conviction.

“That would be really nice”, I answered with equal conviction.

The next week, David moved hours around so that his two assistant Manager split working on Saturdays.  We still didn’t make love much during the week, but we made sure that either Saturday or Sunday was spent almost entirely in bed.  Sex was just a really important way for us to connect with each other.  Somehow, it opened us up to being able to talk about things that we otherwise wouldn’t bring up.  So, not only was it a physical release, but also emotional and mental.  We also instituted a date night for each Saturday.  Sometimes we went out, but other times we stayed in and rented movies, made dinner and made love.  I craved that closeness that David and I had always had.  We achieved it through sex, but we learned how to extend the connection past the orgasm.  During this time, more than any other time, sex truly did become lovemaking.

 

Chapter 46 – Taking Care

 

In November of 1983, when we had been married a mere 5 months, David became very ill.  At first, we both thought it was a simple case of Strep Throat.  He stayed home, and I nursed him as best I could from work.  When he didn’t get any better after a week, he went to the doctor.  I knew his doctor was conservative, but it still shocked me when he had him rushed to the hospital from his office.  David had an acute case of Bacterial Pneumonia.  The doctor was worried that it was starting to become a Staph infection that had spread throughout his body.  I immediately called Ken and his Mom and went to the hospital to be with David.  I didn’t go back to work for another 5 weeks.  David was very weak and in and out of consciousness.  He was having a lot of trouble breathing and they had him on oxygen all the time.  I stayed in the room, even though they didn’t want me in there.  I started on antibiotics just in case he was contagious.  I slept in a lounging chair next to his bed and kept my hands on him the entire time.  I went home every 3 days to change, take a shower and get a good nap.  I was getting run down also, but I didn’t care.  I had to be by his side as much as I could.  After about 2 weeks in the hospital, David started to pull out.  We brought him home after another week and he convalesced at home.   I was just so happy that he was okay.  It was one of the hardest times of our lives together.  When he had some strength back, he began to thank me all the time for being his wife, for staying with him in the hospital and for being me.  We were both so grateful to have each other still.  There’s nothing like almost losing someone (or at least thinking you are going to lose them), to make you see the most important parts of your existence.  For me, that was David.  And to think, at one time a short while ago, I couldn’t stand this man!  I had hated him for no other reason than to hate him.  And then he became the love of my life.

It took David another couple weeks to start going back into work.  I had started back as soon as he came home.  His mother would come over during the day to check on him and get his lunch for him.  After a week of this, though, he was ready to be on his own.  We didn’t make love for a long time after his illness.  For my part, I was worried that he would get out of breath and start wheezing again.  And I think, for David, he just felt too tired to live up to what he thought I expected.  After another month of this, I went to see Beth, my therapist from the school counseling.  She felt we were putting too much pressure on each other and that we needed to take “baby steps” in order to get back to the love life we had had.  So, that night, I put on a teddi and asked David to just lie with me in bed.  We held each other and he got hard, but I said I wanted to wait another day or so before we made love.  This was the perfect tonic.  Once he knew that he could maintain an erection again, he wanted to try it out.  That first time we made love with me on top, doing most of the work, and as usual, he came within minutes of penetration.  The next night we did it missionary style and he lasted a little longer.  We made love every night for a month.  Even after David went back to work, we took time to massage and foreplay each other every night.  We appreciated each other endlessly.  David bought his own gym equipment to get back into shape, something for which I was very appreciative.  After he got done working out, I would get in the shower with him and stroke him until he was bursting.  He loved to pick me up, push me up against the shower wall and fuck me hard.  We were becoming teenagers again!

Chapter 47 – Pregnant…Again

 

After David’s scare with Pneumonia and his convalescence, we decided there was no time like the present to start trying for a baby.  This would not turn out to be as easy as the decision was.  It took us nearly a year to conceive.  By the time it happened, we were losing hope that it would ever become a reality.  David talked a lot about adoption.  But we had both been checked out with a clean bill of health and no reason why we couldn’t conceive.  I was about to start on a round of fertility drugs when, lo and behold, I missed my period!  I immediately took a pregnancy test and it was positive.  We were so happy that night that we stayed up making love until we were exhausted.  It was funny.  For most of our relationship, it was David who pursued me for lovemaking, but while I was pregnant, he was worried it might hurt the baby.  But I was so fucking horny, I wanted him every night, several times a night.  My hormones were going crazy and all that could help was having him pumping away inside of me.  I would ask and he would comply in making me come several times each night.  When we finally had a sonogram to check on the size and status of the fetus, we were told it was going to be a boy.  David could not have been more proud.  I knew he secretly wanted a boy, but he wouldn’t admit to it.  We both agreed that we didn’t care as long as it had ten toes and ten fingers and was perfectly healthy. 

As I progressed in my pregnancy, David started to take more time off of work.  He loved his work, but he had told me a long time ago, he wasn’t going to be one of those Dads that never saw his kids.  At this point, he was only willing to work 40 hours per week.  His father understood and didn’t pressure him to do more.  I worked up until I could barely walk.  I took off 2 weeks before the baby came and 6 weeks after.  I needed work to feel whole, to feel productive, to not go completely crazy.  I spent those last 2 weeks getting ready, nesting as they say, and going to Showers thrown for me by my friends.  All in all, it was an easy pregnancy.

When Jake was born, he weighed 6 pounds 3 ounces.  He had a patch of dark hair and was perfectly adorable.  David couldn’t get enough of him.  He stayed with me through the entire labor, which lasted 12 hours.  And then, he stayed with me and Jake while we were in the hospital.  When we went home, David drove and I sat in the back seat to make sure Jake was okay.  David changed his diapers, gave him bottles and bathed him when he was old enough for baths.  A more doting father there could not have been.  I knew that David had a lot of love inside him, I had seen how he treated me.  But something anew was lit when Jake was born.  Partly because of how long we had tried to conceive and partly because having a baby was a huge blessing, David was besides himself with pride and joy.  We took turns getting up at night with the baby, but it was David who acted like he couldn’t wait.  Thankfully, his mother came over once a week to do our night duty so that we could catch up on sleep.  She was a blessing to us, especially during this trying “sleepless” period of our lives.  My family doted on Jake too, but it was Nancy Freeman who showed herself to be the true “Grandmother” material.

When Jake was six weeks old, we hired a Nanny to watch him during the day.  David and I cried that first day we had to leave him.  Nancy came over to acclimate the Nanny to Jake’s routine and needs, but it was still so difficult for us to let him be with someone else.  When we got home that night, all we did was play with him.  Well, for as long as he would stay awake.  David and I didn’t resume lovemaking until 2 months after birth.  I was just so sore and we were both exhausted most of the day.  Having sex was the furthest thing from our minds.  I’d never thought we’d be able to go that long without sex, but having a baby will definitely do that to you.  When we finally did have sex, we felt rushed, worried that Jake would wake and need us.  It took a while for us to realize that, even if he woke, he’d be fine playing in his crib.

But, of course, life in our family would never be the same again.  Having a baby just changed us in the most fundamental ways possible.  Life was no longer about just David and me.  We were now a threesome and everything we did as a family took Jake into consideration.  Sometimes, I would wish that we could go back to being just a couple again.  If only for a day or a weekend.  That’s when I would hire a baby-sitter and plan a night out for just the two of us.  And one time, when Jake was around 6 months old, Nancy took him for the weekend, so that we could go away to a Bed and Breakfast together.  It was so nice to have those times when it was just he and I again.  We knew they were just snatches of time for us, but we made the most of it anyway.  We would talk about how we met, how I hated him, how he loved me.  We would look back on that first Lake House weekend together.  He would tease me about how easy I was.  I would tease him right back by rubbing his crotch with my hand.  And then, well you know what happened then.  Somehow sex takes on a whole new meaning when you are limited in your time together.  We made love that weekend like there was no tomorrow.  And when it was time to go home, we were excited to do so.  Jake was now our life together.  Not that we wouldn’t make time for just each other, but having a baby made doing that much more tricky.  And much less mandatory.

 

Epilogue

 

David and Patty were married 60 years, when David died of Bladder Cancer at the ripe old age of 83.  They had 3 children together, Jake, Catherine and Josh.  Their children went on to provide David and Patty with 8 grandchildren and 20 great-grandchildren between them.  Patty finally died at 90 of simple old age.  Their entire lives were spent loving each other and their kids/grandkids to the fullest extent of their ability.  David continued to move up the company ladder until, when his father died at the age of 73, he took over as CEO, with his brother Kyle being COO.   David passed the business onto his children when he turned 75 and no longer wanted to run it on a day-to-day basis.  Kyle never had kids and died before David at age 78.  The three children are running Freeman Enterprises to this day.  And their children work in it also.  Patty continued to work for Freeman Enterprises until she retired at the age of 65.  She went to live with Jake’s family when she could no longer care for herself, at the age of 85.  This story was written as a testament to how love can transform our lives, even if we start of by hating.